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    The StinkyGreenTrain
    The StinkyGreenTrain
    The StinkyGreenTrain
    Ebook109 pages1 hour

    The StinkyGreenTrain

    By Reginald Rossiter

    ()

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    About this ebook

    This humourous narrative tells the tales of the daily travel to and from work along with all its irritants. From being gassed with hairspray and assaulted by other odours, to battles for the armrest and disruptive passengers, this book sheds a lighthearted and insightful viewpoint on the daily grind of one commuter, many of the tales will resonate perfectly with

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherReginald Rossiter
    Release dateFeb 12, 2013
    ISBN9781622096350
    The StinkyGreenTrain

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      Book preview

      The StinkyGreenTrain - Reginald Rossiter

      THE

      STINKYGREENTRAIN

      THE IRREVERENT DIARY OF THE LIFE OF A COMMUTER

      BY REGINALD ROSSITER

      For ,

      Sarah, Madeline and India

      With thanks to my friends who encouraged me to write this book after 18 months of reading my ramblings.

      COPYRIGHT

      The StinkyGreenTrain

      By Reginald Rossiter

      Copyright 2013 Peter Gardiner

      Smashwords Edition

      This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to organisations or persons alive or dead is entirely co-incidental

      ISBN-10 1-62209-635-5

      ISBN-13 9781622096350

      PRIMEDIA ELaunch LLC

      This is the story of the StinkyGreenTrain and the people who travel on it. The poor struck down commuters who conduct the daily slog to work; putting up with cramped conditions, delays and of course, the panoply of smells and sounds that assault the senses. Aromas formed from the residue of smelly socks, saturated carpets, overflowing toilets and packets of Quavers. The sounds of chatting couples and crying babies all conspiring to make your life of a commuter, hell!

      This is not any particular train. It could be the very one you travel on and indeed you may recognise many of these characters on your train as well, whilst you are jostled and bumped.

      This book is a work of fiction. The characters events, places and incidents in this chronicle are, of course, entirely fictional, a product of my imagination and any resemblance to particular organisations or persons alive, dead or indeed, just snoozing is entirely coincidental.

      CHAPTER 1

      INTRODUCTION

      Here we are....after 25 years in the Royal Navy, I have finally become a Strawberry Mivvy, a Civvy, a normal member of society, a blunty, a shiny-arse paper shuffler and now have the prospect of another 20 odd years of commuting, thankfully, by train.

      Life up to now has consisted of travelling in a car at weekends, living out of a bag or even just climbing down a ladder to get from my bed to work. How will I contend with the difficulties? The trials and tribulations of the commuter are legend, long hours spent standing in silence, reading a book, being squeezed together and of course, being assaulted by the smells. The smells of socks, armpits, breakfast, lunch, snacks or even the carpet on those warm damp days. Other challenges conspire against the traveller.

      Late trains, delays caused by leaves on the line, a centimetre of snow. The only answer is to think positive. Travel by train can be a daily grind, especially if you don’t have a seat but, it is often a haven of tranquillity, an opportunity to catch up with some work without ‘Mike from accounts’ pestering you. No tailbacks to deal with after an accident on the M4 (yes you do get signal failures or slower trains ahead) and what is more important, an opportunity to get some ‘zeds’, ‘get your swede down’ and get a little bit of extra sleep whilst someone else does the driving. It is like being Chauffeured everywhere although, you do pay for the privilege and then, there are those who will conspire to keep you awake or cold. So, with a positive attitude, I am sure I can get through this and the next 20 years. If I am negative, then it is all bound to become a burden and I will be so unhappy. So, this is how this book came about. It started with placing my observations on social media such as Facebook, not only trying to keep myself amused, but also brightening the lives of my friends, all of who have their own little trials of life, often under fire in dangerous parts of the world. My philosophy is, try not to drag everyone else down with you, try to bring a little cheer to someone on a dreary Monday morning.

      The book should be read in bite sized chunks. There is no over-riding story other than the daily grind and each paragraph or indeed each chapter can be read in isolation and in any order. It will be an excellent accompaniment to sunning yourself on a beach lounger somewhere hot, or to cheer up your own daily commute on your very own StinkyGreenTrain. There are some characters that are introduced early on but, starting at the end, will not ruin what I hope will be , for you, an enjoyable read.

      CHAPTER 2

      AROMA

      "a·ro·ma (-rm)

      a. A quality that can be perceived by the olfactory sense: the aroma

      of garlic and onions. See Synonyms at smell.

      b. A pleasant characteristic odor, as of a plant, spice, or food: the

      aroma of roses. See Synonyms at fragrance.

      2. A distinctive, intangible quality;"

      Monday

      There are a wide variety of smells that emanate from the StinkyGreenTrain, some obvious, some not so. Last week I sat down to be greeted with an overwhelmingly disgusting smell of cheese and onion and not the crispy variety sold by Gary Lineker. I tried in vain to locate the source but was not successful until we reached Les Trois Ponts and the young woman opposite got off, taking her disgusting feet with her.

      Bleeeuurrrggghhhh!

      Tuesday

      Mr Rizla is a labourer of some description who spent his mornings commuting between Fratton and the Bish Bosh Ham. He would use the time effectively to make

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