Journey to the Moons and Back (Book 3 in The Galactic Adventures of Alex McKenzie series)

CHAPTER 1

THE STOWAWAY

In order to understand the unbelievable events that were about to unfold, I need to take you on a quick trip back in time to the days when the smelly Sethonian genius, Neuro Synapse, was still very much alive and stinking out his home planet of Seth.

Something extremely significant occurred on the day that Neuro left Seth for the final time; something that none of us were aware of, not even Neuro; something that would dramatically alter future events. And it involved a last minute decision by Neuro’s younger brother, Cerebellum, to become a stowaway aboard Neuro’s spacecraft.

If you recall, the then only 19-year-old Neuro, decided to leave Seth because his calculations suggested that it was about to be pulverised beyond recognition by the enormous, deadly Groveld asteroid.

Despite advising Seth's leading scientists of the impending doom, they all rejected his findings out of hand, as did the other Sethonian citizens, including his own family members. Cerebellum had laughed scornfully at his older brother and referred to him as a Prophet of Doom.

A few days before the Groveld asteroid was due to hit Seth, without saying goodbye to anyone, Neuro packed his bags and left for the safety of a burnt out mini-planet called Silcon.

Cerebellum awoke especially early to bid his paranoid older brother a temporary farewell. ‘See you soon, Prophet of Doom!’ he laughed. ‘Enjoy the nothingness that is Silcon … Oh, and please bring me back one of those tacky T-shirts that read, My brother visited Silcon and all he brought back for me was this burnt out T-shirt!’

‘You won’t be seeing me, or anything else for that matter, ever again!’ responded Neuro. ‘For the dead cannot see … And the T-shirt that I and only I will be wearing will read, They refused to listen to what I said. Yet I am alive and they are all dead!’

Cerebellum’s right eye started to water a bit more than usual and the blue veins and red arteries on his lily-white scalp twitched furiously. ‘We’ll see about that!’ he screamed venomously and stormed off. ‘But what if Neuro is right?’ he thought nervously. ‘What if Seth does get hit by the Groveld asteroid? I am way too young, intelligent and good-looking to die!’

With this thought plaguing his mind, Cerebellum decided to err on the side of caution and instead of returning to the comfort of his parents’ house, he snuck onboard Neuro’s spacecraft and hid inside the squishy confines of the noisy engine room. Neuro was so caught up with the rehearsal of his "I’m the last of the Sethonians" hero speech, that he failed to notice his younger brother slink right past him.

Despite being incredibly hot, noisy and uncomfortable inside the engine room, Cerebellum kept himself positive and motivated by the thought of Seth failing to explode and him then gleefully jumping out of the engine room and giving Neuro a real roasting.

‘Told you so! Told you so! Told you so!’ he would yell with delight. He would gain an immense amount of pleasure dishing out this crushing blow to his brother’s overinflated ego.

To Cerebellum’s absolute dismay though, Neuro’s doomsday prediction proved to be accurate. Through the large ventilation slits in the side of the spacecraft’s engine room, he heard the loud explosions and saw the blinding light as their birth planet exploded like an egg in a microwave. He was left feeling completely numb inside.

Yet his own inflated ego would not allow him to surface from his hiding spot and join Neuro in mourning the loss of their family, friends and planet. For if he did so, he would no doubt be subjected to a round of, ‘I was right and you were all wrong!’ type taunts at the hands of his older brother. He now deeply regretted having mocked Neuro.

He also doubted whether Neuro would be capable of showing any empathy. He might simply be greeted with a show of elation and gloating. It would be far more than he could handle at this fragile moment in time. So instead of surfacing and facing the music, he assumed the foetal position and wept quietly.

Long term though, he only had two viable options. Either present himself to Neuro and suffer the humiliation of being reminded on a daily basis (for the rest of his life) of who had been right and who had been wrong, or escape to another planet in a completely different dimension, unbeknownst to Neuro, and let his older brother continue to incorrectly assume that he was killed when Seth exploded.

