eto, Volume 1

Philip Stephen Rowlands

Jack stood in the deserted supermarket cafeteria contemplating the best way to kill his mother. He eventually settled on a stake through the heart swiftly followed by a generous sprinkling of holy water. Rose would happily minister the water, holy or otherwise. Where was Rose? He peered over the railing just as Penypont’s answer to WestLife turned into the aisle pushing a fully laden trolley. Vernon Davies, their self-appointed leader, raised a hand in recognition. That was all he needed. What were they doing here this time of day?

Does your Mam know you’re out on your own? Vernon shouted loud enough to attract the attention of half the store and send a young child standing nearby into hysterics.

Jack smiled weakly as Vernon moved effortlessly into the slot just below his mother on the list of ‘People to Kill Before You’re Forty’.

Don’t forget the AGM tonight Jack. said a saintly looking individual sporting an inane grin. Will Tactics was probably the only man on the planet who could suffer Vernon’s tantrums with benign equanimity. We’ll have enough Tuna sandwiches to feed Moby Dick.

New members are not allowed in the AGM. Vernon reminded Will tersely.

Moby Dick’s not a new member Mr Lewis, he’s a great white whale, yo innit. explained Raymond, a gawky youth in a ‘Save the Rainforest’ tee shirt. His attempt to improve his street-cred while still retaining his natural inclination towards geekiness was greeted with typical derision by Vernon.

When I want your advice Einstein, I’ll ask for it. retorted Vernon glowering at Raymond across an age gap that would dwarf the Grand Canyon. Why don’t you run off and play with your ‘O’ level.

I . . . ooo you know. . . heard you’re standing . . ooo you know. . .for captain. interjected an individual who bore a striking resemblance to a geriatric Beatle. A naturally timid soul Mog hated conflict of any kind.

He’s got no chance. said Vernon before Jack had the opportunity to respond. Not with me and Mervyn standing against him. I’m the oldest member and best player and Mervyn’s prospective Mayor. He’s not having my vote mind. he added magnanimously. False modesty had never been one of Vernon’s faults, he probably wouldn’t have recognised a bushel if he fell over one. Come on let’s get this lot back for the women to do their bit.

Jack heaved a sigh of relief as he watched the motley little group follow Vernon towards the checkout. Throughout the exchange he had been scouring the store for sight of Rose. His heart sank as he realised he had been stood up. It sank even further when he caught sight of a figure bustle and elbow its way through the shoppers down the far aisle. How did his mother know he was here? She must have followed him. Abandoning all thoughts of a romantic assignation Jack headed hot foot for the exit.

Rose lowered her magazine and watched bemused as Jack fled the cafeteria. Not cold feet again surely? Perhaps she had overplayed her hand by keeping him waiting. Give Jack too much time to think and he was bound to panic. With luck she could intercept him before he left the car park. Abandoning half a cup of cappuccino Rose set off in pursuit.

At precisely the same time Jack and Vernon were engaged in their one-sided conversation an electrician was busily erecting temporary barriers around the entrance to one of the two lifts in the concourse outside. Having attached an ‘Out of Order’ sign on the door he promptly disappeared into an adjacent store room for his morning cuppa. Seizing the opportunity two youths cycled up and removed the barriers from the faulty lift placing them around the other door. Ripping off the ‘Out of Order’ sign they cycled off into the sunset just as Vernon and his companions emerged from the store laden with shopping bags and pushing a trolley. Vernon strode purposefully forward towards the lift and the doors creaked open ominously. His companions stepped inside but Vernon hesitated on the threshold.

Excuse me! Are you going to get in or what? My trifle’s on the turn already!

Vernon turned around to be confronted by the formidable figure of Mrs Pryce. Jack Pryce stood sheepishly alongside her staring at his shoes.

Hello again Jack, said a cheerful voice from somewhere inside the lift, you found your mother then?

No he is most certainly did not. replied Mrs Pryce fiercely. He didn’t even tell me he was going out. Never asked me if I wanted anything and he knows how partial I am to a bit of stuffing.

No one dares comment. Mrs Pryce pushed past Vernon and Jack followed in her wake. As he passed Vernon he rolled his eyes and dragged a finger across his throat. Vernon reluctantly pushed the trolley into the lift and took up a position next to the control panel. Mrs Pryce glared at him impatiently.

Well, what are you waiting for, permission from NASA?

Vernon’s hand hovered over the control panel but before he could press the button another figure pushed past.

Hold that lift, hot babe coming through! As Rose entered the first person she set eyes on was Jack. Here you are lover boy! I thought we were supposed to be meeting in the cafeteria? she said as she squeezed next to him. The expression on Jack’s face alerted her to the fact all is not well. She turned her head slowly and stared open mouthed at Mrs Pryce now bristling with righteous indignation.

