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I'll be the Brightest Star
I'll be the Brightest Star
I'll be the Brightest Star
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I'll be the Brightest Star

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Losing a child is by far a parent’s worst nightmare. It is the ultimate deprivation, the saddest and most agonizing trauma anyone can experience on this plane of existence, that day when heartache came to visit. Three days after having an ominous dream, her daughter is found dead, undiscovered for days. Immediately following this news messages are sent to her and to others via dreams and psychic events. She realizes that her daughter is sending clues to her whereabouts in the afterlife as well as jarring factual information that no one could possibly have known, unless...! It is a struggle for her to grasp the reality of what is happening as she is consumed by tortuous grief, barely having the will to continue living. Searching for that vehicle which will allow communication, she sets off on an amazing and courageous journey, at times trespassing into another realm that is taboo. Along the way intuition becomes her beacon and she stops at nothing to find out more about her daughter, unraveling simple, yet mysterious communication from the beyond. Coping with her grief she experiences a strange new addiction, one she perceives is coming from the other side. Her daughter’s spirit is incredibly strong, persistent in making herself known to many and retaining that same quick wit she had in life. In the end this mother’s bold journey gives her an insight into powerful soul knowledge that few are blessed to receive. The two are eternally bound inspiring belief in those that question that death is the final frontier.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherArlene Tellis
Release dateAug 11, 2013
ISBN9781301303151
I'll be the Brightest Star
Author

Arlene Tellis

Arlene Tellis grew up in NYC. . She is the author of Heaven is Eating, a column on food and travel in Jacksonville, Florida.

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    I'll be the Brightest Star - Arlene Tellis

    Foreword

    By Robert L. Manniello, MD, MBA, FAAP, Past Medical Director, Childrens Hospital of Orange County, Orange, California, Columnist and Freelance Journalist, Orange County Register/Capistrano Valley News, Freedom Communications, Incorporated, Irvine, California

    As a medical professional charged with attending to dire patient physical conditions, explaining the death of a child to grieving parents and loved ones is by far the most stressful for a pediatric specialist. The effects on the family unit, relatives and friends enter into initial counseling discussions, but other than attempting to understand what parents are going through, we, unfortunately are novices in this field unless we have experienced this ultimate horror ourselves. Yes, we’ve been schooled in death and dying response principles, but my past observations of colleagues reveals that they may never use or perhaps, understand afterlife concepts that may exist as a silent core concern in the parents’ mindset.

    We as physicians may be focused on purely physical existence and not the complementary continuing spiritual existence. Perhaps, the acknowledgement and even acceptance of such is overwhelmingly problematic or complex. But, in my personal opinion, this is not a quandary for parents. Nevertheless, we should be open-minded in our thoughts, inquiries and discoveries about spiritual life and loved ones existing once they leave their earthly physical body.

    I’ll be the Brightest Star by Arlene R. Tellis addresses these multifaceted issues. Seldom does one find a book that chronicles, firsthand, a grieving mother’s heartfelt journey of self-discovery and spiritual illumination after the unimaginable occurs. The death of the author’s daughter, Kerri, prompted this personal story that needed to be told for all those families who have continuing unanswered questions, fears, faith tenet concerns and a heartache that only another mother would know.

    The author takes your hand and speaks to you as a dear friend would in relaying what you and she have experienced. Her search for answers will enlighten you, touch your heart and soul and perhaps, challenge your long held afterlife theories, but all her words resonate in her daughter’s amazing love and afterlife connection with her and family members.

    Cleansing and therapeutic tears are easily evoked as a firsthand treasure of comfort; understanding and self-intuitive wisdom unfolds for parents who have experienced their child’s death. The author’s voice in relaying her story is soothing, at times frantic as expected, but understanding, willing to question and re-question her observations and conclusions from delving into spiritual theory and perceived versus true reality. The journal entries in the novel are mesmerizing and highlight a whispering from the soul in afterlife that exists, but needs human acceptance and intense efforts to hear and acknowledge. All statements are personal reflections, not an attempt to dissuade any religious belief, but echo and serve as an adjunct to philosophies that have existed throughout history.

    The author expresses that to realize the existence of the love-spiritual consciousness correlation one must work at getting in touch with their own soul to alter misperceptions. Ultimately, reflection of the underlying notion that indeed all things are possible is the key. Given this basic insight, the reader uncovers from the author’s tale many detailed instances that defy coincidence affirming reciprocal unconditional love as the gateway to spiritual consciousness.

