Liars! Vol. 2: Escape to Insanity

Foreword

Thank you for deciding to read this book. The story you are about to read is FICTION. I know. I WAS THERE.

In 1964, two Eagle Scouts were selected by national competition to accompany U.S. Navy explorers on an expedition to the North Pole. I was one of them. We were promised it would be another ‘Journey of Discovery’ - a Lewis and Clark adventure across the Northwest Passage. A Journey of Discovery it was. But NOT the one of progress and wonder that was promised. It was a journey into a world of lies, corruption and incompetence.

In 1969, I graduated with two degrees in Aeronautics and Astronautics from MIT – yes, a true MIT rocket scientist. Throughout my 40 year career, a similar journey of lies, corruption and incompetence continued at every turn. I looked for wisdom; but found mostly superstition. I kept asking myself, how could society even function with so much misinformation? I realized that the real frontier for society’s passage into a just and beautiful world wasn’t in some far off frozen place. It was here, surrounding us - like a fog - holding our society hostage. But, just like the knowledge that air is a tangible substance eluded human understanding for millennia, the fog that engulfs our culture has also eluded human understanding. The search to understand this unknown took me to the fundamentals of knowledge. It was a Journey of Discovery like the one Darwin made on the Beagle and Einstein made into the cosmos. And like them, I really lucked out. Some very critical pieces fell into place. They allowed me to make many profound discoveries. But, having Darwin’s and Einstein’s discoveries to start from, and those of many other visionaries, my discoveries now advance both of their work as well as that of others to levels far beyond what society currently knows. I can finally answer some of the greatest unanswered questions of the ages.

To paraphrase Neil Armstrong, the journey presented in Scout to the Pole is a coming of age tour de force for one young man. It will now be a coming of age paradigm shift for all of mankind.

I initially wrote the book for two reasons.

The first was to organize 40 years observing human nature. Since high school, every time I read something I thought was profound, I wrote it down. How infrequently that happened given the amount of books I read was very discouraging and a poor commentary on knowledge in our culture. But, the result of that collection of knowledge has been profound. The repeated counsel from my friends was, No one has ever seen the world with your vision. You have to tell your story. Writing the book allowed me to collect all that information into a logical structure. What started out as a simple sorting process evolved into a huge effort. There were a lot of philosophical loose ends that needed to be tied together. More reading. Lots of thinking. The task took 7 years! But the discoveries that kept popping up kept driving me with greater commitment.

The second reason was to share what I’ve learned – to make YOU think – to share with YOU the tools I’ve discovered. You know that question we hear all the time now on TV, It’s 10:00. Do you know where your children are? Well? It’s 10:00 somewhere. Do you know where YOU are? GOOD LUCK!

The journey I’ve taken has given me a chance to see life in ways most people won’t ever get to experience. It was written to show you that there are many ways to look at life beyond the stereotypes that channel modern culture. The book was purposely written as a novel to share that experience with you in a very personal way – through the eyes of a smart, but very confused teenager, coming of age in a world of confusion. I describe this ‘sharing’ as personal, because, as I wrote, it always felt to me that YOU, the reader, were right there in front of me. So, every word was written to reach to you as if you were right there, listening, trying to understand.

The journey I will take you on is ALIVE. It is intentionally written to take you into new worlds, sometime with gut wrenching emotion. But these are real worlds. Fiction, yes. But the flow of the book actually follows my day to day experiences. The situations were mostly real. The flights of fancy could also really happen. I wanted to let you share the pain and anguish I felt so many times, so you can also get it – so you can feel the motivation that drove me to keep searching for wisdom in the face of the horrific lies and confusion that define our culture.

Maybe the way you look at life right now isn’t the only way. Maybe the way you look at life just seems to result in confusion and grief. I hope the viewpoints you find here will help you find a better path.

In August, 1968, my last college summer, I started a notebook. It was titled, Philosophy Notebook 1. On the COVER, I wrote a poem:

A man reaches

to know

A man reaches

to know men

A man reaches

to know the world

A man reaches

to know the universe

Why?

TO BEGIN TO KNOW HIMSELF

When I wrote this, I had already been to Alaska twice as an Explorer Scout. I had been in the plebiscite vote for freedom in Puerto Rico. I had worked at the atomic weapons lab in Oak Ridge Tennessee. And I was completing an intense 4 years at MIT. The simple world of my youth had crumbled in confusion. But I was brave. I was confident. I would be a leader. I would do my part and it would make the world a better place; a MUCH better place. BUT! I also knew, even then, that I didn’t have a clue which way I was headed. It would be an ominous premonition.

When I was 30, I remember reflecting on my 20 year old self and saying, If I only knew then what I know now. When I was 40, I remember reflecting on my 30 year old self and 20 year old self and saying, If I only knew then what I know now. When I was 50, I remember reflecting on my 40, 30 and 20 year old selves and saying, If I only knew then what I know now.

So! Go ahead and laugh! Big deal! It took me three times to see the pattern. But, if you think you saw the pattern right away, what then, really, is the LESSON? I said it again at 60 and I’m pretty sure I’m going to say it again when I get to 70 and 80. The pattern is sure to repeat because it describes the rite of Passage people endure as they enter the new worlds that a 10 year passage of time brings in the modern age. And that’s the KEY. If this was 5000 years ago and my father was a shepherd, I’d pretty much know what I was going to be. 500 years ago, same thing. But things changed drastically in our world 50 years ago, and from that point, history is NOT going to repeat itself.

So, what then is the value of knowing this pattern? Do we learn anything from observing it? Sure. We learn to wake up to the fact that major changes are in front of us. We learn to accept that change is here. We learn to open our minds and question the LIES all around us knowing that every day will bring, not only new knowledge, but also totally new meaning to many things.

