Edgar Rice Krispies: Mangler of Adventure
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About this ebook
A non-fact biography of the mythical Edgar Rice Krispies, the world's worst pulp writer. In addition to discussing such seminal works as Jacques Cartier on Mars and the Bonzo the Apeman series, the biography also examines Krispies' roles in setting off World War I and in saving the paper industry in World War II, and his mysterious demise in an outhouse accident.
Nigel Sellars
Nigel Anthony Sellars was born in Birmingham, England, but spent his early childhood just outside Montreal, Quebec. His family later moved to the Oklahoma City area, where he attended high school and graduated from the University of Oklahoma in Norman. He has variously been an actor, folk-singer, rat runner, and chimp researcher. He was later an award-winning journalist and newspaper editor before pursuing a doctorate in history at the University of Oklahoma. He is also author of five books, including the recently released fantasy novel Ukishima, from Hydra Publications and a forthcoming science fiction novel The Gonayme Weapon, from Montag Press. He lives with his wife Nancy in Newport News, Virginia, where he is associate professor of history at Christopher Newport University. Some of his published work has appeared in small press publications such as Space & Time, Visions, and Beyond, as well online in Marco Polo, Anothrealm, Jake’s Monthly and A Cruel World. Many of his stories were collected in his book The Confessions of Caliban and Other Stories (Lincoln, Nebraska: Writers Club Press/iUniverse, 2002.)
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Edgar Rice Krispies - Nigel Sellars
Edgar Rice Krispies
Mangler of Adventure
A non-fact biography
BY
Nigel Sellars
SMASHWORDS EDITION
* * * * *
PUBLISHED BY:
Nigel Sellars on Smashwords
Edgar Rice Krispies: Mangler of Adventure
Copyright © 2012 by Nigel Sellars
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously. All images are either the creations done for the author or, as far as he is aware, are works from the public domain.
Adult Reading Material
Edgar Rice Krispies: Mangler of Adventure
Copyright (c) 2012 by Nigel Anthony Sellars
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Dedication
This one is for absent friends, who the left world far too young.
Ed Howard
Robert Kim Pugh
Jim Brazell
Cathy Ball Brazell
Paul Cherry
and especially for
my late first wife,
Vicki Sue Brown
and her sister
Charlene Brown Lea,
I love you all and miss you very much.
Scholars of the early pulp school of science fiction have long puzzled over the works of the American fantasist Edgar Rice Krispies. Many theories have been advanced to explain the uniformly wretched quality of his works, including the once popular hypothesis that he was not one man but, in fact, a committee of small magazine editors. Why then would anyone be interested in man once described as a boil on the ass of fantasy literature
and being unable to write and chew gum at the same time
? Simply, it is a case of understanding the worst in order to appreciate the best all the more.1
Franz Rottenappel, in his The Science Fiction Tome, was the first to unearth much valuable data regarding Krispies' life, particularly his formative years. What little we know of Krispies life before 1920 comes from the coded diary he kept and which Rottenappel deciphered, using Krispies' own phonetic cryptographic code based on the non-metallic members of the periodic table of elements. While the most of the entries are Krispies' unsuccessful attempts to write both the perfect Burma Shave rhyming ad and pithy fortune cookie aphorisms, the remaining (admittedly small — very small) entries contain accounts of various events in his life.
Krispies' mother, the former Jasmine Rice, was a troubled young woman. Known affectionately as Pudding,
Jasmine grew up in poverty in Battle Creek, Michigan. She and her siblings had to scrounge for food each day. Jasmine often went out hunting for turkey at their neighbor's farm, until she was arrested for shooting a valuable budgerigar. After spending three months as a scullery maid at a local sanitarium, Jasmine became quite mad. She was also addicted to yogurt enemas and a cereal-based coffee substitute created by the sanitarium's main rival.
To earn money for her detox, Jasmine was rented out as a playmate for other children, such as the one-armed girl pictured here,