The Spirit of Irish Wit

The Spirit of Irish Wit

Ian Cantwell

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Ian Cantwell

The copyright of transcription, indices and commentary are the sole intellectual property of Ian Cantwell and is protected under national and international law.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Commentary

Index of Persons

Index of Places

Contents

INTRODUCTION

Spirit of Irish Wit, or to give its full title, Spirit of Irish Wit or Post-Chaise Companion: being an Eccentric Miscellany of Hibernian Wit, Fun, and Humour much the greater part never before in print, with a selection of such that may have appeared; calculated for the Meridian of the United Kingdoms; and consisting of Bon-Mots, Repartees, Smart Puns, High Jokes, Queer Hoakes, Humorous Anecdotes, Laughable Bulls, Devlish Good Things, and various other articles of Intellectual Confectionary, adapted to the risible Muscles, and designed to dispel Care, Purge Melancholy, Cure the Spleen, and Raise the Drooping Spirits in these Gloomy Times.

The title page says ‘Printed for Thomas Tegg, 111, Cheapside, and R. Griffin & Co. Glasgow’. In the editor’s edition a hand written note has ‘(1811)’. The printer was Plummer and Brewis, Love Lane, Eastcheap. It has c.800 pieces over 360 pages.

Tegg was a well known prolific, but controversial, London who spent an unknown length of time in Ireland c. 1790 at a volatile time when revolutionary philosophy, fervour, ferment and excitement challenged the status quo. Between 1785 and 1796 he travelled and worked extensively around the kingdom in a kind of self-organised literary apprenticeship prior to going into business in London at the end of the decade; he began publishing in c. 1805. In Dublin there was a Tegg and Co. office, which presumably catered to chapmen and bibliophiles.

The book’s editor was one Momus Broadgrin, an obvious alias, possibly of Tegg. He was also author of Treasury of Wit and Anecdote in 1842 but is not the same author/editor of a similar book on Scottish wit of 1786. The title does not appear in a list if his publications by the Dictionary of National Biography.

The proclamation prefacing the book expands on the title/advertisement and is worth given in full.

"Whereas it has been credibly represented to us, and we have, moreover, strong reasons to believe, that during the rancour, spleen, party dullness, and mutual distrust, which for some time prevailed in this once good-humoured and convivial realm, very considerable quantities of current and sterling wit and pleasantry of the land had been withdrawn from circulation; and that humorous anecdotes, bon mots, good jokes, epigrams, bulls, and divers other devlish things, to the amount of some millions, were concealed or hoarded in memories, brain-boxes, pocket-diaries, common-place-books, and other repositories of once chearful, but since dull, splenetic and gloomy persons, who have passed over to this realm, and have for some time withdrawn themselves from social intercourse, and do now obstinately withhold from conversation the said wit, humour and pleasantry, both in coin and bullion, to the great injury and detriment of colloquial pleasure and national humour, and in the propagation of dullness, the spleen and the blue devils.

Now in order that such invaluable treasures of wit, pleasantry and good-humour, may no longer remain locked up in the said brain-boxes, memories, pocket-books, and other repositories of such glumpish, churlish, and refractory persons aforesaid, and thereby run the risk of being lost to all cheerful society, or of dying with their avaricious and monopolizing possessors. We do hereby charge, command, invite, and implore all wits, humourists, social fellows, droll dogs, comical fellows, fun-lovers, curiosos, odd fishes, pickled dogs, queer devils, and all other votaries of wit, humour and pleasantry, as they tender the common interests of laughter and chearfulness, that they do, with all possible expedition, after this issue of this our proclamation, bring forward or transmit, to the Editor of this our Book, all such bon-mots, pleasant anecdotes, epigrams, characters, witticisms, and all other such good things as they have been so hoarded and concealed, whether they be in coin or rough bullion, as aforesaid, to the end that the same may be forthwith stampt with our imprimature into general circulation, for the advantage of public pleasantry, and the promotion of social harmony and good-humour within our dominions."

Given at out Council Chamber, No. 111, Cheapside, this 1st of May, 1811

By order of the Lord Chief Joker, Momus Broadgrin, Controller of the Comicals

COMMENTARY

Obviously the people of Ireland were a gloomy lot in the first decade of the 18th century. This is hardly surprising, as the bloody and violent events of the 1798 rebellion, particularly in its suppression, had badly disrupted their way of life. The whole process of social harmony had received a major battering and had to be rebuilt though it would take several generations for the emotive shock to be dissipated. Trust within the community had to be re-learnt but some suspicions never left.