On the FIRST PAGE of philosophy notebook 1, I listed my values in order of importance:

August 1968

Among the things I value…

The order begins:

My LOVE

My LIFE

My KNOWLEDGE

My FREEDOM

My EDUCATION

The order ends:

IGNORANCE

SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS

LOOTING

GOD

The word looting is a clear reference to Ayn Rand, who’s writing really affected my life at that point. That God would show up on the list but occur at the end indicates the immense turmoil my religious beliefs were in at the time. Again, this was after my experiences on the North Pole Expedition in Alaska, the Encampment for Citizenship in Puerto Rico and a stint at the atomic weapon’s Lab in Oak Ridge Tennessee.

In July, 1973, I was just ending a 4 year job designing nuclear weapons at Sandia National Lab. ( Yes, this will make a good sequel  )

I had become a VERY different person then – different from 1965; different from 2010. ( This sentence is an UNDERSTATEMENT. )

I made the following change to my list:

My LOVE

My LIFE

My FREEDOM

My KNOWLEDGE

An end need not be defined.

What was that all about? I think including the order ends when I first wrote the list was a sign of deep anger toward those values. THEN, I came face to face with the real meaning and emotions of ANGER when I held the elements of nuclear annihilation right in my own hands at the weapons lab. Having personal responsibility for such unlimited destructive power forced me to ask very hard questions about anger in society: where it came from and how it was expressed. I remember sitting with fellow nuclear scientists outside the lab gates side-by-side with Viet Nam peace demonstrators trying to really understand the larger issues that human conflict brings on us. I remember long walks with my brother, who was on the peace side, talking about this. I felt I was ALSO on the peace side. Could people actually be so over powered by anger that they could kill millions of humans? I believed there could be NO justification, no anger so great, to INITIATE such destruction. But things in life aren’t so simple. Think about the Bible. Think about the acts of God. The thought that any God could repeatedly massacre thousands or millions of people was completely mind boggling to me. I started on a journey to understand it and STOP it. This last change in my value list was the beginning.

Correct! Education also fell off the list. This is not an indictment of Education per se. But it was a rejection of the educational process I had been through and a condemnation of the U.S. education system. With all that I was taught, life’s major questions were left unanswered. Let me make that statement more accurate. Life’s major questions WERE ANSWERED in the educational process; but they were answered with LIES. And that’s a major focus of the book. This has not changed.

In August, 1978, I left the big laboratory environment. I began to see that knowledge wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. There was something missing. I added a new entry to my values list:

My INSIGHT

In 1985, after a turbulent ride in small business and human relationships, I made the following changes. They are shown verbatim: punctuation, parentheses and brackets included:

My LOVE ( which is INTIMACY )

My FREEDOM

My KNOWLEDGE ( which is WISDOM? – OPENMINDEDNESS? )

[ Don’t understand life right now]

What was that all about? First, LIFE gets dropped from the list.

I had just completed 15 years in the workplace at the executive level. That period can be summarized as a time of watching; but totally not understanding the extent of the corruption, market chaos and poor management I saw. The lessons preached to me at MIT, which implied that higher math ( i.e. calculus ) was needed to organize science, research, engineering and business, were self serving at best and totally misleading in practice. Sure, I carried a calculator in my pocket, like a good techie. But all it did was +, -, *, /. Senior executive math is mostly about counting chairs in the board room, adding income and subtracting losses. And in these cases, the executives mostly argued about how many chairs would actually be there, who would sit in them, and how they were going to earn more money for themselves. The income and loss numbers were always adjusted to support some political outcome and get around taxes. The major effort of the accountants and lawyers was manipulating the rules.

What seemed to me the most fundamental of American principles, THAT A PERSON IS REWARDED FOR WHAT THEY CONTRIBUTE, was a big LIE. The business leaders I knew were incompetent at best. Their power and financial rewards did not match their wisdom or their performance. Every business I was part of was thrown from boom to bust by winds of change completely outside the scope of things my individual company could control. ( Like Ralph Nader’s triggering the collapse of the nuclear power industry and Japan running off with manufacturing capability and quality leadership.) The result, on a personal level, was my observation that LIFE was also not something I could control. And given all the negatives it threw at me, it surely wasn’t a win. When a good night’s sleep with no dreams was something to look forward to, keeping LIFE high up on the value scale didn’t seem to make much sense.

It was also around the ’85 time frame when the importance of distinguishing WISDOM from KNOWLEDGE became clear. But why did I show wisdom with a question mark? And why did I include OPEN MINDEDNESS? The reason was I didn’t know a reliable process for achieving TRUTH. So, sure, I would have liked to list it as a value, but what good is listing a value that can’t be reliably achieved or, at that point, even pursued along a reliable path. It would just be so much wishful thinking. ( Little did I realize how LOVE would eventually fall into the same dilemma. ) The open mindedness value entered the picture because I felt it was a key to the door to wisdom.

So, what’s my list now?  Enjoy the book. Use an erasable pencil for your annotations!

Near the beginning of this foreword section, I made the statement that I found answers for ‘some of the greatest unanswered questions of the ages’. Pretty tall claim! But I believe it is true. To guide your expectations, so you’ll know the magnitude of the topics the story tries to present to you, I’m including here a list that summarizes the KEY social and scientific breakthroughs it presents.

