Journey for Patience

Journey For Patience

R M Meikel

Copyright 2013 R M Meikel

Published on Smashwords

Formatted by eBooksMade4You

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All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

ISBN-13: 978-1482024531

ISBN-10: 1482024535

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEDICATION

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 32

CHAPTER 33

CHAPTER 34

CHAPTER 35

CHAPTER 36

EPILOGUE

NOTES TO OUR KIDS

AUTHOR’S NOTE

GUIDE FOR BOOK GROUPS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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DEDICATION

For all of the kids who were not a part of our forever family but will be a part of our hearts forever.

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Though this book may share some similarities to our kids, it is a work of fiction. This story does not directly reflect any particular situation with any of children who were a part of our family. I would never dream of telling your stories, those are yours to share if you wish. It is the courage of these foster kids that inspired my imagination for this story.

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A child's life is like a piece of paper, on which every passerby leaves a mark.

Chinese Proverb

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book started as a NaNoWriMo dream. National Novel Writing Month is a huge project in November where authors from around the world come together to put away their inner-editor and write in a mad-frenzy! You may join the party at www.nanowrimo.org to donate or participate. Teachers out there, you can also facilitate young writers groups. Please visit www.ywp.nanowrimo.org to start a group today. There are so many great resources, inspiring stories and networks for young authors as well.

I am so fortunate to share the NaNoWriMo journey with my students. They inspired me to keep going, keep track of my word count goal and just keep writing. But most importantly, they inspired me to understand that anything is possible if you just believe in yourself and DO IT! Thank you, young writers, for making writing fun again!

Also, thank you to my beta readers, who helped me edit, revise, believe in myself, keep going and breathe life into these characters. A big thanks to Mom, my aunt Alice, my cousin Heather, Anna Maria, Carly, Cynthia and Patti! I could not have done it without your love, support and motivation.

Thank you to my family members whose support helped me believe that this writing dream was possible. You have endless patience with the hours I had to spend to make this dream come alive. I love you.

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Chapter One

Darkness surrounded her. The shadows reminded her of being tucked in at night, almost too tight as they covered her and strangled her movements. It was so much more than simple darkness of the night. It filled her pores and caused her breath to catch in her throat. She blinked time and time again, trying to force her eyes to adjust in the dark, to gain some sense of functionality. The shadows disoriented her balance as she frantically reached out. She grasped the hard, non-descript surfaces she couldn’t see coming. Her fear increased the adrenaline, surging through her veins.

She knew he was there, waiting for her. She could sense him in the darkness. Sweat prickled across her brow as she struggled to keep calm. She could feel him there. But where? Was he close? Would she ever be able to escape this darkness?

She willed her body to absolute stillness, ears searching the tangible darkness for some indication of him. If she could just hear him breathing, she would at least know which direction to run. She had to get as far away from this evil as she possible could. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she strained her ears.

Nothing. No sounds filled the darkness. Strange. The darkness didn’t have any clues. There wasn’t the hum of electricity or car noises in the distance; only void filled her senses. She could only hear the steady white noise of the darkness, faint, lingering. No environmental noises gave her any clues, so she remained silent and still.

Cursing her fear, in her brain, she silently willed her mind into action. Where should she go? Is it better to remain hidden in the darkness, or should she try to save herself? But where would she go? How could she run if she didn’t know where she was running to?

Damn it, Patience! She silently screamed to herself. Go! Don’t wait for him to find you. Still, no sounds gave him away in the darkness.

Her eyes could see vague shapes now. A warehouse, perhaps? A garage? She was inside, she was sure of it, but it was not a location she recognized.

The damp, dust-filled air burned her nostrils with its musty aroma. It was the kind of smell that she could taste in the back of your throat like the steady burn of vomit. Panic began to seize her brain as the door inside her she locked long ago sprang open with the memory. Her hands began to tremble as she commanded her feet to move. She couldn’t let him get to her. She would have to fight for herself. She was the master of her own escape.

A feeling of dread crept into her consciousness and her pulse quickened. This was it, she concluded. It was coming. He was coming. She could sense him closer than ever. But there were still no sounds that gave away his position. DAMN IT!

Patience closed her eyes and began to pray. She asked to die. It would be so much easier to just disappear, not feel, not know…. Especially since she knew what was coming. Death would be a blessing. It would be the lesser evil of the two.

Even in her hyper-aware state, even though she knew he was coming, she still jerked in shock when his hand clamped tightly against her throat. Her stomach turned in revulsion as his body pressed behind her, into her, crowding the little sense of hope she held onto far from her mind. She fought the gag reflex as she smelled his body odor as he covered her mouth with one hand. Absolute panic pulsed through her as she felt him start to squeeze the breath from her. She couldn’t run. He had already found her.

He always found her.

