The Felicity File

Sue tells me she can bring in a new kitten tomorrow. I tell her its sex is no particular concern and that I prefer short-haired cats. She tells me only females are available. As I head home I acquire a new kitty litter box and other supplies. I also spend a few minutes considering names and list them: Adelaide, Felicity, Gretchen and Griselda.

Heart Seizure.

Sue smuggles the kitten into the office and lodges her in the lunch room. She warns me it is highly personable and she is strongly tempted to keep it herself. I can soon see why; the kitten is very adverse to being picked up but once she is she almost immediately makes herself comfortable. Her mother was a Siamese who had a chance meeting with a mysterious stranger; and the kitten certainly has a Siamese build and largely tortoise-shell colouring; including a ‘racing stripe’ up her nose.

Everyone in the office drifts in at one point or another and is quickly charmed. All are consulted on the name and consensus swiftly rallies behind ‘Felicity’ – my own favorite too. As soon as immediate duties are accomplished, Felicity is smuggled out of the office and to my apartment.

Contrary to all my expectations, Felicity settles in immediately. Instead of the usual feline habit of finding a hiding place and then making cautious reconnaissance probes; Felicity makes a bee-line to my easy chair and nestles in. While still being adverse to any hand reaching for her, she clambers all over me and soon curls up for a nap on my neck and shoulder. This is so relaxing that I end up napping as well.

It is late afternoon before I awaken to nuzzles, kneading and face licks. There are many worse ways to awaken; not a few of them employed by cats on us poor humans. She has had no trouble finding and using the kitty litter box or her food dish. It is evident she is abstemious in appetite (very unlike poor old Ra), and is soon making cheerful use of the toys Sue thoughtfully packed for her; Bast’s old balls, a scrap of cord and her own tail. I have to occasionally retrieve balls from under furniture. When she grows tired of this, she climbs up again on my lap; gives an exploratory chew to my book, and naps again… as do I.

The Coquette’s Conquests.

I found excuses to mostly stay at home today. The first discovery of the day is that Felicity let me sleep peacefully overnight – no wailing or interruptions; but she did curl up beside me as I nodded off and was there first thing in the morning. A politeness that is greatly appreciated, however she does not appear to nap unless I am seated in which case she climbs up and makes herself comfortable. This makes reading the paper impossible

My seeking a minute of privacy in the bathroom is a cause for dismay, vocally expressed at surprising volume. However, after a mutually startling near miss while taking a leak, I think I can piss in safety hereafter. The computer fascinates her, and she feels compelled to repeatedly stand on the keyboard and bat at the cursor. Once is cute, the tenth time is not. Anything on my plate is also fascinating, and my dining is subjected to frequent inspection visits backed by a considerable determination. This is not hunger, but curiosity.

There is also the feline check-list:

1- What is that place?

2- Can I jump or climb there? Jump or climb there.

3- Once there, is there something I can push? Push it.

4- If not is there something I can chew on? Chew it.

5- Go back to 1.

A lunch meeting with Joan got re-ordered so she could come by and meet Felicity herself – bringing a toy as she did. Felicity was charming although Joan was easily captured as a loving cat-owner (the inestimable Barney) herself. I was curious to see how Felicity would handle five alpha-males when I hosted Geek-night that evening. She was a perfect hostess. Open and agreeable, she introduced herself to each -- although the Felinophobic Mike’s attempts to rebuff or snub her were pointedly ignored. Everyone felt included in her attentions, got to spend quality time, and – Mike aside – felt gratified by her gracious acceptance of their polite courtesies and her expressions of affection. Mind you, I had to handle the clean-up alone.

O Sole Meow

Another peaceful night is which disturbed only as I started to wake – a process accelerated by Felicity’s nuzzling and kneading again. New bad habit: As a rule, I need my coffee in the morning and cannot be accounted fully awake until a steaming mug is in my hand. Yes, simple things can be done as it brews – fill the newspaper’s bowl, collect the cat from the hallway and headline at the squint, that sort of thing. However, just because I am standing in the kitchen I should not be used as an improvised climbing device… particularly when only clad in underwear and a tee-shirt. Reasoning with a cat is usually an exercise in futility but she does seem to understand exactly what Yarrghhh!!! means and makes herself scarce for a minute or two.

I also like to go over my e-mails while drinking coffee. This is not a good time for Felicity to be playing swat the cursor again and standing on the keyboard. Come to think on it, there is never a good time for that. Amusing moment: Felicity has now learned that vertical Venetian blinds cannot be climbed.

