Adult Bible Stories

Adult Bible Stories

By Doyle E. Duke

Smashwords Edition

Published by Doyle E. Duke

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The Amazing Deception: a Critical Analysis of Christianity

Line of Ascent

Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

This article contains passages that some readers may find disturbing

Intended for mature audiences only

Contains scenes of a sexual nature

This article contains strong language

Explicit, bloody violence

Train Them in the Way They Should Go

Although I denounced Christianity over twenty years ago some of my family and friends still have trouble with my atheistic stance. Like most Christians, or god believers, their greatest hurdle to understanding is the very thing that makes them strong Christians—their total belief in the Bible.

I use the term god believers for a specific reason; to include the majority of people in the Christian world who have been reared to accept the existence of a divine being, but have never made the total commitment required of a true Christian. Those persons who make no profession of faith but, if asked, will reply yes, they suppose there is a God; people who have never been inclined to pursue the question. And if asked whether they believe the Bible or not, they will most likely answer in the affirmative.

One can’t help but admire the Christian’s unwavering faith. However, the sad reality that accompanies that faith is their total disregard for logic. The foundation of their values is the Bible, and the proof of that Bible is the word of the Church. For the Christian, the Bible is the basis of all truths whether the subject concerns religion, ethics, philosophy, science, history, physics, personal hygiene or any imaginable subject. It is the final authority to settle every dispute. But notice the illogical deduction. Since the validity of the Bible is based upon the word of the Church (How else do we know the Bible is true?) then the final authority isn’t the Bible, but man.

At one time my daughter and I were discussing the afterlife. Does the spirit exist after death? Could those ghost tales so commonly told be wandering spirits, etc. Her eldest daughter, age sixteen at that time and a professing Christian, left the room and returned a moment later with a Bible to settle the issue. I’m not sure whether she intended to prove or disprove the subject of ghosts, because the Bible can be used to prove either point. For my granddaughter the answer was simple and clear-cut, the Bible said thus and so, therefore the truth was established. Like most devout Christians, she can totally disregard the nonsensical and illogical tales of virgin births and resurrections from the dead; simply ignore all the contradictions and the indisputable evidence of human corruption, and believe the Bible completely and without question. Why? How? Because it is absolutely impossible to logically interpret the Bible as the clergy presents it. Most believers simply accept what they are told as truth; to do so is much easier than trying to reach a logical understanding. Generally speaking, one does not become a Christian because he or she has come to an understanding of the Bible. That person does so because he or she believes the story of Jesus dying for their sins. Very few ever come to the true knowledge of the Bible and the fallacies which that religion teaches.

As I explained to my granddaughter that the Bible could only be used as proof to someone who accepted it as the final authority, her younger sister, Emily, wandered into the room.

Oh, yes! my daughter exclaimed, Emily brought up a good question the other day. She wanted to know how eight people could feed and care for two of every kind of animal on the ark. We have three dogs and there are three of us, and we still have trouble caring for them.

The statement opened the door to a round of questions. How did they store enough food to feed themselves and all the different creatures for over a year; and what of water? Since the oceans rose to cover all the earth the water had to be salty and undrinkable, meaning they had to carry a year’s supply of water—not only for themselves, but also for all the creatures. How were all the ethnic groups preserved? Even if Noah’s sons took wives of different races their children could not have been the progenitors of today’s races because it would have been necessary for them to interbreed, and therefore, eventually evolve into one race. And what of diseases? Those eight people had to carry every disease known to man within their DNA.

Even as we pondered the questions, I marveled at how my girls could become so involved in clarifying a story such as Noah and the flood without questioning equally ridiculous and impossible tales such as: the dead rising and walking about town, the magical transformation of water into wine, the ability of a man to walk upon water, and most amazing, a virgin conceiving and giving birth to a god.

But the Bible is filled with stories just as outrageous and ridiculous as those silly tales found in children’s books. They may be compared to the tales parents use to entertain their children: the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and, of course, Ole Saint Nick. Stories the kids really believe, right! Have you ever wondered at the difference between those children's tales and Bible stories? Let’s face it; both children and Christians are equally gullible in their willingness to believe. And many of those children stories are rooted in Christian doctrines, such as St. Nick and Xmas angels. So, what’s the difference? Kids question as they grow and learn, and at some point it becomes impossible to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Christians, on the other hand, have a magic wand that creates miracles and brings the impossible to reality—faith.

