Maud, Here

MAUD, HERE

Louise Marian Robinson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Louise M. Robinson

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - Maud, Here!

Chapter 2 - The Nightmare Continues

Chapter 3 - Maud's Plan

Chapter 4 - The Great Escape

Chapter 5 - The Trouble With Cars

Chapter 6 - The 7-11 Incident

Chapter 7 - Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Them Crazy

Chapter 8 - Maud's Secret

Chapter 9 - A Plan is Born

Chapter 10 - The Heist

Chapter 11 - The Paintings

Chapter 12 - A Solution

Chapter 13 - A Neighborly Cup of Tea

Chapter 14 - Return to the Scene of the Crime

Chapter 15 - A Difference of Opinion

Chapter 16 - Maud at the Mall

Chapter 17 - In which Sophie and Maud Come to the Aid of an Unfortunate Gentleman

Chapter 18 - A Questionable Death

Chapter 19 - Suspicions

Chapter 20 - Unresolved Issues

Chapter 21 - The Past Pastor

Chapter 22 - The Church Lady

Chapter 23 - An Old Friend Found

Chapter 24 - An Old Friend Lost

Chapter 25 - Goodbye, Maud

Chapter 26 - The Homecoming

Chapter 27 - A Difficult Decision

Chapter 28 - 7% of the Solution

Chapter 1

Maud, Here!

Two plumbers, $78 an hour, and still, in the dark of night, all by itself, the toilet flushes.

That darn toilet. I gritted my teeth in the two a.m. darkness of my bedroom. It only flushes at night when I'm almost asleep. Never in the daytime, at least not when I'm home. Why?

I lifted the blanket a bit to nudge my little dog with my foot. Do you think this house is haunted, Dinah? Six months in this place and I can't get the toilet to stop flushing. Maybe there's a bathroom ghost. Dinah lifted her head and glared at me before snuggling back against my leg.

Giggling, I called toward the bathroom, Quit flushing that toilet, you stupid ghost!

Maud, here!

What? Who said that? Clutching the blanket, I sat up, peering around in the faint moonlight filtering through the sheer curtains. I really needed to get those free eye and ear exams offered at the Senior Center.

Oh, good grief. I sighed and relaxed. I must have hit the remote and turned on the TV. Cripes, I almost wet the bed.

You didn't turn on the TV, Sophie.

What! I turned on the bedside lamp and looked at the TV. It wasn't on, not even the sound.

I told you it's not the TV, Sophie. It's me. Maud.

I looked wildly around the bedroom. Maud who? Who are you? Nobody there, Dinah still curled up under the blanket.

I told you who I was. My name is Maud.

I don't know anyone named Maud. I'm calling the police! Thrashing around was getting me thoroughly tangled in the blankets. Where's my cell phone?

Quit bouncing around like that, you'll squash Dinah. The voice was coming from the window now, but I couldn't see anyone there. And you don't have a cell phone. Your only phone is hanging on the wall in the kitchen.

I squinted carefully around the room, trying to see into the dark corners and beyond shadows. Was the voice coming from the closet? Who are you?

I told you, I'm Maud and I used to live here. Now I'm dead here.

I have a 90-pound Doberman Pinscher right here by the bed! I nudged Dinah again. She'll attack!

You don't have a Doberman, you have a skinny-assed six-pound Miniature Pinscher.

How do you know about Dinah? Who on earth was in my room? And where was she?

Dinah and I are old friends. We hang out together when you're not home.

I clutched the blankets to my chest like armor. What are you doing in my house?

I already told you, my name's Maud and it's my house, too. I used to live here. I've been flushing your toilet for months, trying to get your attention. I just couldn't say anything out loud until you spoke to me. That's one of the rules. Ghosts can't talk to you until you talk to us.

What are you saying? What rules? Who are you? Where are you?

Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you. I know you don't believe in ghosts, but I am one. I'm real. Or semi-real, anyway. The voice seemed closer to the window now but I still couldn't see anyone.

If you are a ghost, and I'm not saying I believe you, how long have you been in my house? I figured I'd play along with this crazy person until I could tell where she was. Then I'd do something. What, I had no idea.

I've been in this house about thirty years, Sophie. Thirty years of hanging around, haunting.

Nobody said anything about a ghost in the house when I bought it. It would have to be in the deed if there was a ghost here. Maybe that was why the house had been within my price range.

They don't put ghosts in the deed. Now the voice came from the ceiling. And nobody knew I was here anyway.

Easing one leg from under the blankets, I thought maybe I could slide out of bed and run. If I couldn't see her, maybe she couldn't see me. Why did you pick me to talk to?

Well, we're both past middle age and probably have a lot of life experiences in common. I figured you'd be fun to talk to.

I don't know if I should be flattered or not. A ghost likes me?

Quit trying to sneak out of the bed, you'll wake up Dinah. I can see everything you're doing, you know. That is one sad looking nightgown. What is it, forty years old?

I must be dreaming. I'm going to pinch myself . . . Ouch! Oh, good lord, I'm not asleep! Dinah! Attack!

That dog can't attack her own foot, for heaven's sake. A rabbit would be a better watchdog.

Just go away, whoever you are! My heart was pounding. Fight or flight? I blinked back tears.

Please don't cry, Sophie. I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted someone to talk to. I'm lonely.