Summary of major psychological, philosophical and scientific breakthroughs presented in LIARS: Vol. 2 - Escape to Insanity

Philosophical discoveries

1. Functional explanations for the problems of freewill, the arrow of time and cause and effect. Ch. 3

Major religious questions

2. Both philosophical and scientific proofs for the NON-existence of God. ( Yes! You can prove a negative. ) Ch. 4

3. Philosophical and scientific proofs for the NON-existence of any supernatural beings. Ch. 4

4. A new theory of morality totally based on non-supernatural social foundations. Ch. 2 and 34

5. New socially based moral guidelines to replace the 10 commandments. Ch. 34

6. An explanation that resolves the conflict between science and religion. Ch. 10

7. An approach to ending religious violence. Ch. 2 and 10

Major social issues

8. An explanation for why the great societies in history fell. Why the U.S. will fall and cannot prevent falling. Ch. 21

9. An explanation for the necessary failure of the nuclear family and discussion of new family structures.

Ch. 21, 34, 36

10. An explanation for the collapse of fraternal social organizations and extended families with solutions. Ch. 36

11. A review of world population and basis for a needed reduction to 2 billion, in contrast to existing ideas. Ch. 34

12. Why the leaders of society are the primary factor holding society back from major advances. Ch. 34

13. How modern society is brainwashed by pervasive LIES from their major social institutions. [ All throughout the book ]

14. An explanation for the failure of the modern institutions of Law, Finance and Medicine with solutions. Ch. 10, 13, 35

15. A new theory of competition. Ch. 2

16. A major restructuring of politics and leadership. Ch. 34

17. A fundamentally new approach to the structures of business and education in society. Ch. 35

18. An approach to eliminate violence in society. Ch. 2 and 10

19. A practical cure for poverty in the world. Ch. 34

Major engineering breakthroughs

20. A description of a new computer memory architecture that can speed up computers by a thousand times. Ch. 7

21. An answer for the fear that robots will rule earth in the future. They won’t. But humans won’t either. Ch. 16

Notes on composition

A few people have been annoyed with my use of capitalized words. They said it made them FEEL like I was SHOUTING at them! Duh? HELLO! That’s exactly what I’m doing. These are very important points in the book. But also, most of these instances highlight words or phrases that I found our culture uses imprecisely or incorrectly in typical conversation. So, when you see capitalized words – PAY ATTENTION! I use that formatting in conversations as if the person raised their voice, and possibly slowed down for emphasis.

Another element of style is the use of special type fonts for different people when there are multiple people having a conversation. I do this because I find having to include phrases like Bill said, with his characteristically wry humor inconsistent with how humans really talk to each other. When a discussion gets going, I want you to feel like you are really there, in the middle of it. Of course, some narrative is needed when body language and things going on inside the narrator’s head add a lot to the meaning of things.

I also don’t like the formalism of referring to you, the reader, as the reader. This book is NOT light reading, except for the many strange antics of the investigators. It condenses 40 years of deep observation into this adventure. It attempts to create a relationship between us – to bring you along on the journey with me. Please. Enter the experience with me. Come there. Be part of the anguish and confusion. Wrestle with it just like I did. Let it help you grow.

Bruce Nappi

Prologue

Liars! Liars! They’re all liars!

Liars! Liars! They’re all liars!

Nurse. Please hand me the medical chart.

Let’s see. Temperature – 101, heart rate – 60, BP – 34/24/36, 4ml Eucalyptus applied manually to the posterior epidural thorax every hour …. Looks OK to me. So, how’s the patient doing?"

Who the hell are you?

I’m Dr. Peter Rolf, general medicine.

Bull shit!! You’re too young to be a doctor at this hospital. Furthermore, the patient’s chart isn’t OK. It’s a total crock! Brian doodled it up himself. And, what kind of doctor are you if you think 34/24/36 is a blood pressure measurement? Those are Marilyn Monroe’s measurements! What’s going on here?

OK! OK! I’m not a doctor. Big deal. I’m just trying to find out what’s going on.

Yea! So, why should I tell you anything and what are you doing here?

Look. I’m a writer, OK. I was sent here by Computer Games magazine to get a story on Brian. I put this doctor’s jacket on so I could sneak in here and not get stopped by the security people. My name is JJ.

Liars! Liars! You’re all liars!

Liars! Liars! You’re all liars!

So what’s up with our patient?

Well, not so good actually, especially for 57 years old. He goes in and out of coma. It’s been this way for a few days now. The only signs of consciousness are his ‘liars, liars ‘ outbursts.

And, who are you?

I’m Lisa Jones, Brian Napoli’s personal nurse.

Bull shit!! There aren’t enough nurses in this place for them to put someone in here full time. And why does he need a full time nurse if all you’re doing is just sitting around? And if that’s a bogus medical chart, where’s the real medical chart?

OK! OK! I’m not a nurse. I’m Easel, a 17th level Elf Sorceress. I came to be with him during his last days. He was a member of our Dungeons and Dragons club and a very close friend of mine. I’m wearing this nurses outfit so I can sneak in here too.

Now this is making more sense. Too bad he’s in such bad shape. It looks like I missed everything.

Well, not quite. I’ve been here off and on for about two weeks now. We did a lot of talking early on and I recorded most of what he said. See, I’ve got over 20 tapes. Besides, he told us a lot during the many years he was a member of our club. I can help you piece together a story. But you’d better headline it FICTION in big letters.

Yea, why’s that?

Because no body will ever believe it.

Liars! Liars! We’re all liars!

Liars! Liars! We’re all liars!

Chapter 1 - Return From the Pole

"MAN! WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"

I was sitting on a barren 50 foot wide strip of black gravel shore along the Arctic Ocean staring out over 1100 miles of ice at the north pole. That’s where I had just returned from. But, I was about as depressed as a person could get. I know! How could this be? I was a very lucky Eagle Scout, selected to join Navy explorers on the North Pole Expedition of 1966. I should have felt honored, elated, excited - anything but this. But since I crossed the arctic circle on the flight up here, almost nothing had gone like I expected.

