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    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time
    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time
    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time
    Ebook82 pages1 hour

    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time

    By James Finn Garner

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Following the international best-seller "PC Bedtime Stories" come these nurturing tales for pre-adults. These stories purge the cultural biases, sexism, speciesism, and other -isms from the “classics” that have been handed down from one social power structure to another. Plus new material: a chapter of "Rex Koko, Private Clown," from the award-winning mystery, Honk Honk, My Darling.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJames Finn Garner
    Release dateNov 15, 2010
    ISBN9781452452081
    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time
    Author

    James Finn Garner

    James Finn Garner is a writer and satirist based in Chicago.

    Read more from James Finn Garner

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    Reviews for Once Upon A More Enlightened Time

    3.5/5

    184 ratings11 reviews

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    • 3/5
      I was given this and Politically Correct Bedtime Stories together. By the second volume, the novelty had worn off.
    • 5/5
      Beth's review: A friend brought this for me to borrow and i sat and read it in three hours. This is a very good way to look at the way things has changed from the times the fairy tales were written. I love the way all of the fairy tales are written. There were times i was laughing out load at the was Garner had written to make them all politically correct. If you have a sense of humor and hate the way things seem to be corrected to not offend anyone then this is a must read.From Dan:fairy tales and folk tales alike chnage each time a tale is repeated and passed down from generation to genertion. Much like the large differences on the "traditional" fairy tales, and those originally penned by the Brothers Grimm, so has Garner put the fairy tale in a new light, and with a twist. From "PC" spellings of words, to the descriptions of things written so as not to dare offend anyone's PC attitudes, Garner has a blast retelling tales of old and breathing new life and fun into them. Comprised of 8 PC fairy tales, Garner's humor is sure to bring a laugh, grin, or chuckle from almost anyone who reads these tales. Anyone of course, excepting those who have had thier entire sense of humor, sarcasm and wit removed by a skilled proctologist during a pyschiatric combination examination.
    • 3/5
      How many of us as children heard the fairy tales Hansel & Gretel, Puss in Boots, and the Tortoise & the Hare? How many of us wanted to be the Princess & the Pea?(me), The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, or Goldilocks? Did we know at that time we were being exposed to sexist, discriminatory, culturally biased material by our parents and loved ones? Did we have any idea of how these "fairy tales" would affect our futures?These alternate versions of the beloved "fairy tales" by Aesop, the Brothers Grimm, and Hans Christian Andersen, to name a few take a decidedly different turn when written from a politically correct angle. Who would believe that Snow White and her wicked stepmother would end up friends, or that the Tortoise would be disqualified after the race? These are but a few of unusual twists and turns that political correctness takes in these stories.I heard about this books from Whisper1 and ran right out and got them from the library. Some of the tales are so funny I laughed till I cried, others not so much, but definitely worth the read. Thanks Whisper!
    • 4/5
      What a hoot! Now I want to read Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.
    • 3/5
      I don't know whether I liked the New Age Hansel and Gretel or the Type-A Personality Ant of the Ant and the Grasshopper Fame better. Good stuff.
    • 3/5
      It was an ok book overall. It made me laugh every nog and again and the short tales where amusing if not altogether really funny. I especially enjoyed some jokes involving poultry (in the hare and trotoise tale).
    • 2/5
      A collection of not-particularly-funny fairy tales (oh, I'm sorry. Is "fairy" politically correct?). Anyway, I was not amused. Kind of dull
    • 4/5
      a very wry retelling of some stories for the PC lot deep in a forested bioregion ...
    • 2/5
      I love re-tellings of old tales. And Garner did a classy job in Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. He tries to continue the rich vein here, but it shrivels to mediocrity.The PC language is still funny, but the inspired twists are missing.The book is on my ‘to get rid of’ pile.The best of the stories is “Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness.”PS: the jacket blurb boasts that the London daily Telegraph has called Garner a “smart-alec, mealy-mouthed creep.” So much for good karma.
    • 5/5
      A politically correct look at fairy tales we all grew up with. Puss N Boots who turns out to actually be the brains behind a politician, ,until the politician comes clean. A really weird take on the Little Mermaid which has the Price coming to live under the sea. The Tortoise and the Hare in which the Hare takes on too many endorsements, as well as a few other issues Fun tongue and cheek look at fairy tales.
    • 4/5
      Although this was written over 20 years ago, it fit in well with current perceptions. I liked the twist and turn of language, and the humour. But I don't think I can read a lot of this kind of re-hashing - 9 short stories was just the right length. A very refreshing change to the usual fairy tales.

