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    The Malingerer's Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else's Labor
    The Malingerer's Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else's Labor
    The Malingerer's Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else's Labor
    Ebook96 pages1 hour

    The Malingerer's Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else's Labor

    By Mark Tuschel

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    About this ebook

    A humorous view of living the lifestyle that you deserve. Learn to work smart - not hard. This book is required reading for anyone who is starting a new job. It is also required reading for bosses, managers, parents, anyone who has people under their charge - to learn all about the tactics that are used against you. Disturbingly funny, but oh so real.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMark Tuschel
    Release dateApr 12, 2010
    ISBN9781458045744
    The Malingerer's Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else's Labor
    Author

    Mark Tuschel

    Mark A. Tuschel is a PhD – Previously heavy Drinker. Mark has over four years of sobriety without a relapse. He is not a prohibition lunatic; he openly admits he misses his old friend alcohol. He realizes that his drunken lifestyle was completely his own choice and drinking will not improve his life or his chances for a better future. Accepting this precept is why he chooses to remain sober. Mark has been involved in radio broadcast for over 20 years. Starting as an on-air DJ in Milwaukee, WI. then producing comedy for All-Star Radio, ACN, ESPN Radio, Animal Radio Network and more. He currently performs cartoon character voice work from his home studio. He is also the founder and author of the website www.FreeDivorceSupportForMen.com

    Read more from Mark Tuschel

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      Book preview

      The Malingerer's Handbook - Mark Tuschel

      The Malingerer’s Handbook

      Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else’s Labor

      By: Mark A. Tuschel

      Legal crap-o-la

      The Malingerer’s Handbook: Living Off the Fruits of Someone Else’s labor.

      Copyright © 2010 by Mark A. Tuschel

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief excerpts in connection with a review in a magazine, newspaper, website or other electronic media. Further let it be noted; Ipso facto, corpus juris, corpus delecti, Corpus Christie, e Pluribus Unum, duecis tecum, quid pro quo, and further legal mumbo-jumbo.

      Published by: CW Media, Inc.

      Smashwords Edition

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      All inquiries about this book, including interviews, purchases or speaking engagements can be made through email: booksales@LivingSoberSucks.com

      Please do not bother the Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data, they are busy enough the way it is.

      ISBN 10: 0-9842730-1-8

      ISBN 13: 978-0-9842730-1-0

      Dedication

      To Leon and Cele Tuschel

      At least I’m trying.

      Contents

      Introduction

      #1 - Always blame bad luck

      #2 - Issue blame on others and elsewhere

      #3 - Create plausible explanations

      #4 - Prioritize

      #5 - Look busy

      #6 - Over-commit

      #7 - Create evidence of activity

      #8 - Take frequent naps

      #9 – Self-justify

      #10 - Enjoy the fruits

      Introduction

      Throughout my life I have been called many things: jerk, goofball, freak, dirt bag, idiot, dolt, cretin, moron – and these were from my own family. But the one epithet which stands out the most was when a handful of intimately close individuals called me a Professional Malingerer. I believe that this moniker was meant to be an insult towards me. So I decided to look the word up in the dictionary.

      Malinger / ma·lin·ger / [mə líng gər] n.

      To feign illness: to pretend to be ill, especially in order to avoid work. [Late 18th century. < French malingre sickly]

      Now I must admit that I have spent my entire life projecting the illusion that I am the busiest unemployed guy on earth. But ironically, I have never once feigned illness to avoid work; I will have to try that technique sometime.

      Regardless of the actual definition for the word malinger; Malingerer seems to be the accepted term used when describing anyone who is viewed as lazy, a loafer, a shirker, an idler, a do-nothing, slacker, freeloader or goldbricker. I proudly state that I am fully eligible to hold any and all of these titles. I have truly perfected the art of appearing productive while still enjoying the fruits of my garden, or I should say, someone else’s garden.

      I have countless times, used and benefitted from each of the rules for malingering that you are about to learn. These rules have allowed me to enjoy my comfortable and cushy lifestyle without doing much work.

      I feel that I have been sent here to enjoy a lifelong vacation. So not only am I a malingerer, I also consider myself an indolent hedonist. I am without doubt, a U.S.D.A. Prime Choice, Grade-A Professional Malingerer, which more than qualifies me to write this book.

      For example, I have wanted to write this handbook for a very long time but I never got around to doing it. Not that I am a procrastinator, I just never had enough free time available - I was simply too busy doing other projects and helping out all of my friends with their projects. (Rule 2 & Rule 6)

      I had originally planned to enlist the services of someone else to type the text for me, but I didn’t have the time to make the phone calls to find anyone; I was always so busy helping with my friends’ projects. As I further thought this plan out, I realized that having someone else type for me would mean that I must dictate its content. This required me to go shopping. Thus, I have been so extremely busy looking for a device to record my words of wisdom into, that I never got any of my other work done. And besides, there are so many different products on the market, I just couldn’t make up my mind - and you know how rapidly technology changes - whatever I would have purchased would immediately be outdated. After months of arduous shopping, comparing prices, looking for sales, I just couldn’t find the right product. So I decided that I should just do the typing myself. (Rule 3 & Rule 4)

      Over the past countless years I had made many notes and scribbled down numerous ideas for this book and placed them in a manila folder. (Rule 7) It took me many months to review and organize these notes. I eventually did find the time to write (between doing other projects) but writing a book can be an exceptional mental drain and physically exhausting. I found that I was best able to think creatively while my mind was at rest. This necessitated that I nap frequently. (Rule 8)

      Obviously, the only way I could get this handbook out into the hands of the general public was to get it published. As I am not a highly recognized author, I realized that I would once again need to enlist the services of someone else - a literary agent. So I spent several more months devising a query letter and then sent my concept for this handbook to hundreds of literary agents - hoping they would do the work of getting it published for me - and we would both reap financial gains. (Rule 10)

      I knew that eventually this handbook would get published and all of my hard efforts would pay off - not just for me but for everyone who bought it, read it and applied these malingering techniques. (Rule 9)

      The thing that’s nice about this book is that while you’re reading it, you can look engrossed, giving the appearance that you are studying or doing research - but you can put it down at any time to sit back, think and ponder, maybe even nap. There is no big rush for you to finish it. (Rule 5) I suggest that you keep it in your desk, purse or briefcase for quick reference.

      These 10 Rules of malingering will be helpful for you at work, school, home, in business, politics, marriage and all of your interpersonal relationships. You must learn, practice, understand and harness the power of the rules in this handbook so you can enjoy your life to its fullest – creating your own lifelong vacation.

      This handbook will also be of use to parents, managers, and teachers; anyone who has others under their charge, to help you understand the tactics which are so often being used against you. Knowing what you are up against will enable you to combat those tactics better and derail the malingerer.

      You might be a Type-A person, and find malingering reprehensible. Then it is

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