In the broader context Ireland by 1810 was in the first ten years of an economic decline that lasted till the latter part of the 20th century. Ireland had been economically on par with the rest of the kingdom in terms of land wealth, the then main source of capital and income. The explosive growth of the industrial revolution and colonial empire shifted new wealth towards London and resource-rich areas in the English midlands and elsewhere. Ireland’s economic position, relatively speaking, fell considerably. Dublin, which had been a wealthy city, now also declined; particularly after the Union of 1800 when it lost its powers, prestige and patronage. Furthermore the Union had not lived up to Catholic (many had supported the act) political, economic and religious expectations, as had been promised.

Much of this was, of course, in the future and the first decade of the 18th century saw major conflicts with the French and people seemed to very pessimistic about this as well judging by poetry written at the time, imbued with melancholy and pathos. Late 18th century wars against other European powers and the nascent United States were also of recent memory.

The book is sympathetic to Irish complaints about the Union and, by and large, there are little anti-Irish feelings or prejudices. While of course there are jokes where the Irishman or woman is the butt, there are as many where the Irish top the English trying to pull a fast one. Others are ambiguous and have no obvious target. There were several favourite motifs, the Irish bull was much lauded and appear to have been produced in much the same way as comedy writers compose jokes today. There were 18th century equivalents of urban legends and the standard fare of Irish servant jokes. These last are not surprising given that when young men are taken from a completely rural environment there was much to learn as to how cities operated; mistakes and misunderstandings were bound to occur. Similar sort of stories can be found in today’s developing world of young people hired direct from the countryside, and these have had some small school education.

The editor has used material that harks back to excellent relations and social intercourse of the pre-rebellion period with some nostalgia but it therefore should not be seen as some kind of golden age as any brief look at poverty, life expectancy, infant mortality, disease and famine would show. The main targets of scurrilous satire were politicians, particularly if they were aristocratic, an attitude that is refreshingly modern, though not, perhaps, if one is a politician.

Some of the pieces are older; Guymond and Jeremy White were chaplains to Henry III (13th C), and Oliver Cromwell, respectively, with two dubious pieces of two non-Irish, Sir Thomas More and James Howell. Otherwise the earliest date from the reign of Queen Ann, spanning the end of the 17th and beginning of the 18th centuries. The first Lord Lieutenant to figure prominently in the book is Lord Townsend, 1767-72, and most of the pieces date from then to 1810.

The pieces question some modern Irish stereotypes about historic English attitudes to the Irish. Cultural historians commonly hold by that the general English view of the Irish was one of negative condemnation, as exemplified by Punch. While this may be true in the later 19th century Victorian England there is little evidence of this in this book, which can be taken to be representative of attitudes several generations earlier. What we, perhaps, see is how people defined themselves as Irish at the turn of the century but which has been buried and obscured by later cultural shifts particularly after the Famine (1845-7), Independence movements to the 1916 rebellion, accession to the European Union in 1972, and Globalization since.

England, too, went through its own cultural shifts so the relationship between the two islands has varied in time and was never static. It did not conform to any one stereotype as implied by many modern Irish cultural historians. The Victorians, for instance, seem to have lost their sense of humour (foreshadowed by the ‘dull, splenetic and gloomy persons’ and ‘propagation of dullness, the spleen and the blue devils’ mentioned in the introduction) and many styles of humour that were earlier lauded fell completely out of fashion and derided with contempt; the kiss of death of ‘correctness’ (English, than Gaelic Irish) was administered to traditional modes of expression of Irish identity.

Furthermore, the academic habit of chopping time into discreet bits as specific disciplines within history can often obscure long-term trends and changes in how the island population perceived itself, with all its variety, and how they related to neighbouring communities

Certainly there was no angst then about what it meant to be Irish. However Irishness varied amongst the different strata of society, the worldviews of the actor, alderman, bull-maker, chancer, cleric, coxcomb, craftsman, docker, doctor, farmer, innkeeper, gentry, labourer, lawyer, lover, noble, prostitute, seaman, servant, shoeshine, soldier, teacher, tailor, washerwoman, weaver, etc., were a tapestry of identities The Dubliner probably had more in common with urban classes in England than with rural classes in the West, who themselves probably had more in common with British rural society in general

With regards to conquest, a common cliché is that ‘Victors write History’, however it can be seen that this is not necessarily the case for 1798 where from contemporary and modern perspectives there are alternative opinions and the freedom to express them (Political Cat-Gelding). The easy availability of mass printing has allowed the survival of a plethora of pamphlets and opinions from all classes of literate society. To misquote a medieval phrase general literacy resulted in a ‘Victor’s History with Opposition’.

