Twisted Sanity

Twisted Sanity

Twisted Sanity: Stories Beyond Reality

by

Christopher Winterberg

Copyright © 2013 by fu-X Publishing

fu-X Publishing

Litchfield Park, AZ 85340

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN-13: 978-0989448307

ISBN-10: 0989448304

Publisher: fu-X Publishing

Published date: June 2013

Cover Design and layout by Chris Wilke

Edited by Jacob Shaver

Printed in the United States of America

With sincere dedication, I would like to thank...you know who you are.

This book is dedicated to the one person who took my writing seriously enough to believe in what I was doing and who sent my writing in the right direction with her critique of my first works. You’re more trusted and admired than you’ll ever know. And you are the one who taught me to speak soulfully and listen attentively. You said, I believe in you.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my family and friends for the continual support and encouragement to press forward with my writing. I would also like to thank all those who beta read my stories and offered changes, whether structural, copy edit, or just said, Hey, this kinda sucks. Change it.

Hey stupid, this book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and events are either from the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

A Bizarre Future

Debt Solution

What You See

The Reversal

A Love Story

Sleep Well My Sweet

Buzz Kill

PeekaBOO

Rearview Mirror

Chance Encounter

Ambiguously Enigmatic

Ace

The Elevator

Tonight’s Special

The Closet

The Great Outdoors

Two Inches

Natural Selection

The Fallen Hike

Off My Ass

Stranger Things Will Happen

No Competition

The Red Coat

I See the Light

The Big Bad Wolf

Triple XXXaggeration

Stage Five

Caught with His Kryptonite

You Look Familiar

Deep Sleep

The Big Picture

You Don’t Know Jack

Who the hell is this guy?

About the author

A Bizarre Future

Did you know using a credit card could get you shot?

Home ownership is in life’s plot.

With witty banter, I said no.

Big Box savings and zombies moving slow.

Debt Solution

Hello. My name is Carla from The Large Charge Card Company. Is Mr. Larry Larson available? she asked while looking at the sheet to make sure she had the correct name.

This is Larry.

Hello, Mr. Larson. How are you today?

Fine? He said, but it came out more as a question. He was a bit confused why his credit card people would be calling him.

Sir, I am calling you regarding your credit card account.

Okay. Did something happen? he asked, still a bit nervous that maybe someone had stolen his identity.

Sir, nothing has happened with your account and that is exactly why I'm calling you.

Uh. I'm sorry. I don't understand, he said with a pause.

Sir, your payment was due yesterday by midnight and it is now the next day...

Larry immediately cut in, Wait a second! My payment didn't make it to you yesterday by midnight so you're calling me now? It's 11:00 AM the next day. That's less than twelve hours after it was due. Are you kidding me?

Sir, I am not kidding you. I do not joke about missed payments.

Seriously! Here, I'll pay it now. Are you ready? He asked her as he reached for his checkbook for his routing number.

Sir, unfortunately your payment will be late whether I take your payment or not. Do you understand?

Well, uh, yeah, I get that, but I'll just pay now.

"Sir, that is fine; however, it will still be late. That fact cannot be changed; therefore, the agreement that you signed before taking control of your account will be in effect. That means that the penalties must be carried out."

Must? Hold on a goddamn second! What penalties?

Sir, please do not use vulgarity on the phone. Thank you. I will briefly explain the missed payment penalties that you fully agreed to when you signed your cardholder agreement with LCCC: Missed payments are an unforgivable offense, completely, utterly, and disgustingly unforgivable. Just one and LCCC takes control of unsecured material assets. Do you understand? she said it in a straight-through manner without a breath.

Uh-huh, um, not really. Here's my bank information.

Sir, I do apologize, but that will have to wait until after I finish with the penalties. A second offense and a reminder will be sent with The Cut Squad. They come for a finger. Three and it is a toe, the big one. By the fifth, we castrate males and pluck the ovaries from females. Do——you——understand?

Yeah, that's a good one, he said with a soft, but plainly nervous chuckle. Sir, I am very serious.