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Chapter Two

Patience awoke with a start, the cold sweat forming a sticky film over her entire body. A dream, she realized. It was just a dream. Thank God, it was just a dream. She lay there quietly for a moment, allowing her heart rate to adjust to the safety and sanctuary of her bedroom.

The dream was always the same. Even in the variations, she was always trapped in the storyline. She always knew what was coming. Even if she woke before the dream’s completion, she could never shake the memory of its conclusion. Her dream was never really just a dream.

Patience threw back her covers, allowing the ceiling fan to cool her body. A quick glance at her clock confirmed her anxiety. 3:17am. Sighing, she knew she would not even attempt to sleep again. The few extra hours of sleep were not worth the hell of returning to the dream.

She scolded herself to remain calm. Recognizing the tightening of her muscles and the catch of her breath in her throat, she knew she would need to focus. Patience could now recognize the symptoms of the impending panic attack. Remembering Dr. Flander’s advice, she slowly worked through her body systems. Tightening her toes, she then released the tension she had been unaware she was holding. She turned her ankles, first clockwise, and then counter-clockwise. She commanded her calf muscles release the tension they had also stored. She slowly eased her knees up and released to let them flop back to the bed. Her thigh muscles tightened, then released. She continued the journey to her glutes and her hips. Squeezing her abdominal muscles and releasing had Patience finally feeling a little bit more in control. By the time she had completed the muscle groups in her arms, her breathing had returned to normal. She sat up in her bed, rolling her neck from side to side to release additional stress from the muscles. She forced her jaw to unclench and concentrated on releasing the tension in her eye brows. Even her hair felt like it was pulling along her scalp. Closing her eyes, she released the tension in her chin and waited.

Patience became very aware of her tee-shirt, adhered with sweat to her chest, and she suddenly felt very hot in her cotton pajama pants. Seeking a small shot of positivity, she thought, if she was feeling uncomfortable, she was at least more aware of her body systems, and she knew she had worked through most of the panic that had surged through her. She always felt a little surge of hope when she was able to fend off the panic attack. She was able to curb the panic more often than not, these days. Patience tried to tell herself that she was getting stronger every day. And she was.

Patience shuddered, as the chill flashed through her the instant her bare feet slapped against the hardwood floor. A tail swished soundly across the floor as the dog acknowledged that her human was awake. Leaning over, Patience scratched Sandy’s ears, running her fingers across her soft head and down her back. Sandy immediately rolled onto her back to present her belly for a rub. A smile surface upon Patience’s lips. Life was so simple for the dog, she thought with a pang of jealousy.

Well, girl, what can I say? If we are up, we might as well enjoy it. Patience padded across the room, and the dresser drawer stuck slightly before sliding open. She found the oldest, comfiest yoga pants she could lay her hands on. Soon, in worn sneakers and her favorite hoody, she reached to the floor for the dog leash.

Patience never had to ask Sandy twice. The dog’s claws scratched across the hardwood as she scrambled up and skidded across the floor in an attempt to race her human to the door. Patience smiled, knowing that no matter what time of day or night, she could always count on Sandy for company. She loved the simple relationship. She never had to explain herself or tell Sandy what happened. She knew that the dog would just accept that she needed to burn some energy. The dog would be thrilled to help her do just that. Sandy’s claws clicked across the floor as she pranced by the doorway in anticipation.

Verifying the lock in the door of her humble home had clicked into place, Patience set out into the night. The air was cool and still. The pair warmed up with a brisk walk for the first few blocks.

Ironically, Patience actually loved the night. It was so comforting. One could hear the sounds of traffic in the distance: the small rumblings travelled a long way in the darkness. She would pick up on the sounds scurrying of small animals and the sounds of leaves swirling in the breeze or crunching faintly under her footfalls. The faint clang of railroad cars also sounded in the night. None of these sounds frightened her as the effects of the dream slowly slid away.

As Patience and Sandy picked up the pace to a run, there was a calm that existed in the sounds of their steps. That’s weird, Patience reflected. The dream was always in the darkness, and it filled her with fear. But the darkness now, though, was nothing like the dream. It was peaceful. She could see perfectly fine, and she felt totally in command of her situation. Patience could feel the solid nature of each step during her run. She counted the rhythm and felt the tension begin to release its vice grip on her. Patience timed her breathing and felt the cool air burn slightly in her lungs as she forced the dream further from her mind. Her feet pounded, gaining speed, faster and faster until nothing was left in her mind to ponder. Breathing in and out and the timing of her steps seemed to reduce her stress considerably, finally offering relief.

Minutes ticked by like her footsteps, and as she turned the corner, she realized she had run her entire route without thinking. It didn’t take much for autopilot to kick in when she ran. The night air was still brisk, the sounds of the night quietly remained, and she was feeling a whole heck of a lot better. Even though the sun hadn’t even thought of dawning yet, Patience knew she was ready to face the day. Pushing her hair back from her sweaty face, she reached down to her shoe to extract her house key.

