How to Get What You Want
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About this ebook
Martin Jensen, despite his tendency to smugness and intolerance, is the universal man. And his formidable knowledge is augmented by his partner, the fetching Dr Jensen. Their passion is effective living. Jensen's first humorous sally, "How to Keep Fit Without Exercise" has already been downloaded by a horde of eager eBook buffs. And his second, "How to Get What you Want" covers everything - from japes that fascinate infants to the intrigue of the Sporting Fly Swat.
It explains how to see without your specs, how to change traffic lights to green, how to dislodge rusted in screws and even how to amaze small children by moving both eyes independently.
It instructs on manners, sentence construction and has strategies for everything from drying between the toes to bamboozling pretentious art critics.
What is unexpected about these sugared pills is all are practical. Beneath the humour lurks sense. And even readers intent on diversion emerge happier and wiser.
Martin Jensen
Bestselling Danish novelist Martin Jensen was born in 1946 into a working-class family and worked as a teacher and a headmaster in Sweden and Denmark before becoming a full-time author in 1996. He and his wife collect mushrooms, enjoy bird watching, and are botany enthusiasts. Martin Jensen is the author of twenty-one novels. The King’s Hounds is his first title to be published in English.
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How to Get What You Want - Martin Jensen
Copyright 2013 Martin Jensen
The author asserts his moral rights in the work.
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.
If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author
First published by Buzzword Books 2011
Published by Buzzword Books at Smashwords 2012
Second revised edition 2015
ISBN 978-0-9923662-9-2
Buzzword Books
P.O Box 7, Cammeray 2062
Australia
buzzwordbooks.com
HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
AND 70 OTHER LIFE ENHANCING SKILLS
MARTIN JENSEN
Other titles in this series by Martin Jensen at Smashwords.com include:
HOW TO KEEP FIT WITHOUT EXERCISE
CONTENTS:
Life skills—and why you need them
How to instantly stop hiccups
How to avoid midnight gastric reflux
How to stop someone choking
How to enjoy being pestered by flies
How to avoid flies on bushwalks.
How to change traffic lights to green.
How to produce an airport shuttle bus
How to control the weather
How to locate supermarket items
How to get someone to phone you
How to secure a lunch date
How not to be noticed
How to attract attention
How to see without your glasses
How to make men unexpectedly undress you
How to remember names
How to move both eyes independently.
How to recognise a con man
How to plan your life successfully
How not to wreck a good relationship
How to save time and simplify your life
How to avoid salmonella
How to maintain a car and avoid breakdowns
How to avoid exercise without guilt
How to spot and survive a Tsunami
How to laugh at death
How to loosen rusted-in screws
How to disguise your ignorance
How to impress women
How to get to sleep
How to fluster art critics
How to dry effectively between your toes
How to invest
How to slim
How to burn more calories sitting down
How to invigorate your mind
How to be objectively moral
How not to drown
How to escape from a sinking car
How to improve elimination
How to avoid being run over
How to avoid dogs biting off your fingers
How to avoid cutting a finger in the kitchen
How to saw
How to cut a tree branch
How to drill
How to sharpen knives
How to sharpen a chisel
How to use an adjustable wrench
How to hammer a nail
How to climb out of a mineshaft or well
How to get rid of leeches
How to get something out of your eye
How not to be carried out to sea
How to duck a bullet
How to handle blisters
How to carry someone
How to get what you want part one: Aim
How to get what you want part two: Effective Living—The Six Essentials
How to disable an attacker
How to assume the tuck position, if assaulted
How to cope with frostbite
How to handle burns
How to help a car accident victim
How to survive an earthquake
How to help someone who's hyperventilating
How to help someone who is hypotensive or faints
How to dowse
How to remove a tick
How to keep your teeth
How to find north with your watch
How to start a fire
How to survive a bushfire
How to survive the bitch goddess of life
How to be happy
How to live a long time
Life skills—and why you need them
After many years of masterful living, I wish to share my knowledge with those still in the wilderness. Hidden here, beneath the pandering to public taste, you will find absolutely exceptional gems of insight. For example, you have just encountered a double superlative. See section on How to Disguise Your Ignorance.
Yes, you have much to learn. And as your gratitude grows, note that I do not answer letters of appreciation and return most gifts unopened.
You will find here several sections that also appear in a slightly longer form in my first book, How to Keep Fit Without Exercise. This is because my partner, Dr Jensen—she who shines brighter than a thousand suns—insists they be included because they are too important to leave out. I also acknowledge the help of life style coach and guru, Gina Stoner, who assisted with philosophical sections in the book.
Note also that the How to Get What You Want section comes toward the end. And, like all advice here, it works. It's placed near the end because you can read the start of this book for nothing. And because (another fortuitous piece of wisdom) no one values something they haven't paid for.
Disclaimer
Some of the suggestions and techniques in this book come from the advice of professionals in different fields. The authors and publisher cannot vouch for their veracity or guarantee their effectiveness. As this is partly a light-hearted collection, the following advice should not be substituted for plain common sense as life situations vary and no written counsel, however sensible, can apply to all circumstances. Hence the authors and publisher, their servants and or agents will not accept any liability from injury, losses or damage whatever suffered by any person or persons resulting from activities suggested in this book and the