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    Closing The Gap
    Closing The Gap
    Closing The Gap
    Ebook95 pages1 hour

    Closing The Gap

    By Pat Ritter

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    About this ebook

    Pat Ritter (co-author) of Closing The Gap was a police officer. His concern was when teenagers ran away from home. At first he didn't have any answers however after attending college to learn about a subject 'behaviour', his lecturer Bob O'Sullivan and Pat decided to write a book to help parents overcome issues with their teenagers.

    This book was bought about by frustration. There had to be an answer to the issue of teenagers running away from home. Pat discovered the answer by attending college to learn skills in communication, conflict resolution and problem solving.

    He used these newly learned skills to educate parents of teenagers with great success.

    Finally when he'd discovered the holy grail of parent/teenager communication issues, he with Bob wrote and published 'Closing The Gap'.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPat Ritter
    Release dateApr 10, 2011
    ISBN9781458100726
    Closing The Gap
    Author

    Pat Ritter

    Hi Everyone,Let me introduce myself. My name is Pat Ritter. Since 1988 I have been writing and publishing books. In 2009 I decided to publish my books as e-books on this and other websites.Writing and self-publishing became expensive especially the marketing end of the business. I experienced little problems with my first book 'Closing The Gap' however after writing and self-publishing six other books the printing costs out-weighed the cost of production.At this stage of my writing I am converting from writing true life stories to fictional or better known - storytelling and it's difficult I can tell you. I'm giving it my best.Reading is a passion. When I read I try and place myself in the writer's seat and endeavour to work out how they wrote the story. I enjoy reading interesting stories filled with passion, desire with a happy ending.If you have a look at my website www.patritter.com.au all of my books are exhibited plus stories I have written and published.I'm happy to meet you.I'm also proud to be involved in Operation eBook Drop.Pat RitterAuthor/Self Publisher

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      Book preview

      Closing The Gap - Pat Ritter

      A Self-help Guide to Stronger Family Relationships

      CLOSING THE GAP

      Bob O’Sullivan

      Pat Ritter

      Copyright Power Publishers Pty Ltd 2011

      Contents

      Chapter 1 How To Survive Family Turmoils

      Chapter 2 How to Respond Constructively to Family Problems

      Chapter 3 How to Recognise and Deal with Stress

      Chapter 4 How to Reach Your Children and Let Them Reach You

      Chapter 5 How to Motivate Your Children Constructively

      Chapter 6 How to Influence Your Children Constructively

      Chapter 7 How to Help Your Children Succeed in School and Life

      References

      CHAPTER 1

      How To Survive Family Turmoils

      ‘Before she could utter another word, I exploded. How could my daughter do this to me? I admit I lost my temper, but I just couldn’t control myself. I yelled and screamed at her and couldn’t stop until I had fully blown my top. I felt as if I was in the middle of a raging tornado and couldn’t get out. The hurt, the feeling of anguish, the hatred and disbelief, overcome me. My stomach felt like it had been torn apart. I was caught in an emotional storm. Shock and numbness took over my body.’- Fred.

      What catastrophe can cause a mature, sensible adult to experience this emotional turmoil? Let’s learn from Fred’s experience.

      Fred’s world started closing in on him when a friend told him he would not allow his children to associate with his daughter (then aged 13) if she continued to be a bad influence. He told Fred that she had been disruptive both within and outside the classroom and that she was encouraging his children to smoke. To say that Fred was surprised at his friend’s comments would be a major understatement. He was shocked. He could not imagine his daughter smoking let alone pressuring others to smoke as well.

      Nevertheless, he spoke to her about what his friend had said. She seemed surprised and denied all knowledge of any such activities. That was good enough for Fred because he trusted and loved his daughter. He was, however, determined to say a few things to his friend. Fortunately, before doing so, Fred visited his daughter’s school. Here he learnt that his trusted daughter had lied to him.

      When Fred confronted his daughter, she admitted her guilt. Fred went into a rage. Many thoughts raced through his mind, one of which was, that this was not supposed to happen in his family. Part of his job was to counsel families in just this type of situation. He had seen the suffering other families had been through and thought he understood their feelings. However, it wasn’t until he had actually experienced the same anguish himself that he really understood.

      Fred was unprepared for such turmoil himself, even though he understood the theory behind these problems and had successfully helped many families in precisely this situation. You see he never expected this to happen to him. Nobody expects it to happen to them, but it does happen. Fred’s experience and his immediate reaction are not uncommon.

      It wasn’t until Fred gained control of himself and started to work on the techniques which he had regularly advised other parents to do, that he started to work towards a positive outcome. He remembered that there were four ways in which he could respond to this situation. He immediately began to feel better as he started to work constructively to help his family.

      FAMILY CONFLICT:

      Conflict in a family can destroy those ties that make family life something that we all aspire to. Yet the potential for conflict is ever present in our society and especially within our families.

      Most of us, as Fred did initially, react negatively to conflict within our families. Part of the reason for this negative approach is simply because we do not handle conflict well. So when conflict does arise, we tend to be anxious and often select options which we later regret and which in the long term, turn out to be counter-productive.

      Many relationships are strained or perhaps permanently damaged when the participants are unable to come to terms with their conflict. On the other hand, conflict can lead to a stronger, closer relationship.

      Conflict can be seen as a crisis point in a relationship. If the relationship survives, it can become stronger, because a successful resolution of conflict can bring with it a feeling of real intimacy.

      People are then closer to and more confident of each other for their relationship has been tested and passed the test. Conflict can trigger a sorting out of a range of issues that would otherwise not be discussed but these issues nevertheless could have soured the relationship over time.

      Through conflict, we can gain a better understanding of each other and of our differing points of view. If we can work out our differences with others then we can build stronger relationships based upon equity, trust and love.

      POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO FAMILY CONFLICT:

      In order to assist you to learn skills a short discussion of the relevant theory is important. There are four basic ways in which you can respond to conflict in your family:

      1.‘You win, I lose’.

      2.‘I win, You lose’.

      3.‘We both win and lose something’.

      4.‘I win, You win’.

      THE ‘YOU WIN, I LOSE’ RESPONSE:

      When you choose this response, you are trying to smooth over a conflict situation, by saying that you agree with the other person even though you don’t really agree with them. You are prepared to forgo what you want so that the other person may have what they want.

      A child, who gives way to his parents even though he thinks it is unfair, is using this response. Sometimes this is the only way a child is allowed to respond. Some people in some situations would prefer to give in because it’s simply less trouble.

      This particular response to conflict is not necessarily very effective by itself because it doesn’t do anything to resolve the actual problem. The person, who loses, often takes revenge for this loss on a later, quite separate occasion.

      This can even be an unconscious response which the person taking the revenge is unaware of. Most of the time this ‘I’ve got you now’ reaction is so natural that we don’t even know we are doing it.

      I am sure your family can do without this type of reaction. This technique is however effective in some situations, particularly when your opponent is stronger than you.

      Young children in particular will use this method when faced with an angry parent. However in some instances this method can also be appropriate for parents.

      Conflict may and usually does, come at the most inconvenient time. By using this method and smoothing over the conflict, you can re-schedule the conflict to a better time and place. You may then use this extra time to your advantage by collecting information or even re-reading this guide.

      THE ‘I WIN, YOU LOSE’ RESPONSE:

      Another method of responding to conflict is by competing. In other words, you go

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