Unforgettable

Unforgettable

Harrowing Futures, Horrors, & (Dark) Humor

PAUL McCOMAS

© 2011 Paul McComas

Published by Walkabout Publishing at Smashwords.

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A PIECE OF TALE (a.k.a. About the Cover)

Co-written with Stephen D. Sullivan

... for as the smoke cleared, the sound of drums—ancient, primal—drifted through the jungle night like far-off thunder.

Like a heartbeat.

Kneeling on the altar, Kitana raised her arms in invocation, palms pressed toward the stars. "Ay shubara ko, mo shu’ba. Ay shubara ko—"

At once, the trees shook with titan footsteps as the gigantic silver figure burst into the clearing. It stopped and stood stock still, towering above her, its chromoid skin gleaming in the light of the full moon.

The flanking torches flared; the rising wind whipped her blood-red hair across her eyes. But all she saw was It. And It merely stood …

Waiting.

The stone surface began to hurt Kitana’s bare knees; her widespread legs felt stiff and cramped. She had not seen the MechaLoa in more than a year. It seemed ... larger.

Has It grown?

She took a breath, then began: O Great One Who Does Not Die, hear me. I have performed all of Your proscribed rituals and ablutions. I have bared my skin and marked my body, this very night carving the sacred pattern of Zeroes and Ones into the tender flesh of my inner thigh—she could still feel the slow throb of pain—and I have done so with neither complaint nor cry. I have worked tirelessly to execute Your every order, to fulfill Your every wish. And I have known neither man nor woman for thirteen cycles. My every day and night, I have given to You.

The colossus spoke at last, in a voice like rending steel, the altar vibrating with each syllable: WHAT OF IT?

Kitana swallowed and, steadying her voice, cried: Fulfill my desires! Grant me the powers I seek!

The great, burnished arms rose, creaking, and folded over the massive metal chest. "YOU ASK MUCH, MAMBO. BUT BEYOND BLIND OBEDIENCE, WHAT HAVE YOU THAT SUCH AS I COULD NEED—OR DESIRE?"

"Well, Master … what do You desire?"

The behemoth stood silent. Then: I LACK BUT ONE THING.

What? No sooner had she asked than it came to her: My ... humanity!

The giant nodded. YOUR BODY, YOUR MIND, YOUR VERY SOUL … ALL THAT YOU ARE AND EVER WILL BE.

The distant drums grew louder. The torch fires danced and darted. The howling winds raged.

Kitana ran her tongue over suddenly dry lips. I ... I offer You my cyberserpent—the best that technomancy can render. With it, You can interface with the Allweb, know everything this pale, fleshly world has to offer.

The god-machine’s eyes glowed. IT’S A START.

Its meaning was clear—and made her shudder:

Only a start ...

* * *

Winner, Silver Prize, 2012 Midwest Book Awards

McComas’ fiction here is punk, in a good way: frequently over the top, unafraid to be noisy and have a good time.

—Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

"McComas explores the unknown, what lurks around the corner—and how our curiosity leads us to things we never expected. Unforgettable is an excellent genre collection that should not be overlooked. *****"

—Midwest Book Review

"Engaging, intelligent, and creative, Unforgettable signals a sharply written return to McComas’ genre-fiction roots."

—Milwaukee Shepherd-Express

Through his ‘unforgettable’ settings, themes, and ideas, McComas conjures up some pretty tough stuff about future dystopias and post-apocalyptic travails, eased—somewhat—by streaks of dark humor.

—Evanston (IL) Review / Pioneer Press

"Paul McComas is my kind of writer: unforgettable, yes, but more importantly, uncategorizable—and that is a virtue never to be underestimated. Unforgettable has something for everyone, no matter where your taste runs or leaves something to be desired. The book is huge, and it’s chock-a-block with illustrations, interludes, plus lots of author intros à la Harlan Ellison (who seems to be a muse); it earns its price tag not just with quantity, but also with quality—and it’s wall-to-wall fun. The author approaches all genres with the same smart sensibility, combining the logical extrapolations of science fiction, the free reign of imagination in fantasy, and the dark anatomical sensibility of horror. Plus, happily, lots of this collection is extremely funny. Do not expect The King's Speech. Do expect ‘Blood of the Wolfman’ and ‘Spaceslime!’ Think of it as rock-and-roll science fiction. And horror. And humor. Or as a spiky, thorny grab bag of everything you can imagine—and a lot you cannot."

—Rick Kleffel, California Public Radio, www.bookotron.com

Entertaining! From futuristic stories of a frozen world to ‘Collies in Space,’ here’s everything you could possibly imagine, and some things you could not. McComas’ brilliant story-telling techniques yield thought-provoking [tales] you won’t soon forget.

