If I Die Young

Chapter One

I rubbed my temples one more time in hopes that the headache from hell would at least start to fade. It wasn’t unusual for me to have a headache; in fact, lately I seemed to have them daily. This one, though, was a real winner. It wouldn’t let up. I opened my eyes and the mid-afternoon sun was blinding. I glanced at my watch, relieved it was almost the end of the day. Sitting on the hard bleachers watching my classmates play a game of soccer was completely boring.

Having a permanent excuse out of P.E. class was pretty awesome. Sure, I had to do some of the activities, if they weren’t too physically demanding, but most of the time I only had to write papers about fitness or nutrition. That wasn’t so bad. I enjoyed doing research and writing. I didn’t enjoy running or playing sports. As I sat there, I could only wonder if I would actually enjoy playing if I didn’t get short of breath every time I was active.

Coach Roberts blew his whistle and waved everyone inside. I gathered up my notebook and fell in line with my classmates. Lindsay bounded over to me. The sun made the highlights in her shoulder-length brown hair stand out. Hey. Wanna go to the mall after school?

Sure, I agreed with a controlled smile. My head still pounded, but I didn’t want to cancel our time after school together. I had some ibuprofen in the car that I could take.

Once P.E.—the last class of the day—was dismissed, Lindsay and I walked to our lockers. Our friend Jess walked up to us as I shoved what I needed into my bag and closed my locker.

Caelyn and I are going shopping, wanna come? Lindsay asked Jess.

Jess smiled and yanked out her ponytail, letting her dirty-blonde hair fall down her back. Her shirt matched her green eyes. Love to, but I gotta babysit.

Lindsay shrugged. Next time.

Jess nodded and waved as she turned and walked away.

Lindsay and I walked to my car. I was the proud owner of a three-year-old Subaru Outback. It was a cool forest-green and I was anal about keeping it clean. I did not like clutter. A vanilla-scented air freshener hung on the rearview mirror. I changed the scent every month. Too much of the same thing got old; I liked to keep things changing and unpredictable.

Slipping into the driver’s seat, I reached for my ibuprofen and bottle of water. I threw a couple of capsules down my throat and followed them with a drink.

Everything okay? Lindsay asked, sliding into the passenger seat.

Yeah, just a headache.

Sure you wanna go?

Mhmm, it’ll go away. I started the car and drove to the outlet mall. It was an upscale shopping center with some of its corridors being outdoors. There was sufficient coverage to make shopping there pleasant in the heat or the rain. I parked and we headed toward the stores.

So, where are you dragging me today? I asked. Lindsay loved to shop. She was one of the shop ’til you drop type of girls. I liked to have more of a plan.

I need a new purse.

I laughed. You just bought a new purse like a month ago.

It doesn’t work for me anymore. She shrugged and gave a playful smile.

The mall had both a Coach and a Juicy Couture, two of Lindsay’s favorite stores. I sighed in my head. If I had known which stores she wanted to go to, I would have parked on the other side so the walk wouldn’t be so long. A long trek with a pounding head was not my idea of fun.

The air was especially heavy and I felt fatigued. A few minutes later, breathing started to become difficult. Great. First the headache, now this. I grabbed Lindsay’s arm. I need to sit.

She led me over to a bench. You okay?

My heart was pounding harder than my head now. I fumbled around in my purse for my inhaler. Tearing the cap off, I took two puffs and waited, hoping it would kick in soon. I had been diagnosed with asthma five years ago after I noticed I was getting out of breath easily. I had tried not to let it get in the way of living my life, but somehow it always seemed to.

Frustrated, I shook the inhaler again. What was going on? Why was it taking so long for the medicine to start working? I was still wheezing and shaking. It used to work quicker than this. C’mon! I took another puff and closed my eyes, willing my body to calm down. Slowly, it responded and I started to feel better. Okay.

Lindsay looked at me skeptically. Really?

Yes. Let’s go get you a new purse, I said, rolling my eyes at her.

She shook her head, but helped me up and we continued walking to the stores she wanted. Luckily, it didn’t take her too long to fall in love with a brass, khaki, and gold Coach purse with the signature C all over it.

Lindsay and I were both only children and I guess our parents spoiled us too much sometimes. Lindsay’s parents showered her with gifts, credit cards, and trips to make up for not being around. They both had big corporate jobs and were often working late or out of town. While I didn’t hurt for anything, my parents didn’t give me quite as much in the way of material things.

When we emerged from the store, dark clouds had rolled in. I nudged Lindsay. Look.

We better hurry, she groaned.

We barely made it to my car before the skies opened up and the rain started pouring down. Slamming the door shut, I leaned my head back against the seat and tried to calm my racing heart. My head stopped spinning a few minutes later, but my body was tired again. I should probably talk to my mom about my medicine. Something wasn’t quite right anymore; I didn’t used to feel like this, and I was getting scared. Maybe the doctors just needed to increase the dosage? Feeling my heart race made me feel like I was losing control and I didn’t like that feeling at all.

Chapter Two

While we were driving home, Lindsay looked at me, concern in her eyes. Everything all right?

Yeah, just tired. I didn’t say anything more because I didn’t want to worry her. Lindsay always worried about me. She took on the role of overbearing big sister although she was only older by a few weeks.

You’ve been tired a lot, she commented. I nodded, agreeing with her. Caelyn, are you pregnant?

What? No! I was horrified that she’d even think that.

Okay, just checking. You’d tell me if you were?

