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    Into Fear and Back
    Into Fear and Back
    Into Fear and Back
    Ebook161 pages2 hours

    Into Fear and Back

    By Susie Macomber

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    About this ebook

    This book is a journey that took nearly thirty years. When Generalized Anxiety Disorder reared it's ugly head a fourth time, I had to find out what was causing this debilitating disorder. None of the usual medications worked. I couldn't live like that, I was suicidal. So, I took matters into my own hands and started doing research and experimenting with different foods and supplements. I talked to many other people who suffered from GAD and depression to see if I could piece together the puzzles surrounding these pandemic disorders. Happily, what I discovered, even though it goes against the beliefs of most in the psychiatric world, brought the relief I sought. Today, I live medication free. It is my hope that by telling this story, I can help other people who suffer from these emotional disorders.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSusie Macomber
    Release dateMay 31, 2011
    ISBN9781465862495
    Into Fear and Back
    Author

    Susie Macomber

    Author, Susie Macomber is a 56 year old wife and mother of three grown children. She lives with her husband in Springfield, Missouri. She loves being a homemaker and caring for her mini-greenhouse and large yard full of beautiful plants. She has been a life-long learner and although she has no formal degree, she has pursued various courses of continuing education. She is a volunteer teacher and works in the community in areas dealing with education and health. Her research concerning mental/emotional illnesses is ongoing and thrilling. She hopes her contribution in learning the causes of mental/emotional illnesses will help ease the suffering of many people with these disorders.

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      Book preview

      Into Fear and Back - Susie Macomber

      Into Fear and Back

      ONE WOMAN’S THIRTY YEAR STRUGGLE WITH GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER (GAD) AND HOW SHE CONQUERED IT WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION DRUGS

      Susie Macomber

      Copyright 2009

      Published by Be eRead

      Smashwords Edition

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      To my husband, Randy, and our three children, Brett, Katie, and Curtis.

      Preface

      I have struggled for more than two years, trying to decide whether or not to write this book. It overwhelms me to think about all that led me here. It came down to two main reasons for going ahead with this effort. First, I am impelled to write to help others who suffer Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Second, I want to defend the character of all who have been maligned by the lack of understanding in the medical community and in their own families and friends.

      Reliving the agony of the past four years and trying to make sense of all that has transpired has taken its toll. But it definitely had its rewards too. My case of GAD may not be unique, but it was certainly an extreme one. The fact that I sank to such great depths emotionally and physically in four separate episodes and was able to dig my way out has inspired me to share my experiences of the past twenty-plus years, in the hope that someone else might be helped.

      This book is not about bashing the medical establishment, nor does it endorse one modality; rather, it is one woman’s quest to regain health by whatever means possible. This book does not engage in simplistic thinking, promoting a one-size-fits-all approach, but advocates finding your way back to normalcy by education and trial and error, just as I did. It is my sincere hope that I can shorten the journey for other sufferers.

      Disclaimer

      This publication is the personal experiences of the author who developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD.

      The author hopes that the information may be of help for others who suffer from GAD. The author does not intend to replace medical, health, or any other kind of professional services for those reading this book.

      Please contact your personal medical health professional prior to adopting any of the author’s suggestions.

      The author and publisher completely disclaim any and all responsibility for any and all loss, risk, or liability, be it to a person or otherwise, which may come about as a result of, directly or indirectly, using of any of the supplements or substances or ideas referred to in the contents of this publication.

      ***** Some names have been changed *****

      Chapter 1

      THE GAD PUZZLE

      I could not relax. My muscles were clinched, my stomach was in a knot, and I was so restless that I had to keep moving. My patience was wearing thin, and I had a short fuse with everyone and everything. Something was very, very wrong. Dread was my constant companion, and when I tried to figure out what I was dreading, I couldn’t put my finger on it. But there it was, relentlessly pursuing me, always pursuing, unremitting, inescapable, along with agitation and fatigue. I was uneasy, insecure, and distraught from daylight until I fell into a troubled sleep in the wee hours of the next morning. Persistent, disconcerting sensations of foreboding overwhelmed me and held me in a personal prison from which there was no escape.

      The fatigue was getting unbearable again. I would lie awake at night, worrying and tossing and turning. Why was this happening? Our lives were going well on the whole, and I didn’t have anything, really, to worry about; but my mind was in a whirl. Fragmented thoughts bombarded me day and night. My brain was chattering continually. In the morning, when it came time to get up, I would be sick to my stomach, and the diarrhea was back too. My appetite was gone, I barely could get food down, and I was losing weight quickly. The exhaustion was pervasive, and I couldn’t hold a thought long enough to decide what to make for dinner.

      Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) destroys lives. It can crush the very spirit of even the happiest, most stalwart, organized, and successful individuals and their families. I know because I lived it. Over a period of nearly thirty years, I suffered escalating bouts of severe anxiety that lasted from a few months to several years. I consulted psychiatrists, physicians, acupuncturists, and other practitioners and was hospitalized several times, always with the wrong diagnosis.

      I feel impelled to write this story for two main reasons. The first one is to defend the character of all of us who have suffered mightily under the weight of this disorder. For some, the suffering is not too extreme. But for others, it rules our lives and makes daily living almost unbearable at times. The second reason for writing this book is to share with as many people as possible how I learned what to do so that I will never have to go back into that life of anxiety disorder again.

      The road back to normalcy was not an easy one for me by any means. I had to use good judgment and self-discipline. I had to really tune in to how I was feeling. Everyone would not respond the exact same way that I responded to different medications and natural products. But we are all people with the same basic anatomy.

