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    How NOT to Practice Law: in the Office and in the Courtroom
    How NOT to Practice Law: in the Office and in the Courtroom
    How NOT to Practice Law: in the Office and in the Courtroom
    Ebook86 pages1 hour

    How NOT to Practice Law: in the Office and in the Courtroom

    By Gene Grossman

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    About this ebook

    This is the perfect book for any law student or new admittee in private practice, a law firm, or the public sector.

    It separates what really goes on in actual practice from what is depicted on popular legal-oriented television shows, and can save a new lawyer many hours and embarrassment by learning lessons the hard way.

    This is the stuff that's not taught in law school.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMagic Lamp Press
    Release dateNov 16, 2009
    ISBN9781882629923
    How NOT to Practice Law: in the Office and in the Courtroom
    Author

    Gene Grossman

    GENE GROSSMAN was born in Chicago, Illinois and raised in the North side neighborhood of Albany Park, where he attended Hibbard Elementary and Von Steuben High School.He pursued majors in psychology, chemistry and mathematics at Wright Junior College, Roosevelt University and Illinois Institute of Technology - all the while working his way through high school and college by playing piano in clubs on Chicago's then-famous "Rush Street."After moving to Southern California, he worked his way through law school playing piano in night clubs and appeared as a musician in seven major motion pictures.While slowly building his law practice, Gene purchased a truckload of movie equipment he rented out to film production companies and then started his own production company which over the years produced more than 50 educational programs on subjects ranting from Boating and Celestial Navigation, to legal subjects (Depositions, Bankruptcy, etc.) Sign Language Instruction and many more.Always having been interested in boating, getting divorced prompted him to buy and move onto a 45-foot Chris Craft motor yacht in Marina del Rey California,.Years later, while serving as navigator on a yacht delivery from the U.S. to Tortola, Gene wrote his first book, "Celestial Navigation for Dummies" (before the popular series of 'Dummies' books was created). He used his own production equipment to shoot a video on the subject Celestial Navigation - "Sextant Use and the Sun Noon Shot" and unintentionally started the nautical video industry in this country.Over the next few years he followed that first title up with more than 50 other educational DVD titles, all displayed on his production company's website at www.MagicLampDVDs.com.Having moved on from doing scripts for his video productions, Gene turned to writing fiction, and now spends most of his time in the marina on his new boat, where he created the 15-book series of 'Peter Sharp Legal Mysteries,' all now available both in print and as eBooks at Smashwords via www.LegalMystery.comIn addition to the 15 Peter Sharp novels, Gene compiled a group of fiction and non-fiction titles that he has either written or edited for others, plus some classic stories: the publishing company he formed (www.MagicLampPress.com) now has more than 60 books in print.The Peter Sharp Legal Mystery Series#1: Single Jeopardy#2: ...By Reason of Sanity#3: A Class Action#4: Conspiracy of Innocence#5: ...Until Proven Innocent#6: The Common Law#7: The Magician's Legacy#8: The Reluctant Jurist#9: The Final Case#10: An Element of Peril#11: A Good Alibi#12: Legally Dead#13: How to Rob a Bank#14: Murder Under Way#15: The Sherlock Holmes CaperThe Suzi B. Mystery Series (a spin-off)#1: ...Sorry, Wrong Number#2: Movie Magic#3: Two Perfect Crimes#4: He's the Guy#5: The Magic BulletsAll 20 of Gene's mysteries are described in detail in a free eBook: The Mystery Books of Gene Grossman: Summaries with the Author's Comments.

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      Book preview

      How NOT to Practice Law - Gene Grossman

      How NOT to Practice Law

      In the Office and the Courtroom

      By Gene Grossman

      From Magic Lamp Press - Venice, California

      This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously or with permission. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or any events is entirely coincidental.

      All rights reserved

      ©MMIX Gene Grossman/Magic Lamp Press

      Smashwords Edition 1.0 November, 2009

      This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from Magic Lamp Press, P.O. Box 9547, Marina del Rey, CA 90295.

      Other books by Gene Grossman: the 13 popular Peter Sharp Legal Mystery Series, available in both print and as eBooks from www.LegalMystery.com

      Single Jeopardy

      …by Reason of Sanity

      A Class Action

      Conspiracy of Innocence

      …Until Proven Innocent

      The Common Law

      The Magician’s Legacy

      The Reluctant Jurist

      The Final Case

      An Element of Peril

      A Good Alibi

      Legally Dead

      How to Rob a Bank

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      FOREWORD

      INTRODUCTION

      Where’s Vin Scully when you really need him?