Duty calls and cannot be put aside forever; so back to the office and poor Felicity was left to her own devices. When I eventually returned after a dinner with Brian and a drink with Derek, I had been gone about nine hours. There was an enthusiastic greeting, which was not pointedly concerned with an empty food bowl. She had made use of all of her toys in my absence – as all of them are now under furniture. Felicity’s seemingly urgent requirement is for me to sit myself down and be napped upon; although some minutes of belly-rubbing and neck massaging are necessary at first.

After Felicity has dined, she gets a laser show – courtesy of Heidi who had found a laser pointer that was surplus to requirements somewhere or other and made it available.

A note on playing: Balls are pursued relentlessly until they head under the furniture (the moving of which for retrieval purposes is always startling). The bell on ribbon on a stick – courtesy of Joan -- was great fun but Chris rapidly discovered on Thursday evening that Felicity will only circle an object twice in pursuit of it. Thereafter, like a cunning hunter, she cuts the chord of the circle by going over the object. The yarn ball is a favorite and will be carried about as a trophy for a minute or two, before being deposited at my feet (was there a bit of retriever in her bloodline? Scandal indeed!) The laser pointer is relentlessly pursued and I get a rise out of her charge across the parquet floor before the glowing dazzle twitches to one side, causing a skidding turn.

Does not Compute:

Another peaceful night with Felicity dozing beside me. Nothing – aside from a couple of minor errands – is contemplated for today. So, as the morning goes on I come to a startling epiphany: Felicity only naps when I am seated and she can climb up to my neck and shoulders. I have other plans and ambitions in life than to be merely a bolster for a kitten. Today, being a slow day given over to watching the HBO Series The Pacific, this can be tolerated but not for much longer. Worse still, I cannot work on the computer without immediately drawing her over to inspect the screen and stand on the keyboard. This is going to be a problem.

Mad Experiment Time.

Jack was going to be giving me a lift to the RCMI pistol shoot, but has to suddenly back out, so I am at home again today. Experiment #1: If I don’t cuddle her on a chair this morning, will she nap without me? Experiment #2: Can I deter her from interfering with work on the computer? There are mixed results and the process was not entirely happy.

Kittens get cranky without their naps, and despite several hints that I ought to sit down and be slept upon during the course of the morning, I remained steadfast. This was not appreciated and there was a sharp-ish rebuke, claws came out and my hand was attacked as a new game. At length, the superior willpower and intellect of homo sapiens sapiens produced a mixed victory over that of felis catus. She did finally take a long nap… on the seat of my office chair by my computer. Currently, we seem to be having a ‘make up’ snuggle; she is purring in the crook of my left arm while I finish the account so far using my right hand alone.

Word processing is allowed under the above condition, but any other application draws immediate and sustained interference. I think it somewhat sinister that this began today as I google-searched ‘disciplining kittens’.

At any rate, the struggle continues and I retain hope of victory!

The afternoon passed betwixt bouts of chase the glowing dot and another nap (in our customary manner); but I have learned of a technique to be used to discipline kittens… use a ‘remote object’ such as a water spray or a noise maker that the cat might not associate with me.

This is not such a hypothetical requirement: Felicity pays no attention to her scratching post and has taken to stropping her claws on my easy chair. I account this a worse offence than clambering up my unclad leg; although sudden loud noises in the middle of the felony is the other only recommended technique… no Yeouwwwww!!!!! problem F*******k!!!!! generating Aiiiieeeee!!!! sudden loud noises on her climbing excursions up on me.

It is hard to keep a grudge however, when she is stretched out in the cradle of my arms and blissfully asleep. It is even harder still when she kneads my face and grooms my nose on awakening.

Elements of Essential Felinity.

One apt description of cats is that they are furry little republicans, being resistant to change or limitations on their personal freedoms. They do like routine, but this is balanced to mystery – cats are fundamentally unknowable whereas a dog’s personality and character is pretty much in the front window at all times. Felicity starts the day with a routine and compounds it with a mystery.

I usually wake in the pre-dawn hour and Felicity knows this by now. Sure enough, rumbling and face licking kicked off my morning right on cue. In contrast to Ra and Bast, who would immediately waken me with remonstrations about an empty food bowl, Felicity seems merely happy I am awake. I am reminded of a family favorite Siamese (taken from us in an untimely manner) in my youth, Mitts. Cued by my Dad’s punctual 5:30 rising, she would wait until 6:00 and then ensure all of his four children were up and about, visiting each in turn until they were clearly awake. My turn, almost invariably, came at 6:03.

Nor, as I stagger sequentially to the bathroom, the front-hall, and the coffee maker,