The Case of the Schmoldenese Falcon
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A humorous, science fiction short story in which Wally Pazooza, P.I., is on a case involving an artifact worth millions of squid (money).
John Northern
Doctor of Chiropractic
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The Case of the Schmoldenese Falcon - John Northern
THE CASE
of the
SCHMOLDENESE FALCON
Published by John Northern
Copyright 2011 by John Northern
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in and form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author except by a reviewer or an author, who may quote brief passages.
International Standard Book Number: 978-0-9798238-5-5
(The following story was related to us by Wally Pazooza. Since we have not known him to be a prevaricator, nor a teller of tall tales, we believe it to be true.)
THE STORY BEGINS:
The Chief of Police was a big man, at least 6 foot 11, and not just tall, he was huge, and I don't mean fat. He had muscles everywhere—his chest, his arms, his legs. Even his eyelids looked like little weight lifters. It made no sense that he became a cop. If the bad guys were shooting at him, they couldn't miss. It was like shooting at the broad side of a barn. Fortunately for him, he was no longer a beat cop nor a detective.
I looked up at him and smiled—as happy a smile as I could muster. Since I'm a private investigator I have had a number of dealings with him over the years. I don't know why, but he always seems to be a bit annoyed with me.
This time we were in his office, and we were both sitting, but I still had to look up to see the scowl on his face. His second in command, Captain Dumble, or more commonly known to his friends as Captain Dum Dum, was sitting in a chair to the Chief's left, and I was sitting in the front.
As a note, they didn't call Captain Dumble 'Dum Dum' because he was dumb. Quite the contrary, he was intelligent and also a bit geeky. No. They called him Dum Dum because his rash decisions would often times get him into a verbal or physical situation, which he had to back out of quickly. Indeed, he was plenty smart, that's why he made Captain, but his actions didn't always show it. You'll see what I mean at the end of the story.
Anyway, the Chief motioned for me to start.
So, I said, I'm a private eye, and my name is Wally Pazooza.
The police Chief, the big whale that he was, looked down at me with a scowl on his face. "We know your profession and we