    Throughout this book for grieving parents, but applicable to others, concepts of destiny, spirit, mind, inner peace, intuition, love and an eternal connection with loved ones entwine. The result produces an installation and encouragement of psychic and spiritual awakening in the reader similar to that of the author. Words including fascinating, intriguing and astounding fall short in describing mystical events, revelations and the cathartic exposé of the author’s soul expressed in this true work of love.

    I’ll be the Brightest Star by Arlene R. Tellis, written in a truly concerned, friendly voice and style serves to comfort, instruct, lend an ear and walk with parents through the devastating and unfamiliar path after a child’s death. It offers hope, understanding, new realizations and reassurance of unconditional love enabling continuous spiritual connections with loved ones.

    Introduction

    There are those who will bristle when they read my story, leaving them profoundly unsettled. To them it is fiction based on an unfamiliar paradigm. They will question why these events have not happened to them after losing their loved one. Because it is not their own experience, my story could not be true. I am trespassing into another realm that is taboo. They will debate, deny and question the existence of such events. Many will recite the philosophies of their religion, seemingly knowing what truth really must be. To them I say that I do not know what truth is. I only know that what I have experienced is a blessing. A blessing I did not ask for and did not search for. I didn’t even know it could possibly exist. It was a journey to a new frontier for which I had no compass and unless you have lost a child, you have no idea what your journey will be like.

    There are also those who will be annoyed with me for relating my incredible story. What happened to me is solely my story. I really can’t say why it happened, but I know that it did and it continues to happen to me and to many others, and has probably been happening since time began. Because of this, my greatest personal sacrifice, I have gained something else, the recognition of my soul.

    Mama You Have To Let Me Go

    "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be."

    Author unknown

    My daughter, Kerri, often told me I worried about her too much and that I was overly protective. She begged me to let her go. As she approached womanhood, and to insure I was raising an independent adult, I did let her go. However, I felt no more protective of her then I had of my two other daughters. In my mind, I was just a concerned mother. I kept my girls close and, for the most part they talked to me, albeit rolling their eyes when I would hold my hands over my ears, jokingly telling them that I was too young to hear some of their confidences. But, I always heard them.

    Kerri was my most, shall I say, defiant child. She certainly marched to the tune of her own drummer as she ventured out into the world with confidence. She knew she had the tools necessary to become an independent adult, capable of making a worthy contribution to society. As she grew, I stood in the background relentlessly holding ideals high for her, knowing that she had struggled through teenage years with little confidence and much loneliness. But during this time, Kerri never doubted that she was loved and to me this is the most important gift anyone can receive on earth. My daughter also knew what was expected of her as a human being and as part of our family.

    Rescinding my decision to let her go

    But now that she has passed, it is quite a different story. She has moved into a different realm and I must rescind my decision to let her go and say to her sorry darling, I will never do that again. I will never let you go. I have a choice. I can let her memory rest or I can see to it that her memory lives. For me, there really is no choice. I was capable of letting her grow up and go her own way and I was capable of letting her do her own things as she grew. But no, my darling daughter, I will never let you go.

    Her memory is woven into my very being, in my flesh, in my blood, in my mind and in my spirit. I will not deny that. I cannot deny that. I am comforted by the signs and remembrances of my daughter that I find in my path; however, they do not obsess me. My daughter is with me in all that I do, every night time prayer, every warmth I feel, every vacation I take and yes, every breath that I am blessed to breathe. She was with me before I gave her life, before I conceived her. Yes, she haunted me to give her life for at least four years after I gave birth to my second child. You may be thinking how could that be? I will venture to explain.

    Kerri’s yearning to be born, another call from destiny

    It is said some lives are linked across time.

    Kris was my second live born child. Her sister, Lilly, was born two years earlier. In between, I had what is called a missed abortion. My child died in utero after month five of gestation. I carried my dead child for an additional month, until its body shriveled up enough for doctors to do a safe abortion. I won’t get into my sorrow or the emotional torment of carrying a dead child in my body, but my silent grief took at least ten years to finally disappear. My husband and I never spoke of our loss, but while on a business trip to Japan, he took me to a mountain shrine in Kamakura dedicated to mizuko unborn babies. There we saw little statues, Buddha’s, and small articles of children’s clothing left by grieving parents. I had never known about its existence but it was here, on the other side of the world that my burden was miraculously lifted and together we silently lit a candle for our child that almost was.

    Two or three years after Kris was born, I felt a strong yearning that my soul was now tied to another, a strange and unfamiliar feeling. I was 30 years old with two magnificently beautiful little girls. Lilly was five years old and Kris was three years old. We had just moved into a large new home and I was content.

