The Will of God as a Way of Life: How to Make Every Decision with Peace and Confidence

ZONDERVAN

the Will of God as a Way of Life

Copyright © 2000, 2004 by Gerald L. Sittser

Formerly titled Discovering God’s Will

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ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN: 0-310-86476-3

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Sittser, Gerald Lawson, 1950–

    The will of God as a way of life : how to make every decision with peace and confidence / by Gerald L. Sittser.—Rev. ed.

    p. cm.

    Includes bibliographical references.

    ISBN-13: 0-310-25963-3

      1. God—Will. 2. Discernment (Christian theology) 3. Christian life—Presbyterian authors. I. Sittser, Gerald Lawson, 1950– Discovering God’s will. II. Title.

BV4509.5.S58 2004

248.4—dc22

2004006068

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with the literary agency of Ann Spangler and Company, 1420 Pontiac Road S.E., Grand Rapids, MI 49506.

05 06 07 08 09 10 11 • 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

To my children:

Catherine, David, and John,

who are so clearly the will of God for me

Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Foreword by Eugene Peterson

Preface to the New Edition

Acknowledgments

I. Knowing God’s Will

1. We Never Know How Things Will Turn Out

2. Our Astonishing Freedom

3. Obstacles That Get in the Way

II. Making Decisions

4. Simple Obedience as a Way of Life

5. God’s Clear Commands for Life

6. Attending to the Little Things

7. Making Choices

III. Grasping Time

8. Facing What We Cannot Change

9. Redeeming the Past

10. Preparing for the Future

11. Living in the Wonder of the Present Moment

IV. Discerning Our Calling in Life

12. Distinguishing Between Calling and Career

13. Discovering What We’re Supposed to Do

14. Managing Our Many Callings

V. Embracing Mystery

15. Living with Paradox

16. Suffering Respects No Boundaries

17. Getting Through Suffering

Notes

Study Questions

About the Publisher

Foreword

I have just finished rereading the book that you hold in your hands and are about (I hope) to read. It strikes me as even more remarkable today than when I first read it four years ago. The word that comes to mind that sets this book apart is companionable—a companionable book.

Companionable because Jerry Sittser has written this book as an extended and nuanced conversation with friends on Christian pilgrimage. Those of us who find ourselves in this company, know that the phrase that is thematic to the book, will of God, may well be one of the murkiest set of words in the Christian vocabulary. We use the phrase a great deal, sometimes as nothing more than a cliché drained of content, but at other times with genuine puzzlement that plunges us into a maelstrom of anxiety. For some it posts a dogmatic No Trespassing sign that shuts off either thinking or praying; for others, it scrawls a huge question mark over past and future and leaves us floundering in the holy now where we do all our actual living. Meanwhile, the conversation conducted in this book focuses and refocuses will of God in the context of the many and various ways in which all of us live out our lives of faith and obedience in our families and workplaces, in our crisis sufferings and our mundane routines. Gradually, we get it. We are with a companion who does not rush us, does not hector us, does not force his opinions upon us. What he does is write from within a community of highly textured relationships and voices and takes the actual, lived, circumstances of each of our lives seriously—we are listening to a friend who has lived all that he writes, lived it honestly and believingly. There is no condescension here, he treats us with the immense dignity that inheres in will of God, but at the same time maintains a quiet but insistent conviction that we must quit speculating about the will of God and simply do it. Will of God is never a matter of conjecture, it directs a spotlight on believing obedience.

There is a sense that Dr. Sittser isn’t saying anything new on the subject. Still, what he writes will strike many who read these pages as novel, for we live in a time when the air is full of careless comment and commentary on the will of God. Unfortunately too many of these comments have neither biblical rootage nor theological integrity. But the Bible could hardly be more clear on the matter and our best theologians have done their best to keep us attentive to the biblically obvious. Scripture carves the contours of the conversation that is this book and prayerful theologians, most of them unnamed, are unobtrusively in the background confirming the obvious. So while the writer is winsomely personal throughout, he is not idiosyncratic or exhibitionistic. An unassuming modesty sets the tone, an unpretentious, conversational style that never descends to banality. Companionable, indeed.