— May 2011 Book Pick, www.book-club-queen.com

Many of the stories span different genres. They’re not just horror; they’re not just post-apocalyptic—they’re both, and more. The style is anti-Tolkien: rather than expounding on the exotic elements, the author makes them self-explanatory so he can focus on the characters and the plot. Many of the pieces serve as allegories of our lives today. [McComas] grabs the reader, develops the characters, does justice to the genre elements, and gets the moral across, all in a short amount of time.

—Milwaukee Public Radio

"A mammoth career overview by the daring Paul McComas; a tightly honed and entertaining experience. Recommended. ****" (out of 5)

—Chicago Center for Literature and Photography

"You’ve often encountered the publishing cliché, ‘There has never been a book like this.’ Well, with the volume in your hand, that ‘cliché’ becomes fact. In these amazing, multi-faceted pages, Paul McComas puts the pedal to the metal and propels the reader through an awesome maze of literary delights. I won’t tell you what’s in store as each page is turned, but trust me, you’re in for a wild ride that will leave you breathless. McComas is a one-man powerhouse, an author-magician, a wizard with words whose range is unlimited. And Unforgettable is a stunning performance, a literary tour de force. Let me repeat: there’s never been a book like this. Never."

—William F. Nolan, author of Logan's Run

Paul’s fertile imagination, utter lack of pretension, and let-it-all-hang-out honesty make his writing not only accessible but relatable, for beneath all the monsters and aliens are recognizable human characters and emotions. The stuff of his fiction is quite simply the stuff of life. … It’s all here: honest expression, serious purpose, perverse playfulness—and even fearlessness.

—Eric Greene, author of Planet of the Apes as American Myth: Race, Politics, and Popular Culture, from his Foreword

Some stories make you laugh, some tug at your heartstrings, some creep you out, and some make you think. In this collection, Paul McComas does all that—often within just one tale. The contents of these shorts make them unforgettable: the woman whose sloughed-off skin comes alive, the frantic race to escape a carnivorous office building, the fear of the child confronting the lion-shaped water fountain, the compassion of the man tending the fugitive scientist, the bleak landscape of the frozen world ... All these things will stick with me for the rest of my life. Paul McComas’ new collection is both high literature and accessible genre fiction. Seize it! Read it! Cherish it!

—Stephen D. Sullivan, author of Martian Knights & Other Tales

This compilation is the ‘unforgettable’ party we all want to attend. You enter the room and realize it’s packed with people and personalities of all kinds: some attractive, some scary, some out-of-this-world, but all compelling. Over there is the fisherman with the ultimate one-that-got-away story. Right here’s the lover who’s found a way to ‘charm’ the object of his desire—literally. And here comes the trio of dogs who’ve crossed the universe to find a common bond on an alien world. Don’t miss this fête; allow your host, Paul McComas, to stretch your mind, make you laugh out loud, and keep you thinking long after you’ve read the last page.

—Joy Ward, author of Haint and Interviews from the Ark

"As Wordsworth said, ‘The child is father of the man.’ And indeed, an early interest in science fiction has informed much of Paul McComas’ later writing, for our benefit and entertainment. About life’s mysteries, Unforgettable, as one character states, ‘Is open to unexpected answers—and, in due course, to the exploration that might provide them.’ The author’s solo pieces and collaborations alike are deeply disturbing, deliciously gruesome, and profoundly hilarious."

—Tim W. Brown, author of Second Acts

"Unforgettable is in essence a ‘Paul McComas Reader,’ a vast and delightful sampling from the author’s prolific writings, focused on but not limited to sci-fi and horror. Here you will find McComas juvenilia, reprised adult stories, brand new tales, and collaborations with others. You'll be hooked by one whopper of a fish story, shocked at a woman haunted by her own skin, amused by a tweener filming gerbils in the Christmas crèche—and you'll find out what happens if you pee in the wrong place. This is a book for all of us who are addicted to Paul’s work, as well as for those needing an introduction to one of our country’s most versatile and endearing artists. In short, Unforgettable—is."

—William Hart, author of Never Fade Away & Home to Ballygunge

A fine collection of chilling, screaming-good stories. People with constipation should keep this book in the bathroom. It’ll scare the shit out of them.

—John M. Daniel, author of Geronimo’s Skull and Elephant Lake

Daddy is a writer. I don’t know what that means. Daddy plays with me, takes me for walkies, and gives me treats. I love him.