    Book preview

    Once Upon A More Enlightened Time - James Finn Garner

    What Others are Saying About Once Upon a More Enlightened Time:

    The laughs start coming and don’t stop until the ‘Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness’ awakens from her ‘deep meditative state’.

    --San Francisco Examiner-Chronicle

    Totally irreverent and side-splittingly hilarious….I laughed until I cried.

    --Baton Rouge Sunday Advocate

    Garner…takes an irresistible premise and delivers some sharp satire.

    --People Magazine

    Garner dishes his satiric sauce over both goose and gander.

    --Boston Herald

    10 weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers List!

    ONCE UPON A MORE ENLIGHTENED TIME

    More Politically Correct Bedtime Stories

    By James Finn Garner

    Smashwords Edition

    This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

    Original copyright 1995 by James Finn Garner. 

    Smashwords edition copyright 2010 by James Finn Garner.

    All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

    Cover artwork by Carter Goodrich

    ISBN 0-02-860419-9  

    Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

    This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

    Dedicated to Anne Conrad-Antoville, principal cellist with the Eureka (California) Symphony Orchestra, who chose compassion over culture be resigning her position rather than perform Peter and the Wolf, an orchestral work that teaches our pre-adults to fear and despise wolves and other predators.

    Also, and more importantly, to Lies and Nyuji.

    Table of Contents

    Introduction

    A Politically Correct Alphabet

    Hansel and Gretel

    The Ant and the Grasshopper

    The Princess and the Pea

    The Little Mer-Persun

    The Tortoise and the Hare

    Puss In Boots

    Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness

    The City Mouse and the Suburban Mouse

    Bonus Material

    Honk Honk, My Darling:

    A Rex Koko, Private Clown Mystery

    About the Author

    INTRODUCTION

    At the outset, I would like to apologize sincerely for the success of my last book.  The number of trees that voicelessly gave their lives so that my resource-greedy publisher and I could meet retail demand was truly appalling and quite likely contributed to the global warming that gave those of us in the Northern Hemisphere such an unseasonably warm winter.  We have made every effort to make this second volume more Earth-friendly, using natural soy inks, people-powered bicycle delivery systems, and photo-degradable paper that will revert to its basic organic components within a short time if exposed to light or read in the tub.

    Next, I would like to apologize for exposing myself in my last book to be such an etymo-patriarchalist.  As an alert reader in The Netherlands pointed out, while I used the proper spelling of the word wommon throughout Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, I still swaggered around, waving my phallocentric spellings of person and human in everyone’s face.  Properly penitent, in this volume I have opted to use the inclusive, gender-neutral spelling persun.  Unfortunately, a cultural-linguistic Catch-22 prevents me from using hummon or hummun because both spellings are rather nasty epithets in certain dialects spoken throughout the islands of Micronesia.  Therefore, rather than offend those oft-oppressed and exploited peoples if and when this book is ever distributed in their region, I regretfully must choose to offend instead the oppressors and exploiters of the English-speaking world (you know who you are).

    You hold in your hands another flawed yet earnest attempt to purge the children’s stories popular in Western culture from the biases and prejudices that ran unchecked in their original versions.  Stretching as far back as Aesop and the Greco-Roman patriarchy he represents, I have chosen from a wide-range of narratives based on familiarity and copyright protection.

    Once again, if through omission or commission, I have inadvertently displayed any racist, sexist, culturalist, speciesist, socio-economicist, or any other type of bias (including ism-ist divisiveness), I deeply apologize and stand open to correction.  I am not and never claimed to be an expert, merely a citizen concerned with the effect of literature on our younger persuns.  That I choose to use a books as a means to combat these influences may be ironic (irony itself being one of many suspect attitudes imported from the literary world), but it is the best effort I can muster at this stage of my persunal evolution.  If this bibliocentric decision in any way offends, I ask you to find it in your heart, my enlightened reader, to forgive me.

    A POLITICALLY CORRECT ALPHABET*

    A is an Activist itching to fight.

    B is a Beast with its animal rights.

    C was a Cripple (now differently-abled).

    D is a Drunk who is liquor-enabled.

    E is an Ecologist who saves spotted owls.

    F was a Forester, now staffing McDonald's.

    G is a Glutton who says he's food-centered.

    H is a Hermaphrodite skirting problems of gender.

    I is an Ism (you'd better believe it).

    J is a Jingoist — love it or leave it!

    K is a Kettle the pot can't call black.

    L is

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