Beautiful Collisions: Stories from Los Angeles

Beautiful Collisions

Stories from Los Angeles

By: Sunshine Jen

Copyright 2013 Sunshine Jen

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents:

Lulu the Fire Warden

Claire Who Falls Down A lot

Diamonds and Rubies

Penelope Harsh

Made up Conversation in an Art Gallery

The Cousins Go Shopping

The Stereotype of Cool

The Fixer and the Blue Tick

Something about the Rain

The Woman in the Pool

Time Stops

Serious Lee

In a Coffee Shop

Touch the Stars

Lulu the Fire Warden

I want to be smaller. Lucy told her trainer on her first day in the gym.

How much smaller? David her trainer asked.

Small. She said with her hands on her size ten hips. After moving from Cleveland to Los Angeles, Lucy quickly realized that her girlish Midwest figure was super size next to tiny LA women. She was determined to change that.

David gave her his standard response:

I can’t make you smaller, but I can make you fitter.

Because David didn't offer her a quick fix, Lucy decided to trust him and started going to the gym five days a week. David knew he had to watch Lucy and worried that she could burn herself out. No exercise was worth permanent damage. If he forgot that, his achy knees reminded him.

Lucy worked as a copywriter in the Marketing Department of a Financial Services company. She spent the majority of her day helping, Claire, the head writer, on brochure copy and promotional materials. Because she could write quickly, her job wasn’t stressful. Sometimes on Fridays, Lucy and Claire went out for a drink after work, but Lucy usually went to the gym as she worked on her transformation.

Their boss, Dan the Man, the VP of Sales, thought he was still cool in high school even though he was in his mid forties. He hummed the latest teeny bopper hit under his breath as he roamed the office. He tried out jive handshakes with the mailroom guys who rolled their eyes when he wasn’t looking. On Fridays, he left at three because it was time for the weekennnnnd and to parteeee.

Because she was the newest kid on the block (as Dan the Man liked to say), Lucy was appointed Fire Warden for their suite. As Fire Warden, Lucy had to go to the mandatory Fire Warden meeting then lead the suite in a grand and glorious exit during the annual building fire drill. While drinking a complimentary Perrier at the mandatory Fire Warden meeting, Lucy learned about fires, fire hazards, fire exits, fire extinguishers, and fire doors. She also won a whistle and a safety vest in a raffle.

Two days later, their office building had its annual fire drill.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

The alarm beeped and the strobe light blinked. Even though everyone in the office had gotten the fire drill memo and the follow up email, everyone suddenly forgot what the alarm meant. But Lucy knew what to do. She jumped up, put on her safety vest, grabbed her employee list and started walking around the office as she blew her whistle.

This is the fire drill! We have to evacuate. Everyone move toward the stairwell. Everyone! We have to go! We have to go! Mandatory fire drill! Move toward the stairwell! Lucy said as she checked the conference room, the bathrooms, the reception area, the kitchen. Everyone in the office did as they were told and filed out. Claire held the door to the stairwell.

Do we have to go all the way downstairs? some of the ladies in heels asked. They were on the tenth floor, and they had to go all the way down.

Lucy went into Dan the Man’s office. Dan the Man was typing quickly on his computer.

Mandatory fire drill, Dan. Lucy said with great authority.

That’s nice. Dan said without looking up.

The Fire Inspector had told them to leave someone who didn’t want to go, but Lucy hated when she wasn’t being listened to.

Dan, you have to go, I will tell the fire department that you did not comply and they will fine you.

Ohhhh don’t tell on me, Lucy.

I will tell on you, Dan, and the Fire Inspector can summon you to appear in court and the judge will fine you.

How much?

Five grand. Now come on! Lucy said. She had been told that the fine was only one thousand, but she wanted to get Dan moving.

Oh. Okay then. Dan said and ran out of the office past Lucy who followed him down the stairs. Out on the street, Lucy passed her checklist to the fire inspector.

Here you go, sir. She said as she passed her list to him.

Sir? I’m no knight. The Fire Inspector said.

Lucy shrugged. The Fire Inspector studied her checklist.

Wait a second, Suite 1008. Are you new?

Just started six months ago.

Well, you’ll be happy know Miss Suite 1008, that your suite was one of the worst suites last year. Congratulations, you turned it around.

My name's Lucy.

I’m George. Nice to meet you. He said, and Lucy realized for the first time how young and cute and tall the Fire Inspector was. She hadn’t dated anyone since she moved out to Los Angeles. In fact, the only man she had any conversation with was her trainer David.

Nice to meet you too. Lucy said and flashed him a killer smile. George was momentarily distracted by someone else turning in their check list, then turned back to her.

I really like being the Suite Warden. Lucy said. It was a dumb thing to say, but it was all she could think of.

Yeah? George said. Their eyes locked. They were having a moment.

Yeah, I got to tell my boss what to do.

Tenth floor is clear. And 1008 got everyone out. Suddenly blared through his walkie talkie.

Roger that. George said into his walkie talkie. He turned to Lucy.

You can go back now. George said.

Oh. Okay. Lucy said. She should have been more the action heroine, more nonchalant and witty. Instead, she felt fat and stupid. She turned and walked away. She squeezed into a crowded elevator before the doors closed.

Everyone hold your breath. Someone in the back of the elevator said as the elevator jerked up. Right before the tenth floor, the elevator stopped and buckled.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. The lady next to Lucy started to panic.

