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    Middle Aged and Dating Again
    Middle Aged and Dating Again
    Middle Aged and Dating Again
    Ebook181 pages2 hours

    Middle Aged and Dating Again

    By Tom Blake

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    About this ebook

    On Christmas Eve, 1993, my wife of 7 years cleaned out the house and moved out of my life. Divorce followed. I was alone, lonely, and confused. I wanted to find a partner with whom I could start rebuilding my life. I entered the dating world and found out it was a jungle.
    Based upon my dating experiences, I started to write a newspaper column titled, "Middle Aged and Dating" for a syndicate of community newspapers owned by The Orange County Register, in Orange County, California.

    I had no idea my writing would land me on Good Morning America, The Today Show, and Fox and Friends.

    The column developed a following because so many people were in the same situation as I—middle aged, alone, trying to make ends meet, and trying to find a mate. I dated widows, spinsters and divorcees. I had bad luck, some luck and no luck.

    This book is a collection of the first 50 newspaper columns I wrote based on my new single life, each slightly rewritten in 2013. At the end of each column is a comments section for readers that will have you laughing.

    In there, I get bashed, bruised, criticized, and sometimes complimented. One female reader called me, "a gemstone in a pile of rocks," while another, "a sniveling puke." She still asked me out. A blue-eyed blonde from Santa Barbara, said, "I'm amused, the only reason you're writing the column is to fill up a pile of black address books." She didn't help, she failed to leave her name and number.

    The purpose of this book is to give support and encouragement to "middle aged and dating" singles, to let them know they aren't alone, and that the frustrations they're finding are the same ones being faced all over the world. It's a large fraternity, there are millions of us (30 million over age 60 in the 2010 Census). The size of our group is growing by leaps and bounds. Nearly every week, one hears of another divorce war story. "John left Susie after 27 years of marriage to run off with a 23-year-old topless dancer." By reading this book, singles will gain insight into the challenges and opportunities in middle aged dating.

    A goal of the book is to make people smile and laugh because if we can't laugh at what's happening to us, we will turn angry and bitter--not good qualities for singles trying to attract a mate.

    This book is unique because it's based on a man's personal dating experiences, by a regular guy who in 1993 owned a delicatessen, Tutor and Spunky's Deli in Dana Point, California, who struggled to make ends meet and who's spent more time with his face down in the dating trenches than most normal folks spend in church in a lifetime.
    My buddy, Wams, of Mill Valley, California, said to me back then, "Two things we shouldn't have to be doing at our age is earning a living , and trying to dork the world." Back then, I was trying to do both.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTom Blake
    Release dateDec 23, 2012
    ISBN9780972796613
    Middle Aged and Dating Again
    Author

    Tom Blake

    Tom Blake is an author and syndicated column in Southern California. He has written more than 4,379 columns and email newsletters on finding love after 50. Tom's website, www.findingloveafter50.com, has articles and videos. Tom is a columnist for the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times, and The Capistrano Dispatch in Orange County, California. He is the author of five printed books and several ebooks (on Smashwords.com and Amazon.com) John Gray, PhD, author of "Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus," says Tom is an expert on dating after 50. Tom has appeared on the Today Show and Good Morning America. Each Friday, he emails the complimentary "On Life and Love After 50" Newsletter to several thousand subscribers across the USA, Canada, and other foreign countries. Sign up at www.findingloveafter50.com, or email Tom at tompblake@gmail.com

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      Book preview

      Middle Aged and Dating Again - Tom Blake

      Middle Aged and Dating Again

      By Tom Blake

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright @1997 Tom Blake

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard word of the author.

      Published by:

      Tom Blake Publishing, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Suite 116, Dana Point, CA. 92629

      ISBN:978-09727966-1-3

      Library of Congress Control Number: 97-92964

      Edited by Tom Blake

      1st printing - 1997

      2nd printing - 2001

      3rd printing - 2003

      4th printing - 2006

      Ebook edition - January, 2013

      Middle Aged and Dating Again

      Introduction

      As you can see from the list above, this book has been reprinted four times, the fourth time being this e-book edition, released in 2013. And while this Introduction will be updated somewhat, it is important to note that the original chapters (called columns in this book) will remain as written in 1997.

      In 1997, most middle-aged people thought that by the time they reached age 55, they would be taking life easy. Their kids would be married, and living productive lives. Grandchildren would be a pleasure and a happy retirement was right around the corner. With their mortgages paid off, they could settle back and enjoy a life of leisure. Tee up the golf ball often. Lunch at the country club, dinner out a few times a month. The old pension would soon be kicking in. It would be a time to travel, to see the world. They'd put their feet up and enjoy the rewards of all those years of hard work. Social Security was only seven years away. In 1993, I had most of that (except the pension).