—Sam, the author’s rescue greyhound

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ALSO BY THE AUTHOR

Books

Planet of the Dates

Unplugged

Twenty Questions

First Person Imperfect (editor)

Further Persons Imperfect (editor)

Short Films and TV Episodes

Galactic Exchange (screenwriter; director; producer; actor) *

White Scarf (screenwriter) * †

Wedding Dress (screenwriter; co-director/-producer; actor) * †

Edge (screenwriter; story co-writer; actor) †

Be Mine (screenwriter; actor) †

Desert Slacks (screenwriter; director; co-producer; actor) †

H.O.D. (screenwriter; co-director/-producer; actor) * †

Symmetry (screenwriter; director; co-producer; actor) * †

Shock Theatre (screenwriter; director; co-producer; actor) * †

Rumpus Room of Horror (screenwriter; director; producer; actor) *

Plus

No-Budget Theatre episodes as writer, director, co-producer, and actor:

Episode 1: Box †

Episode 2: Vader * †

Episode 3: Beyond the Planet of the Apes * †

Episode 4: Creature Double-Feature * †

Episode 5: The Twilight Zone: Reactionary †

Episode 6: Blood of the Wolfman * †

Episode 7: Gorzak’s Grab-Bag * †

Episode 8: Time Trek

* denotes award-winner

† denotes film-festival selection

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Unforgettable

Harrowing Futures, Horrors, & (Dark) Humor

Paul McComas

Foreword by Eric Greene

Walkabout Publishing • 2011

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All pieces © 2011 (and, in some cases, prior years, too) by Paul McComas, except:

A Piece of Tale © 2011 by Paul McComas and Stephen D. Sullivan

Foreword © 2011 by Eric Greene

Pentas! and Icemare © 2011 by William F. Nolan and Paul McComas

Collies in Space © 2011 by Paul McComas and Heather McComas

Strongest © 2011 by Paul McComas and Eric Greene

Big, Two-Fisted Jungle © 1981, 2011 by Paul McComas and Ben Neumann

Malfeasance © 2011 by Paul McComas and Eric Diekhans

The Collector (XOXO) © 2011 by Paul McComas and C.J. Ullrich

Edge of the World © 2011 by Paul McComas and Marie Thourson

Project: Android © 2011 by Paul McComas and John Scott

Class Reunion © 2011 by Paul McComas and Richard LaValierre

Postgame © 2011 by Paul McComas and Marko Tubic

This Too Too Solid Flesh © 2011 by Paul McComas and Eileen Maksym

Maw © 2011 by Paul McComas and Lisa Beth Janis

United Kinkdom © 2011 by Paul McComas and Nick Endres

Love Spores © 2011 by Paul McComas and Ben Neumann

The Rail © 2011 by Paul McComas and Laurence Minsky

The Oracle’s Rap and Date with the Devil from Edge

© 1992, 2011 by Paul McComas and Peter Shultz

Cover illustration, interior illustrations, and photos

co-copyright 2011 by the respective artists and Paul McComas

Walkabout Publishing

S.D. Studios

P.O. Box 151

Kansasville, WI 53139

www.walkaboutpublishing.com

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission of the author.

Any similarity to actual persons, places, institutions, or properties—other than for lawful tribute, homage, or satirical purposes—is purely coincidental.

First Edition, February 2011; Second Edition, June 2011 – First E-Book Edition, June 2011; Third Edition, February 2013 – Second E-Book Edition, February 2013

* * *

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A portion of the Author’s Preface originally appeared as the essay Tell A Tale—Tall or Otherwise in the www.book-club-queen.com series Life Between My Pages in 2010.

Earlier versions of Roomie, I’ve Been Dreaming of You, House of Dogs (as H.O.D.), and Desert Slacks appeared in the collection Twenty Questions (1998, Daniel & Daniel). Additionally, Roomie previously appeared in the Twilight Tales chapbook Strange Creatures (1998), and House of Dogs (as H.O.D.) previously appeared in Tomorrow Magazine #4 (1987–88).

Earlier versions of Descent/Ascent, The Answering Wind, and Shock Theatre—as well as portions of "Songbook Sinistre"—appeared in the novel Unplugged (2002, John Daniel & Co.). In addition, Descent/Ascent originally appeared in The Awakenings Review, Vol. I, #1 (2000).

Earlier versions of The One that Got Away appeared in Tomorrow Magazine’s Best Of issue (#9/10, 1992) and in the collection Further Persons Imperfect (iUniverse, 2007).

Earlier versions of Journey to the Planet of the Dates, Young Love, Punk Love, and Proof Positive appeared in the novel Planet of the Dates (The Permanent Press, 2008). In addition, an earlier version of Journey ... appeared in The Awakenings Review, Vol. II, #2 (2003).

An earlier version of Big, Two-Fisted Jungle appeared in Tropos (1982).