In any human disaster it is human nature to try and see the funny side of things for a whole complex of individual and community psychological reasons; the 1798 period was no exception as the following humorous pieces confirm in fact the Rebellion needs a good psychological history.

Tegg, evidently thought Ireland needed cheering up and that he could make some money from publishing what is probably the first Irish joke book. It is possible that the inspiration for this book came from his time in Ireland. Whether this was a Good Thing is doubtful given his legacy of the plethora of joke books dedicated to the Irish and other stereotypes published today. In comparison with these ephemeral modern works, however, the Spirit is an essential unreliable source to life of the period.

In terms of production, the quality is probably very similar. This book is very much a cut and paste job with pieces being culled by various collectors, from Dublin and the Irish community in London, and typeset in batches. Others may have been collected by Tegg when in Ireland. Editorial control is mixed. The formatting is inconsistent, there is duplication of pieces, there is no sense of order (a dangerous sort of a conclusion, akin to reading history backwards); However it is obvious that there was some serious editorial input based on the introductions of some that indicate that the editors were politically aware as well as knowledgeable and sympathetic to the country and its people, These sometimes assume that linked pieces will be read consecutively.

On a general level, there are similarities between perceptions regarding the economic recessions then and now, indicating that human economic behaviour has changed little in the meantime; see ‘A Collection of Prudential Maxims’. Typical of the period are morals regarding human behaviour, as to what might be called ideal behaviour, particularly between the sexes, as exampled by the ‘Nice Husband’ and ‘The Power of Scolding’.

The book was aimed at the tourist, mostly gentry and new rich, as the title suggests with the use of the phrase ‘Post-Chaise Companion’. It was, no doubt, a useful companion while travelling from Ballygobackwards to Ballymecrazy in a storm of driving sleet, rain and snow while bouncing around the many water-filled potholes. Many pieces were later recycled and are found in traveller’s books particularly in the first half of the 19th century when plagiarism was common. A few have since found their way into serious historical studies whose authors, no doubt, would be miffed and mortified to find out that their primary source is a mere joke book.

The transcription of the contents, between November 2012 and January 2013, was an interesting exercise. At some times it was tedious, dreary and mind-numbingly grim, particularly some of the poetry, but mostly was a fascinating glimpse in to life and language of the period. Some days it took all my self-discipline, on others I flowed with 18th century spoken and written rhythms, very different from today. Many have maintained their visual imagery and are suitable for acted or animated sketches.

Occasionally I spent time exploring various words and found many examples of changed meanings, defunct words, slang and dialect. The phrases ‘to be sure’ and ‘at all, at all’ are found then as now; but words such as dilacerate, fussock, coxcomb, macaroni, fugitated, mundification, lutterel and the evocatively named glister pipe, an essential apothecary’s instrument, have disappeared. Appellations, such as honey, my jewel, Honoured Sir, Sirrah, are no longer heard, while, in Ireland, Sir is patchy and more often than not a re-import from American ‘Have a nice day’ commercial culture.

The word ‘feck’ appears once, as in "does the fellow make a feck of me?" regarding an insolent London coachman. Most other Dublin slang words have since disappeared from modern usage; the various Blind Peter stories have some of the best: chir or spud, louse traps, music, mazzards, snotty, blanch de bacon, dub with his daddle on his snotter-box are but a few. Crature and bowsy, however, has survived.

The editor’s copy has a library sticker of Francis James Helston. Above in a nineteenth century hand is three lines: ‘Penberthy, Novr 1/52, Bought at Sale’. On the next page, in a 20th C hand is 35/- (i.e. 35 shillings). One 19th century reader took exception to some of the content and diligently crossed out the first half of Ruse contra Ruse and three words elsewhere in black ink. The book was purchased by the editor’s father, Brian J. Cantwell, probably from a book barrow on the Dublin quays, some time in the 1930s.