Let’s take a real critical, and satirical, look at some of those true Bible stories. As we do so, if you’re a Christian, perhaps you can remember when you were young, and recall the adrenaline rush that surged through your body as you ran about the yard in your new Easter outfit searching for that prize bunny egg. Or the joy and excitement of jumping out of bed on Christmas morning. No doubt you can also recall the shock and disappointment when your older cousin told you the truth about Santa Claus—a truly sad and devastating event. You were probably hurt and angry at your parents, just a little—right? But you grew up and now, looking back, it’s a bit comical—right? Christians, it's time to do a little more growing.

The Creation Story

In the beginning God—there’s really no other way to begin this story—but I’ll try. Somewhere, at sometime long, long ago man—ignorant, superstitious, weak, frightened man—looked about himself and, by way of explaining his ignorance and bolstering his courage, declared god. Thus we have the intellect behind the greatest woe to ever befall the human race—religion. Here I could argue the logic behind such a baseless assumption, but to do so would negate the purpose behind this work. After all, Bible stories have to have a God, don’t they? Instead, we’ll disregard the argument; maybe we can get a glimpse of this God as we consider his stories.

In the beginning, God (see, you can’t get away from it) created heaven and earth. Pretty cut and dried; no details like, where did he get the earth and water. Seems he just said it and it was done. One thing does bug me. First thing we’re told is that the earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. It seems God made a big deal about making the light, so I presume he was sitting—no, he doesn’t sit or stand does he? Well, he was doing whatever he did, floating, or just permeating the dark—nothing. Which begs answer to the question: what was he doing before he created the earth? Think about it! According to biblical chronology God did all this earth and heaven creating only a bit more than six thousand years ago. He’s eternal, without beginning; how many millions of billions of eons had he been sitting on his—oops, forgot, he doesn’t sit. Anyway, what was he doing during all those eons of time? Try to imagine! He’s a spirit in an empty void. There are no solar-systems or planets, no light, no creations, no time, no histories—just a dark nothingness with a supreme God gestating within, like an embryo in the womb. There was nothing for him to do! He couldn’t even mark time by watching the sunrises or the changes of season. There wasn’t even anyone to converse with. Is it any wonder then that he might enjoy the excitement of a good earthquake, volcanic eruption, hurricane; or revile in the devastation of a pandemic or the slaughter of Godless beings? Or perhaps he was making all the other heavens and universes! Perhaps all those other dead planets circling around in space are failed attempts to create our earth and life! And people find this creation idea easier to accept than evolution or the big bang theory!

Here’s one you’ve probably already heard. Did you notice that he made the light before the lamp? Light came into existence four days before the sun and moon were created; which indicates he had no knowledge of the planetary movements nor the speed at which light travels. He identified the moon as a lesser light, showing he had no idea that it only reflected the sun’s light. Vegetation sprang into existence before the sun. He made man in his own image, yet he is described as a spirit, without form. And God confirms Darwin’s theory of evolution! Look at Genesis 1:20, the sea brought forth moving creatures and fowl. Verse 21 continues, introducing creatures in the water with no break. Earthly creatures aren’t mentioned until the next workday. Therefore, the Bible proves birds evolved from sea creatures!

Not really much else of interest until we come to the story of Adam and Eve. Did God really make man from the dust of the earth? Was Eve the product of Adam’s rib? Is the story to be interpreted literally, or was the author speaking in allegories (a description of one thing used to represent another)? If the latter is true then, of course, none of the facts of creation are real—no seven days, no dividing the waters, making lights, no Adam and Eve. In fact, without Adam’s original sin Christianity has no basis for its doctrine of Jesus’s redeeming death. It’s all a pipe dream. So, in order for Christianity to maintain a reason for being the story has to be interpreted literally. Therefore, God actually did the dirt and breathe bit. He formed a man from the earth and breathed life into him. Then from