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    I Don't 'Do' Normal
    I Don't 'Do' Normal
    I Don't 'Do' Normal
    Ebook115 pages54 minutes

    I Don't 'Do' Normal

    By Lisa Wolf

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    About this ebook

    A collection of quotes, thoughts and insanity that used the mediums of Twitter and Facebook to amuse, delight, shock and confuse.
    From early 2008 to early 2013 I have used Twitter and Facebook to share my thoughts, philosophy, humour and interesting life experiences. These have been lovingly collected into this work for your own amusement, delight, shock and confusion.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLisa Wolf
    Release dateJan 25, 2013
    ISBN9781301800124
    I Don't 'Do' Normal
    Author

    Lisa Wolf

    Lisa was born in 1971 in the Southern Antipodes. She eventually fell into programming computers to make a living and seems to enjoy it. In her spare time she enjoys poking fun at the world and herself. She also loves words and playing with them. An avid amateur photographer she is a proud geek grrl who finds the strangest things amusing. She also writes her bios in third person.

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      Book preview

      I Don't 'Do' Normal - Lisa Wolf

      I Don't Do Normal

      By Lisa Wolf

      Published by Lisa Wolf at Smashwords

      Copyright 2008-2013 Lisa Wolf

      Smashwords Edition, Licence Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Handcuffs on cover image from ‘Free Graphic Vector Pack’ available at http://all-free-download.com/free-vector/vector-misc/free_vector_graphic_pack_58635.html under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0. Full terms at http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0.

      Table of Contents

      An Introduction of Sorts

      Philosophy

      Phrase of the Day

      No Context

      Travel

      Weather

      Puns and Wordplay

      Media

      Animals

      Spiders

      Quotes

      Politics

      The Apocalypse

      Dreams

      Things That Go Bump In My Brain

      Work

      Mourning

      Beauty

      Poignant

      Miscellaneous and Other Miscellany

      Geek

      Rude and Naughty

      Sex and Gender

      Glossary

      With Thanks

      About the Author

      How This Book Was Made

      An Introduction of Sorts

      I've been a Twit since sometime late in 2007, or possibly early 2008, as @darkladywolf (there's a long and not very interesting history behind that handle) and used the service as both a way to stalk those celebrities I had a crush on, as well as a way to disseminate things I found amusing, or at least interesting. Over the years I've had many people request that I hide all of this away where it can't see the light of day. This got me thinking: what better place than a book?

      What you have here is a curated selection from my Twitter stream. I have tidied up a few of the tweets, and used a more consistent style. If you really want the unedited versions you can check out my Twitter stream yourself. However, I do recommend you seek help for your strange desires first.

      Instead of just listing the Tweets in the order they came out of my mind, I've put them into vague and possibly even related categories.

      Be aware, however, that what you often have here is a raw, uncensored look into my mind. There are naughty words, bad thoughts and politics. I won't say abandon hope, but you might want to at least get an IOU for it.

      Let the Twittering begin ...

      Philosophy

      Sometimes I ponder the Mysteries of the Universe. Other times I just think about crap.

      I don't care about ... whatever it is I don't care about ... so much that I can't even remember what it is I don't care about!

      8th December 2011

      To care for others, you must first learn to care for yourself.

      5th January 2010

      The problem with all the dumb criminals we hear about being caught is that soon only the smart un-catchable ones will be left ...

      24th April 2011

      Will tree doctors eventually go the way of GPs and not make house calls?

      17th January 2008

      Can you still be part of the peanut gallery if you're allergic to peanuts?

      28th December 2011

      Anyone who - upon seeing a police car - doesn't check their speedometer, is probably not in a car.

      27th December 2009

      The rains come. The brains go.

      12th August 2010

      Geeze people! Stop wearing [fashion I dislike] and wear [stereotypical fashion I think is acceptable]!

      18th April 2011

      Does a spider on LSD feel people running all over it?

      13th September 2010

      I want to try an experiment: I want to paint a zebra-crossing along an entire street and leave 3 feet blank. Everyone would use that 3 feet!

      31st October 2010

      First day of Ninja school would be bustling and full of life. The last day it would be as if there was no-one there ...

      7th November 2011

      Most people don't look after things. They never did. Just look at ancient civilisations - nearly everything left is broken!

      4th June 2012

      The one problem with Baileys is that no matter how big a bottle you have, it always runs out!

      4th January 2010

      In order to get out of your comfort zone, don't you first need to be comfortable?

      16th August 2012

      I'm convinced the reason doof cars have such loud stereos is so they can hear the stereo over the engine.

      16th April 2008

      Apparently it's a social faux pas for a motorcycle rider to

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