The decision was an easy one. Nothing could be worse than having Neuro shove this in his face on a daily basis for the rest of his life. He would rather escape when the time was right and never see the arrogant swine again!

CHAPTER 2

TIME TO STAMP ONE’S MARK

AND LEAVE ONE’S SMELL!

It was on Neuro’s very first inter-dimensional visit that Cerebellum made his escape from the uncomfortable confines of the engine room. For an entire week prior to this though, he was forced to live the life of a caged animal. He survived on a diet of repulsively ugly, disgusting tasting, Vile bugs who managed to make their way through the ventilation slits of the engine room and the occasional putrid tasting Thindy rodent that managed to squeeze its body under the tiny gap between the base of the engine room door and the floor.

He kept himself hydrated by dragging his slimy tongue over the drops of moisture that accumulated on the low lying ceiling as a result of condensation. The continuous condensation was thanks to his hot, slimy breath, which created a humid, sticky and stinky environment. Still, despite the adversity, he was fortunate that Neuro had no want or need as yet, to step inside the engine room.

As if feeling miserable, undernourished, uncomfortable and claustrophobic was not punishment enough, he had no choice but to listen to Neuro recite his nauseatingly-false, insincere speech, and practice his phony tears. It was like listening to an overdramatised version of Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

‘I warned them all!’ cried Neuro fakely as he paced forwards and backwards on the parched ground directly outside the spacecraft. ‘But would they listen to me? Of course not! Bunch of nincompoops! Every last one of them – even my family members! My youngest brother had the audacity to call me a "Prophet of Doom". Despite my personal hurt at not being believed, I begged him and the rest of my family to leave with me.’

‘You lying mongrel!’ thought Cerebellum furiously. ‘You weren’t even planning to say goodbye to us!’ He was so enraged that he struggled to restrain himself from blowing his cover and smashing Neuro’s smug face to a bloody pulp.

‘I even tried to physically drag them onboard,’ continued Neuro. ‘But alas—’

‘You deceitful liar!’ blurted the fuming Cerebellum and immediately covered his lips to prevent any further utterances from accidentally bypassing his brain and exiting his mouth. Luckily, the spacecraft’s engines started performing one of their noisy automated maintenance cycles as he said this and it muffled the comment almost completely. As a result, Neuro mistook the utterance for a series of coughs. It was still major cause for alarm though. He had thought he was alone up until now. Neuro looked around nervously.

‘Whatwa … Whowa … zat?’ he shouted.

Cerebellum dared not breathe as Neuro paced around the perimeter of the spacecraft suspiciously. It was just as well that Sethonians have almost no sense of smell. After all, Cerebellum smelt nearly as foul as his brother. Cerebellum sweated nervously and his heart pounded overtime.

Neuro was suddenly distracted by the shriek of a passing colony of Probe bats overhead. Several of them obviously mistook his lily-white head for a public toilet cubicle.

‘You bastards … I’ll get every last one of you!’ he screamed skywards venomously as he wiped the burny, acidic bat-poo from his head and eyes. ‘You’ll soon be my daily meals … mark my words!’

‘Phew!’ sighed the relieved Cerebellum as Neuro hurriedly started construction on the first of many Probe bat destroying, letho-lasers. These deadly weapons were designed to hone-in on passing Probe bats and hit them with a beam twice as powerful as your average lightning bolt. Neuro incorrectly assumed that the cough sounds must have come from these Probe bats and never gave the incident any further consideration.

A few days after Seth’s annihilation, Neuro revealed himself to a crowd of salivating galactic reporters. His appearance created quite a stir. Galactic blogs in relation to the Sethonians being Extinct were frantically updated to Almost Extinct. And he scored himself a ‘leading-guest’ spot on the highest rating of all intergalactic talk shows, Late Night Live with Speldig Slive.

However, if you recall, he absolutely stuffed up this opportunity at stardom by rambling on about his painful bowel movements and the probable cause of his green acidy urine, for the entire length of the timeslot allocated to him. He didn’t even get to describe his heroic escape.

