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    Optimizing Your Single Life: The Lost Art of Communication
    Optimizing Your Single Life: The Lost Art of Communication
    Optimizing Your Single Life: The Lost Art of Communication
    Ebook93 pages1 hour

    Optimizing Your Single Life: The Lost Art of Communication

    By Bernard Natelson, PsyD

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    About this ebook

    "Our desire to be both understood and loved is still a vital part of what it means to be human." Bernard F Natelson, PsyD

    This eBook delivers Dr. Bernard Natelson's own experiences from the 90's as both a Single and a licensed Psychologist, completely refreshed and updated from a series of 28 articles originally written for Single Life magazine. Timeless and fun lessons for Singles!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherReal Psych Solutions
    Release dateJun 18, 2010
    ISBN9781452325781
    Optimizing Your Single Life: The Lost Art of Communication
    Author

    Bernard Natelson, PsyD

    Dr. Bernard F. Natelson has been in private practice for over 25 years. He and some fellow psychologists led some single groups in the 80's and 90's in which a topic was chosen prior to the group event related to Single Life. The groups would then discuss how the topic related to each of their lives as Single People. The names of the groups were: The New Singles Approach and New to LA.Dr. Natelson has worked with a vast number of Singles in helping them with some of the assertive skills mentioned in this book. For example, he has employed behavioral rehearsal and modeling techniques in assisting clients to improve their body language (i.e. non-verbal language). One of the articles he has published with Real Psych Solutions is: The Four Point Rule of Assertive Behavior. He presently works with individuals looking for love, couples that are considering marriage and marital couples with whom he teaches more constructive ways of communicating to one another.Additionally, Dr. Natelson is a trained mediator and has written an article titled Divorce Mediation. He has participated as a volunteer on the LA County Superior Court in helping mediate several different difficult situations. In performing these mediations, he relies on his skills in conflict resolution.Dr. Natelson has also given workshops on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to both clinicians and groups of physicians throughout the state of California. The training focuses on how natural disasters and human induced violence affect trauma victims and how cognitive behavioral therapy can help in the resolution of the trauma.Finally, Dr. Natelson consults with and advises business managers and employees to better cope with the everyday stressors that face them in the changing workplace.Dr. Natelson has a private practice in Los Alamitos, CA and, he can be reached at his email address: docallegro@aol.com.

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      Book preview

      Optimizing Your Single Life - Bernard Natelson, PsyD

      Optimizing Your Single Life

      The Lost Art of Communication

      by Bernard F Natelson, MBA, PsyD, ABMP

      Copyright ©2010 Bernard F Natelson. All rights reserved.

      Book published by: Real Psych Solutions at Smashwords

      Editing, Layout and Design by Stefan Unger, PhD, Real Psych Solutions

      Cover based, in part, on photograph courtesy of PhotoExpress.com

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Table of Contents

      Acknowledgments

      Foreword

      Being Single is Not So Rare

      Key Ideas: We are living longer lives and, consequently, there may be more single people than ever before and/or the amount of time a person is single may be more than it ever was in the past. Social support groups, newer for men than women, help connect those of us that are single with others of the same sex.

      The Language of Direct and Indirect Communication

      Key Ideas: Gals - A polite No I'm not interested will reduce the likelihood of unwanted callers. Guys -Don't accept a maybe but ask your prospective date if she is interested or not. This may save a lot of time and energy on the part of both parties.

      Maximizing Your Social Life Through Assertion

      Key Ideas: Assertive behavior often implies the character strength of being able to handle rejection. It is precisely for this reason that a person that practices assertive behavior in his or her life will have a good sense of self.

      The Aura of Desperation

      Key Ideas: Human beings are often more attracted to those of the opposite sex that are not readily or excessively available. The economic law of Supply and Demand applies also to social situations.

      Breaking-Up

      Key Ideas: Relationships that are half on and half off are often confusing to, if not both, at least one, of the partners involved. If children are involved, it is best to be civil with one another after the relationship has ended. It is not a good idea to base one's self worth on the opinion of that of a loved one such as a spouse.

      Strictly Speaking Ballroom

      Key Idea: Role expectations of both males and females, in changing with the times, have created concomitant confusion in both the sexes.

      Starting Over

      Key Ideas: The pace of modern life has accelerated with the advent of technology. Unfortunately, this rapid pace may filter down into our social lives causing us to expect fast results in meeting an ideal partner. Even in the modern world, those of us who have been through the mill once or twice recognize that it takes time and effort to meet a compatible individual with similar values.

      Effective Ways to Look for Love

      Key Ideas: Looking for love is far less tedious if one views it as an adventure rather than a chore or job. One advantage of living in the modern world is the increase in modalities in which an individual can meet her/his ideal mate.

      A Very Special Letter

      Key Idea: If something does not feel right in a relationship, it is best to be open with one's partner and not let silence make the gap between the two of you that much larger to bridge.

      The Risk of Clarity

      Key Idea: Although difficult and often threatening to one's self-esteem, clarifying with your partner what you each truly feel about one another can move the relationship in a positive direction.

      Relationship Foreplay

      Key Ideas: Whether we are conscious of it or not, assertive or non-assertive behaviors begin at the outset of any relationship. I messages create authentic communication that can bring people closer to each other.

      The Art of Listening

      Key Ideas: It is not a cliché that we, as human beings, have a deep desire to be understood. A partner that has the ability to listen can begin to fulfill this profound need for his/her partner to be understood.

      The Veil of Lust

      Key Idea: A couple seduced by the veil of lust may have difficulty later in developing a deeper relationship where compatibility is expressed in each partner's similar values and desires.

      Relationship Starts

      Key Ideas: Men are often more inclusive than women in acquainting themselves with members of the opposite sex. However, this may be the result of their desire to merely have a sexual connection with a particular partner. Women need to be on guard as to what both her and his underlying motives are in initiating a relationship.

      Social Timeliness

      Key Ideas: Social timeliness in the onset of a relationship can be crucial. Revealing one's strengths and/or weaknesses early in a relationship can be a turn off to one's partner. Moreover, a partner that needs to reveal him or herself early in a relationship precludes listening, an important way of connecting with the other partner.

      Commitment Phobia - What Does It Mean?

      Key Ideas: A man that is not equally interested in his partner may often find himself with the label of commitment phobic. By virtue of the fact that women are more discriminating than men at the outset of a relationship, a third date to a woman may have a different implication to a man in the level of seriousness perceived by each partner. Men, if they are not completely satisfied, may hop from one relationship to another before finding the woman with whom they wish to become more involved.

      Beauty Contest

      Key Idea: Sometimes a role reversal can be helpful in understanding better how your behavior may affect your partner.

      Beating the Holiday Blues

      Key Ideas: If you are alone during the holiday season, you may want to spend time doing some charity work or even helping a needy family. Good turns can have remarkably good effects on our bodies and souls. Although tempting, excessive intake of food and/or alcohol is not a good way of handling loneliness or depression during the holiday season.

      The

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