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Excerpt from Tell a Tall Tale by Kent Salisbury & Adrina Zanazanian

Excerpt from Against Interpretation by Susan Sontag

Science Fiction Novel ... headline from The Onion

Excerpts from Unhappily Ever After by Karen Springen, Newsweek, July 21, 2008

Excerpts from Fresh Hells by Laura Miller, The New Yorker, June 14, 2010

Excerpt from Sacred Places in North America by Courtney Milne

Excerpt from To a Mouse by Robert Burns

Lyrics from Great Divide by Magnus Sveningsson

Lyrics from Miss Macbeth by Elvis Costello

Excerpt from Logan’s Journey introduction by William F. Nolan

Lyrics from Big and Strong by Marc Heard & Olivia Newton-John

Lyrics from Nature Boy by Eden Ahbez

Lyrics from Green Slime by Richard Delvy

Text from In Search Of ... intro narration by Alan Landsburg

Text from The Twilight Zone intro narration by Rod Serling

Ten-Tale Terminus intro lyrics based on lyrics by Carol Burnett

Lyrics from all Oil Tasters songs by Richard LaValliere

* * *

Deep thanks to my wife, Heather; mother, Hazelyn; teachers, Jan Martin and Mark Dintenfass; mentor, Bill Nolan; brother, Eric Greene; awesome artists, Joe Witkowski, Stefanie Sylvester, and cover boy Nick Endres; phlattering photogs, Wendy Santeliz and Jaime VanDeventer; text scanner, Kim Hah; peerless publicist, Liz Ridley; wondrous webmaster, Neal Katz; Simon-sketch adviser, Joe Hronek; killer co-authors; beneficent blurbers; and to the good folks at Brella Productions who lent this project their expertise and support: Mark Mallchok, Bernadette Burke, Spencer Parks, Valerie Baciak, Patti Lahey, Marc Morgan, and Pono.

Thanks, too, to my many colleague-heroes—those writers who’ve inspired me most (and whose work I heartily recommend)—chief among them Joyce Carol Oates, Jayne Anne Phillips, Sam Shepard, Kazuo Ishiguro, Alice Sebold, and Tony Earley. And, in memoriam, Rod Serling.

I especially wish to thank my publisher, Steve Sullivan. This book is the dream-come-true I didn’t even realize I was dreaming. The deal for it was the single best thing that happened to me in 2010, the worst year by far of my forty-nine. The times I spent working on it—solo, with my co-authors, with the artists, and with my publisher—were candles in the darkness. Steve, bud ... you kinda saved me.

* * *

For John Scott,

with admiration, with affection, and

with gratitude for nearly forty years of friendship

* * *

CONTENTS

A Piece of Tale

Illustrations Guide

FOREWORD BY ERIC GREENE 

AUTHOR’S PREFACE: The Roads Not (Yet) Taken

TEN-TALE TAKEOFF

Icediver

The One that Got Away

Roomie

Heritage of Horror

Shock Theatre

Journey to the Planet of the Dates

I’ve Been Dreaming of You

Heads Up!

The Tale of Captain Shaw

Descent/Ascent and The Answering Wind from Unplugged

STAGE TO PAGE

Call Waiting

Be Mine

They Live by Night

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER

Pentas!

Collies in Space

Strongest

Big, Two-Fisted Jungle

Malfeasance

The Collector (XOXO)

Edge of the World

Project: Android

Class Reunion

Postgame

This Too Too Solid Flesh

Maw

United Kinkdom

Love Spores

The Rail

Icemare

FILM SET TO TYPESET

Blood of the Wolfman

Spaceslime!

The Oracle’s Rap and Date with the Devil from Edge

In Search of ... Worm-Man

Treatment: Murder, She Wrote Series Finale

The Twilight Zone: Reactionary

FLASHBACKS

The Legend of the Eerie Hills

Midnight

Simon Says

MAIM THAT TUNE

Star Trek Songbook

Songbook Sinistre

TEN-TALE TERMINUS

Levitation

House of Dogs

Rules for Playing Hide-and-Go-Ax

Proof Positive

Harry & Sally Vs. New York

The Most Terrifying Three-Word Dystopian/Dark-Fantasy/Horror Story Ever Written

Young Love, Punk Love

Apocalypse Then

Stephen King’s Latest

Desert Slacks

JUST DESSERT

Unforgettable

About the Author

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ILLUSTRATIONS GUIDE

After Advance Praise: Collies in Space drawing by Stefanie Sylvester, from the author’s concept © 2011 by Stefanie Sylvester and Paul & Heather McComas

NOTE: Available on T-shirts, note cards, a poster, and other items benefiting Collie Rescue of Greater Illinois, Inc., at www.collierescue.org