What about age? he said with that chuckle getting longer and louder. Age does not matter. We just take, period.

Still laughing a bit, Well, you never mentioned what happens on the very first late payment.

Sir, what material items did you purchase in the past thirty days?

Um, I'm...what?

Sir, what material items did you purchase in the past thirty days?

Uh, what exactly do you mean? he asked shaking his head, even though he knew Carla could not see him.

Okay, sir, the easiest way to explain it is to ask you what material items did you purchase in the past thirty days? she asked, irritated.

Hmmmm. Material? I guess that'd be the Big Screen LCD, a lounger chair, and well, this phone I'm talking to you on right now, he said, not really caring, while peeking around the corner of his kitchen wall to check-in on his precious plasma princess. The screen was vivid with deep, rich colors and he could see it clearly from any angle.

Sir, that's great. I'll dispatch a unit to get those things immediately. They'll be there within the hour.

Oh. Oka...WAIT! What? What the hell...?

She interrupted him after his swear word, Sir, there is no need to holler and cuss.

What? Someone's coming to take my, MY things?

Sir, technically those items have not been paid for, so therefore they belong to the Large Charge Card Company. We thank you for your purchases, she added spryly.

No! No-no! No! You can't just come to my house and take those things. NO! I'm not letting anyone take those things!

Sir, according to the cardholder agreement you signed, we have the right of ownership to any material items you purchased from your last payment to your missed payment. It's written in section N, subsection D-26, paragraph 112, sentence 93 of catalog one. Would you like me to read it to you?

No! That will not be necessary because I'm not giving my... he paused as he heard a knock at the door. Oh, c'mon. Seriously? They're at my front door? No fuuuchk...uh, sorry, fudgin’ way! I'm not lettin’ ‘em in?

Sir, I strongly suggest that you allow them to enter your premises.

Or what? What are they gonna do, break down my door? he said with a snicker while suspiciously looking at his front door.

Sir, according to section P, subsection A-6, paragraph 5, sentence 19 of book three of your cardholder agreement, Large Charge Card Company has the legal right to enter the cardholder's household, place of business, or anything that is owned or holds the cardholder's recently purchased material items. LCCC can, by any means necessary, enter the household. Would you like me to read it to you?

What! No! No way! I never read that crap! Who the hell reads all that anyway?

"Sir, the very first page of our cardholder agreement catalogs clearly states that the cardholder must read all the fine print. It is written plainly in six-point font in order to reduce paper and combine everything into three encyclopedia-sized catalogs instead of five or six. Contrary to popular belief, we are environmentally friendly and do not attempt to trick people. Everything is written in the agreement. Everything. Did you read it?" She said it all in a flurry.

Sir? She paused and waited, but heard nothing. Sir? Sir, are you there?"

Uh, yeah, sure. I'm here. Are you a robot?

Sir, no, I am not a robot.

"Look, I’m gonna have to hang up because they're packing up my TV and chair.

I'm sure they'll grab my phone next. His voice trailed off on the last few words. Sir, are you okay? I could barely hear you."

No. No, I'm not. I'm not really okay.

Sir, what's wrong?

Besides that I might be having a stroke, nothing really. Oh yeah, THEY'RE TAKING MY STUFF! MY STUFF!

Sir, there is absolutely no need to yell. Are you having a stroke or do you require medical assistance?

No. No I do not require medical assistance. He remarked snidely while grinding his teeth.

Sir, just as a reminder, if you need medical assistance and are unable to pay your medical expenses, we do offer an extremely low-rate medical card, The Medium Medical Card. Granted, it's not nearly as big as The Large Charge Card, but it can help pay those pesky medical bills. Shall I assist you with the process of applying now? she asked cheerfully.

Apply? Will it bring my TV and chair back? He asked sarcastically.

Sir, I’m sorry. No it will not. But, it will come in handy if you miss a second or third payment. She said, a smile on her face. Larry could feel it through the phone.