How can a ghost be lonely? Aren't there ghosts all over the place? I couldn't believe I asked such a stupid question. There's no such thing as ghosts!

I'm lonely because there's no one to talk to and I can't leave the house . . . Yes, I know you're here, Dinah, but it's not quite the same.

How do you know what Dinah said? I wiped my eyes on my favorite pillowcase. Does she talk to you?

Of course not! She's a dog. You talk to her. Do you know what she says back to you?

Well, no, but . . . I'm still talking to someone who isn't there! . . . This must be a nightmare. It's just the kind where I can feel it when I pinch myself. That's it, it's a 'feely' nightmare.

You are one weird woman, Sophie. You're not dreaming. I'm really here.

Go away. I turned off the lamp and scrunched down under the blankets. You're just a nightmare. I'm going back to sleep, and when I really wake up you won't be here.

Okay. Good night.

Good night? Hello? Hello? Are you there?

I waited, my heart pounding. It's gone, Dinah! She's gone! I guess it was a woman, she said her name was Maud. I turned over in my beautiful, safe bed, and pulled the blanket over my little dog. That was the weirdest dream, Dinah.

By the moonlight shining in the window, I could see Dinah peeking out from under the blanket. Her hairy little lips curled into what might have been a smile.

Chapter 2

The Nightmare Continues

Maud, here!

I sighed and turned to squint at the clock. Two in the morning. The nightmare continues. Dinah's back legs twitched against my stomach.

I'm not a nightmare. I'm really here. Sort of.

I buried my face in my pillow and whimpered, I give up, you're a ghost.

You got it. I'm a ghost and my name is Maud. Pretty nifty, huh?

You've been waking me up at ungodly hours for two weeks. Pretending to tear my hair, I asked, Can't you at least show up in the daytime?

Of course I can.

Well, why haven't you? I was getting annoyed but tried to control it. What good would it do to get mad at a figment of my imagination? I haven't had a decent night's sleep for ages.

It's part of the FBI technique for breaking down people's defenses.

What are you talking about? I sat up and turned on the light. Dinah let out a muffled snarl.

You know, if I break down your mental defenses with sleep deprivation, then you believe anything I tell you. And I'm telling you, I really exist. As a ghost, anyway.

Oh, lord. I sank back on the pillow. If I agree that you're really a ghost, will you let me go to sleep?

I want to talk some more.

Where are you? Why can't I see you? I peered around my bedroom. Aren't you supposed to be able to see ghosts in the dark? It's two a.m. It's dark.

Stop squinting, you'll get more wrinkles. I'll let you see me now. I'm right here at the foot of your bed. You probably can't see me because it's dark, and so am I. I'm black. African-American they call it nowadays.

And there she was. Slightly fuzzy, but by squinting a little I could see her, barely hovering over the foot of the bed. She was a slender elderly black woman, wearing a blue flower print dress. A small yellow straw hat perched on her carefully permed grey hair. White low-heeled shoes completed her attire.

I can see you now; I just wasn't looking in the right place. And besides, you're not black, you're white. The look on her face was priceless and it was all I could do not to laugh.

I'm black!

She stamped her foot, but it was rather futile considering she was hovering about three feet in the air.

No, you're not. I couldn't resist.

Yes, I am!

No, you're not.

Well, what the heck happened? Frowning, Maud floated up to the ceiling and back. I was black!

I covered my mouth to hide a grin. Maybe you faded when you died.

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! Black people don't fade!

Well, you insist you're a ghost, and ghosts are white.

So I'm still black, but I'm white?

Poor Maud, she looked so confused. I was not being a nice person. My only excuse was lack of sleep.

Yes. I couldn't help but burst out laughing. White as a ghost!

That's not funny.

You look like a skinny Whoopi Goldberg. I pulled the blanket around me. Do you know who she is?

Of course I know who Whoopi Goldberg is. And everything else that's going on in the world. Besides flushing the toilet, I can turn on the TV. It's just a little harder. Maud floated down and perched on the end of my bed.

I keep up with current events, she said. I was a teacher. We're good with current events.

Floating back up to the ceiling, she did a pirouette, her dress swirling around her. A little bit of lace on the hem of her slip peeped out. And I think I look more like Halle Berry.

You look as much like Halle Berry as I do. I couldn't help giggling.

Oh, I don't think so, Sophie. With that white hair sticking out all over the place, you look like a dandelion gone to seed.

I sat up a little to see myself in the mirror over the dresser. She was right, I had gone to seed. I was looking at a short, plump grandmother with messy white hair. Where had all those lines in my face and bags under my eyes come from? I lifted my arm to smooth my hair and that stuff under my arm waved back at me. Oh, God. I was everything I had sworn never to become. I looked like my grandmother.

I do the best I can with what I have. I sighed and sank back down in the bed, being careful not to disturb Dinah. I just don't care about much of anything any more.

Maud floated down to the bed and ran her finger over the footboard. That's pretty obvious, Sophie. When's the last time you dusted?

Now I was getting mad. Well, if you can flush the toilet and turn on the TV, why don't you vacuum and do the dishes?

Hey, it's your house now, not mine. I'm through with all that cleaning crap.

Why am I lying here arguing with you? I don't even believe in ghosts.

Maud grinned at me. You must believe in me now, Sophie, 'cause here we are, talking.

All right, I believe you. I sat up again and looked around. "I didn't know you were