Dedication page: Stills of John Scott at seventeen as Dr. Gilbert / Neanderthal from the movie The Twilight Zone: Reactionary © 1979, 2011 by Paul McComas

Before Foreword: Photo of the author with Eric Greene, by Adam Belanoff © 2008, 2011 by Adam Belanoff, Paul McComas, and Eric Greene

Following Author’s Preface: Location photo of the author at sixteen as Francis 7 in Logan’s Quest, by John Scott © 1978, 2011 by John Scott and Paul McComas; photo of the author at forty-six as Francis 7 with Jessica 6, by Lee Salawitch © 2008, 2011 by Lee Salawitch and Paul McComas

TEN-TALE TAKEOFF: Icediver drawing by Joe Witkowski © 2005, 2011 by Joe Witkowski and Paul McComas

STAGE TO PAGE: They ‘Live’ By Night photo of the author with Roberta Rudolph, by John Scott © 1991, 2011 by John Scott and Paul McComas

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER: Photo of the author with a CPR demo-dummy, by Jim Ziv © 1990, 2011 by Jim Ziv and Paul McComas

FILM SET TO TYPESET: Stills from the movies Beyond the Planet of the Apes, Blood of the Wolfman, Time Trek, and The Twilight Zone: Reactionary, © 1975, 1979, 2007, 2010, and 2011 by Paul McComas; still of Richard Shavzin as Random (shadowed by Jacko) from the movie Edge © 1993, 2011 by Peter Shultz; still of the author with movie camera in hand, by Michael Ferris © 2006 by Michael Ferris and Paul McComas

FLASHBACKS: Simon Says ink drawing by the author at seventeen © 1979, 2011 by Paul McComas

MAIM THAT TUNE: Photo of the author as the Joker, performing at a charity concert, by Susan Frikken © 2009, 2011 by Susan Frikken and Paul McComas

TEN-TALE TERMINUS: Stills from the video House of Dogs © 1993, 2011 by Kurt Heintz and Paul McComas; exterior shot of building © 1986, 2011 by Paul McComas

JUST DESSERT: Unforgettable drawing by Joe Witkowski © 2011 by Joe Witkowski and Paul McComas

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WARNING

For the nearly five-hundred pages that follow, you will experience tales so mind-boggling that the publisher, the author, and the municipality in which you reside are all deeply concerned for your welfare. Therefore, we request that you read this book utilizing the buddy system, and that each of you assume responsibility for taking care of his or her neighbor. If your buddy becomes uncontrollably awed, unsettled, surprised, frightened, or entertained by the contents of this collection, please dial 911 immediately so that medical attention can be rushed to the aid of the afflicted.*

*Adapted from the intro narration to William Castle’s 1958 film Macabre, screenplay by Rob White

* * *

FOREWORD

My introduction to Paul McComas’ work was an advance copy of his 2008 novel Planet of the Dates, a coming-of-age story about a young man’s early adventures in the world of dating interspersed with his adventures creating homemade science fiction movies. What struck me even more than Paul's fertile imagination was his utter lack of pretension. The let-it-all-hang-out honesty made his writing not only accessible, but relatable, for beneath all the monsters and aliens and fanciful stories were recognizable human characters and emotions.

The same is true of this current collection. You may not have been any of the people who populate this book, but I expect you have known versions of them. You may not have lived these experiences, but I am certain you will recognize them: the painful choice that cannot be avoided in Roomie; the longed-for love declared too late in Levitation; the merciless tyranny of monsters left unvanquished in the collection’s title story. The stuff of Paul’s fiction is quite simply the stuff of life.

Paul sought me out because I had written about the beloved fiction of his early life. My 1999 book Planet of the Apes as American Myth: Race, Politics, and Popular Culture explored how an ambitious group of producers, writers, and directors had created a modern mythology that catalogued and critiqued the racial and political struggles of the 1960s and ’70s—and captured audiences’ imaginations at the same time. It was a book that revealed the political subconscious of a cultural phenomenon.

Reading Paul’s work, I'm not surprised that he was taken with my exploration of how the Planet of the Apes films managed to be a potent mix of political sophistication, moral outrage, and entertainment, because what comes through again and again in Paul’s writing is his recognition of the power of fictional worlds as a tool to cope with, interpret, and navigate the real world in which we all live.

I hope Paul will forgive the suggestion that the most poignant creation in these pages was one he began writing at the impressively young age of fifteen. The traumatized and incapacitated title character of Simon Says, who creates imagined worlds to cope with his circumstances, says much about the uses of fiction by all of us—and, perhaps, about its dangers as well, as beneath Simon’s seemingly blank eyes, worlds are not just created but destroyed.