When I arrived in Alaska two weeks ago, my mind was filled with all those TV images of McMurdo Station in Antarctica - solid white snow. That's what I expected here. That's not what I found. As the plane descended to land in Barrow, there was just the yellow-green tundra, dotted with lakes, ponds and swamps, and the endless black gravel beach along the ocean. I thought I'd be met by Eskimos driving dog sleds. Right! My sidekick Schnook and I, he was the other Eagle Scout on the trip, were just left stranded on the black gravel runway with our gear as the plane turned around and took off. A building about the size of an outhouse was labeled 'Barrow International Airport'. No one was there. In the distance, rather than a village of igloos, was a shanty town of tar paper shacks at the edge of the beach. Eventually, about half an hour later, a truck came from the Navy base to get us. The driver was an Eskimo named Merle. He was a happy guy with a big smile. He didn’t talk much. We drove quickly through town and didn’t stop. Along the way, we did see a 'dog sled' that they used for tourists. It was a sled with wheels on it. One dog could pull it easily. Here's a recent photo. Imagine this view without all the houses or the paved runway.

After leaving town, we headed out to the base. The road to the Navy base was a hundred foot wide strip of black gravel along 6 miles of gravel beach. Here's a photo of the base.

The base was a lot bigger than I expected. It had three rows of dark green Quonset huts separated by two very wide roadways. There must have been 100 buildings. About a mile further out was a DEW Line site with two large radars. One was a big radar dome. The second looked like a huge, tall fence, which was as large as a football field standing on its side. DEW stands for Distant Early Warning. The military built many of these stations along the Alaskan coast to detect Russian missile launches or aircraft attacks.

The other thing that stood out was a vehicle that was called a WEASEL. There were many of these parked next to the buildings. The weasel is a small tracked vehicle, like a small bull dozer, with a square box on top. They were painted in Arctic Research Lab colors: red on the bottom, bright yellow on top. This makes them easier to spot when you loose them on the tundra. How can you lose such a large vehicle on a flat tundra? Let’s save that explanation for later. Here's a photo of Schnook in a Weasel.

Our first stop was the mess hall. It was another large Quonset hut just like the others. I can still remember that incident like I was right there.

Boy Scouts get out. We got out of the truck. Merle pointed to a large triple Quonset building across both roads.

That’s where you sleep. Merle took off.

WAIT A DARN MINUTE! HE JUST RAN OFF WITH OUR STUFF!

Schnook lit up with a smile.

Don’t sweat it. Where can he go? It’s a long drive back to Fairbanks? Let’s grab some chow. We’ll find our stuff later. Come on – play the game.

That’s Schnook. He always said, ’Come on – play the game.’

The mess hall was just like a dance hall set up for a dinner. There were 5 long rows of fold-up tables with grey steel folding chairs. The walls were wood planking like you’d expect in a ski lodge. It was sort of neat. It really felt like a northern outpost. When you come into the hall, you go to the right and get in line. The line moves along the wall till it gets to the serving counter. The serving counter was all stainless steel and glass, just like a cafeteria at school. You get your tray, go along the counter and take whatever you want to eat. At the left end of the counter is the utensil station and drinks. You then go sit anywhere in the room. The big advantage of this arrangement, however, was no cashier! You could take as much as you want, and go back for seconds without having to pay. I was in heaven. But we had obviously arrived when nothing was going on. We grabbed a few fancy pastries and some coffee. It was just good to sit for awhile on something that didn’t move.

With no directions on what to do, we decided to just snoop around and see what we could find. We headed over to the building Merle said we would sleep in. It was three parallel 2 story Quonset huts connected by single story cross huts perpendicular to them - like a big double letter ‘H’. It was labeled ‘A300’. The main door was in the middle hut. It was double wide with glass upper panes. But it was also what they call a double entry system. You went through the first set of doors into a breezeway and then through another set of the same kind of doors. The reason for this is to keep the hot air in and eliminate drafts when the doors are opened. This is critical when the temperature is 50 below.

Inside the double entry was a wide staircase. At the top of the stairs were three rooms, each with double entry half-glass doors as well. The one on the right looked like a large conference room. The one on the left had a sign that said, Library. The one straight ahead said Administration and was locked. Through the doors we could see 3 gray metal desks in the entry area and a large wooden desk in a large office to the right.

Realizing we were in a cul-de-sac, we decided it was time to apply some maze searching techniques.

Let’s do a left wall trace, what do you say?

OK Sherlock. After you.

We followed the left wall down the stairs. It turned into an open area with a lot of mail boxes and a long table with mailing supplies. The hall turned right down the cross Quonset. Along the hall were a number of laboratories. They all had doors and walls with big glass windows so we could see inside. They weren’t locked, but we didn’t go in. It was sort of like looking into display cases at a museum. They sure had a lot of neat stuff in there.

We found another set of stairs up to the second floor in the second Quonset.

On the upstairs level, the hall turned to the left and went back through the cross Quonset. At the end of the hall was a large common washroom. The rooms on the hall seemed to be sleeping rooms. There were smaller rooms that seemed to be storage of some sort. Most of the doors were locked. To the right at the top of the stairs was what seemed like a rec room. It had a pool table on the left and a ping pong table on the right. There were couches along the walls. There was also a cabinet that had a record player with a large stack of records. There were also a couple of piles of magazines, the kind that boy scouts probably shouldn’t be reading.