So this is what you meant when you said you were popping out to get a tart? Mrs Pryce stared stonily at Jack who was once again totally preoccupied with his shoes. The ensuing silence was only broken by the sharp intake of several breaths. Jack turned to Vernon desperation in his voice.

For pity’s sake Vernon press the bloody button!

A thin sheen of perspiration covered Vernon’s brow and his hand begun to tremble.

I’m not sure it will take our combined weight. he said in a voice at least an octave higher than his usual gruff tone.

I suggest we throw some excess baggage overboard, Rose replied glowering pointedly at Mrs Pryce, any volunteers?

Unable to stand the tension any longer Jack stepped forward and pressed the Ground Floor button. Vernon flattened himself against the side of the lift his arms spread eagled for maximum purchase. The lift creaked and groaned then begun a slow descent before shuddering to a premature halt. Mog dropped his bag of shopping to the floor while Raymond began to twist the bottom of his ‘Save the Rainforest’ tee shirt in tightly clenched fists.

Hello, I didn’t like the sound of that. observed Will his face wreathed in a serene smile.

The rest of the occupants of the lift eye each other nervously.

We’re all going to, ooo you know . . . begun Mog inadvertently cranking up the tension.

Die? suggested Raymond helpfully.

Vernon turns towards the doors and begins to hammer them furiously with his fists.

Help! Help! Can anyone hear us? We’re trapped in the lift. I’m a fully paid up member of the Christmas Club. Let me out!

Mrs Pryce is the first to break the ensuing uncomfortable silence.

Now look what you’ve done, she said rounding on Mog accusingly, you’ve started a panic. Mog wilts and shrinks against the wall but Vernon is the one most affected by Mrs Pryce’s words.

Panic? Who’s panicking? Just trying to attract attention before somebody loses control. I’ll have you know you’re talking to an ex-miner here Madam. Vernon retreats to a corner of the lift and sits down sullenly arms folded tightly across his chest.

I meant we’re all going to have to, ooo you know. . . wait. explains Mog.

They’ll have it fixed in a few minutes probably. Jack’s words of comfort fall on deaf ears, apart from one.

Course they will, agrees Will digging deep in his shopping bag. Anyone fancy a yoghurt?

Time passes slowly. The seven occupants sit propped against the sides of the lift, yoghurt cartons strewn around carelessly.

This brings back fond memories, eh Vern? Gas masks in the air-raid shelter under Penypont Primary.

Vernon patently did not share Will’s fondness for old memories. Neither does Mrs Pryce.

Fond memories, you didn’t have to sit next to him in the dark! she nods in Vernon’s direction.

Our generation knew what it was to suffer. was Vernon’s stoic response.

You did anyway, said Will knee deep in fond memories, the smell of rubber used to make you feel sick.

It wasn’t the rubber, it was anger, frustration at being born too late to fight for my country. protested Vernon.

And the spiders. said Will still rummaging around in the past.

That’s right, Miss Rees had to pretend she’d killed them all before you’d come inside. a hint of gleeful malice in Mrs Pryce’s voice.

Like a young lion I was, straining at the leash. said Vernon desperately trying to cling to some shreds of dignity.

You did a lot of straining in those days mind Vern. recalled Will oblivious to the threatening dark clouds passing across Vernon’s face.

Probably all the powdered eggs they made you eat Mr Lewis, innit. I watched a documentary about it on the History Channel once. Raymond was surprised that Vernon appeared singularly unimpressed by this nugget of knowledge. Rose smiled sweetly at Mrs Pryce.

Ancient history was it Raymond?

Mrs Pryce glowered ominously at Rose.

It must have been awful for you in those shelters Vern. Not that Jack really cared but he was desperate to defuse a situation that placed him firmly in the crossfire. Frightened children huddled alone in the dark, not knowing what to expect when the all clear sounded.

Your generation will never appreciate what we went through Jack. There was one terrible day, seared in my consciousness it is. Vernon is overcome with emotion. You’ll have to excuse me. Will rips open a packet of tissues and hands one to Vernon who now commands centre stage.

Must have been, ooo you know, terrible. observes Mog his sympathies fully aroused. Vernon blows his nose conscious every eye is fixed upon him.

One fateful day as we cowered in the dark trying to comfort the girls. . . began Vern in sombre tones.

That’s not what Mavis Jones told me you were doing! protested Mrs Pryce.

You could hear the slap from where I was sitting. Miss Rees was definitely not amused. added Will.

