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    Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard
    Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard
    Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard
    Ebook156 pages2 hours

    Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard

    By Dr. Martin G Tharp PhD

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    About this ebook

    If laughter truly is the best medicine, this book will give you just the right dose! Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard is a combination of true stories, jokes, and hilarious gaffs experienced by members of the Christian community that will tickle your funny bone and put a smile on your face! Read and Enjoy!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDr. Martin G Tharp PhD
    Release dateMar 7, 2013
    ISBN9781301658589
    Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard
    Author

    Dr. Martin G Tharp PhD

    Dr. Martin Tharp has been an avid student of the Bible for many years and holds a Bachelor, Master and eight Doctorates, one honorary and seven earned, including a Doctor. of Literature and two PhDs. He has been in full time ministry for over fifty-seven years and has authored forty-nine books to date, many of which are being used as curriculum in Bible colleges around the United States and abroad. He has also penned a number of gospel songs and recorded thirty-three albums as well as being actively involved in a school ministry to Northern Ireland in the United Kingdom for the past thirty-eight years, and Dr. Tharp has been honored twice by members of parliament in Ireland for their work in the Protestant and Catholic schools. He and his wife, Sharon, along with Maranda Howells, travel extensively across the USA and the whole of the British Isles holding evangelistic crusades in the churches of both countries.

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      Book preview

      Things I've Seen, Stories I've Heard - Dr. Martin G Tharp PhD

      THINGS I’VE SEEN,

      AND

      STORIES I’VE HEARD!

      BY MARTIN G. THARP, Ph.D.

      Copytight 2013 Martin Tharp Ph.D.

      Smashwords edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes; This ebook is licensed for your own personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.. Scripture quotations identified KJV are from the Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible, King James Version. Copyright 1984, 1991 by AMG International, INC and the Living Bible Copyright 1971, 1986 by Tyndale House Publishers INC

      Dedication

      I would like to dedicate this book to my family, first and foremost to my wife Sharon, then to our daughters, Karen, Terri, and Kathleen. To our sons, Martin Lynn and Tony.

      I always knew I loved you all, but over this last year when there were times that I wasn’t sure that I would see another day, every phone call to check on my health, every time one of you admonished me to take care of myself, I loved you even more.

      Sharon, I am glad that we are still able to laugh about all the silly things we’ve done as the years have passed, and I want you to know how much I still love you after thirty five years of marriage that many of our friends and family thought would surely fail. You were too young to know any better and I was too hardheaded to listen to anybody. Well, I know I’m still too hard headed to listen to most folks unless they are speaking in faith.

      It is our faith that has kept us together for all these years, and it is living by that faith that has kept me alive!

      I want all my children to know this, I may not always agree with you but I do always love you! God has never failed me, because I trust him. Living for the Lord has been a wonderful experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world! Part of the reason I decided to undertake the writing of this little book is because it affords me an opportunity to chronicle some of the hilarious times we have had over the years as we have endeavored to carry the gospel to any and all who are in need of a Savior.

      If any of the stories in this book brings a smile to someone’s face, then I will consider it a success.

      I love you all very much!

      Dad

      Acknowledgments

      A very special thanks to all the friends who have contributed special little tidbits to this book, you have made our lives very interesting and at times given us a good dose of what God calls medicine. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.

      My profound apologies if I have offended anyone I have named herein, for that is not the purpose of this book. The explicit purpose is to bring a smile to the reader, as you live some of these stories with us again in the telling of them.

      I had been thinking about writing a book like this for years. But when we had some dear friends visiting us from Northern Ireland, and we had sat around several evenings laughing at many stories that are true, and some that are just stories, Pastor Taylor made a comment about the fact that someone should write a book thereby encapsulating some of the better ones for posterity. I accepted the challenge!

      Table of Contents

      1. IRISH HUMOR

      2. THE UNITED KINGDOM & The U.S.A.

      3. TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

      4. IT"S A FAMILY THING

      5. A LITTLE BIT OF HUMOR

      6. KIDS

      About The Author

      Introduction

      There are a few things that age and circumstances have taught me.

      I. There are times when nothing can suffice to counteract the situations that confront most of us at one time or other except a good laugh.

      II. If you should find yourself in unfamiliar territory, there is nothing more comforting than to see a friendly smiling face.

      III. Wisdom is the ability to laugh at yourself, thereby removing the sting from devastating circumstances that would otherwise be unbearable.

      "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance:" (Proverbs 15:13).

      "All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast" (Proverbs 15:15).

      "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22).

      Some of the stories in this book may not be as hilarious to you as they have been to us, but we have reflected on them time and time again, feeling the emotions of those moments long past, but still as much a part of us as the air we breath. The decision to choose which events to include, and which ones to leave out has been a conundrum that we are not sure we have solved. Nevertheless, the end result of those decisions you now hold in your hand!

      Read, reflect, laugh, and enjoy!

      Chapter 1

      THE IRISH HUMOR

      The very first time we were in Ireland, we heard Victor Stewart recite the following poem. That was seventeen years ago and it has become a ritual to persuade him to do it for every single person that we bring to Ireland. He has been videoed on numerous occasions, tape recorded on a few, and the rest of the time we just had him do it again for us.