      Then, my life took an unexpected turn. On Christmas Eve, 1993, my wife cleaned out the house and moved out of my life. I can't tell you why because there has never been an explanation from her. Dreams of retirement vanished. I had to continue working to pay the mortgage. My savings were depleted. I was alone, lonely, and confused. I wanted to find a partner with whom I could start rebuilding my life. I entered the dating world and found out it was a jungle.

      Based upon my dating experiences, I started to write a newspaper column titled, Middle Aged and Dating. For a syndicate of community newspapers owned by The Orange County Register, in Orange County, California. Ten of those papers featured my column.

      The column developed a following because so many people were in the same situation as I—middle aged, alone, trying to make ends meet, and trying to find a mate. Column subjects included blind dates, dating people who are younger or older, who pays for the dates, getting dumped, two-stepping, back-stepping and spending too much money on dates trying to impress women over pasta and Chianti at a myriad of Italian restaurants. I dated widows, spinsters and divorcees. I had bad luck, some luck and no luck.

      This book is a collection of the first 50 newspaper columns I wrote based on my new single life, each slightly rewritten in 2013.. At the end of each column is a comments section for readers that I think you will enjoy a great deal.

      In there, I get bashed, bruised, criticized, and sometimes complimented. One female reader called me, a gemstone in a pile of rocks, while another, a sniveling puke. She still asked me out. A blue-eyed blonde from Santa Barbara, said, I'm amused, the only reason you're writing the column is to fill up a pile of black address books. She didn't help, she failed to leave her name and number.

      The book was written in 1997 before Internet dating had come on the scene. You had to meet potential partners on your own or through networking with friends and family.

      The purpose of this book is to give support and encouragement to middle aged and dating singles, to let them know they aren't alone, and that the frustrations they're finding are the same ones being faced all over the world. It's a large fraternity, there are millions of us (30 million over age 60 in the 2010 Census). The size of our group is growing by leaps and bounds. Nearly every week, one hears of another divorce war story. John left Susie after 27 years of marriage to run off with a 23-year-old topless dancer. By reading this book, singles will gain a little insight into the challenges and opportunities in middle aged dating.

      A goal of the book is to make people smile and laugh because if we can't laugh at what's happening to us, we will turn angry and bitter--not good qualities for singles trying to attract a mate.

      This book is unique because it's based on a man's personal dating experiences. It wasn't written in the ivory towers of some college campus. I don't hold an advanced degree in middle-aged dating. This book was written by a regular guy who in 1993 owned a delicatessen, Tutor and Spunky's Deli in Dana Point, California, who struggled to make ends meet and who's spent more time with his face down in the dating trenches than most normal folks spend in church in a lifetime.

      When I first wrote this book, I was 57. I had been married and divorced three times. Marriages lasted four years, four years, and six years, respectively. I've been through the dating ringer more than I've been married.

      My buddy, Wams, of Mill Valley, California, said to me back then, Two things we shouldn't have to be doing at our age is earning a living , and trying to dork the world. Back then, I was trying to do both.

      Oh, it's just a coincidence that the title, Middle Aged and Dating Again, I often shorten to the letters: MAAD.. Have a fun read. I hope you enjoy the book as much as I enjoyed the experiences upon which the book is based.

      2013 update: When my wife left on Xmas Eve 1993, I had owned Tutor and Spunky's Deli for five years; I still own and operate the same deli. Two of my employees, Teresa and Rosa, have been with me the entire time. They lived through my post-marriage dating exploits, often shaking their heads, wondering what was going through my head.

      Now, I have a wonderful woman in my life named Greta. We've been together since June 24, 1998, almost 15 years. We live together but aren't married. Neither of us sees the need to marry, we're enjoying life just fine as it is.

      For eight years, I also wrote a second column called Single Again that appeared in the Orange County Register, which was the nation’s 22nd largest newspaper. But as newspapers were forced to tighten their belts, that column fell by the wayside.

      My column now appears in a smaller syndicate of newspapers called Picket Fence Media, which includes the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times, and (San Juan) Capistrano Dispatch.

      The 2010 Census. revealed there are approximately 30 million Americans over the age of 50 living alone. The number of singles continues to grow as more than 10,000 baby boomers turn 50 every day. Half of them are single. The divorce rate for first marriages hovers around 50 percent, and for second and third marriages, around 70 percent.

      There are large numbers of people age 50+ who are single and facing life alone. For most of them, it is sad and scary. But generally they cope ok, but they are lonely. If they had a choice, they would like to have a new mate, but they are lost—as I was—with little idea of how to proceed to find someone.