As a result of this fiasco, Neuro had all of his other scheduled talk show appearances cancelled. There would be no book or movie deals forthcoming. His survival story faded into obscurity as the bizarre doubling of the Pludian population overnight became the story of the hour.

Cerebellum had to listen to Neuro huff and puff and sulk and whinge for the next few days. Neuro was angry, frustrated, and bent on revenge. He swore to destroy: Speldig Slive and his entire crew; all the other talk show hosts who had cancelled his scheduled appearance and their entire crews; and the entire Probe bat population. He swore that he would one day rule the world. But first, he needed to gain power! And in this regard, accumulating wealth seemed to be as good a starting point as any.

To this end, Neuro set aside his work on the letho-lasers and busily designed holographic business cards for his new business venture, Neuro Synopse. The Travelling Genius Pty Ltd. The business cards catchphrase was, "I am much smarter than any of you. So how can I be of service?"

His plan was to visit the less sophisticated planets that were starting to embrace new technology and bedazzle them with new technological marvels. He would charge consultancy fees and put in place watertight patents on all his inventions. This would ensure that future royalties flowed his way.

CHAPTER 3

NEURO’S VERY FIRST CLIENT

The very first planet that Neuro visited was located in dimension VII. It was home to the Bulgingals. Despite having eyes the size of tennis balls on human-sized heads, these creatures are totally blind; one of nature’s nastier little ironies. In order to avoid painful daily head-on collisions as they all cautiously stumble around in their world of darkness, they wore protective headgear that closely resembled motorcycle helmets.

‘No need to worry about colliding into one another anymore!’ announced Neuro confidently to their king, Bulginsky. ‘I will create a sensor system that will sound an alarm and vibrate every time one of you comes within a metre of another or any dangerous obstacles. It will revolutionise your lives! You will be able to switch individual sensors on and off as required with a simple voice command.’

King Bulginsky listened with great interest and tried his best not to faint or vomit as the repulsive stench wafting from Neuro’s unbathed armpits and sickly breath, assaulted him. ‘Sounds excellent!’ he wheezed through a deliberately blocked nose. ‘I would like you to start work straight away … Um, Um … Just not anywhere within the vicinity of my palace … You know, getting in the way, noise pollution; that sort of thing! I suggest that you set up at least 10 kilometres away.’

Oblivious to the insult, Neuro immediately commenced negotiating a fee for his services. Bulginsky spent the rest of the day scrubbing his right hand after Neuro insisted that they shake on it.

‘I’d already signed the dotted line on his smelly contract, for goodness sake!’ whinged Bulginsky to one of his senior advisors. ‘Why did he have to insist that I also shake his rotting hand …

More disinfectant, please!’

Whilst Bulginsky frantically scrubbed away, Neuro unpacked his spacecraft and set up camp on the perimeter of town. It took him less than a week to create over 10,000 of these sensors. It was a simple, monotonous process. Still, it gave him time to dream about his future and plot a course of destruction.

Cerebellum, meantime, remained confined to the spacecrafts engine room in the centre of town. His paranoid older brother had locked the door to the engine room so that nobody could tamper with the engine or steal any of the spare parts that he stored here.

Despite his plight, Cerebellum remained in surprisingly good spirits; partly because he could no longer hear his brother’s arrogant, egotistical voice and partly because he no longer needed to run his tongue over the low lying rooftop in search of condensation spots. Instead, he simply inhaled the misty, water-based, deodorising spray that the Bulgingals continuously squirted through the ventilation slits in a futile attempt to purge the spacecraft of its stench.

Cerebellum’s food menu had also improved significantly. Although the insects in this sector were just about as disgusting as the ones on Silcon, he had contracted a mild cold only a few days after arriving on Bulging and was now able to live off the continuous flow of mucus dripping from his nostrils. ‘Mmm, mmm, mmm!’ he would mutter softly after every nourishing backwards snort. He also enjoyed making mucus and insect soup.