      We attended a concert that their oldest son, Robert, did, and he recited it that night and brought the house down! When I was talking to Victor and Doreen on the phone to get the words, he said to tell everyone that he was available to come and recite it! For a price of course!

      You must understand that it loses something without that distinctive brogue. It has a lilt that is impossible to imagine unless you’ve ever been privileged to hear it from the Irish themselves, and especially one of the Stewart’s.

      * * * * * *

      BETTY’S OLD COW

      There lived within a country town, a dear old dame called Betty Brown

      Her cottage wasn’t very big, but there she kept her cow and pig.

      On Sunday she would haste away, to hear the pastor preach and pray

      In him her faith was firm and strong, her pastor could do nothing wrong.

      Then Betty, she fell ill one day, and sent for the pastor, for to pray

      Next morn a neighbor called and said, I just popped in to make your bed

      But oh, you look quite well again, what did you take to ease your pain?

      Nothing cried Betty, I do declare, it must have been the pastor’s prayer.

      Then sickness came on Betty’s cow, it’s queer she said, but anyhow,

      I’ll fetch the pastor, that I will, and tell him my poor cow is ill.

      Well the pastor knew not what to do, for praying for cows was something new.

      But since she put him to the test, he promised he would do his best.

      The poor old cow looked almost dead, and leaning over her he said,

      You poor old beast, you do look bad, your mistress is so very sad,

      If you live you live, if you die you do, and that will be the end of you.

      Then up she got the dear old dame, and went to church when Sunday came,

      To tell the pastor how his prayer, had cured her cow and eased her care.

      Next day the pastor caught a chill, that made him feel extremely ill.

      A violent cough then shook his frame, and in his throat an abscess came.

      Two doctors said unless it broke, he most decidedly would choke.

      His tender wife was in despair, she’d nursed him with the greatest care.

      But when old Betty heard the news, she quickly donned her Sunday shoes,

      Her bonnet and her Sunday shawl, and at his house she made a call.

      The servants all began to grin, Of course they wouldn’t let her in.

      But the pastor heard the noise below, and they told him she refused to go.

      Then let her in was his reply, I’ll see old Betty ‘ere I die.

      As she approached the pastor’s bed, she gently coughed and then she said.

      I can’t pray much, I don’t know how, but when you prayed for my poor cow,

      I learned that prayer and now I’ll pray, and this is what I mean to say.

      You poor old beast you do look bad, your mistress is so very sad.

      If you live you live, if you die you do, and that will be the end of you.

      Well, the pastor laughed enough to choke, and all at once the abscess broke.

      He felt no pain his throat was clear, and he had nothing more to fear.

      And then he told his tender wife, how Betty’s prayer had saved his life.

      God bless old Betty and her cow, SHE BEAT THE DEVIL ANYHOW!

      * * * * * *

      TWO IRISHMAN

      One evening there were two Irishman drinking in a bar and this conversation was overheard by a visiting American. One said to the other; And where are you from laddie? I’m from Shannon! So am I! Let’s have a drink on it1 Where did you go to school? I went to Saint Mary’s. So did I! I’ll drink to that! Well, what part of Shannon did you live in? Over on O’Malley street! What a coincidence! I lived on O’Malley street! Let’s drink to O’Malley street! You know that this is quite a coincidence! Where did you live on O’Malley street? In the housing project! That’s amazing! So did I! Let’s have another drink to the housing project! Which house did you live in? Number 1268 I can’t believe this! So did I! Let’s drink to Number 1268! What was your mother’s name? Rosie O’Grady! That is truly amazing! My mother’s name was Rosie O’Grady! Let’s drink to Mrs. O’Grady!"

      The American sat with his mouth hanging open in unbelief at two people who shared so many similarities! He turned to the bar tender and said; Did you hear the conversation between those two men over there? Yes sir I did, but pay them no mind sir, it’s just the O’Grady twins, drunk again!

      * * * * * *

      JINGLE BELLS

      A Pastor in Ireland had a death in his church family. One of his favorite old ladies passed away. Her sister came to the pastor with a very unusual request. Pastor, you know that you were the apple of my sister’s eye, and she dearly loved to hear you sing. I was with her right up until the last and she left a final request of you that I’m sure you won’t mind doing. Well certainly my dear, if your sister wanted something special at the funeral, by all means I’ll see to it that her request is honored. Pastor, you know she loved to hear you sing, and she wanted you to sing Jingle Bells at her funeral.

      The pastor was so surprised at such an odd request, he said; Sister, I’m not sure I know all the words to Jingle Bell, and besides, that is not a very appropriate song for a funeral!

      Oh Pastor, it was her last wish on this earth! Surely you wouldn’t deny her a last request! Well, since you put it that way, I will do the best I can just for her!

      On the day of the funeral, the Pastor closed the funeral by saying; Ladies and gentlemen, I have been given an unusual request by our departed sister, but I am going to do the best I can. If you would like to join in, please don’t hesitate. With that, the Pastor went into a rollicking rendition of Jingle Bells. Everyone agreed that it was an unusual request but the Pastor did a wonderful job of singing!

      After the funeral was over, the lady came to him that had conveyed her sister’s odd request. "Pastor, (she began rather sheepishly) I have made a dreadful mistake! I

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