Of course! She was my best friend; naturally I would tell her if I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe she thought I’d keep something like that from her. Seeing her concern, I added, It’s just my asthma. It’s been flaring up lately.

Maybe you should see a doctor? she suggested.

I grunted. Maybe.

Lindsay continued to stare at me, and then she sighed and looked away.

After dropping Lindsay off at her house, I drove the eight blocks to mine—a two-story, brown-brick colonial house with a big front porch that welcomed people to our home. A two-car garage was attached on the right side, and as I pulled in the driveway, I could see in the kitchen window. I parked and went in through the side door. It was quiet and obvious that nobody else was home yet—not unusual.

My mom worked at an insurance agency and usually got home about an hour after I did. My dad worked as a contractor and got home at dinnertime. Now that I was older, I had a lot more responsibility. Not only did I take care of myself a lot, but sometimes I took care of the whole family by making dinner—nothing exquisite, but good enough for everybody to enjoy.

I read a note that was left for me on the refrigerator; today was one of those days where I would need to throw a small dinner together for my family. I preheated the oven, then pulled out a casserole dish from the freezer and stuck it in. I threw a quick salad together and then sat down at the cherry wood table to do my homework. Lindsay kept interrupting me with texts making sure I was okay. All that fuss seemed silly now that I felt normal again.

I saw Mom’s car pull in shortly after I was done with my essay. She came into the house and put her keys in the kitchen utility drawer. Hey, Caelyn. How are you? She smiled softly.

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should bring up the asthma attack, but decided not to right then. Good. How was your day?

Busy. She sighed as she checked on dinner. Thanks for getting this ready.

Sure.

A couple years ago, I had a growth spurt and landed right about the same height as my mom—5’5". Even though she was slim, I looked frail compared to her. Her face was oval and a few wrinkles had appeared recently. I knew she was trying to hide them because she started using more makeup. Mom had chopped her long, brown hair off about a year ago and now kept it short and spiky.

Dad got home just in time for dinner. After taking off his shoes, he kissed my forehead and then hurried over to Mom and gave her a loving kiss. It was easy to tell how much they still loved each other, even after all these years. She smiled up at him; he was at least half a foot taller and well built. His complexion was darker than hers, but they complemented each other well. He gave Mom a hug and saw me staring at them. He smiled and winked at me, his brown eyes sparkling. I love coming home to you both.

Mom giggled like a schoolgirl. I love it when you come home.

Rolling my eyes, I cleared my throat. Are we, uh…gonna eat?

The child calls, Dad teased.

Indeed she does.

I suppose we have to feed her.

Well, she did cook it for us.

He sighed jokingly. Fine. Let’s eat. He messed with my hair as he sat down at the table.

Thanks, I said, trying to fix it. As goofy and sometimes embarrassing as they were, I loved my parents.

The next day Lindsay and I sat across from each other at lunch. She reached over and grabbed a handful of my fries.

Hey!

She laughed. They smelled good.

Lindsay knew I wouldn’t really mind. We had been best friends since we met eleven years ago in kindergarten. Now we were juniors in high school and barely spent any time apart.

Every weekend, Lindsay slept over. Her parents weren’t home much. They both had jobs that required a lot of time and socializing. If they weren’t working in the office, they were with clients. So Lindsay practically lived at my house.

What do you wanna do this weekend? I asked her while dunking my French fries in ketchup. She didn’t respond, so I looked up. She was glaring behind me. I knew who she was looking at. What’s up with Ethan? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

She scowled. He’s all over some girl.

Well, he did dump me for her.

He wasn’t that disgusting with you.

I smirked. I have more class than she does.

Lindsay laughed. I know.

Jess, Christy, and Reyna sat down with us. Hey. I smiled, grateful for the interruption. I didn’t want to think about Ethan or how he had hurt me. It had taken a couple months, but I was over him and now when I did think back, I was sure I hadn’t been in love with him.

Ethan had wanted to go further than I was comfortable with and I told him no. He dumped me and found a girl more willing.

Some of us are going hiking in Estes Park this weekend. You guys want to come? Christy asked.

A few weeks ago, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I loved being out there, surrounded by nature. We lived in the western part of Denver, which made going to the mountains easy. But with my asthma acting all crazy, I didn’t think it was a good idea. I won’t be able to, I told them.

Why not? Reyna asked, running her hand through her long, black hair.

I haven’t been feeling that good lately. I shrugged. Having asthma really sucks sometimes.

Bummer. Jess looked disappointed. What about you, Lindsay?

Lindsay looked over at me.

Go ahead, I told her. No reason you shouldn’t have fun.

Before she even answered, I knew she wouldn’t go. Nah, I’ll stay here—keep Caelyn company.

You don’t have to do that.

I know. She pulled on her earlobe.

As we were walking to our next class, Lindsay asked, Have you seen a doctor lately?

Nah.

Why not?

I shrugged. You know I’m not a big fan of doctors.

Tell your mom?

Not yet.

You should.

I will, I agreed with a sigh. Just not yet. I knew I should listen to my body and to Lindsay, but I didn’t want to worry my mother and be dragged to the doctor. Maybe in a week or two I’d feel better and not need to burden anyone.

Chapter Three

Lindsay, Jess, and I went to the movies on Sunday afternoon. The newest hot paranormal romance movie had been released and it was the first chance we all had to go together. Jess giggled and nudged my arm when we walked in the lobby. A few of the hot guys from school stood over by the fountain.

Seth spotted us and said something to Tate and Erik and then all three of them looked over at us. Tate winked at me—or at least I thought it was at me—we were all standing so close,