FORMATTING ISSUES

The transcription raised a number of issues that needed to be dealt with consistently, therefore:

The order is unchanged

Duplications have been faithfully copied and pasted

Some paragraphs breaks have been added to very long pieces

Italics are as in the original

There has been some standardisation in the presentation of quotes for clarity and consistency

All fonts have been standardised to Times New Roman

There is inconsistency in whether punctuation comes before or goes after terminal quotation marks, due to this editor’s confusion concerning the correct order.

Blanks within the text are as in the original

Spellings and grammar are as in the original, except for their tedious and tiresome habit of using apostrophes for the letter ’e’ in poetry, i.e. ev’n, rejoice’d, &c. &c.

Headings are centred in the original and sometimes italicized; in this edition they are left margin and bold

Block paragraphs are used; the original is inconsistent hanging indents

Comments by the original editor are presented to make sense as foot notes are not supported in many eBook platforms

Occasional comments by this editor are in Arial 10point

INDEX OF PEOPLE – SURNAMES AND TITLES

First names are given only if they are included in the text. The majority of surnames are without Christian names and are prefixed with an aristocratic, professional, clerical or secular title. In a few cases only the first name, sometimes with nickname, is known. In other cases there is duplication of surnames when only one has a Christian name; in that case the surname is mostly only listed once.

No attempt has been made to reconstruct surnames not given in full for reasons of taste and discretion, i.e. Lord W---, or P---ns---by, even if they may seem obvious. They are not included in the index.

Of these, one is a fictional character; others may also be so; it is difficult to be sure. Obvious name inventions, mostly Christian names (i.e. Pat, Teddy; Teague is used both as a name and synonym for Irishman), are excluded.

Adam

Addington

Aldborough

Amner

Amyott

Anne (English monarch)

Ap-Guillim

Avonmore

Barker Anne

Barre

Barrett Roger

Barrington

Barry

Barry James

Bedford

Bentley Edward

Beresford

Berkeley

Berthier

Berwick

Besborough

Bethel

Billington

Bishop

Black Dick (no surname)

Blind Peter (no surname)

Boadle Thomas

Bond James

Boscawen

Boulter

Bowes

Boyle Roach

Brandon

Brazen Tom

Brownlow

Brydges

Bullen

Burke

Burgoyne

Butler Toby

Byrne Nell

Camden

Carew

Carhampton

Carolan

Cassin Mahommet

Castalo (recte. Costello?)

Cately Nan

Chatham

Charlemont

Charles (English monarch)

Chesterfield

Clare

Clayton

Clonmel

Cochrane

Coldbeck

Connolly

Connor Bryant

Coote Charles

Cornwallis

Corry Isaac

Cotter James

Craig

Crawford

Cresswell

Crips

Cromwell Oliver

Cromwell Frances

Crow

Crupper Nancy (no surname)

Cumberland

Cunningham

Curran

Curwen

Daly

Darby

Davis John

Davys

Dawson

Day

Digges

Dodd

Doran

Dorset

Dowling Mat

Duncan

Dundas

Edgeworth Talbot

Edwards Tom

Egan

Eldon

Evans

Fenham

Fitzgibbon

Fitzwilliam

Flannigan

Flattery

Flood Henry

Foote Sam

Forbes

Foster

Foster Buck

Fox

Frost

Gahan

Gainor

Gall Monicia

Gambier

Gaul Monica

Gaynor

Geoghagan

George (English monarchs)

Georges

Glover

Glynn

Goldsmith

Goodwyn

Grattan

Gree

Grose

Guymond

Halfpenny

Halifax

Hanlon

Hardwicke

Harley

Harrington

Hart

Harvey

Harwood

Hasler John

Hayes Dan

Hayes Sally

Hayman

Hely

Henry (English monarchs)

Hoarish

Hockett

Holland

Holt

Howard

Howell James

Howth

Hunter

Ingram

James (English monarch)

Johnson

Johnson Esther (Stella)

Johnstone

Kearns

Kelly

Kemble

Kenmare

Kennedy

Keogh John

Kildare

Kilwarden

King

King Anthony

King Isabella

Kingsbury

Kirwan

Lacellas

Langrishe Hercules

Liddy Paul

Lilly

Lindsey

Logan Darby

Louis XIV (also Lewis, French monarch)