We headed to check out the wash room. The things we take for granted. The base had electricity in every building ( which, as I said, we didn’t see in town ). There was also running water and some small showers. But when it came to dropping our drawers and sitting down for our daily constitutional, the challenge of Alaska reared it’s ugly head again.

Hey Schnook. What do you make of these toilets? They look like something from a space capsule.

No problem. Just push all the buttons until we figure out how they . . . Yiiiiiikess!

It seemed Schnook was in a jam. Small problem they had up here. Frozen ground, remember. If you flush a regular toilet, even with salt water, where’s the water going to go? So, they didn’t have conventional toilets. They used Destroylets.

Hey Schnook. Did you try reading the directions?

In Alaska, if you really have to go in a hurry, it’s either the tundra or you’re out of luck. So, it’s time for you to learn to use a Destroylet. The first thing you do is pull a plastic bag off a long roll. The bag opens up so you can drop it into a short toilet bowl. It has wings that go over the seat. You sit on the wings and you do your business in the little bag. There is conventional toilet paper to use. When you’re done, you stand up, pull your pants up and close the cover. Then you stand back and push the ‘flush’ button. The Destroylet comes alive. A blast shield slides to the side and the clam shells that make up the bowl open up. The plastic bag and anything you’ve contributed drops into the quiet throat of the Destroylet furnace. The clamshells close; the blast shield slides back into place; the blower motors start and the furnace lights off like an Atlas rocket. Six minutes later, the furnace turns off. Four minutes after that, the rocket has cooled off and the creature was ready for another victim.

Well, that’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway. But in 1965, how should I put it, technology had not reached a state of perfection yet. And some times, the Destroylet control system would have a mind of its own, or be possessed by other worldly beings. It would come on by itself or do things in the wrong order. So, you had to learn to ride this beast with respect. Which, of course, not every novice learned to do in time. So I’m going to give you some key pointers. If you are ever sitting there, reading a magazine that you probably shouldn’t be reading, and you hear the beast light off, you’d better hit the eject button and get off the launch pad before the blast shield opens. A tongue of flames will shoot right up through the clamshells like Old Faithful. Having a singed butt is the least of your problems. Describing how you got third degree burns on your private parts to the base medic is a literature assignment you probably didn’t get in high school. So, don’t say I never told you.

I don’t know how Schnook figured it out. I heard him kick the varmint a few times and recite a few magic words that only had four letters in them. I guess the better part of valor is to run while you’re still alive and let your drawers catch up with you. So he moved to another torture chamber, tried again, and seemed to have better luck.

How time flies when you’re having fun. We headed back to the mess hall. We got back just as the line was forming.

Hey, you guys. Aren’t you the Explorer Scouts that are supposed to show up here?

This couldn’t have been very tough for him to guess. How many young guys dressed in Explorer Scout uniforms were going to walk into a mess hall on the Arctic Ocean.

That’s us. This is Nanook. I’m Schnook.

A lot of guys have been talking about you. This is a pretty big deal, having the two best Eagle Scouts in the U.S. up here. Things can get pretty boring up here. It’s neat to have some celebrities around. Can I get your autographs?

Sure….

But before I could say anything, Schnook had this guy’s number and jumped right on him.

I don’t know. We don’t just go giving autographs to anybody. How about a trade? You give us the scoop about what goes on around here, and well give you a bunch of autographs so you can pan handle them to your buddies.

Neat! OK. You got a deal.

What’s your name?

Who me? I’m Arnie.

So, what do you do here?

I work in the stockroom. I take care of the laundry. Well actually, I don’t wash it. I just hand it out. And take it in, of course. If you guys need work clothes, come to see me. I also give out bed sheets and stuff.

And where do we go to find you?

I’m in B136.

What’s that mean?

What’s what mean?

I mean, what does B136 mean?

Oh! The buildings are numbered in order. The first row by the water is the 100 numbers. B100 starts out by the airport. The second row is 200s and the third row 300s. Or, that’s how its supposed to work. But mostly that’s how it does work and you can learn the rest. Like the mess hall, where we are now, is B126.

So, that means you work ten buildings from here, right?

No? My building is right next door to here. That way, you can dump your laundry on the way to mess, go next door to eat, and pick up new clothes on the way out. There’s even a hall between the buildings so you don’t have to go outside again.

So, how come if the Mess Hall is B126, the clothing building isn’t B125?

Arnie, see, you were right about us. Nanook is a genius. He always thinks about the math questions.

Hmmm. I never thought about that. Maybe they plan to put more buildings in some day.

But didn’t you just say that the next building is very close to this one? There isn’t room for another building?

See what I told you. Nanook is right there with the questions. It’s hard to fool HIM!

Well, there used to be room there and the laundry building used to be way up the row. Then someone said they should move it here to be near the mess hall. So they moved it. And since it already had a number on it and everyone knew the laundry was B136, they figured it didn’t make sense to change it.

Don’t you get it, Nanook? See. It all makes perfect sense?

What? None of this makes any sense. First off, the buildings are numbered from right to left. And what about the ‘B’?

What do you mean the ‘B’?

You said building ‘B’ 136. What’s the ‘B’ for?

B? The B stands for ‘building’? ‘B’ 136 is ‘building 136’. What else?

But everyone knows it’s a building. So why do you need the letter B?

Well, sometimes it’s not a ‘B’. Sometimes it’s a ‘T’. Like ‘T-6’.

OK. So what’s the ‘T’ for?

I don’t know. ‘T-6’ is an outhouse. A 16 holer.

What???

See, Arnie. Nanook gets it. Don’t you Nanook? Arnie. You’re the guy to come to if we need to know anything. No doubt about it. So, what’s the scoop on the Mess Hall?

