On Robots and Leprechauns
By Alan Lickiss
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About this ebook
A collection of five science fiction and fantasy short stories previous published in various anthologies and magazines.
-Kicking and Screaming Her Way to the Alter
-Water Goeth Before the Fall
-Alternate Marketing
-The Dogma Wagging the Prophet
-The Case of the Allergic Leprechaun
Alan Lickiss
Alan Lickiss was raised in the suburbs of Washington DC, where he met and married his wife Rebecca. He lives along the front range in Colorado with his wife, children, and an ever changing variety of pets the children just can't seem to live without. Alan writes science fiction, fantasy, and mystery stories. He is also an avid photographer.
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On Robots and Leprechauns - Alan Lickiss
On Robots and Leprechauns
Alan L Lickiss
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 Alan L Lickiss
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Acknowledgements
Kicking and Screaming Her Way to the Alter
First published in The Future We Wish We Had, 2007, DAW Books
Water Goeth Before the Fall
First published in All Hell Breaking Loose, 2005, DAW Books
Alternate Marketing
First published in Analog Science Fiction and Fact January 2002
The Dogma Wagging the Prophet
First sold to the e-book anthology 44 Clowns: 11 Stories of the 4 Clowns of the Apocalypse
The Case of the Allergic Leprechaun
First published in Something Magic This Way Comes, 2008, DAW Books
Table of Contents
Kicking and Screaming Her Way to the Alter
Water Goeth Before the Fall
Alternate Marketing
The Dogma Wagging the Prophet
The Case of the Allergic Leprechaun
Kicking and Screaming Her Way to the Alter
I don't care what you say, that's not my father.
Jeffrey groaned, not bothering to internalize it so the customer wouldn't be offended. He had been arguing in circles with his client, the soon to be Mrs. Rene Stevens, or as Jeffrey liked to think of her, the brat, for the past hour while they stood in his office. The thick blue carpet had long since stopped soothing his feet. No amount of evidence could convince her that his staff had created an accurate android of her father complete from his physical appearance down to his disgust of professional baseball players.
But Miss, he looks exactly like to holo you provided,
said Jeffrey.
The brat stomped her foot, actually stomped, and shoved her fists toward the floor. No, no, no, no, no,
she said as she looked down at her stomping foot and shook her head back and forth. The short blonde hair whipped back and forth, fanning her perfume around the room. Jeffrey almost laughed when he thought about the wave in her hair waving at him.
Jeffrey retreated behind his desk. Miss, if you could be more specific at the deficiency in our work I could make sure we correct the android.
For one, my father was taller,
the brat said. She had stopped her tantrum, but had switched to pouting while standing with her hands on her hips, one hip cocked out toward him.
In the six months he had been working with the brat, Jeffrey had learned every one of her give-me-what-I-want-now poses. This one he had labeled little girl number four. Unfortunately for all her stances and facial expressions the brat only had one tone, a whiney high pitched one that was worse than fingernails on slate to Jeffrey. It's only variance was in how loud she spoke.
Miss, we have checked your father's drivers licenses, his passport, and even, forgive my indelicateness, his measurements taken by the undertaker who interned him. All of them agree, your father was five foot eight.
As he listed each item, Jeffrey pointed to the copies he had obtained that were now laid out on his desk.
I decided to allow your company to service my wedding because you promised that the father I remembered would be able to give me away,
said the brat. She extended her arm and pointed to the android, the tip of her finger inches away from its nose, That is not tall. My father was this tall.
The brat was the same height as the android. When she stood on her tip toes and held her hand high above her head she gave her father a height over seven feet tall.
I'm sorry, Miss, our contracts are very clear,
said Jeffrey. He reached into the spread of papers on his desk and fished out the signed contract.
You see,
he said, underlining the fourth clause of the contract with the motion of his finger, We commit to creating the android from all official sources of documentation as to the physical features and characteristics of the loved one that has passed on.
Jeffrey waved the contract toward the android. That we have done.
But-
Jeffrey raised his hand to hold her off, and was amazed when she stopped. "When you had an issue with how the android behaved, saying it was too stilted and nothing like your father, we contacted his living friends and family and interviewed them extensively about