Low

Lucas

Lumm Francis

Lutterel

Lysaght

M’Nally

McGregor Patrick

Macauly

Mackavanagh

Macklin

Mackmahon

Mahony

Man

Mansfield

Mara

Melworth Sophia

Miller Joe

Milton

Miltoun

Melville

Monk Mason John

Moore Bob (Robin)

More Thomas

Moreau

Morris

Mountain

Mountmorres

Mullins Thomas

Murphy

Musgrave Richard

Nelson

Nicholson

Norberry

North

Northumberland

Nux

O’Brien

O’Brien Murrough

O’Callaghan

O’Connor

O’Connor Dennis

O’Dogherty Dennis

O’Dogherty Phelim

O’Donel

O’Donnel

O’Flaherty Paddy

O’Flinn

O’Hara

O’Leary

O’Neil

Ormond

Oxford

Pakenham

Panza Sancho

Parnel John

Pasquin Anthony

Pemberton Charlotte

Perceval

Pichegru

Pigeon

Pindar Peter

Pitt

Plunkett Peg

Poole Jacky

Ponsonby

Portland

Powerscourt

Price

Prior

Purcell Daniel

Pye

Read

Reynolds Joshua

Rice

Richmore James

Rockingham

Rodney

Ross

Rutland

St. Ledger John

St. Leger

Sampson

Sandford

Sandys

Scanlon

Scott John

Shakespeare

Shannon

Shaw

Shiel Charles

Shebbeare

Sheridan

Sly Betty

Smart

Smith Michael

Sommerton

Sonnini

Spedding

Sprainger

Stanley

Steele Richard

Stewart

Supple Mark

Swift

Tenduci (recte. Tenducci)

Thicknesse

Thompson

Tinucane

Toler

Townly

Townsend

Townsend Charles

Tully

Tyrawley

Valois Marquirite de

Vandelure

Wade

Walker Mary

Wardle

Webb

Weffington Peg

West Benjamin

Westmorland

White Jeremy

Whitfield

Wilberforce

Wilson Charles

Wiseman

Worthland Robert

Wright

Wyne Watkin

Yelverton

Young Jonathan

INDEX OF PLACES

This section is divided into Ireland, rest of United Kingdom and Rest of World

Ireland

Athlone

Auburn

Baldryle (recte. Baldoyle?)

Ballycurry

Ballyhack

Ballyporeen

Black Rock Road

Botanic Gardens

Cashel

Castle Dermot (Cat and Bagpipes)

Castle Martyr

Clonmel

Cloyne

Coal Quay

College Green

Cork

Crow Street Theatre

Dalby’s coffee house

Dame Street

Dublin

Dublin Fish Market

Dublin Castle

Dublin Parliament

Dublin University

Duke Street

Dunleary

Elphin

Essex Bridge

Essex Street

Fermoy

Ferns

Fingal

Four Courts

Galway

Garry Owen

Glasnevin

Globe Coffee House (Dublin)

Hell

Hell Fire Club

Howth

Howth Hill

Howth House

Kilkenny

Killala

Killarney

Kilmainham

Larcone

Leixlip

Limerick

Louth

Lucas’s Coffee House

Merrion Square

Neagh Lough

Newgate

Ormond Quay

Riding House

Ross

Salmon Leap

Smithfield

Smock Alley Theatre

St. Patrick’s Deanery

Stillorgan

Tralee

Turnant

Waterford

Wicklow

Wexford

Rest of United Kingdom

Barnet

Bartholomew Fair

Bath

Bayswater Lying-Inn Hospital

Berkshire

Bolton-le-Moors

Bow Bells

Bow Street

Brentford

Bridewell

Brighton

Buxton

Calcutta

Chatham

Cheltenham

Cheshire

Chester

Clapham

Clerkenwell

Cock Lane

Covent Garden

Covent Garden Theatre

Cumberland

Daventry

Deptford (King’s Yard)

Drury Lane

Duke’s Place

Dun Church

Edinburgh

Elephant and Castle

Epsom

Eton

Fleet Market

Fleet Prison

Fleet Street

George (Berkshire)

Glasgow

Golden Cross (Charing Cross)

Gravesend

Greenwich

Greenwich Hospital

Guernsey

Hanover Square

Hebrides

Hollyrood

Holyhead

Hyde Park

Ila (Islay)