And companionable also because with this book in my hand, I know I have an ally I can trust in my own work. In the Christian community we are all our brothers (and sisters!) keepers in living the will of God. We live with family and friends and neighbors who ask a lot of questions about the will of God. I don’t keep statistics on such matters, but over a lifetime I dare say that this ranks high on the list of most-asked questions by Christians. It is painful to have to say it, but there is an enormous amount of dishonesty and just plain silliness written these days in the cause of Christ. When people come to my attention whose voice is sane and honest in Christian witness, I join forces with them. Those of us who parent or teach or pastor or befriend in Jesus’ name, need all the help we can get. When the voice gets packaged into a book like this one on such a critical but confused subject as the will of God, I get as many people as I can in on the conversation.

A last word: when you’ve turned the last page and finished reading the book, give yourself a break—five minutes or so should be enough—and then return to page one and start reading again, but more slowly this time. Conversations like these with a companion like this are rare. Savor. The Truth must dazzle gradually . . . (Emily Dickinson).

EUGENE H. PETERSON

Professor Emeritus of Spiritual Theology

Regent College, Vancouver, B.C.

Preface

to the New Edition

I was surprised and honored when an editor from Zondervan called to tell me that Zondervan was planning to release new editions of the first two books I had published with them. Before I could determine how much revision was required, I had to reread them first. After rereading the first book published with Zondervan, A Grace Disguised, I decided to let it remain as it was, for reasons I explain in the preface to the new edition of that book.

But I decided to revise my second book, Discovering God’s Will. I liked the theology of the book; if anything, I feel more strongly about it now than when I wrote it. But I did not like the writing. It was too long and too redundant, and it had too many illustrations. I tend to write fast and then let the draft sit for a while before returning to it with fresh eyes. I did not let Discovering God’s Will sit long enough. As I discovered when I reread it, the book needed one more revision. So I put myself to the task with energy and enthusiasm, grateful for the second chance. I moved sections around, cut about twenty-five pages, eliminated one chapter, and added another. It is a much better book now.

The new title (which is really an old title) is a story in itself. The original title of the first edition was The Will of God as a Way of Life, which describes quite accurately what the book is about. But we decided to change the title to Discovering God’s Will to appeal to the felt needs of the readers. Readers were not pleased! Several complained that the new title was misleading, for the book, as you will see, is not about discovering the will of God we don’t know and perhaps shouldn’t know but about doing the will of God we already know. This second edition is adopting the original title.

The title itself is true to the book; it is also true to Scripture. As I argue in the first chapter, the will of God concerns how we live life in the present moment, doing the will of God as it is revealed in Scripture, for much of life is simply doing the obvious. I have discovered that life is lived best when it is lived for God right where I am, as Francis de Sales put it.

Sandra Vander Zicht, who served as my editor for the first edition of this book and for my most recent Zondervan publication, When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer, was the one who suggested that Zondervan release a second edition. She also urged me to consider making some minor revisions. I took advantage of her suggestion and revised it more radically than she was expecting. Lori Vanden Bosch, a part-time editor for Zondervan, helped me from start to finish. She has an eye for good prose and a mind for good theology. She even added some sections that I cut, which is unusual for an editor. She was a joy to work with.

I dedicated the first edition to my children. They deserve it even more now. Catherine and David are attending Whitworth College together, and both are thriving. John is a high school freshman. I wrote in the first edition that they are the will of God for me. God has used them to shape my life. But God is shaping their lives, too. They are learning, just as I am, to follow God’s will as a way of life. They are making excellent progress. It has been nothing but joy to watch them grow up so well.

Acknowledgments

I will tell the story of how I came to write about the will of God in chapter 1. Still, a little explanation here will help. I have been thinking about this topic since I was in college. This book, therefore, is the culmination of years of reflection, conversation, and struggle. My principal aim in writing this book is to provide perspective, not to outline five easy steps to discovering the will of God. If, after reading this book, readers take stock of their lives and discern how they can live for God right where they are, then I will consider it a success.

I first tested these ideas on students many years ago. Their questions and insights only reinforced what I have always known—students are the real teachers. I worked out these ideas with people who had a vested interest, for students are intensely interested in discovering God’s will for their lives. They helped me to develop the ideas presented here. I thank them for their eagerness to learn, which made them such good teachers for me.

