The Lost Society: The Prison Memoirs of Tyreese Malloy

The Lost Society

King Thai

Copyright © 2011 by King Thai

Smashwords Edition

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Return of the Villain Publishing

New Haven, Connecticut

Edited by Dr. Melanie Malloy

Illustrations By Eugene Nance and Nanon Williams

Cover design: R.O.T.V Designs

www.villaination.tumblr.com

Table of Contents

Introduction

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

Part 2

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

Introduction

Over a period of 22 months in state prison and county jail, King Thai wrote more than 65,000 words by hand — journal entries, essays, Haikus and other poetry.  He wrote, as he said, to preserve bits of what passed him that day. He wrote to shine a light on the injustices that pervade the American criminal justice system from the perspective of those who form the modern-day chattel of the prison-industrial complex. He wrote to process and share the knowledge he gained in his readings, from Booker T. Washington's Up From Slavery to Alexandr Solzhenitsyn’s The Gulag Archipelago to the complete works of Taoism. He wrote from the abundance of his creative soul, the soul that resonates with the rhythm of a fist banging a beat in a prison-table cypher and the syllables in a Haiku.

This work is the result of that endeavor. May a jewel in it light up your path.

-- Melanie Malloy, Ed.

August

2005

____________

20th

Blessings flood your life

Once you unlock freedom from

Compulsive habit.

Today was incredible. It started with me losing my I.D. card in the morning. The yard officer found and returned it! I saw that as a sign of good karma. Since I’ve been in prison I have been working really hard at changing my life. Today’s experience showed me that the powers that control the universe are with me and approve of my progress.

The amazing part of the day was the conversations. The first one was with Lil’ B. He just came to the prison camp about a week ago. We’ve passed in the yard but we never spoke. It’s like we speak an unspoken language because it seemed like he was sizing me up. But after the freestyle cipher a couple of days ago, he started giving me dap and talking to me. Today we spent about an hour and a half building about everything from Marcus Garvey to stem cells. He spoke with such intelligence. He’s beginning to gain a grasp of the African American experience that most people haven’t attained. He showed me the plans he has for the future and his Black Minds Of Brilliance (M.O.B.) manifesto. It was written like the laws and by-laws of Marcus Garvey’s United Negro Improvement Association. I was very impressed by his sincere confidence.

The other conversation was with my homies BX and Crook. It was like Fatherhood 101. Many people on the outside criticize men who are incarcerated as men who don’t care or have any concern for their offspring. These men showed different. They explained the joys and pains of the gestation period up to the budding adolescence of their children. BX has two boys. Crook has two girls. I have no children, so I was just soaking in the jewels. These two spoke with a range of emotion that spanned from sincere to elated, with their facial expressions confirming each inner sentiment. BX said Cater to her and overlook all that hormonal aggressive shit When it’s time for me to have a child, I will. Prison has so many faces.

22nd

Emotions are like

Fuel. They have potential

To propel or burn

I think if some of these white correctional officers (C.O.s) had a whip they would try to beat us. It’s that real. But instead of a physical whip that beats our backs, they use an intangible whip that attempts to beat our minds. They threaten us with disciplinary write ups, degrade us with their condescending tone of speech, and are just down right nasty, attitude-having, bad breath slaves who use their uniforms to feed their egos with a false sense of power. That’s how I felt this morning when one of the C.O.s woke me up at 3 a.m. to tell me that my boots were out of place. Then when I walked out to go to breakfast one of those dogs barked, Button your jumpsuit. Early as fuck. I can’t see how any one can label any penal institution as a place of rehabilitation. Especially with C.O.s who have attitudes like the ones that work here.

It smelled like shit outside this morning because the prison is right next to a septic pool. I got rejected from the English 101 class because I am too old. The age requirement, which is 25 and under, is a barrier used to oppress because there are many elders who don’t have any opportunity to advance their education past the level of GED. And my legs felt like someone super glued cement to my thighs because I did 11 sets of squats on Friday with BX. Needless to say my morning was just like it smelled… shitty.

I’m learning that nothing continues that you don’t want to and I was determined to have a good day. Rome and T.O. paid me the canteen items they owed me. One person hasn’t paid but he only owes me one stamp, which I was going to give to BX. I ain’t going to beat his ass yet. Maybe this Friday or next Monday if he doesn’t pay--it’s the principle.

I just finished the autobiography of the Dalai Lama. It was thorough. He is truly a blessed man. I feel blessed sometimes. Blessings come from you just having to play the hand you have been dealt. He never complained about the situations he faced but saw them as stepping-stones toward what the universe was shaping him into.

23rd

What you store up in

Your mind is what will come out

In all your actions

Today I’ve been 26 years old for 8 months. This year is going by quickly. Today I pondered what makes men try to make themselves look better or bigger than they really are. I noticed how inmates try to act hard or talk big when they are around their friends that just came into the prison. They want to stare with mean faces. I just look and laugh.