Isle of Man

Kent

Lancaster

Leicester

Leicester Fields

Limehouse

Liverpool

London

Love Lane

Ludgate Hill

Manchester

Margate

Maryfields

Michtner’s Hotel, Margate

New Lyceum

Newcastle Street (Naval Coffee House)

Norfolk Street

Northumberland House

Old Bailey

Oxford

Oxford Road

Plymouth

Portsmouth

Robin Hood Club

Royal Exchange

Russel Square

St. Giles’s

St. James Street

St. Paul’s

St. Stephen’s Chapel (House of Commons)

Shakespeare’s Head (Convent Garden)

Snow Hill

Somerset

Strand

Swinley Lodge

Spithead

Tarwin

Temple

Temple Bar (The Cock)

Three Crosses (ale house near Daventry)

Tottenham Court Road

Tuns (Bath)

Tyburn

Vauxhall Walk

Wapping

Westminster

Westminster Abbey

Westminster Hall

Whitechapel

Woburn

Yorkshire

Rest of World

America

Amoy

Antwerp

Bahama Islands

Bengal

Blenheim

Botany Bay

Buenos Ayres

Bylau

Cuddalore

East Indies

Egypt

Flanders

Fort Kehl

France

Gibraltar

Italy

Jamaica

Lap-land/Lapland

Leghorn

Lisbon

Madeira Islands

Malta

Minorca

Naples

New England

Nile

Ostend

Philadelphia

Poland

Portugal

Rome

Rosetta

Spain

Tortona

United States

Venice

West Indies

Contents

Counsellor Coldbeck

The late Counsellor Coldbeck, of the Irish Bar, who drudged in his profession till he was nearly 60, being a king’s counsel, frequently, went on circuit as judge of assize when any of the twelve judges was prevented by illness. On one of those occasions a fellow was convicted before him at Wexford for bigamy; and when the learned counsel came to pass sentence, after lecturing pretty roundly upon the nature of his uxorious crime, added, "The only punishment which the law authorizes me to inflict is, that you be transported to parts beyond the seas for the term of seven years; but if I had my will, you should not escape with so mild a punishment, for I would sentence you for the term of your natural life – to live in the same house with both your wives."

Mr. Coldbeck. and Mr. Curran

The same veteran barrister being at one time retained as counsel in the prosecution fo an assault, brought by a very beautiful and sprightly young woman against her husband, Dr. Amyott, a Frenchman, old enough to be her father, and who was professor of that language at Dublin College, - it came out in evidence, that the quarrel arose in consequence of the linguist having positively refused to suffer his sprightly rib to quit his bed at four o’clock on a summer’s morning, and go on a boating party with her brothers and some young friends. The lady was positive – the husband was peremptory – altercation proceed to a struggle – the husband slapped his wife’s beautiful cheek; and she, in return, pulled off his wig, and flung it into a certain vase that stood by the bedside. Mr. Coldbeck, in speaking to this part of the evidence, insisted upon the right of the husband to chastise the pertinacity of his spouse, even on Judge Buller’s famous principle of the thumb-stick; and he commented with much severity upon the circumstances of her flinging her husband’s wig into the chamber-organ. Mr. Curran, who was counsel for the lady, said, he could easily account for the circumstance; it was because his client had a natural antipathy to dry bobs.

Mr. Coldbeck .and Counsellor Bethel

Mr. Coldbeck, beside his professional exertions at the bar, was the proprietor of some gunpowder mills near the Irish metropolis, and drove a considerable trade in the manufacture of pulvis fulminins, which certainly produced much noise and mischief in his day. Being engaged in a prosecution in one of the courts, there was a junior counsellor, named Bethel, whose father was a shoemaker, retained in the same case; and this sapling of the law, anxious to display his sagacity, kept constantly edging in his questions and supplementary hints, in officious aid to his veteran colleague; who at last, rendered peevish by these obtrusions, said, "He could go on by himself, without any of these heel-taps from the learned gentleman". Mr. Bethel bowed with great humility, said he was only endeavouring to assist his learned colleague, and did not expect to be blown up for his civility. This hit, so unexpected from such a quarter, so effectually ignited the combustible feelings of the veteran, that he fizzed like a squib, and went off in a huff.