      Haven’t most of us who suffer this disorder been on the medication that is supposed to let us live life like a normal person? Sometimes, the medication works fairly well, and sometimes it doesn’t. There were times early in my life when the medication did work well. The anxiety disorder could be brought under control for years at a time. I was even successful in weaning myself off the medication rather quickly after the early episodes, with the doctor’s help. Then came a time when no medication worked. What then? Was I to live my life heavily medicated, but still suffering enormously? I couldn’t accept that. I had to find a way to get well! I had to find out what the real problem was. Why do people develop these disorders? Are anxiety and depression the same thing? What about bipolar disorder? Why do people suffer these things for a while, and then sometimes the symptoms seem to abate? Why can the symptoms come out of the blue on occasion? So through my own experiences with these things, and what I found to be the real problem, in my own case, I hope to share with as many people as possible what I did to get well.

      Mental illness is a horrible thing to live with. There is such stigma associated with it. Although I don’t really know why this is the case anymore as it is said that one in five American women take antidepressants on a regular basis. So many people are suffering from the symptoms that it seems more research would have been done at this point. I had to start thinking differently about mental illness. Through my own experience, I realized that these disorders don’t necessarily start in the brain. Granted, a person’s thinking patterns can have an impact on this illness, but more is involved. Just as our brain plays a major role in our physical health, our physical health can also play a major role in our mental health. In my own case, I discovered that my troubles were directly related to the malfunction of my nervous system. Before you shrug that off as not correct, some experts in the field also concur. GAD and depression are very much related to a nervous system that has been damaged by any one of many causes. These causes I will discuss later in my book.

      I have pieced together a puzzle of information and arrived at an understanding of what went wrong in my case and, more importantly, how I got well! But let me start from the beginning and relate the events that virtually shattered my tranquil life.

      Chapter 2

      YOUNG AND HAPPY

      Randy and I had been married for almost ten years when our first baby arrived. I was twenty-seven years old and had eagerly anticipated the joys of parenthood and loved being pregnant. My prenatal term was uneventful, though my labor was prolonged, and the doctor gave me something to speed up the process. Nothing unusual there.

      As the youngest of six children, I had little or no experience with babies, but being young and strong and of sound mind, I didn’t anticipate problems. Wrong! Brett was a healthy baby, sleeping most of the night from a young age, but taking only two or three half-hour naps during the day. All the other hours of the day, he demanded my full attention.

      My problems began soon after bringing him home from the hospital. I found that the frequent interruptions to my sleep left me unable to go back to sleep, and I quickly became sleep deprived. I had little trouble falling asleep, but the two in the morning nursing left me agitated and sleepless. I would lie there, trying to quiet my mind and my body, hoping that sleep would overtake me, but no. Nothing. An hour passed. Nothing. Another hour. Nothing. It didn’t take too many nights like that to make me so wired that I could hardly think straight during the day.

      GAD sufferers are all too familiar with the feeling of being wired. People who consume huge amounts of caffeine know the feeling.

      Over-the-road truckers who take bennies to keep awake are definitely aware of it. It’s like wanting to jump out of your skin. It’s like your nervous system is in high gear while your body is in reverse, so fatigued you can barely move. The last thing you want is to be hyper-agitated, but there you are, stuck with your nervous system in fight-or-flight mode and your body needing rest. There is no peace for the weary. That cliché has never been truer.

      GAD sufferers have much in common with over stimulated infants who can’t fall asleep. Sometimes dads come home from work and play with the baby, and everyone has a good time, but soon the baby must say good night and finds that sleep won’t come. The baby cries and cries and can’t be calmed. In time, the young parents learn not to over stimulate the baby right before bedtime. So everyone starts getting a good night’s sleep, and life gets back to normal. But not so for people who have GAD.

      In my case, during those first few days and weeks home with Brett, each night it was more and more difficult to get enough sleep. I would go to bed and sleep for about four hours, then lie there the rest of the night, too wired to sleep any more. By the time the sun came up, my nerves were shot, and dealing with a baby who wouldn’t nap nearly enough was making me desperate. Randy would come home from work, and all I could do was cry. There was such a feeling of agitation in my body and mind that I felt scared. I had no idea why I would feel this fear. Every morning I felt a bit sick to my stomach and couldn’t eat much. Since I was nursing Brett, I needed more calories than I could get down. It didn’t take long for me to lose an excessive amount of weight. My friends thought I did a great job of losing those sixty pounds I had gained during pregnancy, and all I could think was I’m going crazy! Thankfully, after this first episode of GAD, I was able to get my body somewhat regulated, the symptoms diminished, and I was able to fall asleep after being up at three or four in the morning.

      Chapter 3

      A SECOND BABY ON THE WAY

      Randy and I had moved into our first home about one week before Brett was born. We were so excited to get a place of our own. Being in the home-decorating business, we had many ideas we wanted to implement into our new abode.

      About that time I started taking a multivitamin-mineral supplement from General Nutrition Center, which contained calcium, magnesium, and vitamins A, D, and E; and it really improved my sense of well-being. Everything seemed to be going quite well in our lives with our little house coming along nicely. We were also able to buy a new car that year. Randy had hung grass cloth wallpaper in the living room and installed pine flooring in the kitchen. What more could anyone want?

      It seemed appropriate to me to add another child to our little family, so twenty-four months after Brett’s birth, we welcomed baby girl Katie into our world. As before, my labor was uneventful, until her birth. Shock! Katie was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate. When the doctor held her up for me to see, I could hardly believe my eyes.

      I had grown up in a small town of about one thousand people and had never even heard of a cleft lip or palate. I knew of an older woman that seemed to have a slight speech impediment, but didn’t learn what caused it until after Katie was born. When I first saw Katie in the delivery room, I was terrified. My mind was in a whirl with many questions. What’s wrong with our baby? Is she going to die? Can

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