      I hope to show new singles that even though they go through very difficult times, good things can happen to them as they have with me. From adversity comes opportunity. You just have to get through the minefield of finding your way in the dating world. That's what this book is about: a newly single guy, at age 53, trying to find happiness with a new woman that he is constantly searching for.

      My email address is: tompblake@gmail.com. I hope to hear from you. I respond to all emails.

      Tom Blake

      Dana Point, California

      January, 2013

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      Column 1: Home Alone With Only My Dogs For Company

      Column 2: Middle Age Dating Options and Probabilities

      Column 3: Condom Shopping. An Embarrassing Trip

      Column 4: The Sad Reality of Dating Strikes Early

      Column 5: Maybe Next Time He Will Marry A Dog

      Column 6: First Date Shocker--She's 26 Years Younger

      Column 7: Dating the Woman who Looks Like Elle McPherson

      Column 8: Good-bye Elle. Hello Amanda

      Column 9: The First Months of Dating Again at Age 54

      Column 10: Get Yourself a Buddy--But No Hanky-Panky

      Column 11: Reflections On Divorce Number Three

      Column 12: Another Younger Woman Says No

      Column 13: Taking a New Dating Direction

      Column 14: Johnny Cash. Tom's old friend performs

      Column 15: Surviving the first year of being alone during the holidays

      Column 16: Pancakes and Small Talk

      Column 17: A Week-End Visit with a Special Lady

      Column 18: A Run In with a Nasty Little Cowgirl

      Column 19: A Football Team Nicknamed The Artists

      Column 20: Duffy Gets Dumped

      Column 21: Thoughts on Middle Age Dating

      Column 22: Living the Speed Limit. Tom is 55

      Column 23: Running with the Turkeys

      Column 24: Was she really the president of Taco Bell's secretary?

      Column 25: Living Like Hobos

      Column 26: Widows Get Treated Differently

      Column 27: Taking a Date to San Francisco

      Column 28: Football at the Hollywood Bowl

      Column 29: A Year of Dating Again at Middle Age

      Column 30: The Rose Parade in Pasadena

      Column 31: Dumped by an older, younger woman

      Column 32: Reactions to Being Dumped by the Widow

      Column 33: Basketball over Pasta

      Column 34: Beware When You Hear, I Need Space.

      Column 35: Julian, California. Don't Drink Downstream From the Horses

      Column 36: The $38 Motel Room

      Column 37: A Date With My High School Sweetheart

      Column 38: Who Pays For The Date?

      Column 39: Dating With Kids Still Living At Home

      Column 40: High Expectations and a Dance Band

      Column 41: By Now, I Should Have Learned

      Column 42: Dating and Controlled By Alexander Haig

      Column 43: What Tom Wants in A Relationship

      Column 44: But She Was Beautiful

      Column 45: Off to Las Vegas With The Boys

      Column 46: The Brown-Bag Diamond Affair

      Column 47: Concert By The Sea At Humphrey's in San Diego

      Column 48: A Letter To Jimmy LeFere

      Column 49: Tom is Going to Stop Dating

      Column 50: A Year Of Middle Age Dating Columns

      Back Matter

      About The Author

      Other Books by Tom Blake

      Tom Blake Websites

      Middle Aged and Dating Again

      Column 1 Home Alone With Only My Dogs For Company

      It's unfortunate, but many of us have been there, are there now, or will be there soon. Where? Dating again after our marriage has ended.

      I won't bore you with why my wife and I separated. I will tell you the separation occurred on Christmas Eve., 1993, while I was visiting my 83 year-old mother.

      My wife backed up a U-haul truck to the front door of our home, took what furniture and belongings she wanted, and moved away. She never told me she planned to do this. I was clueless.

      Christmas was not Merry for me at age 54. It's strange how holidays have a funny way of testing relationships.

      Up until then, I thought she and I would soon be heading for the retirement golf life. I never dreamed I would be alone, starting over at my age. I felt I was too together of a person for this to ever happen to me. Sometimes God makes relationship-ending decisions for us. In our case, my wife made the decision.

      Enough of the family history. These columns won't look back, except for an occasional point of clarification or poison dart. Besides, there are two sides to every divorce.

      These columns will focus on what happens after the separation. I know my topic. I'm living it, trying to find my way out there in the middle-aged singles world. It's a jungle.

      It's the night after Christmas. I return home. My wife informed me by phone at my mom's place that she had left. I don't know what to expect when I enter the house. As the garage door opens, my dogs bark. They're still here. Nothing else really matters. I'm alone for the first time in eight years. Later, my dogs are in the kitchen with me, tilting their heads, confused because I'm crying.

      The house is pretty empty. Marital asset-division isn't an exact science. She left a bed, a television, a couch, and a cassette player, which I turn on. Paul Simon is singing

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