The time alone gave Cerebellum an excellent opportunity to salvage through the spare part draws in the engine room and create a few sophisticated gadgets of his own. First he created a tracking device and hid it behind one of the massive tubular thrusters. Then he created a voice amplifier device, so sensitive that it could even pick up the distinctive upwards and downwards flutters of a Tribber flies wings from over a kilometre away. His clear intention was to be able to spy on Neuro. He also created a makeshift sensor key that would allow him to unlock and then relock the door to the engine room.

As Neuro said his farewells and prepared to leave Bulging, Cerebellum quietly slipped out of the spacecraft. It was great to finally be free!

CHAPTER 4

CEREBELLUM – LIFE OF AN IMPOSTER!

‘Thank heavens that disgustingly smelly Sethonian has finally gone!’ laughed King Bulginsky raucously as he and his advisors made their way back to the palace. Several sensors started to frantically vibrate and beep only moments before the entire group of them were about to bump head-first into a wall. They corrected their courses. ‘And thank heavens for these sensors!’ he added.

‘I wonder how long it will take for our fresh air to return to normal,’ sniggered one of his senior advisors. ‘That revolting Sethonian’s pong is still lingering!’

‘That’s because I’m still here,’ smiled Cerebellum calmly. ‘I’ve changed my mind and decided to stay a bit longer!’

Without sight, the Bulgingals had no way of knowing that it was in fact Cerebellum in their presence rather than Neuro. They were easily deceived. It was the classic Cane and Abel story.

‘We … we were, um, um, only joking about your smell, Neuro!’ lied King Bulginsky very unconvincingly. ‘We are truly, um, um, delighted that you have decided to stay a short while longer … But why, and for how long?’

‘Probably a few more months,’ smiled Cerebellum smugly. ‘A few more months!’ gasped Bulginsky.

‘Yes, probably two or three!’ continued Cerebellum. ‘It all depends on how long it takes you visually challenged lot to help me build a new spacecraft.’

It only took Cerebellum a day of speed reading and then practicing, to master the braille-like form of writing that the Bulgingals rely on. Using intricate groupings of raised dots, Cerebellum drew up detailed plans for the new spacecraft. Having spent the next few days training 15 team leaders in exactly what was required to complete the job, he left the blind to lead the blind and spent some quiet time contemplating his future, practicing hovering and picking his nose!

King Bulginsky, believing Cerebellum to be Neuro, had offered to trade his citizens’ labour in return for: Cerebellum agreeing to cancel the exorbitant invoice for the 10,000 sensors and agreeing to either be hosed and soaped down thoroughly, or not come within 10 kilometres of any of his citizens – unless absolutely necessary. This was essential because a number of his citizens were starting to report having now contracted a nasty rash and severe itching. Hoards of migrating Sethonian fleas and lice were to blame for this.

Cerebellum was only too delighted to cancel his brother’s invoice. After all, its payment was only due in 30 days time. By then, Cerebellum would be well and truly out of here. He smiled as he imagined Neuro’s reaction when he found out that the invoice for his services had been waived. It would be priceless!

Cerebellum favoured staying his distance rather than being hosed down and sanitised. Bathing to Sethonians is as unpleasant a process as it is for a hairy male human to undergo a full body wax with overheated strips, at the hands of an angry wife. Sethonians hated water and deplored soap. The thought of bathing sent a shiver down their spines in the same way as fingernails scratching across a blackboard affects most of us humans.

With plenty of downtime to practice his hovering skills and little by way of distraction, his hover began to improve dramatically. When he arrived here, he could only hover a few millimetres off the ground and only for a few seconds. By week two of being here, he was hovering up to 100 metres above ground level for more than five minutes at a time. He couldn’t wait to one day challenge Neuro to a hovering contest. He was determined to win.

Finally, with the Bulgingals working around the clock for four solid weeks, Cerebellum’s spanking new spacecraft was ready. Without offering a single word of thanks, he sailed off into the moonlight. The Bulgingals removed their nose pegs and cheered wildly. ‘So long, stink bomb!’ they chanted.