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      WHERE TO SIT

      DON’T FALL IN THE WELL

      DON’T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?

      NO B.S. TO THE JUDGE

      THE BEARING OF GIFTS

      THE LAWYER’S LETTER

      An exercise in Extortion

      YES OR NO WILL DO JUST FINE

      LOOK THE PART

      NO OFFICE? NO PROBLEM

      TROLLING FOR CLIENTS

      LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT

      HELTER SKELTER

      THE CLIENT TRUST ACCOUNT

      ONLY DEATH and TAXES

      THE CRUSADES ARE OVER

      JUST SAY NO

      THE LIBRARY CARD

      COMPLETE STRANGERS

      REASONABLENESS

      BY THE WAY…

      NOT SAVED BY THE BELL

      TELL IT TO THE JUDGE

      RESPECT

      The BLACK BOX PRINCIPLE

      SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUTAn excerpt from the California Attorney Guidelines of Civility & Professionalism

      PETER SHARP LEGAL MYSTERIES

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      *****

      FOREWORD

      Longer ago than I care to remind myself of, I was thrown out of Chicago’s Von Steuben High School during the last half of my senior year, as a result of what I considered to be a brilliant prank… the details of which are irrelevant to this book and too embarrassing to mention – but at the time of my departure, my transcripts had already been sent off to Wright Junior College, the most expensive institute of higher learning I could afford at that time. After my former class graduated, without mentioning the fact that I didn’t have a high school diploma, I went to Wright Jr. College and registered for classes.

      No questions were asked. I was admitted, and completed almost two years there, and at the last minute dropped out instead of graduating, for fear that they might want to document my education with an update of my incomplete high school transcripts, showing final grades at the time of what was supposed to have been my high school graduation.

      Next stop were some evening math courses at I.I.T. (Illinois Institute of Technology), and then on to Roosevelt University in downtown Chicago, where there were no discernible admission requirements.

      My main interest in college at that time of my life was to ‘still be in school,’ so my parents would allow me to continue living at home and keep working nights at various saloons as a jazz piano player. That worked out for another three years, until I was threatened with graduation, which might once again lead to my being discovered as a high-school drop-out.

      At 24 years of age, everyone in my household agreed that it might be a good idea for me to strike out on my own, so it was time to head west and I drove out to California to pursue my dream of becoming a piano player in the movies. Why not? I still had a full head of hair in those days.

      Unfortunately the motion picture industry wasn’t that interested in helping me fulfill my dream, so I wound up working at a car leasing place during the day and playing piano evenings in a bowling alley lounge… but after a year or so, things eventually started looking up and I finally got a piano-bar gig in a nice restaurant where Frank Sinatra had an interest. Unfortunately, I never met the man, but was told that periodically the kitchen would be ‘off-limits,’ while some very important people were dining back there in the fancy leather booth reserved for VIPs. One night Mr. Sinatra exited using the front door, and when walking past the piano he nodded at me. That was my big Hollywood experience, and caused a big run-up to my long distance telephone bill for the next few days.

      Thinking is might be time to settle down I suggested to my girlfriend that we should consider a living-together arrangement. I had recently purchased my first house in Van Nuys ($22,000, with a $500 down-payment; the mortgage payment was $122.00 a month) and it would be a nice place for us to live and start a family.

      The settle-down plan was scuttled by her lawyer, who advised her that because the property settlement with her wealthy ex-husband wasn’t finalized, bringing her young daughter to live in with us might upset the legal applecart.

      I didn’t understand how a divorced woman’s living situation could affect her property settlement, so I made an appointment with her attorney to try and find out.

      He explained to me that it was a complicated legal concept I wouldn’t understand. I said to him, When you were going to law school, they explained the concept to you, so why don’t you just explain it to me, the same way.

      His answer was, If you think you can understand things the way they explain them in law school, then I suggest you go to law school and find out for yourself.

      Back at my car-leasing cubicle I couldn’t get his remark out of my mind, and while glancing through the newspaper, I happened upon an advertisement for an unaccredited law school’s evening classes, so I called up to inquire about their entrance requirements and whether or not a high school diploma would be one of them.

      Dean Leo

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