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    One Hundred Funnyish Jokes
    One Hundred Funnyish Jokes
    One Hundred Funnyish Jokes
    Ebook102 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Funnyish Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.

    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.

    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

    There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number. Some of these sections may be more or less useful according to the format in which the book is viewed.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateMay 31, 2013
    ISBN9781301791958
    One Hundred Funnyish Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Funnyish Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      ONE HUNDRED FUNNYISH JOKES

      Copyright 2013 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      ISBN: 9781301791958

      Cover Text: One Hundred Funnyish Jokes / Unsolicited comments which sort of rhyme with funnyish: / Roguish / Knavish / Hellish / Impish / Nightmarish / Amateurish / Selfish / Butter dish / Death wish / Pictish / Garish / Freakish / Sheepish / Kittenish / Fiendish / Churlish / Feverish / Swordfish / Two o’ clockish / Lavish / Ticklish / Rubbish / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      A website with books by Mr. Jackson-Firefly, which may or may not be up to date

      http://www.livroy_kimkat.org

      This book should not really be copied as its author, a certain Mr. Jackson-Firefly, is currently living in straitened circumstances and he needs some cash. (He lives in a remote conifer plantation, and seeks shelter from the elements in the rusting hulk of an abandoned Austin Seven). From this far from deluxe abode he informs us that he would prefer it if the book were purchased rather than be copied and freely distributed. An occasional sale will allow him to put coins into his piggy bank and save enough to occasionally visit a shop in the vicinity where he can buy bread from the previous day at half price, and weevil-infested teabags with a sixty per cent discount. We appreciate your cooperation in helping Mr. Jackson-Firefly defy death from starvation and continue his one-man campaign to flood the internet with joke books with the finest mediocre jokes he is able to hunt down and capture.

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1001-1100 ACCORDING TO NUMBER (6% of the book)

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

      And here the book begins:

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the ninth compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, known in real life as Ezekiel Jackson-Firefly. (He prefers Ebenezer for reasons of euphony and avoidance of the attention of tax officials).

      His first three joke books were published in April and May 2012 and the fourth and fifth and sixth in January 2013. The seventh emerged in March 2013, and the eighth in April of that same year. Mr. Jackson-Firefly looks back with dissatisfaction over these long months of intense literary activity as not one of his books has been sold. He is considering writing letters of complaint to the inventors of the internet and anybody who might have suggested that the future of publishing lies in electronic books.

      On the other hand he is most content to see his eight unsaleable titles clogging up the catalogues of various booksellers online, and believes that future generations, if not this present one of mean-spirited philistines, will come to appreciate his dedication and sacrifice.

      Mr. Jackson-Firefly has now published one thousand, two hundred jokes, and is convinced that there are another three hundred and twenty-six jokes somewhere which he hasn’t managed to locate as yet. His search continues.

      With this ninth volume the predicted world joke shortage seems a lot less likely. To make the threat recede even further Mr Jackson-Firefly intends to produce another volume of jokes, and, for a joke, they won’t be very funny. (The workings of EJF’s mind is at present fascinating a number of psychiatrists in a number of countries beginning with the letter N, foremost among them being Sweden.)

      So, in conclusion, let us repeat that once again there is a book of jokes bearing the prestigious double-barrelled surname of this genial author - One Hundred Funnyish Jokes (this latter being the title of the book, and not the aforementioned surname).

      And as usual the detractors are buzzing like hornets with indignation over the publication of another one hundred jokes. They are furiously writing letters to newspapers and filling blog after blog with their absurd comments. Ten per cent of the jokes aren’t funny, they say; there aren’t enough jokes about ducks, Jackson-Firefly was in fact in prison for a failed pyramid-selling scheme, his home is not an Austin Seven but an Austin Ruby, etc. None of which is true. The percentage of unfunny jokes is probably between 65% and 80%, many of them DO feature ducks, he was not in prison, and if he was, it was for a quite unrelated matter, and finally the Austin 7 was an economy car produced by the Austin Motor Company, founded by Herbert Austin in 1905, between the years 1922 and 1939.

      And there is more good news. Mr Jackson-Firefly has already announced his intention to publish a TENTH volume of one hundred jokes, although he will need to find a number of jokes in the meantime (namely one hundred) and also to think of a title before this dream can become a reality.

      As in the other volumes, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’. This additional text does not have the author’s approval but we felt the need to explain what exactly the jokes mean. It might or might not be useful for those readers who may not have seen the humour or understood the punchline. We believe the section might be of some value to readers whose first language is not English. Then again, we also believe that the section will be of no earthly use to anybody.

      There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at the beginning or the end should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end the explanation of the joke might be found.

      Mr Jackson-Firefly tells me it is time for his breakfast. Today, it seems that he wishes to have Danish pastries for a change and so breakfast may be take longer than usual as we shall have to travel to Copenhagen.

      The Editor

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      A DIFFICULT SUM x1023x

      A LOCAL ANAESTHETIC x1072x

      A POOR SCHOOL x1081x

      A SUCCESSFUL MAN x1041x

      AN ONLY CHILD x1098x

      ARTESIAN WELLS x1025x

      ATTENDING SCHOOL x1024x

      BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER x1027x

      BEING A GENTLEMAN x1045x

      BENNIE x1063x

      BETTER WEATHER x1056x

      BIBLICAL REFERENCE x1068x

      BUY A LOTTERY TICKET! x1095x

      BUYING A HOUSE x1077x

      CHANGE OF CHARACTER x1091x

      CHEAPER PETROL x1053x

      COUNTING THE CHANGE x1092x

      DOING NOTHING x1094x

      ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED x1089x

      FOSTERING CURIOSITY x1083x

      FRESH WATER x1066x

      GETTING MARRIED FOR THE FOURTH TIME x1096x

      HELLO x1088x

      HOMESICKNESS x1085x

      HURTING ALL OVER x1020x

      I HATE MONDAYS x1028x

      I WANT TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND x1036x

      IN THE COAT SHOP x1054x

      INNOCENT, YOUR HONOUR x1093x

      LATE FOR SCHOOL x1022x

      LESS ATTRACTIVE CHARACTERISTICS x1002x

      LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND x1067x

      MARRYING TOM x1021x

      MONEY AND HAPPINESS x1097x

      NAPOLEON BONAPARTE x1100x

      NO VISITORS x1042x

      NOT VERY WELL AT ALL x1058x

      ON FIRE x1052x

      OVER THE

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