Two days later, the real Neuro returned demanding to know why his invoice for the 10,000 sensors had not been paid as yet.

‘What are you talking about?’ shouted King Bulginsky. ‘You agreed to trade this invoice in return for my citizens building you a new spacecraft!’

Instead of enquiring further, Neuro went on the immediate attack. ‘Do you really think that I’m stupid enough to simply trust that another species will honour their commitment and pay what is owing? That is why I had you sign the paperwork. Too bad you couldn’t see what you were signing!’ he laughed loudly. ‘Unless payment is made within the next few days, your entire planet and all of its assets will revert to me.’

‘But—’

‘But nothing!’ continued Neuro. ‘Unless payment is made by the end of this week, I shall be advising my legal team to commence civil proceedings against you and your citizens in the Supreme Galactic Court.

‘But we have a signed waiver of payment from you,’ insisted King Bulginsky, ‘with drops of your mucus on it. And we can read this contract clearly because it’s in our raised dot format. You were kind enough to draw it up yourself. It clearly states—’

‘Let me have a look at that!’ screamed Neuro and snatched it from King Bulginsky’s hand.

‘You can destroy that one if you wish to,’ smiled Bulginsky satisfactorily. ‘We have a duplicate copy which you also signed and dribbled with mucus! Pretty compelling forensic evidence for any Galactic Court. Wouldn’t you agree?’

Neuro observed the signature and it had an uncanny resemblance to his. He scraped a bit of the dried mucus off the contract and tasted it. It was definitely Sethonian mucus. No other mucus tasted nearly as delicious.

‘I have no idea how you did this,’ replied Neuro bitterly. ‘I’m very impressed by your forgery techniques, mind you. And it takes a lot to impress someone as intelligent as me. Hmm … I know! You guys must have probed my nostrils whilst I was asleep to extract the mucus. I’m correct, aren’t I?’ He received no reply and took this to be implicit acknowledgement. ‘But the signature caper is another kettle of fish altogether!’ he continued. ‘How you pulled that off, still has me baffled … especially in light of your being blind … Well done! Bravo! Take a bow!’

‘We are not trying to cheat you, Neuro. It’s just that a deal is a—’

‘Shut up Bulginsky!’ screamed Neuro. ‘You may have won round one, but round two belongs to me.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘I mean, I have a master-override code for all 10,000 sensors!’ Neuro moved 20 metres away and then pressed a button on a gadget that resembled a TV remote control. A loud, high pitched Beep rang out. ‘Hah, try walking around now!’ he laughed evilly.

Ouches and other groans of pain filled the air as the Bulgingals smashed headfirst into one another and other objects.

Bulginsky had no choice but to concede defeat. ‘Fine!’ he shouted bitterly. ‘We’ll pay the fee right now. Provided you agree to immediately reset the sensors and promise to never set foot on our planet again.’

‘Agreed,’ replied Neuro and watched on closely as Bulginsky electronically transferred the funds directly into his offshore galactic account. Satisfied, Neuro kept his end of the bargain and reset all the sensors.

‘Er, um, before I leave, would you mind first quickly filling in my client satisfaction survey and writing me a letter of recommendation?’

‘Bugger off, death breath!’ screamed Bulginsky.

CHAPTER 5

THE SHADOW

Whilst Neuro spent the next few months flittering from planet to planet, flogging his technological expertise to less intelligent creatures and making fortunes, Cerebellum shadowed his every move. He even had the audacity to pretend to be Neuro on several occasions and offer his own expertise to some of the smaller planets nearby; ones that Neuro didn’t have the time or inclination to visit.

No matter where Neuro went, he could be tracked thanks to Cerebellum’s ingenious homing device. Still, Neuro was scoring the highly lucrative, mega-buck contracts whilst Cerebellum was only able to secure the poor paying, subsistence-living dregs. As Neuro’s Smelly-Genius reputation grew, so did Cerebellum’s jealousy. He wanted to be Top-Dog!