It’s pretty simple. There are three meals a day. Breakfast is at o" six hundred; lunch is at twelve hundred; dinner is at eighteen hundred. Nothing to it. Of course there is also a meal at midnight. That’s technically zero hundred hours. But we say midnight because saying zero hundred hours sounds stupid. Of course, you can pretty much eat any time you want because there’s always someone here either serving or getting ready for the next meal. There are four full time chefs and 4 table waiters. But you can’t get anything you want all the time because they run out of stuff feeding the main crowd. And they get mad if you come in here with a group in between meals, unless of course you’re with some brass. On the other hand, some guys have an in with George, and he always comes up with something special for them. But you WOULDN’T want to get involved with any of that.

Then on Friday night, dinner isn’t until nineteen hundred and we always have fish. On Sunday, dinner is at eighteen thirty and we always have linens and center pieces on the table. But we have to be done by twenty hundred because that’s when the movie starts."

What??? First you said there were three meals . . . .

See, Arnie. He gets it.

What? What do I get?"

Sure you do.

So, what did you mean by ‘you WOULDN’T want to get involved with any of that’?

OK. I’ll tell you. But you never heard any of this from me, OK?

Sure, Arnie. Mum’s the word.

What?

So, George is a fry cook. He man’s the griddle. That’s him over there right now. But George is also . . . get close . . . I got to whisper it . . . George is a Fairy.

Wow. Arnie. I’m glad you told us. Do you think we can eat his food?

Hmmm… I never thought about that. Do you think we have to be careful?

Well, if I were you, I’d be really careful. You never know what those kind of people will do. Some of them are even - GOURMETS! I’m sure you’ve seen how they decorate wedding cakes and all that!

Ugh?? Sure??? Yeah. You’re right. I’m going to have to keep my eyes open. Especially tomorrow night. There are always fancy pastries on Sunday. I wonder if he got into any of those.

What????

See what I mean. You have to stay alert. I’m going to assign Nanook a special project to look into this!

What????

Schnook. You’re a really neat guy. I really appreciate that. And you too Nanook. Now be careful when you go by George.

If you haven’t noticed, by this time I was totally confused. I’d heard the word Fairy, and I knew it meant something besides Tinkerbell, but that’s about it. I also knew it wasn’t a very good thing, what ever that meant. So, we pressed on into this new danger. ( I guess there was some danger here. I planned to talk to Schnook about it later. )

We moved along in the waiting line. It went pretty quick. Grab a tray. First the bread and salad. There were 4 tubs of different kinds of lettuce. Then all kinds of vegetables to put on them plus: bacon bits, croutons, different colored beans, mushrooms. I was starved, but I could also see that there was a whole counter full of different foods ahead of us.

Oh man, a dozen kinds of vegetables: peas, carrots, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes, broccoli, squash, string beans. . . My plate was already filled even though I only took a little of each. But how was I going to get past George? I could just run by. That would probably look stupid. I could just look the other way. I could pretend to be talking to Schnook. This was going to be a problem. OK. I coped out. Schnook was in front of me. I’d just do what he did.

The next thing I knew, we were about to die. George had spotted us and was walking over toward us.

Hello Boyyyyzzzz! What d e l i c i o u s l y beautiful boys you are. Welcome to the finest kitchen north of the Arctic Circle! I’m George. I see you both know great GOURMET food when you see it. But such small plates for such BIG appetites. Tisk . . .tisk . .. that won’t do. Just you wait here.

We were surely dead. There was no escaping. George went over to the pile of plates and got two more. He came back to us and put a little of all of the stuff we hadn’t picked on the plates to make it like a sampler. He handed one plate to Schnook and the other to me.

So, what are your names?

I’m Schnook. This is Nanook.

Schnook. What a d e l i c i o u s name. Nanook. Good Eskimo name. Come on and pick out some meat.

There was a large grill right along the serving counter. There were a number of cuts of beef as well as hamburgers and hot dogs. Schnook took a steak. I wasn’t up to fighting with a whole steak. A couple of hot dogs really seemed like the right choice.

Can I have two hotdogs, please?

George picked up his spatula and went to a second grill behind him. He came back with two pieces of sausage. He put them on the griddle and started to roll them back and forth real slow with the spatula.

Nanook. I’ve got a special treat for you.

I was dead. I was dead. All I could see is me at the pearly gates with a giant wedding cake covered with pink frilly icing. I was totally dead.

Aren’t these b e a u t i f u l round things. Can’t you just feel them in your mouth? Warm . . . salty?

I was dead. I heard a few guys behind me chuckling. Then I heard one of them say, Come on George. My vegetables are getting cold.

George just smiled. He grabbed the sausages with his spatula and rolled them on my plate.

See you boys tomorrow.

I looked the other way and headed as quickly as I could to the desserts. Banana cream pie. WOW. Two, three, four guys behind passed us by. George was still watching us. I grabbed the pie and headed for the utensils. Arnie was already there. We sat with him and told him we couldn’t get by George. He said, we were doomed. I was so hungry. I ate everything in sight, EXCEPT the sausages. Schnook laughed the whole time. He said I wasn’t playing the game.

But, all in all, the one thing I think I’ll never forget about Alaska is the Navy FOOD! They told me this was NAVY cooking and it was outstanding. There were always dozens of things to choose from. I never tasted food this good. And there was always a full dessert section that seemed to be from a bakery.

We headed back to the rec room. We were both bushed. We hadn’t come across our luggage yet, and hadn’t been assigned a room. So we decided to crash on the couches for the night. And that’s how we spent our first night in the arctic.