Mr. Bethel and Counsellor Lysaght

This same Mr. Bethel, when the question of the Union was in debate, and all the junior barristers published pamphlets upon the subject, thought fit to contribute his mite to the instigation, and take a literary shot at the subject, after above fifty other pamphlets had already appeared; which, of course, contained nothing very new upon the topic. Some days after its appearance, Mr. Lysaght met this pamphleteer in the hall of the Four Courts, and, in a friendly way, said, Zounds! Bethel, I wonder you never told me you had published a pamphlet on the Union; I never saw it till yesterday, by mere accident! Well and how did you like it? asked the author, with a smirk of eager curiosity. Like it! said Lysaght; the one I saw contained some of the best things I have yet seen in any pamphlet upon the subject. I’m very proud you think so, said the other, rubbing his hands with satisfaction; and, pray, what are the things that pleased you so much? Why, replied Lysaght, "as I passed by a pastry cook’s shop this morning, I saw a girl come out with three hot mince-pies wrapped up in a sheet of your work, and that is more than I can say for any performance of your competitors."

Lord Kilwarden and Mr. Curran

When the late Lord Kilwarden was first raised from his office of attorney-general to the chief judgement seat to the King’s Bench, he appeared extremely anxious to support his new-born dignity by a terse exercise of his authority, and a declared intention to reform the dilatory proceedings of the counsel and attornies in his court, who, he said, rarely ever made their appearance before twelve o’clock. One day, in the sittings at Nisi Prius, he gave a very pompous notice, "that the Court would sit to-morrow morning precisely at nine, and the Court expected the attendance of all barristers and attornies at that hour".

Next morning the Court was upon the bench, according to appointment; but the inveterate habits of the barristers and attornies were not to be so suddenly reformed, and not one appeared before the usual hour. By this time the noble lord had nearly exhausted the contents of a large snuff-box, and the last particle of his patience; when the gentlemen of the long robe began to make their appearance. The Court expressed astonishment that the warning of the preceding day was not attended to, and gave harsh reproof to the attornies in particular, which was equally meant for their superiors, the barristers, who sat smiling at each other, as well as the sudden pomposity of their late colleague. The Court, threatened to call on the cases at nine every morning, and to postpone every cause to the very tail of the term paper, when the barristers and attornies concerned were not in their places to proceed. Mr. Curran, to whom this harangue most forcibly applied, with great gravity assented to what the noble lord had said; and, with a look of arch sternness, addressing himself to the law wig-maker, who generally attended to fit on the coxone of the learned tribe, said, "And as for you, Mr. Gahan, if you are not here to-morrow morning, and have not all your wigs upon the blocks by the sitting of the Court, I shall feel myself obliged to move an attachment against you." The Court felt this stroke with obvious chagrin, but lowered it topsails for the future.

Mr. Curran and a Country Pedagogue

Mr. Curran, that celebrated advocate, possessed perhaps a greater influence over the feelings of his auditory than any other professor of forensic eloquence ever did, and has been frequently known, by the pathetic force of his oratory, and the inexhaustible fund of his wit and resistless humour, to keep the juries whom he addressed alternatively in tears and laughter during the course of trial; and yet, like other great wits, he has been frequently put down by an unexpected repartee from the most simple of witnesses whom he attempted to badger by cross-examination. In an important case, where a country schoolmaster, named Lilly, was a principal witness, and had given his direct testimony with all due gravity, arrayed in all the graces of syntax and prosody, Mr. Curran proceeded to cross-examine the witness, and began, with a familiar and an arch look, in the first sentence of Corder’s Colloquies, "Salve, Claudi. The schoolmaster immediately answered Sis tu quoque salvus, Bernarde". This unexpected answer completely disarmed the barrister, and produced a general laugh at his expense.

Mr. Curran and the Carpenter

Mr. Curran, it is well known, had brought his action for Crim. Con. with his frail rib, against a clergyman named Sandys, a frequent guest at his table, and a favourite familiar in his house. In this action he succeeded; and, although he never followed up the decision by suing for a divorce, he effectively established the identity of his own antlers. Some time after this occurrence, he was employed for the defendants, some combining journeymen carpenters, prosecuted for a conspiracy, riot, and assault upon certain other chop-sticks, who were considered, by the journeymen’s club as unlawful men; and while cross-examining one of the prosecutors, who had been suddenly dubbed as master carpenter, and was a simple-looking country fellow, put to him a number of puzzling questions, and amongst others, "You say, friend, you were a journeymen carpenter about a month ago, and you are now a master; I should be glad to know from you by what process a journeymen carpenter is hatched into a master. The witness, with a vacant stare, said He did not understand the question. Mr. Curran continued – I’ll be glad to know, fellow, what difference do you feel in yourself now from what you had when you were a journeyman; have you more teeth than you used to have? The witness, after a short pause, with a stare of simplicity, full in the barrister’s face answered, No in troth, sir; nor more horns neither." This was a hit too palpable to be parried; and the reply, after some confusion, was, You may go down, fellow; I shall ask you no more questions.

