Amazing Grace for Widows

Amazing Grace for Widows

by Jane C. Wittbold

SMASHWORDS EDITION

* * * * *

PUBLISHED BY:

RPJ & Company, Inc. on Smashwords

This book is also available in print at: http://www.rpjandco1417.com

Copyright © 2010 by Jane C. Wittbold

Scripture taken from the King James Version.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Emergency Room Number 1

Returning Home

Jimmy’s Concert

The Beginning

Born Again

Reminiscing about Aunt Gerry

Bill’s Memorial Service

Home Alone

Losing Aunt Gerry

Selling and Moving

Lawyers and Accountants

Ranch Property

The First Year

The New Beginning

Marco Island

Epilogue

Addendum

Suggested Checklist

Preface

There it was. The sign that said Alligator Alley. The name conjured up all kinds of ancient mysteries and folklore. There was a time when I would have been excited with the prospect of crossing South Florida by this high speed roadway. There was a time I would have enjoyed vacationing at Marco Island, Florida. There was a time it would have thrilled me.

It was a beautifully clear and sunny day, and the traffic was light. Once I would have been irresistibly tempted to push the accelerator to the floor. Once I would have jumped at the chance to test the power of the low white sport coupe I was driving. Once I would have looked forward to the days ahead.

But now, I brushed back my tears and struggled with the short strings of my life. A life once orderly was now an unraveled mess. I needed some time alone, without pressure. I needed to hear from God. Friends had kindly offered their vacation home for a time of isolation and prayer. I needed both. I knew that God would meet me and give me new direction for my life. I felt unsure because I really didn’t want a new direction. My life seemed over, but God kept making promises. I felt finished, weary and broken. Life without Bill was just too hard!

Bill had been gone over two years. Since his death I continued to work - to minister and to manage the affairs of the ministry. On the outside I looked OK, but inside there was a raging struggle for my life. It became harder to cope with my emotions. My protection was worn thin. Feelings I thought I had dealt with would suddenly rise up before me like giants and threaten my very sanity.

Life without Bill was an anguish I could no longer bear. It was ripping and tearing at my soul causing terrible pain. Every day I fought to bring my emotions under the authority of the blood of Jesus. Every day was a struggle just to continue the work of the ministry.

God had given us a miracle in the summer of 1982. That was the first time that my husband, an alcoholic, had come to the point of death. We had little interest in God but during that summer we came to know Him and turned our lives over to Him. After three years of His redemptive work in us, He led us to open ...in the Name of Jesus Ministries Inc. in Cocoa Beach, Florida. We had joined together with God and He gave us His wisdom and power. We ministered to all those who came: alcoholics, drug addicts, homosexuals, rapists, adulterers, murderers, anyone in trouble who crossed our threshold. Day and night we met with the hurting children of God. Those who knew Him and those who did not. We were a team and this was definitely a team effort.

But now I was alone and expected to continue as if nothing had happened. The burden was just too great, even with the help of God. So much needed to be done, so many people, so much trouble. It was too large for me to carry. I was only one woman and I was broken at best. The job was too big and everything was just too painful.

When I took the kind offer of this Marco Island house, I was in this frame of mind. It was a hiding place where my spirit could be quieted so I could hear God. It seemed strange to go to a place which Bill would have loved and to go there without him. I cried often on the way down but tears had become my constant companion. It was my first trip alone without Bill. Following my friends’ directions I soon turned into their driveway and parked the car. A small white butterfly led me up the stairs to the living quarters.

This was a typical Marco Island house, built high above possible flood tides. It offered marvelous views from every window: canals, tree tops, birds in flight, the Gulf of Mexico. It was a fisherman’s paradise. Bill, who had been a fisherman, was in heaven. I, who did not care, was here. Another imponderable!

My suitcases were put in the bedroom and I walked through the house. Looking for the place where the Lord would meet me and renew me, I glanced around the house. High above my surroundings I found the room. It was an upper room, made of glass, where I could make my confessions and the power of God would minister to me. It was a special place, a holy place, where I would come to understand what God was doing with my life. I knew each life held purpose, but what was mine? With questions still unanswered I lay down that night to a troubled sleep.

Before dawn I was awakened with the sound of distant thunder. As I saw the quick white light, which betrayed the approaching storm, I threw off the bed covers and made my way up the circular stairs to the upper room. I wanted to see the storm roll in from the Gulf of Mexico. The Lord had often taught me great truths in nature. His encouraging hand was felt as I found my way in the dark. The sun was just beginning to color the clouds and proclaim its role as ruler of the day.

If I sat pressed into the corner of the room, I could see the entire drama. To my right, the sun bringing light to the darkened world, to my left, the dark turbulence of the awesome storm at sea. Lightning flashing its cold light on one side and the sun bringing its warm life-giving light on the other. I was stuck in the middle, caught up in the awesomeness of God and His creation, but unable to discern which way to look.