Just as in Planet of the Apes and all the other genre classics to which Paul tips his literary hat, so it is in his Unforgettable: there is something more going on beneath the surface. For Paul understands that playful does not necessarily mean trivial. He attests to taking particular pride in the notion that viewers of his film Blood of the Wolfman have recognized what the piece is really about: the wages of violence, the burden of guilt, and the redemptive power of love.

This is not a unique example. Suffusing Paul’s stories is the weight of consequences: scientific facts unheeded and political choices unmade in Icediver; the tragic results of harmless teen teasing in Class Reunion; the Rapper’s admonition in The Oracle’s Rap; ambition and greed unbounded in our joint creation, Strongest; the bone-chilling warning of the unimaginably depressing The Most Terrifying Three-Word Dystopian/Dark-Fantasy/Horror Story Ever Written—and, back again to the haunting young Simon, the collateral damage of deliberate cruelty.

It’s all here. Honest expression, serious purpose, perverse playfulness. And even fearlessness, when Paul boldly—and bravely—seeks, vis-a-vis his songwriting, to rehabilitate the term amateur: to reclaim it from the cultural gatekeepers (who wield the word to indict the inferiority of others and confirm the superiority of themselves), returning it to those who toil at a labor of love because of that love.

There is no doubt that for Paul, writing this book was a labor of love.

For you, I hope reading it will be as well.

—Eric Greene

Los Angeles, January 2011

* * *

AUTHOR’S PREFACE:

THE ROADS NOT (YET) TAKEN

This is a book I hadn’t intended to write. But man, am I glad I did!

Honestly, it had never occurred to me to compile a genre collection until one sunny Saturday afternoon in June 2010. Walkabout Publishing’s Steve Sullivan and I had just finished co-chairing (Siskel-&-Ebert-style, with a few friendly fireworks) the science fiction (SF/sci-fi) and fantasy panel at the Southeast Wisconsin Book Festival. We were seated side by side at the Authors’ Tables, signing copies of our respective books—or, more to the point, not signing them, for business was slow. I’ve a few short genre pieces, said I, that need a home. Tell me more about these multi-author anthologies that Walkabout publishes.

I’ll go you one better, quoth Stephen. Let’s publish your genre book.

Uh ... Okay. Sure—twist my arm.

In retrospect, my entire life had been leading up to this offer ... and, thus, to this book.

In 1966, when I was four years old and—largely under the tutelage of my big sister, Rachel—had just learned to read, Golden Books published Tell a Tall Tale, a (fittingly) tall, narrow, spiral-bound hardcover by Kent Salisbury and Adrina Zanazanian that’s best described by its charming back-cover copy: "Does a caveman live in a castle? Does a princess ride on a pig? In this book, anything can happen. According to our computer, there are 279,936 funny mix-up stories in Tell a Tall Tale. You may want to try them all. By flipping different cardboard segments into different positions, you could, indeed, tell the illustrated story of a pig-riding princess, as well as a bug-eyed Martian attending a grand ball (in a lovely gown) and—a personal favorite—a cowboy running on his giant reptile legs."

I still own the book (now out of print, but available online), and if the wear-marks are any indication, I did try all 279,936 variants. Appetite whetted, I then began writing stories of my own—most of them populated (initially, at least) by ferocious dinosaurs and/or animals imbued with speech.

By age eleven, with several years of story-telling and (oft-undecipherable) writing under my belt, I transformed the basement of my family’s suburban-Milwaukee home into a movie studio and began scripting and shooting short films: nearly fifty in all by the time I’d graduated from high school. With titles like Godzilla Versus Mechani- (sic) Godzilla, Spaceslime! and The Tale of Captain Shaw: A Loch Ness Adventure, these movies weren’t exactly giving Welles or Kubrick a run for their money. Still, making them taught me a great deal about narrative development.

At the same time, I began a four-year stint of writing, illustrating, and publishing a pair of ten- to thirteen-page ’zines: Lonny Jr., a mimeographed Lon Chaney, Jr. fan rag that ran for twenty-four issues, and the carbon-copied Frightmonsters, which lasted for fourteen. As the founder and president of Macabre Publications, I welcomed into the fold three fellow monster-crazed boys, along with their own budding mags; at our peak, we four churned out five ’zines a month for a public consisting of, well, mostly each other. Thus did I gain valuable, ongoing practice at writing—and become one damned quick four-finger typist.