We woke up Sunday morning in wrinkled uniforms. We had no idea what time it was. Older but wiser, we breezed through the washroom without as much as a sunburn from the beast and headed for the mess hall. It was raining, but the sun was still visible through the clouds. We were too late for 6:00 breakfast, so we just got rolls and coffee. On the way out of the mess hall, we ran into Merle in his truck.

Two Boy Scouts get in truck.

So, we got in the truck. Who knew where we were going now. But all he did was turn around and drive us back to the main building. It was crazy because the building was only about 20 feet away.

The truck pulled up to the main door of the administration Quonset. Merle said to grab our bags and follow him. Through the main door, take a right, take a left, take a right, down the hall, pass the research labs, take a right, take a left, up the stairs, take a left, down the hall.

There is room. You have questions, come to Merle FIRST. You at Director’s office Monday, zero 900 o’clock. NOT be late. Not even one minute. If you need something, you call Merle FIRST! Call right away.

Merle disappeared.

Yeah, and how are we supposed to call him? And how are we suppose to find him in this rabbit warren?

We were in the penthouse of the right side administrative Quonset hut. If you didn’t follow all those turns, we ended up in the cross Quonset just down the hall from the rec room we slept in the previous night. The huts were clean and warm. Schnook and I shared a room. It was large enough with plenty of cabinets and a desk with a sealed plastic top. We finally got a dark room to sleep in. There were no windows. Because we were in the top of a Quonset, the walls of our room weren’t vertical. We were near the top of an arch. We had a small bookshelf and two small wardrobes.

We unpacked our stuff. After about half an hour, we were done and headed out.

We were still hungry so we headed back to the mess hall. On Sunday, they had a big special breakfast at 0900. Of course, no one told us this. This is where the cooks get to show off their ‘gourmet’ stuff. Lot’s of fancy pastries, special eggs, carved fruit and things like that. We really chowed down. But a normal breakfast, when we could get to it, included things like sausage, bacon, ham or Kielbasa; eggs any way we wanted them, French toast, pan cakes, oatmeal or farina, toast or muffins, fruit, juice, milk or coffee. And if you were still hungry, you could go back for as much as you wanted.

After breakfast, we went next door to the laundry building. Arnie was there.

Hey guys. Glad to see you. So, how about those autographs.

No problem.

Arnie got some laundry slips for us to sign. I don’t know why they had laundry slips. They never used them. You just went in and found your size and took what you wanted. I grabbed a bunch of shirts, pants, underwear, bed sheets."

Hey Arnie, can we take a parka?

Sure. Take anything you want.

So, I picked out a parka, some boot, socks and gloves.

So, do we have to fill out any laundry slips for this stuff?

Of course not. Where are you going to go with any of it. Fairbanks?

So, we autographed ten laundry slips each and headed out to go back to our room to drop the stuff off.

During the next four hours, we played ‘caught in the maze of the great pyramid’. The first stop was the administrative offices. Right! Empty. So we were still playing the ‘survival’ game. And being two wild eyed Eagle Scouts, we were both ready for it. In fact, this was a better option. In essence, they had just given us an excuse to snoop in every nook and cranny in the whole place, which is exactly what we did.

How does a Navy base turn into a ghost town? Somehow there didn’t seem to be anyone there. Now and then we’d come across one of the drones. But they were always at the far end of a hall from us, jumping out of one door and into another. It was as if they were avoiding us, like a real time video game.

The center row of Quonsets were barracks. Most of the personnel at the base were contractors, not military. They were from a company called the Vinnell Corp. The row along the water was mostly warehouses. The equipment covered the whole spectrum. There were things like: food, electronics, aircraft parts, vehicle parts, stationery supplies and furniture. But it’s obvious that life is so complex that they couldn’t even dent the list of things that people need. So, we were constantly missing things that had to be ordered and shipped in. The problem with that was something called TIME. The researchers were mostly there just for the summer. If it took two weeks or a month to get something, what ever task that something held up, it was half the season behind schedule when the item came in. That meant some results got delayed for a whole year.

The row toward the tundra was mostly workshops. It included the motor pool, electronics, carpentry, painting, plumbing, animal studies, geo-physics lab, meteorology lab, laundry etc.

Then, behind each of these labs was the biggest junk pile you ever saw. There were huge piles of empty oil drums, wrecked vehicles, and material from old buildings. For a scavenger like me, it was a raw-stock paradise.

You probably guessed, I'm the kind of guy who likes to make maps so I can get a better overall understanding of places. So, here's a map I drew of the base.

By the end of the day, we pretty much had the place all mapped out. We thought that meant we would just grab some chow and head off to bed. But this wasn’t what happened. For some reason, the base came to life again on Sunday nights. We knew that supper was at 1830. Since we were starved, we got there early to be at the head of the line. Good thing. By 1830, the line was out the door.

It turned out Sunday dinner was a very special occasion. The food was out of this world. You do have to put this in context. Remember who’s filing this report. To an Eagle Scout, anything that doesn’t jump out of a mess kit on it’s own power is fair game to eat. But the Navy really knows how to do a spectacular job with food. Even though this was mess hall chow, and the food did go on steam tables, they had the process well under control. The greens were fresh, flown in daily. The cooks knew the best of steaming and stir fry. Anything that would get soggy on the steam trays was handled in small batches. There was plenty of fresh meat. It was brought in every couple of weeks with a big delivery and aged in big freezers, including live lobster. And this was in the pre-cholesterol era – butter by the pound, bacon for breakfast and on, and on. The milk was a special treat. I can taste it to this day. It was brought in as a frozen concentrate. When it was reconstituted, the butter flavor was very high. This was not the sourness of ‘butter milk’ but a true butter flavor. Dessert was served separately. It was presented just like on a cruise ship.