Books are the by-products of community, although usually only one name appears on the jacket cover. I wish to thank some of the many people who contributed to this project along the way. Jim Edwards and Karen Peterson Finch offered useful criticism of early proposals. Laura Bloxham urged me to read novels, which gave me insights into the human struggle to find God’s will. Marcia Everett sent me useful material to read, some of which made its way into the book; she also provided a thorough critique of the rough draft. My sister and brother-in-law, Diane and Jack Veltkamp, gave me wonderful support. Bill Robinson, Forrest Baird, Andrea Palpant, Tad Wisenor, Katie Wisenor, Bob Mitchell, Janelle Thayer, Todd and Monica Holdridge, and Kelly Walsh read a rough draft and provided helpful criticism. I take sole responsibility for what I have written. I give these friends the credit for challenging me to write it as well as I could.

I was fortunate to publish an earlier book with Zondervan, entitled A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss. The staff there accomplished a rare feat. They helped me to do my best as an author, and they also treated me well as a person. I am deeply grateful to them for their support.

This support has been evident in the publication of this book as well. John Topliff, head of marketing, has worked hard to get both books into the hands of readers. Ann Spangler, the editor of my first book, helped start this book as well. Her instincts for ideas and words have been superb. Sandra Vander Zicht, Senior Acquisitions Editor, read the rough draft and urged me to do better. So I tore apart what I had written and started over; I am grateful to her for setting high standards. Verlyn D. Verbrugge, Senior Editor, tidied up the prose when I lost all capacity to spot misspelled words, poor grammar, redundancies, and awkwardness of phrasing. These three editors, professionals of the highest caliber, helped to make this project a pleasure from beginning to end. I am almost sad it is done.

I owe the greatest debt, however, to my three children: Catherine, David, and John. They gave me the time I needed to finish the book, and they even showed interest along the way. But their real contribution to this book has been more subtle and significant. They have taught me more about the will of God than they will ever know simply because they are the will of God for my life. I dedicate this book to them with love, affection, gratitude, and loyalty.

Part I

Knowing God’s Will

O Lord our God, grant us grace to desire you with a whole heart, that so desiring you we may seek you and find you; and so finding you, may love you; and loving you, may hate those sins from which you have redeemed us, for Jesus Christ’s sake.

Anselm

1

We Never Know How

Things Will Turn Out

I spent the first twenty years of my life feeling certain I knew the will of God for my life. I was going to practice medicine. I was as sure about the future as I was about the difficulty of getting there, for making it to the end seemed a daunting task to me. While still in high school, I talked seriously with a plastic surgeon about joining his practice when I completed my education, and he invited me to his summer home to show me slides of his work. By the time I entered college, I was eager to enroll in science and math courses to prepare for medical school. I had one goal in mind. Everything else was a distraction and inconvenience to me, like having to do chores on a hot summer day.

But I made a fatal mistake in selecting a college. Hope College, located in Holland, Michigan, was a liberal arts institution, which meant that it required students to take a broad range of general studies courses. If I ever wanted to earn a degree from Hope, therefore, I would have to do more than study science. I would also have to read Dostoyevsky, listen to Beethoven, study the causes of the Crimean War, and write a persuasive essay.

I was about as eager to study the liberal arts as I was to read a dictionary for weekend pleasure. But I had no choice. In my first semester I signed up for a freshman writing class. For years I had read literature only under duress and had avoided writing altogether, except when my teachers forced me to put pen to paper. Fortunately, my writing professor, Dr. Nancy Miller, knew my type. Savvy and sociable, she was adept at handling people like me. When I griped one day about the writing requirement, she ignored me as if I had just made a bland comment about the Detroit Lions. When I told her that I simply did not need the course because I was not planning to write for a career, she replied, You never know, Jerry, how things will turn out.

She was right, of course. I ended up doing something far different from what I had assumed was God’s will for my life. I did not attend medical school; I enrolled in seminary. I did not become a medical doctor; I became a minister instead. Later I returned to graduate school to earn an advanced degree. Now I serve as a college professor, and I write in my spare time. Words are therefore central to what I do. The writing course I took my freshman year of college became very useful to me, and my writing teacher proved to be a prophet. As it turns out, both course and teacher helped to prepare me for a vocation I never imagined at the time I would be doing.

