Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    I Was Raised To Be A Lert
    I Was Raised To Be A Lert
    I Was Raised To Be A Lert
    Ebook50 pages37 minutes

    I Was Raised To Be A Lert

    By Pearl Vork-Zambory

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    I Was Raised To Be A Lert is a collection of short childhood stories based on the life and blog posts of Pearl Vork-Zambory.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRed Bird Chapbooks
    Release dateDec 23, 2012
    ISBN9781301697175
    I Was Raised To Be A Lert

    Related to I Was Raised To Be A Lert

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Dads Behaving Badly

      Jun 16, 2017

      Dads Behaving Badly
      5 min read

    • Article

      Little House

      Jun 5, 2023

      On Monday nights our mother made popcorn and served it to us in mugs with milk poured over. My younger sister and I carried our mugs into the family room and ate the popcorn with spoons, like cereal. We were five and seven. Until we were allowed to s

      21 min read

    • Article

      Heave’s Whisky

      Feb 27, 2024

      Heave’s Whisky
      7 min read

    • Article

      Stefanie Hauger

      Mar 10, 2021

      Stefanie Hauger
      1 min read

    • Article

      Six Sonnets

      Jan 1, 2021

      Goldenrod, I could say, you know, everybody wants somethingfrom me, but, well, everybody wants something and nobody wantsnothing from me, goldenrod, towhead, beast. Goldenrod, you packthe meadows like gold-plated sardines. I have heart palpitationsbu

      3 min read

    • Article

      The Devil You Know

      Jul 10, 2021

      I met the Devil today. He was walking down main street, right by the undertaker in B____, which is a little town near here, and which, for obvious reasons, I’d better not name. I recognized him straight away because he had furry legs with hooves for

      8 min read

    • Article

      A Chip Off The Old Block

      Jun 5, 2022

      A Chip Off The Old Block
      9 min read

    • Article

      Lies I Tell My Father

      Feb 10, 2024

      “How’s your job at the newspaper?” my father asks me. He is sitting on a couch, a plush throw blanket spread across his legs. “The newspaper’s fine,” I lie. I lie because it is simple. I lie because it is quick. I lie because it is easier than trying

      10 min read

    • Article

      Table Talk

      Jun 1, 2019

      Table Talk
      9 min read

    • Article

      The Stuff Of Happiness

      Feb 26, 2020

      Growing up, I didn’t have much, so I remember all of it. And that may be a promise of future joy in my life.

      2 min read

    • Article

      Parent Opinions

      Mar 3, 2022

      Parent Opinions
      8 min read

    • Article

      Frank Bits

      Apr 4, 2021

      As any paleskin can attest, the sun is an enemy. A big, hot, fiery enemy that sometimes wears sunglasses in pictures drawn by kids. Wearing a hat is the best way to flip the bird at the solar bully (aside from actually, you know, flipping the bird),

      13 min read

    • Article

      Diary of My Leg Hair

      Dec 8, 2022

      Diary of My Leg Hair
      21 min read

    • Article

      In the Grass

      Jun 3, 2019

      In the Grass
      23 min read

    • Article

      Home For The Holidays

      Aug 10, 2021

      It’s been a year since I’ve been home. I missed Christmas because of work, so Thanksgiving marks a full lap around the calendar. My mom’s been complaining lately about how difficult things have gotten for her. Everything seemed so out of reach, so im

      7 min read

    • Article

      Chuckles

      Nov 12, 2021

      A scruffy-looking guy walks into a classy restaurant and orders a steak. The waitress says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can afford it.” The guy admits, “You’re right. I can’t, but if I show you something you’ve never seen before, will you serve

      4 min read

    • Article

      I Am The Tooth Fairy

      Nov 1, 2020

      I Am The Tooth Fairy
      6 min read

    • Article

      Choosing the Flowers

      Oct 10, 2022

      Choosing the Flowers
      10 min read

    • Article

      The Time Is Now

      Apr 4, 2021

      The Time Is Now
      2 min read

    • Article

      The Sunrise Manor Routine

      Jun 1, 2019

      The Sunrise Manor Routine
      10 min read

    • Article

      Ask A Silly Question

      Aug 5, 2022

      I SIT IN THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE. He asks: “So, when did you know?” I say: “Always.” Because I’ve heard that simplicity gets results. It is one phrase that has spanned my lifetime. No matter what setting, country or occasion, it remains un defeatable. Li

      12 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for I Was Raised To Be A Lert

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      I Was Raised To Be A Lert - Pearl Vork-Zambory

      I Was Raised To Be A Lert

      Selections from Pearl, Why You Little…

      Pearl Vork-Zambory

      Published by Red Bird Chapbooks

      At Smashwords

      Copyright 2012 Pearl Vork-Zambory

      Discover other titles by Pearl Vork-Zambory at Smashwords.com

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.

      ***

      Table of Contents

      Hey! The People Look Like Ants From Up Here

      Howdja Like to Make a Couple Bucks?

      Hi, My Name is Pearl and Have I Got a Deal For You

      Have You Considered A Laxative?

      Oh, You'll Be Fine

      I Was Always A Hippie At Heart

      A Pair of Brown Shoes

      You've Ruined That Song For Me

      Hey! Come Here Once

      I'll Ticka Your Back, You Ticka Mine

      Do You Like Me? Yes or No?

      Tonight We Feast

      The Scenic Mountains of Belgium

      Humor is a Communicable Condition

      Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board

      P.S. You Look Very Nice Today

      ***

      Hey! The People Look Like Ants From Up Here!

      I don't get in airplanes often, but I spent quite a bit of my childhood in them.

      My father was a crop duster when I was small. You remember crop dusters, don't you? Those crazy young men, flying under power lines, spraying the sugar beets with insecticides?

      That was my dad up there.

      I spent many afternoons in two-seater airplanes. Some days, from the top of the sky, the white clouds below us were scoops of ice cream; some days, from the bottom, they are the dark homes of barely visible men throwing lightning bolts at unsuspecting two-seaters, hoping to knock out electrical systems.

      Up on the Red River Valley, the storms, with no trees to slow them down, no hills to divert them, come quickly.

      Tell me when you see one, Pearl! my dad would shout over the roar of the Cessna; and I'd stare at the thunderheads, eyes open wide, because you just knew that those men with the thunderbolts moved so fast that something as slow as a blink was all they needed. As Dad explained, I wouldn't see the men – they were too fast – but I would see the lightning.

      So what are you gonna yell when you see danger, Pearl? What are you gonna say?

      I'm gonna yell DANGER! THREE O'CLOCK!

      That's right, he'd yell, nodding. Just like on the clock. You tell me where it is.

      My father was always poised to slip a life lesson into the day.

      There can never be enough lerts in the world, Pearl, he'd say, thoughtfully. Ya gotta be a lert.

      And I was the designated lert. I had a role to play, dagnabit; and at five, I took that responsibility seriously, knew that the fate

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1