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    Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah
    Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah
    Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah
    Ebook41 pages24 minutes

    Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah

    By Bradley Sands

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    About this ebook

    My twilight wanderings had led me far. In the plains of Jum I saw pigs that walked as men and muttered wicked chants to an ancient wrathful god, in the city of Ka'esran, I beheld a chorus of wicked children piercing hearts with eldritch secrets meant for no man's ears, I met a lady whose most loving touch brought only pain and was almost deafened by the klaxons of interminable war! But, it was worth it to make it past the gibbering madnesses around me and into the company of the goddess Nish-Fkyua, The-Laugh-That-Mocks-Creation. Her skin was a thousand cats in tight corsets, her eyes two hungry Skramps, and her wide open vagina a Gnufrat of most resplendent hideousness. Her voice caused my fingernails to break off in unison and my eyes to melt into pools of jelly. But, what she told me, the ghastly primal, was worth the price I had paid and the untold millions of miles I had journeyed:

    "Beyond the gates of Eth there lies a palace of dark opulence, where a king with no eyes sits upon pillows of manflesh waiting. He waits to lead the most courageous and foolish of men into a place of unspeakable horror and delight. He will take you to a golden door engraved with symbols in old Qothric that tell of the secret location of another door atop a perilous mountain where the Masters from Above Time meet every thousand years to plot the end of being. When you get there, you must...

    BUST DOWN THE DOOR AND EAT ALL THE CHICKENS!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBradley Sands
    Release dateJun 16, 2011
    ISBN9781458015631
    Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah
    Author

    Bradley Sands

    Author of TV Snorted My Brain, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, and other books.

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      Book preview

      Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens - Bradley Sands

      Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens: Issue Y'aing'ngah

      Copyright © 2010 by Bradley Sands

      Smashwords edition

      Editor-in-Chief: Bradley Sands

      Associate Editor: Garrett Cook

      Assistant Editor: Andersen Prunty

      Additional Readers: Mike Young and Jason Calsyn

      Cover art by Kristian Adam

      (cover art copyright © 2010 Kristian Adam)

      Additional assistance with cover by Jeffrey Kaminski

      Website: www.absurdistjournal.com

      CONTENTS

      1001 THINGS TO DO BEFORE, AS, AND AFTER YOU DIE

      Mykle Hansen

      CHANGING WOMAN

      Brandi Wells

      TOO MANY SUBJECTS

      Gabe Durham

      THERE’S WAR

      R.E. Greene

      CIRCLE SLASH ERECTIONS

      xTx

      YOUTH TO BE PROUD OF

      Nicole Cushing

      A REVIEW OF D. HARLAN WILSON’S PECKINPAH

      Garrett Cook

      A REVIEW OF L.V. RAUTENBAUMGRABNER’S AS I WAS CUTTING AND OTHER NASTINESSES

      Garrett Cook

      CONTRIBUTOR BIOS

      1001 THINGS TO DO BEFORE, AS, AND AFTER YOU DIE

      by Mykle Hansen

      BEFORE YOU DIE:

      Wake up! Meet your new family. Snuggle. Vomit. Learn a foreign language. Try some salami. Try finger-painting. Cover your ears. Get in touch with your emotions. Read a book about kittens. Jump as high as you can! Visit a doctor. Visit a dentist. Have a special feeling. Do as you're told.

      Take some classes. Meet new people. Try on a new outfit. Make new friends. Ride a bicycle. Discover math. Watch educational television. Fight. Lose. Prefer the color blue. Wonder about death. Feel strange.

      Grow a mustache. Try on some new pants. Stretch! Look at yourself in a mirror. Go dancing! Smell new people. Learn about skin care. Gargle. Kiss somebody. Take a nap. Have a special feeling. Read a coming-of-age novel.

      Get a job. Buy a new outfit. Buy a car. Work. Come of age.  Quit your job. Buy another new outfit. Go dancing! Discover beer. Rediscover math. Worry about money. Get pre-approved. Go dancing! Meet more new people. Make more friends. Discover more beer. See a foreign film about emptiness. Get back in touch with your emotions.

      Go to a church. Make new friends. Read selected Bible passages. Study flower arranging. Eat donuts. Discover wine. Kneel. Wonder about death. Wait for a sign. Continue to wait. Give up waiting. Discover whiskey.

      Move to a new town. Get a job. Learn to smoke. Wonder about death. Worry about money. Rediscover beer. Smoke. Discover malt liquor. Go for a drive. Kill somebody.

      Visit your local police station. Visit your regional prison. Read the Bible. Read the dictionary. Explore weightlifting. Explore your sexuality. Play chess.

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