I rest so much now that I’m locked up. What is this? I try and stay up to read but the next thing you know, Bam! I’m out like a light bulb. I don’t like to rest that much. I’m exaggerating. I really don’t rest that much, being as though I’m in school most of the day. But much of my free time is spent resting.

I saw some wildness today. I was coming in from school this morning and walking through the dorm. The dorm is set up in such a way that there are bunks lined up running down each wall about 50 feet with 2-3 foot spaces between each bunk. Behind each bunk, there are double-sided lockers that open away from the wall, so it gives you a barrier of privacy. I described all that because the individual that sleeps right across from me, Pat Black (his last name really ain’t Black, it’s just that he’s blacker than 11:59 pm in the winter), was behind his little wall of privacy masturbating. Usually I wouldn’t even care about what anyone is doing but to see a dude behind that little wall of privacy, swinging his head back and forth, with a serious face talking about damn that chick some got sexy lips is something that is so out of the norm that it caught my attention. Its crazy how prison warps the minds of capable men with vices such as lust.

The Effects of Oversexualism of the Female Image in Mainstream Media

The concept of oversexualism is the exaggerated portrayal of the female body as an object to be used exclusively for sexual intentions and situations depicted within mainstream media. Oversexualism displayed in the media (television, periodicals, radio) distorts the public’s perceptions of acceptable male–female relationships in multiple ways. The over-sexualized images of women set an unproductive example for the next generation of how women are to be viewed and treated. One of the underlying messages being communicated is that the system of capitalism has more strength than a woman’s dignity. The image of the woman is first transformed into an object and then devalued. The resulting effect of oversexualism is a disillusioned public affected by unrealistic images of the female’s role in male/female relationships. This illusion has to be challenged so balance can stimulate growth and raise the culture to it’s highest potential.

Next thing you know we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies was the prophetic warning by the late Tupac Shakur concerning the passing on of unproductive trends via the unbalanced view of women. The media’s oversexualized images of women propagate this unbalanced view by portraying women as objects to be obtained instead of equals to be respected. That lopsided fallacy, suggesting an inferior social standing in comparison to men, has instilled feelings of inferiority in women who have been programmed by the media to accept the over-sexualized image as reality. Those adults who are molded by the image engrain those inferiority complexes in the next generation. The image is reinforced in both child and adult by a constant exposure to the over sexualized images, creating a psychology that can be exploited by capitalism. The longer oversexualism is allowed to grow, the deeper the root will spread throughout generations and become all the more uncontrollable. Unless we confront these issues of unbalanced images of women, Tupac’s warning will manifest as tragic reality

Mainstream media encourages an objectified image of women that destroys a woman’s vision of dignity by displaying images that support the opposite. The mental installation of inferiority by way of over-sexualized images allows economic exploitation of affected women. This exploitation makes the infected woman more accessible than women who have higher ethical and spiritual standards. Due to the installation of a fallacy, options to choose the truth over the over sexualized image aren’t chosen. The aggressive media bombardment of over-sexualized images drives the public’s acceptance of those images and encourages demoralized women to follow the trend set by the image. The models used to show this over-sexualized life of leisure become spokes models for oversexualism. That type of fexhortation to embrace over-sexualized images gives an unspoken message that the propagation of images of undignified, objectified actions is justified as long as it’s used to acquire and accumulate capital.

The brain cannot intrinsically distinguish what is reality from what is fiction. It is only what a person digests mentally that will equip her with the ability to think critically. Oversexualism in the media presents false images of sexual situations within realistic and familiar settings. One example is the music video for 50 Cent's Disco Inferno, in which women are dressed in bathing suits inside a nightclub. That formula, coupled with the aggressive broadcasting of this kind of fallacy by mainstream media, creates unrealistic illusions due to the extreme nature of the images within a realistic context. The imbalanced attention to the sexual aspect of women’s bodies causes disruptions in interpersonal relationships if the female doesn’t match the image that oversexualism exemplifies. These illusions can be detrimental to the family unit because the over-sexualized image of a woman is not one of dignity and respect, but of hypersexuality and objectification. Hypersexuality and objectification are social instruments that weaken familial bonds because what they attract has the potential to destroy quality social bonding.

Oversexualism plants psychological seeds of distrust and dysfunctionality within interpersonal relationships by creating unrealistic illusions displayed within mainstream media. The presentation of over-sexualized images mentally suggest that a fallacy is to be taken as truth due to it realistic environmental context. Oversexualism is destructive not only to the image of the woman, but also to the future generations of females whose minds are being molded by the exaggerated image. The imbalance in these images causes a shift in the dynamic of the interpersonal relationships, which will encourage the subjugation of females and inferior treatment. How will we ever fully realize the full potential of our society if we continue to hold women down with degrading images?