When I was fifteen, I mailed some of my SF work to multi-genre master William F. Nolan, whose novel, Logan’s Run, I adored ... and whose encouraging reply letter gave me the confidence to tackle a bigger canvas. And so, during my junior and senior years of high school, further inspired by my Modern Lit teacher, Janet Martin, and the books to which she exposed my classmates and me (including the classic dystopian novels Lord of the Flies and Brave New World), I wrote a short psychological-sci-fi novel, Simon Says. Jan, bless her soul, read each chapter as I completed it and met with me after school, on her own time, to give me notes ... straight through to the end. An (unpublished) novelist was born!

At Lawrence University in Appleton, WI (birthplace of the fascistic Senator Joe McCarthy—but also the town where Harry Houdini grew up, so it’s kind of a wash), I studied fiction writing with novelist Mark Dintenfass (Old World, New World). No longer focused on SF, I began tackling the human condition—at least, as I then knew it—through short works of contemporary, character-driven mainstream/literary fiction. (I didn’t realize it at the time, but Mark wasn’t just teaching me how to write; he was also teaching me how to teach writing—which, as of this writing, I’ve been doing and greatly enjoying for thirteen years.)

After Lawrence, it was off to the film program at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL, where I learned a great deal about cinema ... but also learned that I was, and am, a fiction writer at heart. Remaining in Evanston after receiving my Master’s, I took a series of full-time writing jobs: composing descriptions of dental products; editing a monthly newsletter about the mind/body link; working in PR for a medical school, and then for a VA hospital. All the while, I wrote short stories, sent them off to literary mags, accrued a most impressive collection of rejection letters ... and, in time, garnered the occasional acceptance for publication.

During this same period (the mid-1980s to mid-’90s), I also became a minor fixture in the Chicago performance-art/-poetry scene, adapting many of my stories into monologues and (with the help of a local actress or three) two-person performance pieces. I’ve always enjoyed acting; beyond that, it has proven to be a real help in my writing career, because the more venues, the merrier—and because presentation counts. (It’s also a great way to obtain direct, immediate, in-person feedback on new material.) I think of this performance-based approach as dressing up my work in its nicest suit. What’s more, it’s been an excellent preparation for my side career with News and Views, a Chicago-based speakers’ bureau.

It wasn’t till my first book, a collection of twenty short stories with ambiguous endings called Twenty Questions (Daniel & Daniel, 1998; now in its third printing), had come out to uniformly good reviews that I gave myself permission, for the first time since high school, to tackle a novel. Unplugged (2002, John Daniel & Co.), the story of a troubled rock musician who finds herself—both literally and figuratively—in the South Dakota Badlands, collected several Book of the Year, Book of the Month, and Critic’s Choice designations. In addition, it apparently threw out a pretty wide net; I’m fairly certain my debut novel is the only book in literary history to receive simultaneous raves from ROCKRGRL Magazine, Christian Century, Out in the Mountains (Vermont’s LGBT paper), and The Lakota Journal (tribal newsweekly of the Oglala Sioux)!

After Unplugged and its coast-to-coast, fifty-stop bookstore tour, I edited two short-fiction anthologies, First Person Imperfect (2003) and Further Persons Imperfect (2007), both published by iUniverse, then authored Planet of the Dates (The Permanent Press, 2008), a comedic coming-of-age novel about a teenaged filmmaker in suburban Milwaukee circa 1980 who finds his sci-fi obsession eclipsed by a dire quest to connect with the opposite sex. (Semi-autobiographical, anyone? Coming full circle, perhaps?) Another critic’s darling, Planet—my first hardcover—was swiftly optioned and now is in development by producers Jason Koornick (Next) and Michael Henry (Years in Your Ears) as a feature film.

Elsewhere in the coming full circle department: a dozen of my teenhood films—re-edited, with sound and some new footage added—have become a cult cable-TV series called No-Budget Theatre, several episodes of which have won international and national awards. Also, I’m currently co-authoring Logan’s Journey with the aforementioned Mr. Nolan, to be published in conjunction with Warner Brothers’ upcoming big-budget 3-D remake of Logan’s Run.

And, you know what? Until Planet got optioned, I never had an agent. I’m here to tell you that you can have a career in fiction as a self-represented author, as long as you’re not intent on grasping the brass ring of signing, right away, with one of the big publishing houses. Maybe I’ll get there, in time ... but frankly, I’m not worried. For, either way, my career is moving forward, my reviews have been glowing, and so far, I’m achieving my primary goal as an author: that each and every book I write be completely different from all of its predecessors—certainly the case with Unforgettable. So, to any un- or under-published fiction writer out there who’s reading these words, I say: keep at it ... and be open to where your characters (pig-riding princesses included!) take you. They are the best agents you’ll ever have.