He was at the point where he could actually feel his blood pressure rise. He felt that if he looked in the mirror, which was paid for, that he'd see smoke coming from his ears just like in the cartoons. He was that pissed off and he really couldn't understand how Carla remained so calm under his tension. He finally realized that it was her job to make him upset by spewing a dose of reality and he fell for it. She had spun the web and he was trapped. He struggled to wriggle free, but he could not escape the black widow that was the LCCC.

Thinking he developed an idea to beat the all-too-large conglomerate, "So it's only after the first missed payment that you take my, uh, any unpaid material purchases?"

Sir, that is correct; however, be advised what occurs as future non-payment penalties.

"Oh, I am. I'm very aware. I'll call you back, and Carla, may I call you specifically?"

Sir, I am sorry but our system is set as such that your next incoming call will be answered randomly. There is a seventeen percent chance that I could possibly receive your call. Will that be all, sir?

In that case, Carla, lets start that medical card application thing. He said with a light, but nervous laugh as he watched his cherished television being carried out his front door. He lowered his head and whispered a silent goodbye. Until we meet again, my dear.

What You See

Mr. Miller, please sign here, Mary said while pointing to the line highlighted in yellow, and then please sign right here, again she pointed. Okay, Mr. Miller, I promise you this is the last signature needed, and with that she pointed the ballpoint pen to the last line on the contract. Well, that’s it Mr.,

Ya know, just call me Jerry, the man immediately interrupted the real estate agent.

Congratulations, Jerry! You are now a new home owner,

Jerry noticed as she gently slid the house keys across the cherry wood-finished tabletop. He noticed the key chain as the silver finish caught the overhead lighting and threw a brief sparkle in the air. It was as if the keys were saying, Here we are, Jerry. Take us!

Jerry had looked at too many houses to remember. It came down to the quaint three bedrooms and two bathrooms with the refreshing pool in the spacious backyard or the four bedrooms and three bathrooms with a small enough yard to trim with a weed trimmer alone and no pool or garage. He opted for the relaxing backyard oasis and a safe place to park his car and motorcycle. The house at 4666 Lucas Lane was now his.

Three days later, and after the fresh paint had dried, the movers arrived with all of Jerry’s possessions. He was like a traffic officer, directing people every which way as boxes were unpacked and furniture was moved into his new home. Boxes were brought in and Jerry looked around and a feeling of previously being in the house washed over him. He felt like he belonged.

It wasn’t just the feeling of viewing the house on two previous occasions before his purchase. He had the feeling that he had maybe been in the house once many years ago. Jerry shook it off as just the newness of home ownership.

That first night Jerry unpacked all the small boxes and placed things were he felt they should go for the time being. It was a long day and Jerry was happy to head to bed.

The previous owners left behind only one thing. It hung in the entranceway of the front foyer. It was a generously sized wall mirror with a dark mahogany finish outlined in warm brown tones. Jerry ran his hand over the accented beveled edges and along the rounded top. Hmm, strong and sturdy to the eye. I like it. Keep it, Jerry. Keep it. Intricately carved log branches and oak leaves, done by hand, provided a sophisticated, but rugged design touch. Put it in the bedroom. It’ll be perfect and close to you other things. He carefully took it down and heaved it on a wall in the master bedroom.

Jerry woke up late the next morning. With not much to do but finish his move and meet some friends, he thought sleep would do him well. It was just after eleven when He was out of the shower and dressed to leave. As he buttoned his shirt, he walked over to his newly hung mirror to see how he looked. Lookin’ good Jer! he said out loud to his reflection as he made the hand gesture of a shooting pistol.

Just as Jerry picked up his foot to move away, he spotted something in the lower corner of the mirror. He looked closer and saw two people off in the distance, yet they remained in the mirror. He threw a confused look over his shoulder and saw nothing. His gaze came back to the mirror and there they were.

He paid attention to the people and saw a man with a mask over his face slowly pulling a lady. He had one hand over her nose and mouth and the other under her arm and across her chest as he pulled her