The Simple Guide to Lasting Love
By Maura Moore
()
About this ebook
In order to have loving, cooperative relationships, some basic principles must be learned and practiced. Once accomplished, relationship harmony is virtually assured. This Simple Guide lays out these principles, along with examples and exercises to aid in the learning process, and it is the product of more than twenty years of study in the art and practice of couple’s therapy.
Maura Moore
Maura McGovern Moore. LCSW is a US born Irish Catholic Sufi Jungian with more than twenty years experience as a psychotherapist and trainer of clinicians. She also holds a Masters in Pastoral Studies from Loyola University. In addition to being a managing partner at a leading Washington, DC area private practice, she teaches at George Mason University and serves as Director of the Human Relationship Institute. The Institute offers speakers, workshops, and content dedicated to fostering human potential. Its independent press published The Simple Guide to Lasting Love, the first in a series of Simple Guides designed to explore the human potential for success, happiness, integrity and compassion.
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The Simple Guide to Lasting Love - Maura Moore
The Simple Guide to Lasting Love
By Maura McGovern Moore
Smashwords Edition Copyright 2010 Maura McGovern Moore
Smashwords License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by an information storage and retrieval system-other than for fair use
as brief quotations embodied in articles or reviews-without prior written permission from the publisher.
For information please contact the publisher:
The Human Relationship Institute, 915 T Street, NW #1, Washington, DC 20001.
http://www.humanrelationshipinstitute.org
Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Moore, Maura McGovern.
The simple guide to lasting love / Maura McGovern Moore.
p.cm.
LCCN 2010925683
1. Love—Psychological aspects. 2. Interpersonal
relations—Psychological aspects. I. Title.
BF575.L8M66 2010 152.4'1
QBI10-600073
The author of this book does not recommend use of the guidance in this book without the supervision of a licensed mental health professional. The author’s intent for the information in this book is to provide information of a general nature and is in no way intended as a substitute for professional treatment. Neither the author nor the publisher is responsible for the use of this book for mental health purposes without the supervision of a licensed mental health professional. If the reader uses the information in this book for his or her own purposes, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for his or her actions.
Training and workshops in The Simple Guides
as well as information regarding online communities is available at http://www.humanrelationshipinstitute.com
Cover design by Ariel Broggi
Illustrations by Maura McGovern Moore
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my loving husband James, whose positive spirit has allowed me to see beyond the illusion of my limitations.
TABLE of CONTENTS
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Chapter I—Getting To Know Your Own Mind
Who are you?
Humanity is asleep at the wheel…
How to awaken and become conscious
Will self-awareness make me feel even worse about myself?
You are not just an ego-you have a higher self
Summary
Chapter II—Forgiving, Self-forgiveness, and the Road to the Higher Self
Credo of the Higher Self
But what about "Fool me once, shame on you…
Why should I bother? What’s in it for me?
Chapter III—Perception and the Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Stop identifying with your ego; it clouds your perception
Our egos want our relationships to fail
Taking control of the ego
Chapter IV—We Are All One…
Prayer of St. Francis
It is in dying that we are born…
Seeing both sides of the story
Question your perceptions; they always serve your expectations
Chapter V—Practicing Forgiveness
The ego and the emotions
Serve the common goal of humanity, not the ego’s selfish agenda
Constantly strive for improvement
Chapter VI—Practicing Tolerance and Responsibility
Tolerance of the ego—yours and theirs
Taking responsibility for our choices
Making reparations for our mistakes: my promise
Supporting constructive change in ourselves and our partners: a mutual promise
Chapter VII—Protecting Our Boundaries
You have a perfect right to your boundaries and self-respect
What is a boundary?
Healthy boundaries help to maintain happy relationships
It is your responsibility to draw boundaries for others—not theirs
Four simple steps in drawing boundaries
If all else fails…
About turning the other cheek
If you don’t have a parachute, don’t jump out of the plane
Chapter VIII—Visualize Yourself as a Link in the Chain of Love
The Process of visualization
The toolbox of the conscious mind
Attention
Intention
Logic
Will
Using intention to create reality
Chapter IX
In Conclusion
Endnotes
Reading List
Acknowledgments
For over twenty years people have entered into a therapeutic relationship with me in order to improve some aspect of their lives. They placed their faith and trust in me, and I am deeply humbled by this. Together we limped through the pain and danced through the joy, and I can never adequately express my gratitude to them for affording me that privilege. Without their trust and courage I could never have learned the lessons contained in this little book. I humbly thank you all.
I also want to thank those who have given me permission to use their experiences as the basis for case examples in this book. All aspects of these examples have been disguised in order to protect confidentiality. In other instances examples are entirely fictional.
Many people have patiently assisted me by reading countless drafts of this work. Among them are the following: my sister Elizabeth McGovern, whose generosity and help never ceases; my writing group partners Beverly Fourier, Margaret Placentra Johnston, Katherine G. Morris, and Margaret Shepherd, and my good friends Alicia Sutton and Dennis Ritchie. I also want to thank my dear friends Alan Barkoff, Barbara Schubert, Steve Rosen and Renee Rothstein for their endless support and encouragement, as well as many other friends who will, I hope, forgive me for omitting their names. They are too numerous but all are blessings in my life. Thank you to my colleague John Riskind at George Mason University for his help and advice. To my interior designer, Bob Aulicino for all his patience and help throughout the process, and my cover designer Ariel Broggi, thank you both for your great work.
Introduction
In order to have a loving and cooperative relationship, there are some basic principles that both partners should understand. Once they know and embrace these principles, relationship harmony is virtually assured. What is more, the relationship will not only create a loving and affirming environment in which both of you can flourish, but it will also prompt you both to become better human beings, and in turn, have a positive impact on those around you and the planet as a whole.
After more than twenty years of practicing psychotherapy with couples and families, I decided that it was time to compile the most basic principles of relationship harmony into a simple, concise guide. Examples are used to illustrate the struggles that people face when trying to create and