Inability to Predict the Future

From this experience, I learned a valuable lesson I will never forget: We never know how things will turn out. What appears in our minds to be the pathway we should take might change as suddenly as weather in the Midwest. So we would be wise to be attentive and responsive to God along the way, even in matters that appear to have little significance, such as crafting good papers in a freshman writing class. Perhaps our attention to these little things is the will of God, and our preoccupation with the future a foolish distraction.

As I look back on my forty-nine years, I see a pattern emerge. At various points along the way I thought I knew the pathway I was supposed to take, but I ended up doing something quite different. This different something turned out to be the will of God. At twenty, I was sure that God wanted me to pursue a career in medicine; I became a minister instead. At thirty, I was planning to stay the course in pastoral ministry; now I am a college professor. At forty, I didn’t aspire to be an avid writer; now I am finishing this, my fifth book. At every step along the way I thought I knew God’s will for my life. I thought I had it all figured out. But it did not turn out as I had planned.

It occurred to me a few years ago that either I had developed the bad habit of missing the will of God for my life, or I had a mistaken notion of what God’s will was and is. The first alternative terrified me, for I had lived far too long and had made too many irreversible decisions—like getting married and having children—to wish I could start over in a vain attempt to get back on track. Besides, I have had too much evidence at my disposal—such as contentment of life and joy in my work—to assume that I had missed the will of God. It struck me as odd that I could wander that far off course without intending to, and yet not know it.

So I concluded that I had misunderstood what God’s will really is. Like a detective who had followed leads to one dead end after another, I decided to pursue another course altogether. I began to explore a different way of approaching the will of God. It proved to be one of the most exciting decisions I ever made.

Suffering Loss

The inability to predict the future was the first clue that set me searching in a different direction. But it was not the only clue I had. A second clue came from suffering loss. My wife Lynda and I had four wonderful children, two girls and two boys. We were deliriously happy. But that happiness—what we assumed was the will of God for our lives—came to a sudden halt in the fall of 1991 when a drunk driver jumped his lane and collided with our minivan, killing Lynda, my mother Grace, who was visiting us for the weekend, and my daughter Diana Jane. Four of us survived. John, then only two, was seriously hurt. Catherine (eight), David (seven), and I were injured, though not badly enough to require hospitalization.

That experience set me to thinking about the will of God. I had assumed that my marriage to Lynda was the will of God, that our family of six was the will of God, that the happy, stable, prosperous life we enjoyed together was the will of God. We were, as so many said, the ideal family. How could God allow such a tragedy to happen? ¹

I could not believe that God had suddenly changed his mind about what he willed for us—a good marriage and a healthy family. How, then, could my life as a single father of three traumatized children also be the will of God? The accident forced me to reconsider my assumptions about God’s will. Did God plan only the good life for me? If so, I wondered how I could integrate suffering into my understanding of God’s will. Or did God plan something very different for me, something still good, but also hard and painful at the same time? If so, I had to face the prospect that my approach to the will of God was entirely mistaken.

I started to read the Bible with fresh eyes, too. The Bible provided the third and final clue. As I will explain in the next chapter, I discovered that the Bible says very little about the will of God as a future pathway. Instead, the Bible warns us about anxiety and presumption concerning the future, assures us that God is in control, and commands us to do the will of God we already know in the present. Over time I scrutinized my assumptions and reconsidered the conventional approach to the will of God I had followed up to that point.

The Conventional Approach

I am not sure how or where I first learned the conventional approach to the will of God. I think I simply accepted it from the very beginning as gospel truth without much reflection, much as I accept the way letters are arranged in the alphabet.

Convention teaches us that the will of God consists of a specific pathway we should follow into the future. God knows what this pathway is, and he has laid it out for us to follow. Our responsibility is to discover this pathway—God’s plan for our lives. Unfortunately, it is not always obvious. If anything, it is often ambiguous. We must figure out which of the many pathways we could follow is the one we should follow, the one God has planned for us. If and when we make the right choice, we will receive his favor, fulfill our divine destiny, and succeed in life.

When a decision has to be made, everything suddenly becomes like a maze. We believe there is only one way out. All the other ways are dead ends, every one of them a bad choice. We believe that God knows the right way.