26th

Consideration

Manifested in the real

World is courtesy

BX is a true friend. We got into an argument yesterday about being safe on the weight pile. I thought he was ready for the weight, but when I handed it to him he snapped at me. He was like Damn fam I wasn’t ready! real brolic in front of everybody on the weight pile. Taken by surprise by the comment, I responded, Stop bitchin'! So we went back and forth with verbal jabs until I just walked away from the weight pile. He came by my bunk later saying he wanted to walk and talk about the situation. As we talked, both of us apologized for the miscommunication. That’s what’s up. When you could get into a petty disagreement and then come back and work it out is a sign of true friendship.

Another sign of true friendship is when people don’t forget you when you’re gone. I received a love package from Blackout Arts Collective today. I wasn’t expecting any mail because I usually don’t receive mail on Friday, but it was great to receive the art. I had pictures drawn by talent such as Naima from Climbing Poetree and good words of encouragement and strength. Straight up, things like that worth a lot more than money because they give you the power to keep going. They serve as a reminder of who you are in the world. That’s important because being enclosed in a building with 34 strangers can have an effect on your sense of self if there isn’t a strong line of communication established with the outside world. Blackout keeps it real.

Brotherhood

Brotherhood is developed

Around the commonality

Of our entrapment.

The trading of war stories

Ignites laughing

As a form of therapy

For Black men.

Our eyes spell passion for freedom.

Relaxing and reading are

Past times

Passed on as

Patterns by past lives

That once roamed these cellblocks.

It seems like hell stops

When we congregate.

We find ways to rise

Beyond the gate

Without leaving.

Incarcerated griots be weaving

Tales past believing.

We share letters we receiving

To prove we’re not deceiving

Our brothers.

There is honor amongst thieves

Who share with one another.

We all got lovers,

Mothers, sisters or cousins

On the outside who love us.

And that’s where the bond is.

Aside from the fact that

The law labeled us convicts.

An unspoken rule is

We look beyond this

Into the core of our connection.

Brothers from different sections

Of the world are reflecting

The greatest potential for unity.

We manifest humanitarianism beautifully

In the form of our brotherhood.

29th

To accept means to

Become calm to the point that

There’s inner release

One thing I hate is a sneak thief. Real people just take. Then when the person you took it from tries to get ill, you just let them know how it’s going down. Josh (who was released today) got his Nike slippers taken by a sneak thief. Everybody said it was Rome who did it, and that’s possible. An old axiom is The guilty party always speaks first and he was all in Josh face trying to persuade him that a Mexican took his slippers.

Yeah, it gets real petty in prison. The things people in the world would see as small, people in prison see as status symbols. You should see how dudes walk around with Ramen soups and Lil’ Debbie cakes like they’re gold bricks. The way they gamble here is hilariously sad too. A 25-cent soup will be appraised at the card tables for a dollar. So dudes be walking around screaming that they won $40 when in reality they won $10. It’s wildness.

The self-esteem is really low here too. I got into a heated discussion with my friend Lil’ B about whether it’s more honorable to fight or to shoot someone. I said fighting is better. He thought clapping was better. The conversation went all the way to the point that he said I was brainwashed because I thought Muhammad Ali was a symbol of black pride. We’re still boys though. The situation showed me that people who are going to yes you to death aren’t your friends. Those are just weak-willed individuals who are scared to step out of their shells and debate different issues. I want to be able to debate different points with those around then chill and laugh when it’s over. It’s good not to take things personally.

31st

It doesn’t take long

For a person to show you

Why you don’t like him

Rome is leaving. He’s being shipped to another camp because someone wrote a statement saying that he was intimidating individuals, running a canteen and doing tattoos. Every time someone I didn’t feel fully comfortable about leaves, I think about how my mother used to say she prayed that those in opposition to me would be sent as far from me as East is from West.

But Rome leaving brings me to the even greater issue of division. With that notorious tactic alone, how many great nations have been conquered? Many—and the technique is still working today. The prison system’s greatest weapon is division and separation. Every time I feel a sense of solidarity between myself and another, he gets shipped. Or every time a person gets a little settled in a specific block, he gets moved to another one. With that constant moving and separation comes the feeling of extreme individualism. Jobs, classes, count time and separate chow calls are all ways the system create division and individualism. Due to this individualism, those who have induced separation can mold the divided community they way that they want. They can place whom they want where they want, and if you rebel, you are simply moved to where they can use you. They are shipping Rome today.

September

2005

____________

1st

It ain’t love when the

Other person don’t support

The things the you love

I hate corny fake niggaz. Now that Rome is gone, everybody wants to say what he didn’t like about him. They did that to Josh too. When people leave, that’s when the fake start yapping. I just took mental note as to who was saying what so I could stay clear of those chumps. On another note, just that fast all the beds that were empty are now filled. Wildness right? It’s