The Sunday table dressing was special: full white table cloths, with silverware and water glasses already on the tables. There was an announcement that went around in the base newsletter saying that we were coming. So most of the people expected us, and many came over to welcome us. We headed up to our room for a good night's rest.

The next morning at 6:00 am, the door to our room got kicked open. Through one eye I saw this miniature old guy walk in. I mean a really short and really, really old guy.

Wakeup time is zero 600 sharp. Not 6:01. Not 6:02. Is that clear? Is that clear? Do you hear me? Is that clear? You start your assigned work stations at zero 700 sharp. Not 7:01. Not 7:02. Is that clear? You leave your assigned work station at 1500 hours. Not 15:01. Not 15:02. Is that clear? NO overtime is authorized. This is a violation of the rules. Is that clear?

Out he went, and the door slammed shut.

Ugggg. Whaaaat. Whaaaat?

The light on Schnook’s desk came on. Or at least I thought the light came on.

Rise and shine, Nanook. Time to hit the deck!

Ugggg. Whaaaat. Whaaaat?

On your feet sailor. This is the U.S. Navy talking.

Yea. Sure. At least it was the calm soothing voice of, his truly, the Schnook from the south.

Man, we’d better get going.

Take it easy, Nanook. We’ve got until 9:00.

But he just said 7:00?

We don’t even know who he was. Maybe he got the wrong room. Just stay cool, man. Besides we don’t have a clue what we’re supposed to be doing. So how can we have any assigned work stations? Let’s just go get some chow.

With my head still swirling, we washed up and headed to the mess hall. There was still a line. We jumped in and just went along with the flow.

The Max Factor

At 0900, Schnook and I were standing just inside the open double door to Dr. Brodie’s office. It was a pretty big room, rug on the floor, lots of plaques on the walls. Book cases everywhere, big wooden desk, piles of paperwork strewn in an indistinguishable mess. Big name plate right up front – Dr. G. Maxwell Brodie.

Dr. Brodie was sitting in a red vinyl executive chair facing away from us. He had his leg crossed, reading a paper, smoking a pipe. We just stood there, getting more nervous with the silence; rigid; standing at attention. He kept reading. Silence. Silence. Silence.

Finally, his chair slowly turned around. He put the paper on top of all the other papers on his desk and just looked at us. Silence. Silence. Finally, something. He leaned forward and took out his pipe. He pointed the stem at Schnook and then pointed the stem at a chair. Schnook moved over and sat down. Then he pointed the stem at me, and then at another chair. I sat down. Then he stood up. Man was he a big guy! Red hair – blazing red flat top. We were staring at someone who looked like Frankenstein with red hair. He started to pace slowly behind his desk, puffing his pipe.

Boys. It’s - a - great - honor – to - have - such - fine - Eagle - Scouts - as - yourselves - here - at – A – R – L - the - Arctic – Research - Lab.

Every word took 5 seconds. I was counting my pulse in my throat.

This - lab - is - run - with - the - highest - level - of - organization – and - discipline. Do you understand? Then he just stared at us – puff, puff.

Schnook broke the silence, yes sir. Dr. Brodie looked at him with a long straight face.

I followed suit, yes sir. Dr. Brodie looked at me and started to scowl. The pipe never came out of his mouth.

We – have - an - enormous - load – of - work - ready - for - you. A - lot – of - it – is - top - secret - scientific - stuff. Do you understand? Again the stare – puff, puff.

Schnook broke the silence, yes sir. Dr. Brodie looked at him straight faced.

I followed suit more quickly this time, yes sir. Dr. Brodie looked at me and again started to scowl.

I - don’t – want - any - trouble – from - you - two. Do you understand? And again, the stare.

I immediately replied, wanting to talk first this time, yes sir. Dr. Brodie stared at me and the scowl became excruciating.

Schnook jumped in, we understand very clearly, Dr. Brodie. Dr. Brodie backed off.

Fine. We - have - an - open - door - policy - here. If - there - is - anything - you - need - come - RIGHT - to - ME. Is that clear?

I let Schnook do the talking this time, yes sir, we’ll come right to you sir.

I - know - you - boys - are - going - to - do - a - fine - job. From - now - on, you - can - call - me - Uncle - Max. Head - out - the - door - and - see - Mr. - Schwindler. He - will - take - care - of - you.

Schnook did the honors, yes sir, Uncle Max. If we need anything, we’ll come straight to you sir.

Dr. Brodie cracked the slightest smile. Then he sat down, picked up the paper, pipe in mouth, and turned away. We sat there. We kept sitting there. Schnook nodded to me. We slowly got up and headed out to find Mr. Schwindler.

Right outside Uncle Max’s office was a desk which also had a big name plate across the top front – R. Maxwell Schwindler. This guy was a different breed of cat. Desk neat as a pin. IN / OUT box on the right, phone on the left. That’s it!

Hello boooyyyzz. Come on over and get cozy. He was talking in a very low voice so Uncle Max couldn’t hear. He jumped up and pulled two chairs over for us. Then his voice went up, Sit here boooyyzz! He was medium height, slim, blonde, light on his feet. He slipped back into his chair. Big smile. Then he flipped his hair back and gave us a wink. Coming back down to a tone for intimate conversation, he said in what seemed like one breath, "I’m Maxie. Don’t let Uncle Max scare you two handsome boys. He’s really a pussy cat underneath. He’d give you the shirt off his back to help you. He has nine kids you know. He’s just got so much responsibility here. It makes him act like a big official. Which he is, of course. But I take care of him, you know. But if you need him, he’ll be there for you. And don’t be scared about all the