The storm was raging and seemed out of control, much like the forces which were driving my life. The sunrise, however, promised a new day. God had been promising me such a new day. He took every opportunity to show me that there was something new ahead. Which way did He want me to look? To the storm or to the new day? As I looked to the new day, I felt His correction forcing me to look into the face of the raging storm. It was dark and turbulent, a churning force, folding and unfolding terribly before me. Dreadfully black and sinister, it seemed determined to cover the whole world in darkness; but with brilliant flashes of jagged lightning, it revealed itself over and over. Nothing else moved. It was hard to breathe as the storm turned upon itself, suffocating the rest of creation. Power, greater than anything I had ever seen, was arrayed before me. Darkness swiftly blacked out the horizon.

Then, there it was. Yes, the storm was overpowering, but as the first few rays of the rising sun made contact with the darkness, His great Promise burst through. A perfect rainbow. It was new and unused with both ends visible. It was brilliant in color, not yet faded by time, shining and bright against the darkness of the early morning storm. It radiated the ancient promise of God (Genesis 9:12), His promise not to forget His children. His word clearly states that no storm nor flood would overtake us. The rainbow is His sign, His sign to mankind that He is with us forever, no matter our situation or peril. God is faithful to His word. He had allowed the storms to come against me and the darkness to fill my soul. Difficult yes, trying yes, but God had never left me.

Quickly the storm outside was changing. The bow was gone and the blackness blotted out the sun. I could no longer see the new day, but the promise lingered. The memory of that now-hidden sign burned fresh in my mind. I realized anew that God was more powerful than all the evil that had come against me; in truth Bill was with Him but my life was to be made new.

God’s plan for my life was not finished. There was to be a new beginning. God would heal me and out of the victory over my pain and heartache would come this book. It is a work done for God and for those who choose to read it. The story is mine, with Bill and without him. To those dear souls who helped me brave the storms, I say a heartfelt thanks.

To those who might read these pages, I pray that you will be blessed and helped by this book. I pray that you, too, will begin to look for the signs that He will give you directing you out of the storm, however dark.

This is a story about hope. If widowhood is your companion and your life seems to be in turmoil, I pray this work will show you that hope is available. Be encouraged to look to God and let Him guide you through the dreadful days of your present situation.

May the reading of this book give you peace and bring forth unspeakable joy from any sorrows in your life.

Jane C. Wittbold

Marco Island, Florida

Acknowledgments

It would be impossible to complete this work without a word of thanks to God who required this book from me, and then proceeded to orchestrate its outcome.

Also, I thank the prophet Jeremiah, who in the 49th chapter, 11th verse of his book made note that the Lord had said, "and let thy widows trust in me." This became my true slogan.

And for those who came alongside to help uphold the work at …in the Name of Jesus Ministries in Cocoa Beach, Florida – my heartfelt thanks. For Hollie O’Brien and the home church that met on Wednesday evenings, for Jimmy Smith and the Friday night Fellowship of the Lamb, and for Mel and Brenda Hinton leading the Sunday night meeting. For those who upheld the Alcoholics group on Tuesday evening and for all who came to feed the hungry on Saturday night! This was a true work of the Tabernacle Church home group – Hollie, Hazel, Dorothy, Bette, Phyllis, Ginny, Julie and Bill, Lester, Kim, David, Juanita and Jeff, and the many others who came to help.

For the Fazio family who truly understood and accepted the responsibility of, Pure and undefiled religion.

And for the help and encouragement given by Laura Watson. The book would not have been finished without her help. Also, thank you to Ray Goff who suggested the final checklist. Many thanks to my new daughter in Christ, Kathleen Schubitz, whose gifts and talents have helped with the final editing and publishing of this book.

My most special thanks to my wonderful family for patiently awaiting upon my return from the dead. And for my grandchildren who taught me how to use this computer thereby bringing me into the 20th century just as it comes to a close.

My heartfelt thanks to everyone else who found a way to touch my life during these – my worst years. I am unable to mention you all, but just know that all of you took part in my healing and deliverance from grief. For those of you that helped me move, Lester, Kim and Rich, you have my blessings. I also want to thank Janine and Jim and all those who helped create a beautiful atmosphere at the ministry for Bill’s memorial. The list goes on but the space is short. My love and eternal thanks to Marilyn, Lojuan, and Carolyn, to Judy, Becky and Stephanie, to Elsa and Essie, to Zoe, and to Terry and Jim and their wonderful children. To Sandi and Joe for the use of their marvelous cottage. And to Mark who stepped in to help lift the burden, but instead has become the servant in that same dread spot.

For those of you who thought of me, and prayed for me, I will be forever grateful.

May God bless you abundantly!

chapter 1

Emergency Room Number 1

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. (Psalm 116:15)

Bill was dead. There was no sign of life