Vernon studiously ignored both comments.

It seemed that day as if the all clear would never sound. We sat there, our little imaginations running amok. Yet nothing could have prepared me for what I was to find when I emerged into the cold light of day. Raymond began to twist his tee shirt into a knot. I ran from school my heart pounding with every step, desperate to reach the comfort and safety of home, yet dreading all the while what I might find.

What did you find Mr Lewis? In the charged atmosphere Raymond appeared to have completely abandoned his street cred and reverted to type. Vernon did not reply immediately as he struggled with raw and powerful emotions. The tension built.

My father was just standing there. I’ll never forget his tall, gaunt figure silhouetted against the evening sunset. ‘Don’t look Vernon.’ he said, lifting me up in his strong arms. ‘Everything’s gone son!’ But it was too late I had seen with my own eyes the utter devastation.

What, the whole street? said a horrified Rose.

No, answered Will smiling, all the veg from his father’s allotment, some swine nicked the lot while he was hiding under the stairs.

He was sheltering! We Lewis’ hide from nobody. There was outrage in Vernon’s voice.

It was soon after that the straining started. observed Will.

Hardly Mrs Miniver though is it. commented a disappointed Rose.

You may scoff but emotional scars take a long time to heal. responded Vernon.

Mavis Jones should know, she still goes for counselling sessions. Mrs Pryce was not a lady to forget past transgressions.

Yes Raymond, our generation knew what it was to live under the shadow of oppression. persisted Vern hoping to find a more sympathetic ear.

Raymond’s generation live under the shadow of. . . ooo you know. . .

Simon Cowell? suggested Jack.

Blue Peter? said Will.

. . . nuclear annihilation. Mog finally completed his sentence.

That’s probably why the lift won’t work. said Raymond ominously. World War Three broke out just after we got in.

Vernon glanced around nervously. Don’t talk so stupid.

Wars are usually very noisy, said Mrs Pryce, we would have heard something surely?

Not necessarily. Raymond explained. Most experts believe that a nuclear war would be over in twenty minutes at most.

Well that’s a big improvement on the last one anyway. Mrs Pryce appeared pleasantly surprised by this revelation but Raymond was not finished yet.

But it would be followed by a nuclear winter that would last for decades.

Probably no one round here would notice. Jack commented bitterly but by now Raymond was on a roll

Worse than that would be the radiation. he continued obviously relishing his status as the group’s intellectual giant. Before Raymond could unleash any more horrifying details his graphic monologue was cut short by Rose.

Raymond’s right! she said her eyes wide with terror as she turned to Mrs Pryce who clutched her handbag protectively against the broad expanse of her chest. There might be nothing left out there except a desolate wasteland inhabited by mutant flesh-eating zombies with hunger crazed eyes.

Jack, are you going to let this woman talk to your mother like that? bleated Mrs Pryce.

Alarmed by the conversation, overcome by heat and oppressed by the confined space Vernon’s little imagination began to run amok once more. He stared at the doors of the lift. A luminous vapour begins to seep around the edges. Slowly the doors creak open.

A lurid green mist completely obscures the landscape outside. As Vernon desperately tries to identify any familiar landmarks four dark shapes emerge from the swirling tendrils. They move slowly and purposefully towards the lift. Vernon turns to his companions to shout a warning but no sound will escape his lips. The others remain seated on the floor of the lift blissfully unaware of the approaching horror.

As the figures move ever closer Vernon can see red eyes glowing in the strange green gloom. His initial impression is of a family group dressed in what once were smart suits and dresses, now torn and dishevelled. They were at one time obviously human but the radiation has transformed them into flesh eating mutants. The male mutant steps forward brandishing what looks like some kind of pamphlet in his hand. The creature opens its mouth and Vernon prepares for the worst. When it speaks Vernon’s worst fears are confirmed. It has an American accent.

Good morning sir, we’re international Bible students, I wonder if we may take a moment of your time?

As he stares into those blood-red eyes Vernon can see it is more than just a bit of his time they are after.

Do you believe in Armageddon? inquired the female mutant. Dark shadows pooled around her hunger crazed eyes and as she gazed at Vernon she ran her tongue slowly across thin pale lips. Vernon took a backward step and forming the sign of the cross with his fingers in front of his face.

Keep back! I’m a Welsh Baptist on my mother’s side.

He shut his eyes tight and began to recite The Lord’s Prayer. When he opened them a circle of concerned faces are stare down at him. He sat up slowly.

That’s a panic attack if ever I saw one. said Mrs Pryce with a distinct lack of sympathy.

Perhaps the poor thing was just praying for our deliverance. said Rose determined to oppose Mrs