Mr. Egan and Lord Norberry

The late counsellor Egan, well known by the appellation of Bully Egan, from his rough courage, got into the parliament during the last administration of the present marquis of Rockingham, and joined with the Whigs of that day in a most outrageous opposition to the administration of the noble marquis, particularly on the question of Regency; when the opposition succeeded in voting the unlimited regency of Ireland to his royal highness the Prince of Wales. The noble marquis, unable to rally after this defeat, thought fit to return to England, by night, without beat of drum, leaving the oppositionists masters of the political field. Not content with this retreat, the Whigs continued to pelt the character of the noble marquis by way of post obit, and to keep all those maledictions upon his administration, when the defunct, which they had so indefatigably plied while living. Amongst the rest, Mr. Egan, in the course of a debate, thought proper to introduce in his speech an episode, in which he proposed, now that the marquis was politically dead, to pencil his epitaph, and this he did in such coarse and ponderous words, that Mr. Toler, the present Lord Norberry, in his reply, termed this effort of Mr. Egan, pencilling with a pickaxe.

Sir Boyle Roache

Perhaps no senate, ancient or modern, did the cacoethes loquendi more inveterately prevail than in the parliament of Ireland. The speaking members of that parliament were principally gentlemen at the bar, or those that had been educated to wage the wordy war in that profession. Every thing was debated, from a turnpike bill to the most important statute; and the question rarely went to a division, until every orator, on each side of the house, had a speech at it. A question once came forward, in which it became necessary for the clerk to read a series of voluminous documents, adequate in quantity to a ponderous quarto; and the forces on both sides, in full muster, were eager for action; but felt that, if these documents were read though, there would be no opportunity for discussion on that night. This difficulty produced a minor debate, which was on the point of splitting into half a dozen others, when Sir Boyle Roache, eminent for his proficiency in a peculiar species of Irish rhetoric, rose in his place, and said, "Mr. Spaaker, if the House will only hear me, I think I can put an ind to all the diffiquilty about reading all those rig-me-rowl documents. I don’t se the use of reading them at all at all; for nobody will attind to them, if the be read; but, howsomever, if they must be read, we have only to call in all the committee clarks of the house, and let each of ‘em take a document, and they can all read together. ‘Many hands make light work’; and they’ll get through all of them in a couple of hours." This ingenious project of the worthy baronet, though it exited immoderate laughter, was not adopted.

Mr. Boyle and Mr. Stanley

Sir Boyle, though not very eminent for acuteness of intellect, was remarkable for a peculiar strength of memory; so that, at twice reading, he could remember almost verbatim the whole of a long speech; and as he was a sort of buffo pro tempore to the house, spoke with a rich brogue, and had a happy knack of what the Greek scholiasts call "the husteron proteron", that is to say, putting the cart before the horse", it was suspected that his orations were previously composed by some of the castle wits, either to put the house into good humour, or to throw an air of ridicule upon the eloquence of the oppositionists.; and he was sometimes even pitted, for this purpose, against Mr. Grattan or Mr. Curran.

There was a court member on that day, Mr. Stanley (since raised to the dignity of a baronet and a colonial judge) eminent for the length and sententious precision of his speeches, and the lateness of the hour at which he generally rose to speak; and it was no uncommon thing, after the house had been twelve hours in arduous debate, to see this gentleman rise at four o’clock in the morning, to trespass on the house for a few short words, generally at two hours continuance, and consisting of a selection from all the other speeches he had heard during the night. On one particular occasion, however, he was determined to be original, and to prevent the anticipation of his own arguments by rising to speak so soon as he could "catch the speaker’s eye". Anxious to get rid of his political egg, which he written out for the occasion, as well as for the purpose in appearing in a next day’s newspaper, he repeatedly adjourned himself from the house to a coffee room, to con over his speech, and refresh his memory. Sir Boyle Roache, who paraded with the rest of the political picket-guard in the coffee room, awaiting the tinkle of