Sandy panted at her feet and trotted all the way to the kitchen for a long drink of water. Patience threw the deadbolt and locked the door handle before joining the dog in the kitchen. Coffee was a priority when one was up this early in the morning! Setting the coffee maker and feeding the dog gave her the feeling of normalcy she had been waiting for. Interrupting the coffee production for just a moment to steal a half of a cup, she returned the pot and carried her mug down the hall.

A few minutes later, she lit candles in her bathroom, not wanting to spoil the darkness while she showered. Flickers of indirect light danced along her tiled walls. The water cleansed the sweat and calmed the rest of her tension. She would never allow herself to be afraid of the dark. She would never let him have that kind of power over her. She was a survivor and it was time that she get on with the business of surviving.

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Chapter Three

Her face was so close to the mirror, she was almost touching it. She smeared away the fog from her shower and studied herself in the glass. She had turned the bathroom lights on by now, awake enough to truly face the day. After all, the sun had finally risen, and she was ready to make an appearance into the world.

Patience stared deeply into her wide emerald eyes. She searched for the specks of gold and tiny flecks of brown within her irises. She carelessly rubbed her long brown eyelashes, removing the last bits of sleep gunk from the corners. She watched her reflection in the mirror frown as she studied the freckles that splattered across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Patience hated those freckles; they made her look like she was about 12 years old. Looking younger than her 24 years always bothered her; she was desperate to be taken seriously. How could she possibly be taken seriously at her new job when she looked like she was skipping home from grade school? She heaved a giant sigh and began to apply the cosmetics that she hoped would add at least a few years to her appearance.

With a face painted with expertly applied cosmetics, her chin length hair carefully curled, styled and sprayed and her tiny feet encased in three inch heels, she finally felt like she would fit in at her new office. The smart, tailored business suit she had purchased cost her nearly all of her savings. It was one of the two that she owned. However, paired with secondhand fitted blouses she had also purchased, she looked stylish and pulled together. Patience had planned to be smart about her wardrobe budget. She would buy one new thing with every paycheck until she was finally presentable. A freshly graduated student had to start somewhere, right?

Patience breezed through the kitchen to refresh her coffee. Though it didn’t taste great with her toothpaste, the caffeine would be well worth the bitter clash of flavors. She poured the remainder in a smart, sleek travel mug, and slid out the kitchen door leading to the garage. Slamming her car door, she paused to make sure she had locked the door. Did she? Racking her brain for the sensory memory of actually turning the lock, she returned to the door from the safe cocoon of her car to go check. It was always better safe than sorry.

She arrived at the office shortly before 7am. She had only had this job for a whopping eight days, but she considered herself very lucky. It wasn’t often that a new graduate got her dream job right out of school. Patience had loved the idea of the non-profit Dream Foundation since she had been helped by a similar organization as a child. The mission of the company was to assist foster children in need to achieve a normal childhood. This meant they paid for art lessons, sports activities, textbooks, school fees, summer camp and other random items that kids without families would never dream of accessing. In her case, they had paid for a very expensive cosmetic surgery that allowed her to put on the face of normal after a very traumatic event. She felt she owed them a lot, and she was determined to pay it forward.

The door was locked so Patience sipped her coffee and studied the plants in the box on the porch. There were a few decaying blossoms that really needed dead-heading and garden maintenance, so she began to remove the dried petals and weed the stray grasses that sprouted in the window box. Soon, her fingers were covered in dirt and she was so concentrated on her project that she did not even notice when her boss arrived.

He had been quiet as he approached. Doug did not know what to make of his new employee. She was young, almost too young, he observed. What could he say about that, though? He was only 32 himself, and age doesn’t necessarily equal a symbol of maturity. However, she was ambitious and driven and she was a perfect example of why he had founded (and funded) this non-profit. Doug had long since aged out of the system when his parent’s inheritance/trust fund kicked in. He knew it would be a great way to invest the money. He would have rather had his childhood with his parents than become a millionaire orphan. But life doesn’t always give you those choices.

Doug studied her attempts at clearing the plants, and smiled at her efforts to make the world just a little more beautiful. He also noted the smudge on the back of her suit skirt, clearly where she had absentmindedly wiped her dirt-covered hands. I really shouldn’t be looking at her butt, he scolded himself. It made him feel like a dirty old man.

Doug cleared his throat and wished the new girl a cheerful, Good morning.

She physically jumped about two inches in the air at the sound of his voice, and her heels clicked softly on the porch. He ankle folded in what looked like a very uncomfortable position causing her to grimace. He chuckled as she tried to regain her footing gracefully. When she raised her head to glance at him,