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    Down on the Farm
    Down on the Farm
    Down on the Farm
    Ebook87 pages1 hour

    Down on the Farm

    By Joei Carlton Hossack

    ()

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    About this ebook

    City slickers, Paul and (author) Joei Carlton Hossack purchase what they think is the perfect weekend getaway. Be careful what you wish for became their mantra.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJoei Carlton Hossack
    Release dateAug 23, 2013
    ISBN9781301483273
    Down on the Farm
    Author

    Joei Carlton Hossack

    Joei Carlton Hossack is the author of 6 main stream travel books and produces her own line of books called Mini Reads. She is an entertaining and inspirational speaker, a travel-writing and memoir-writing teacher and an amateur photographer. She was born in Montreal and has traveled extensively. She has spent 25 years as an RVer and when not traveling she resides in British Columbia.

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      Book preview

      Down on the Farm - Joei Carlton Hossack

      How Ya Gonna Keep’em

      Down on the Farm

      After They’ve Seen the Farm

      By: Joei Carlton Hossack

      Surrey, British Columbia

      JoeiCarlton@Hotmail.com

      www.JoeiCarlton.Com

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopy, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages.

      Copyright: 2010 Joei Carlton Hossack

      Smashwords Edition

      Other books by the same author:

      Restless from the Start (out of print)

      Everyone’s Dream Everyone’s Nightmare

      Kiss This Florida, I’m Outta Here

      A Million Miles from Home

      Alaska Bound and Gagged

      Free Spirit — Born to Wander

      Chasing the Lost Dream

      Mini Reads:

      How I Lost 3 Pounds in 30 Years

      Morocco – Without a Pit to Hiss In

      Stuck in Grease Greece

      e-Books

      Kiss This Florida, I’m Outta Here

      A Million Miles from Home

      Alaska Bound and Gagged

      Free Spirit – Born to Wander

      How I Lost 3 Pounds in 30 Years

      Morocco – Without a Pit to Hiss In

      Stuck in Grease Greece

      My Life in Ruins

      Czeching Out – The Search for Franz Kafka

      The Turquoise Coast

      Down on the Farm

      Prologue

      Paul’s Family

      Paul and I came from two distinctly different families.

      Paul’s was like the civil war…..brother-in-law against brother-in-law, sister against sister, mother against everyone and the most intelligent, kindest and gentlest father that ever walked the face of the earth.

      Christmas and most of the Christian holidays were spent with his side of the family…..mainly because I am not Christian and those holidays meant nothing to me or my kinfolk. It was easy to relent.

      I don’t actually ever remember a gathering of the clan that didn’t include some type of mouth-to-mouth combat. My brother-in-law’s opening comment usually bemoaned the fact that it didn’t matter how many hours a teacher puts in he gets such low pay. My husband would instantly retort that teaching produces nothing for the GNP and therefore get what they deserve…..and besides, he would continue fueling the fire with gasoline, teachers do absolutely nothing all summer long and get paid for it. They have all summer to sit in the sun and read…..or drink, a low blow aimed directly at one brother-in-law in particular. That always got blood to the boiling point and with just a tiny nudge from Paul’s pitch forked tongue, produced a mini Mount St. Helen. Paul would then sit back to admire his handiwork.

      Whatever the occasion, it ended with all parties leaving early to lick their wounds or plot their revenge. Talking did not resume until the next family get together. It definitely saved on phone bills.

      It is hard to come up with more than one example because there were so many that started the same way and escalated until the situation spiraled out of control. My holiday memories run together but Paul was always in the thick of it, egging anyone and everyone on that could be egged on. He was no angel.

      My Family

      I remember Milton Berle as a guest on a television program called Hollywood Squares. His question was How long does a person have to be missing before he can be presumed dead? His answer was in a Jewish family, it is one meal.

      That would be the best way to describe my family. Yes, we disagreed over many issues. Yes, we argued vehemently over the insignificant. Yes, we would even go so far as to scream at each other over almost nothing…..BUT…..it never carried over into another room and especially not if food was being served.

      It was a warm and sunny Sunday way-back-when. We had gathered at my oldest sibling’s home mid-morning in Montreal’s Hampstead district. Paul and I were there. Harry was with his latest girlfriend, Joan. Mona was visiting from California, which always sparked an impromptu get together. Nathan was with us in the living room while his wife, Laura, was busy in the kitchen.

      We were all gathered comfortably around the coffee table. Paul and I were on one loveseat while Harry and Joan sat on the opposite one. Mona was stretched out on the floor, her back against the padded arm of a loveseat and Nathan sat on a dining room chair, his arms folded across his chest like he was ready to referee.

      It is a proverb written in blood that unless you are ready for an argument, you should never discuss religion or politics. Harry is our family antagonist and Paul always enjoyed his friendly banter so it didn’t take long for the discussion to spiral out of control when the subject of politics, always an easy target in Quebec, was broached.

      It went back and forth with Nathan adding his two cents and claiming that Quebec politics is similar to the Middle East crisis and would never be resolved. Mona tried to switch to similar problems with California politics while Joan and I could not have cared less.

      Comments were flying around the room like bats darting back and forth looking for a way out of the light. It went from Harry to Paul, then Nathan, back to Harry, then back to Nathan with Paul going but…..but…..but…..never getting another word in. We were seconds away from a Declaration of War when Laura poked her head into the living room from the dining room and announced lunch is on the table. Every head turned her way like bobble head dolls. Eyes became saucer-sized and every tongue licked the lips of a mouth that had the beginning of the tiniest smile. In silence we got up and like lemmings followed each other into the dining room, sat down, grabbed a bagel and whatever filling…..cream cheese with lox, chopped egg, tuna salad or salmon patties….happened to be their favorite to spread onto their poppy seed, sesame seed or onion bagel. Order had returned to the household.

      The subject was changed to something far more pleasant. All thoughts of war forgotten. Welcome to my family.

      * * * *

      You know, confessed Paul on the drive home, "that would never have happened in my

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