A guy next to the buttons started pressing the alarm. They could hear the alarm ringing down the empty elevator shaft.

Luckily the fire department is downstairs. Someone mumbled and a few people chuckled.

Anyone got a cell phone?

Hello! Hello! You’re breaking up. I'm in an elevator. No, I didn’t put the clothes in the dryer this morning. I didn’t have time! A guy shouted into his cell phone.

No you moron, call 911! Someone said.

Okay, okay, don’t be an asshole. The cell phone guy said.

Honey, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to call the fire department. We’re stuck. Honey, I’ll talk with you tonight. Love you.

We know you’re in there! We’re going to get you out! A strong male voice shouted from just above them. Everyone in the elevator exhaled at once.

The elevator doors suddenly jerked open to reveal three firemen standing in the hallway two feet above the floor of the elevator. One of them, of course, was George. When he saw Lucy, he smiled and reached out his hand.

Here, grab my hand. He said.

Lucy reached out and grabbed his very large wrist. He pulled her up into the hallway.

We’ve got to stop meeting like this. Lucy said. She finally got to say her super heroine line.

Can’t get enough of me, can ya? George said as Lucy landed on her feet and brushed off her skirt. She didn’t quite know how to answer that, so she laughed. George went back to saving other people in the stuck elevator.

A few hours later, Lucy stared at her Microsoft word document and fantasized about firemen when Mindy called her to reception for a package. She went to the lobby where George was waiting for her.

Hi. George said.

Hi. Lucy said.

I'm the package.

Oh.

Lucy looked over at Mindy watching them with a wicked grin.

Can you step out for a minute? George asked. He seemed very stern as if there was something wrong.

Okay. Lucy said, and they walked out into the hallway. Suddenly, George turned to her and kissed her.

Sorry. George said after he broke away.

That’s okay. Lucy said.

Would you like to go out sometime? George asked.

Okay. Lucy said.

What’s your number? George said pulling out his cell phone, and Lucy gave him her digits.

I’ll call you so you can have mine.

Okay. Lucy said. Why was she just saying okay?

Okay, see ya, Lulu. He said and hit the down button on the elevator.

Okay. Lucy said. Wait, he had called her Lulu. Nobody had ever called her Lulu before. She liked it. She smiled and walked back into her office.

From that time on, Lucy continued to work out with David, but she no longer wanted to be small. She moved in with George six months later. They got married six months after that.

Lucy remained her suite’s fire warden. The next year, Dan the Man also tried to get out of the drill, but Lucy got the mailroom guys to be her alternate wardens. She even got them their own vests, whistles, and flashlights. When Dan the Man protested the interruption, the mailroom guys stood over him and nodded their heads no. Dan got up from his desk and traipsed down the stairs.

Claire Who Falls Down A Lot

If a tree falls down in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Sometimes, I wonder if I would make a sound if I fell down in a forest with no one around to hear me. Then again, I am not a tree, and I don’t live in the forest.

I live in Los Angeles or more specifically Culver City, an independent city surrounded by freeways within Los Angeles. It is a quiet place with small houses built in the 1940s on tree-lined streets. There's a downtown with trendy restaurants. There are parks and green places with signs that say No Smoking, No Dogs, No Alcohol, No Skateboards. The trees are trimmed regularly, so they don’t fall down.

I fall down a lot because I am a klutzy person. When I was a toddler and fell on my diapered rear end, my parents clapped their hands, and shouted BUMP in happy voices, so in childhood I associated falling with happiness. Unfortunately, in adolescence, my clumsiness became a major source of embarrassment. In high school, I usually fell when there were a lot of people around, so falling made me stand out when I wanted to disappear. In college, I discovered alcohol which made the ground softer. Now in my thirties, I have accepted my falls and bumps as part of my quirky personality. Fortunately, in my 36 years on earth, I have suffered no major injuries. I still collide with counter edges, table edges, and chairs. Low handrails are my enemy. When I try on shoes, I walk several laps around the store to make sure I feel balanced.

However, falling is inevitable, and down I go again. In that process of falling, in those seconds when I’m about to hit the ground, I feel a strange sense of empowerment. I don’t have to worry about the next fall because the next fall is happening and it’s not so bad. Still, the next fall won’t prepare me for the fall-after-that. The fall-after-that will be the bad one. The fall-after-that will not be graceful. Time will not slow down. The ground will not reach out to embrace me. The fall-after-that will be extremely painful.

One time, I was hiking in Topanga State Park with my husband, Paul, and plunk, down I went. Paul never heard me fall and kept on walking. I had no broken bones or nasty cuts. I had fallen on a patch of grass. I jumped back up and caught up with Paul. He never missed a step. I didn’t mention the fall. Did I really fall on that trail? I’m not so sure.

I don’t feel klutzy around Paul. He’s an extremely grounded person. Our house is all on one floor. We have our stash of emergency water and protein bars in case of a big earthquake or tsunami. We have no kids and white furniture. We take pride in our front lawn, a perfect rectangle of grass which Paul mows every two weeks. We both like clean lines and well-made things.

Life was not always so easy. After years of struggle, Paul finally got a full-time job teaching Philosophy while I transformed my dream of being a novelist into more marketable copywriting skills for a financial services company. We appreciate the arts. We go to museums, plays, independent movies. We can speak intelligently about a variety of topics. We don’t regret our life choices. We sleep at night with no bad dreams.

Molly and Matt have been our friends for years. They were the couple everyone wanted to be. They were hip and cool. They made music and film. Molly dressed in