    In my spare time, which came rarely, I would read. One book resonated strongly with these inner feelings, John Irving’s

    A Prayer for Owen Meany. Owen was an odd little dwarfed boy who, at some time in his youth, knew in his heart that he was an instrument of God yet never knew exactly what it was that God was asking him to do. Owen believed that everything happened for a reason and that each of us has a mission in life that we must fulfill regardless of the consequences. Owen had no clue what that mission was until it presented itself. The same concept found resonance in me. There was a compelling, yet quiet, desire to have another child. Until I did, I would be incomplete.

    I felt like one of two halves with an invisible energy force reeling me towards my missing piece. I was knitted to this other soul and it had nothing to do with my biological clock ticking. Deep inside my core a subtle gnawing persisted as if a homing device had been programmed. There was a child calling out to me to be his or her mother. Earlier in my life, I had wanted children to become a mother. This feeling was different. Now, someone was choosing me while destiny whispered its discourse, soul to soul. I had no way then of knowing that the soul has many secrets or that souls make important plans before the bodies that they inhabit meet. Today, I know that Kerri was born to me for a reason. Nothing happens by accident. The loves and losses, the experiences and the people you meet on life’s journey are there to help you. It was my fortune to have been chosen to give her life, because without a doubt she gave me much more. She continues to do so as I travel on my journey of discovery, the one she unwittingly caused me to travel. Of course, our lives have been cheated by her death, but keeping her spiritually and symbolically close has begun to supersede death. The truth is, I will never say goodbye to my amazing child.

    Four years passed before the inevitable finally happened. Initially, my husband had wanted more children but wasn’t sure that we should try again. We left it at that. Our girls were then six and eight. It came as an utter surprise when I found out I was pregnant, but we were delighted. Looking back and revisiting the times of my life I can see glimpses of divine order. However, it is only now I realize it was indeed kismet.

    Kerri is a gift I will forever be thankful for. After she passed, I was told that I should let her go, that I was keeping her soul from taking its natural path. I don’t believe this as Kerri is neither my obsession nor my possession. She is now my memory. How could I possibly deny the most wonderful of all memories, my child? It could never be an option. I worked intensely to make sure her memory did not possess my life. It lives in a vaulted file in my mind. There I talk to her and yes, when I feel the need, I can still parent her.

    My thoughts are rerouted to a place where I am unfamiliar and cannot go, yet I wonder where she is and what she is doing. Is she visiting on this earth plane or is she traveling the stars? Does she have companions? Is she safe? Is she being careful? Is she visiting with the grandparents she loved, Aunt Alma and Uncle Lou? Has she met the grandparents she never knew? I really don’t care to share my mind wanderings with others as that may be too bizarre, but I will often talk about my daughter when something reminds me of her which causes unease and sometimes astonishment.

    People refrain from mentioning her name thinking it is kindest not to remind me of my loss because sadness will ensue. They become hesitant and the conversation regarding my child ends. But they couldn’t be more wrong. After working hard to get here, I find myself in a comfortable place. It is a peaceful place and possibly my best place. I rejoice in the memory of her. Kerri is never gone from me. I often feel her presence and yes, I can even feel a tingling touch on my face when she is around. How enormously blessed am I! Her amazing love has traveled through the density of a force field and has lifted the veil that separates us. The phenomenon is one of life’s mysteries not explained, yet known for centuries. Scientists around the world are working on the spiritual implications of the bizarre nature of quantum physics, trying to understand it, and hopefully one day they will.

    My daughter often visits me at the same time in the evening. Sometimes I am distracted watching TV or reading or working on the computer. Her visits are commonplace to me now, just as it was when she was alive and would phone several times a day. Sometimes she visits often and then sometimes not for weeks or months. No, I cannot summon her. She comes whenever she wants or whenever she can, I suppose. I really don’t know much about how that works. I never thought of the possibility that I would experience anything like this. It seems the bond originated between us on the other side before she was born and has not been broken, even now.

    As human beings we are far more extraordinary than just the machine of our physical body. Although much of the world believes in its separateness, we belong to a mystery far greater. Now a radical new story has developed for me and I am moving forward in ways that I cannot understand. My mind, though filled with grief, goes back to that feeling of connectedness I had before she was born and reflects on the much larger purpose of our lives, the subtle undercurrents of an invisible web which linked us together. Was my loss and suffering necessary to gain this recognition? Again, I am unsure. Is that the way the soul is educated, giving light only after darkness?

    My daughter touched many during her short lifetime and left indelible marks in amazing places. When one chooses not to sever a relationship because of physical death, I believe this sends out an invitation for our loved ones to visit. Death

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