He watched on with mounting envy as Neuro’s accumulating wealth allowed him to purchase the entire burnt-out planet of Silcon and then commission the building of the lavish 50 storey-high, air traffic control tower-looking home.

Cerebellum was well aware that Neuro had booby-trapped the tower and its surrounding vicinities and therefore kept a safe distance. He listened on as Neuro and Traizon had their famous conversation in which Neuro agreed to visit the Land of Hope and return with Dementia’s Memorial diamond. Remember that? Cerebellum spent the next few days waiting anxiously and impatiently for his brother’s safe return – so that he could kill him!

But Neuro failed to return. Was it possible that this "Dementia-character" may have beaten him to the punch? After a few more weeks of waiting, he correctly assumed that his brother wasn’t coming back, ever.

Of course, his assumption was absolutely correct. If you recall, Neuro was turned to ash by one of Frother’s ferocious maiden flames – only moments before he was about to grab hold of Dementia’s glowing Memorial diamond.

With Neuro now out of the picture, Cerebellum decided to move into the tower and assume ownership. He loved what Neuro had done with the top storey. It was like a technological wonderland. He fired up Galac-Search (equivalent to Google) and surfed the galactic web on one monitor whilst watching Probe bats get letho-lasered on another. He wanted to read-up on this Dementia character.

He found the thousands of listings relating to Dementia to be completely nauseating. The goody-two-shoes supreme Soul wizard had singlehandedly saved over 2,000 galactic species from disastrous circumstances and in some cases, outright obliteration. He was surprised to find that Dementia even had a profile page on Galac-Book (equivalent to Facebook) with a large and rapidly growing fan base. The profile page even had a cartoon caricature of the ageing Soul wizard. Cerebellum’s frustration grew as he realised that he was unable to access these pages because they were only available to be viewed by those who Dementia had accepted as his friends.

He also searched the Galactic Web for any information in relation to Neuro and Traizon. There were a number of recent news articles that provided detailed descriptions of both their deaths. ‘How Pathetic!’ he sniggered. ‘I can’t believe that my big-shot-brother got himself incinerated by an outcast Dragon and that the almighty Traizon got snuffed out by a young Elkwoodian elf armed with a slingshot. And then Traizon gets resurrected by this Pugnacious character, only for both to end up getting destroyed by Shrewd tree roots. What a bunch of amateurs!’

Cerebellum kept a low profile for the next few weeks. He gorged himself silly on the high-protein Probe bats and followed Neuro’s complex notes on the art of Harnessing all the nutrients from consumed food for ones brain and only leaving one’s body the bare minimum required to support life.

Under this new regime, Cerebellum’s brain began to grow rapidly and his body became more and more emaciated. As his neural pathways grew like wild weeds, he became progressively more intelligent. In the memory games that he played online, he could now look at over 5,000 items for less than a minute and then, with his back turned to the screen, recall every single one of them in the exact order in which they appeared.

Cerebellum gradually began to take on the same proportions as his late brother; the massive-lollipop-on-a-fragile-stick look! With the weight of his colossal head causing severe neck strain and his emaciated body too weak to move more than a few steps unaided, he decided to copy his late brother’s prototype for the metal walking frame with supporting head brace. He had as much difficulty learning to hover and land with this walking frame attached to his body as Neuro had.

‘There must be a better way!’ he screamed.

And then, it happened! Whilst searching through Neuro’s digitally encrypted computer files, he came across a file named, The Brain Enhancing Machine. Cerebellum started salivating and hurriedly tried to break the code that kept this file from being opened.

‘Hmm, what password would someone as vain as Neuro use? Hmm … It couldn’t be that obvious, could it? I guess there’s only one way to find out!’

Cerebellum used one of his bony fingers to type the letters, N E U R O

CHAPTER 6

THE BIG SURPRISE

As he typed the last letter, a loud bang rang out and a massive blue wave of electricity passed through his finger and upwards towards his brain. Cerebellum’s entire head and body shook violently and his eyes rolled upwards. He tried desperately to break free but the electricity held him captive.

‘Noooooo!’ he