* * *

Up till now, I’ve eschewed commentary on and analysis of my own work within the pages that comprise it. (In preparation for the third printing of Twenty Questions, I succumbed and added a two-page Author’s Note—the gist of which was, somewhat perversely, "Here are my reasons for not analyzing these stories.) I’m a disciple of the Theory of Intentional Fallacy, which holds that the author’s/artist’s intentions are, indeed must be, irrelevant to the reader’s/viewer’s understanding of the work. I’m also an admirer of Susan Sontag’s essay Against Interpretation":

Our task is not to find the maximum amount of content in a work of art, much less to squeeze more content out of the work than is already there. Our task is to cut back content so that we can see the thing at all.

Thus, I’ve tended to let my work speak for itself.

What better time to break the rules than when stepping outside my usual mainstream/literary œuvre and into genre? Well, in for a penny, in for a pound: this book is rife with introductory comments, including some analysis, and even includes a few epigraphs (another no-no for me—till now). I’ve enjoyed playing Rod Serling in these proceedings ... but undoubtedly will abandon the role in my next book(s), serving ’em up straight, no chaser.

In the end, of course, it’s not the commentary that really counts, but the material commented upon. Through the fifty-one (count ’em!) pieces that follow—some old, but newly revised; many brand new—I’ve tried to deliver a thinking person’s genre collection that does justice to the SF/speculative fiction, horror, and dark-humor forms while also, in some sense, transcending them.

How? Chiefly through an emphasis on characterization. I’m reminded of a headline from the satirical newsweekly The Onion: Science Fiction Novel Posits A World Where Characters Are Hastily Sketched. Too often true—and it can be the undoing of a brilliant premise (see Ursula LeGuinn’s The Left Hand of Darkness).

Conversely, my own approach to genre fiction, like my approach to fiction overall, is character-based and -driven. Do your characters justice, and then trust them to show you the way.

Secondly, and nearly as important, is economy of expression. From Nolan—whose skill at character development blossomed after the otherwise stellar Logan’s Run (see how much more fleshed-out and affecting Logan and Jessica are by the time of Logan’s World)—I learned how to introduce genre elements concisely and with maximum impact. This may seem counterintuitive to genre fans (certainly, it’s counter-Tolkien!), but why devote a paragraph, a page, or—yes, I’ve witnessed this—an entire chapter to describing some futuristic device or alien cultural practice? Skip the excess exposition; reduce or eliminate back story and background; use self-explanatory terminology (the structure was made of litemetal; she wore a hooded skintite; the youths had just concluded their monthly omni-mating ritual); keep moving forward, shark-like, into the story—following your characters wherever they lead.

* * *

As for this book’s subtitle, Harrowing Futures, Horror, & (Dark) Humor, let’s take these one at a time ... and in reverse order, for I want to save the best—or, at least, the closest to my heart (and the one about which I’ve the most to say)—for last.

I. Dark humor

Otherwise known as gallows humor. Whistling—or, indeed, laughing a lung out—in the graveyard is a time-tested coping mechanism, one that we often use when confronting, or when confronted by, the otherwise unthinkable. We lessen the sting of taboo topics (disability, death, murder, suicide, mental illness, natural disasters, terrorism, even genocide) by making light of them ... or by locating the element of dark humor inherent to them. That element may be tiny, the meagerest of silver linings to a sky-spanning dark cloud. Still, by focusing on it, we make the cloud seem a bit smaller and, thus, more manageable. As any physician who has lost a patient, anyone who lives and struggles with clinical depression, or any family member of an Alzheimer’s patient (to name but three examples out of many) will attest: dark humor helps us survive.

Dark humor can be offensive, if mishandled; its proper deployment requires sensitivity and tact. But it also can be very, very funny—in part, I think, because the stakes of the joke or the funny story are raised sky-high by our realization of how dire the situation is.

There’s a great deal of dark humor in the book you’re about to read; in fact, you’ll find it present in more pieces than not. I hope these silver linings amuse you—and, in at least some cases, offer a bit of comfort or relief.

II. Horror

I’ve been a fan of monster and horror stories (primarily on the screen; to a lesser extent on the page) since age ten. Note the distinction: "monster and horror stories." There is considerable overlap, of course, but these genres are not one in the same. Most monster stories are horror stories as well, but some (Edward Scissorhands; Son of Godzilla) are not; moreover, many horror stories include no monster whatsoever, at least in the classic sense (The Blair Witch Project; The Silence of the Lambs [Hannibal Lecter is a figurative monster but not a literal one]).

Accordingly, these two different genres address different expectations and fulfill different needs in the reader/viewer. A monster tale inspires awe; like a (fictitious) freak show, it gives us permission and an opportunity to stare, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, at a most uncommon creature. At its best (The Bride of Frankenstein; The Wolf Man), the story also