Beautiful Loser

PART 1

REID

CHAPTER 1

Tomorrow, Reid decided, throwing his books inside his locker. I’ll catch her eye, smile and say something witty, like We’re practically neighbors. Her locker was two away from his. She would laugh and think he was cute.

Or not.

Reid sighed as Tori approached her locked on the arm of the captain of the football team, Billy Barrett. He turned to his locker, burying his face behind the door. Of course she’d never notice the way his eyes followed her through the halls, the way he stared during games while she cheered, the less than audible sigh each time she passed him on her way to class. He was nothing, nobody, a skinny dweeb with glasses that kept him from running into walls. She was royalty, a cheerleader, untouchable except for those in her small, tight group. The privileged ones, his school’s elite.

Slam! Reid jumped as his locker door nearly cut off his nose. Billy smirked and leaned against the locker, daring Reid with his eyes to challenge his action. Hating himself for it, Reid backed silently away, leaving his winter coat; his books, everything, rather than ask to use his own locker. Billy’s mocking smile followed him as he hustled away to find his friend Adam for a ride home. Seniors, cool or not, hated to take the cheese wagon, or bus when they could drive. Reid had no car; he was saving his money for college. Maybe Adam would take mercy on him and save him the long walk home.

Koz! Adam shouted over the crowd. Get your coat, we’re leaving!

I don’t need it, Reid said, shoving his hands in his pant pockets. January was bitter this year, too cold even for snow. His cotton shirt was no protection from the elements, and if Adam’s car didn’t heat fast, he would surely freeze before they reached Reid’s subdivision. But far better was it to be cold than humiliated. He had plenty of that growing up in his Midwestern community.

As Adam pulled his car into the stream of teenage drivers, Reid spotted Tori and her boyfriend leaving the school building. He strained to see; his eyes focused on the face that haunted his dreams. One day, one hour. If only those green eyes were staring at me, instead of Billy.

Tucking his hands under his armpits, Reid sank lower into the seat. She would never acknowledge him, never purposely smile at him, never grace him with her presence. Tori didn’t know he was alive, or if she did, she didn’t give any hint. All that was left for Reid was to dream and pray that one day, one blessed day she would look his way.

He sighed. Sure, look my way. And see a guy who is so skinny I disappear when I turn sideways. I’m so handsome that little kids call me names. Adventurous? Once I ran away from home. Even then I couldn’t truly rebel. I brought my homework and did it in the park. I’m just a tool, a chess club member, the guy nobody remembers ten years down the road. Not exactly a cheerleader magnet. Some day, when he graduated medical school, when he saved lives on a daily basis, when he could afford contacts instead of his stupid glasses…Then he would be somebody and make his mark in the world. Today, however, Tori Pennington was way out of his league.



Pastor, Reid called to the man who stood near the altar in his home church. There was no need for formality; Reid had known him since he was small. His parents joined the church before he was born and he was raised around this group of people. Here he was loved and accepted, and his role in youth group was a coveted leadership position. In church he felt at home, one of the gang, unafraid to express his concerns or comments. Not that he ever had any, Reid thought. Mostly he listened and did whatever was asked of him. It was his nature to be obedient and industrious. Maybe that’s why I fit in so well, he mused as the Pastor turned and walked over to him.

Reid . We were just talking about the rooms we’re painting this week. Are you able to help?

Of course, he replied, though he had an important test on Friday. No matter, if he was needed, he would be here. I have a question. Do you mind?

The pastor smiled and put his hand on Reid’s shoulder. Not at all. What’s on your mind?

Well, Reid began, and felt silly. He pretty much already knew the answer but he felt compelled to ask anyway. Is it wrong to pray for someone to like you? I mean, like…a girl.

The older man was silent for a moment. Well…the Word of God says that you should focus your life on serving the Lord and not seek a wife. It’s okay to marry, God has no problem with that, but He wants to be first in your life.

Yeah. Reid nodded. He figured the pastor would say that.

This girl—is she a member here?

Reid shook his head. No, she’s a girl from school. I mean, she’s got a boyfriend and all that, but I’m just thinking…you know.

Is she a believer? Does she serve Jesus? Pastor Ron crossed his arms. God is very emphatic about us dating fellow believers. If she’s not, you don’t belong with her.

I was hoping, you know—that I could lead her to Jesus. Reid shuffled his feet, feeling more stupid by the moment.

Pastor Ron shrugged his shoulders. We’ve talked about this. You can’t date someone into the kingdom.

Reid felt really bad now. Yeah. It was just a thought.

I know you’ll make the right decision. You always do, said the Pastor as he waved to another person. I have to run. See you Thursday?

Assuring him that he was planning to be there, Reid dismissed the man and went to find his parents. They wouldn’t be worried and wonder where he was, even if he hid in the broom closet for hours. Not Reid . He always did the right thing. The perfect child, his mother teased. Never a moment’s trouble. Some legacy, the most boring person on the planet.

His parents were waiting in the foyer.

Ready? Alan asked. We’re all heading for Hometime Buffet.

Oh, cool, replied his son, not meaning it at all. They always went to the buffet after Sunday service. His parents, church members and about the whole town, half of them so fat that they didn’t fit in the aisles between tables. Not that he was jealous of people who had a little fat on their bones. He just wished there was a happy medium for him. Nothing he ate seemed to matter one bit. Scrawny was Reid’s middle name.



With a new semester came the miracle of all miracles. Truthfully he planned very carefully, but to Reid it was all the same. He overheard Tori talking about a biology class that she needed to graduate, and before the end of the day he convinced his counselor to change his schedule. Once he secured a place in the class, Reid begged the teacher to assign him to be Tori’s biology partner. He was determined to use this opportunity, this gift to bring them closer, maybe even to speaking status. So what if she never asked his name, and wanted him to do all the work while she did her nails. He didn’t mind a bit that she let him do all the assignments and signed her name when he finished. It was a small price to pay to be at her side every weekday for forty-five minutes of pure bliss. When they were studying, shoulder to shoulder, it was easy for his imagination to see him as more than her partner in class. He was her companion, her friend, her knight in shining armor, there to protect her, to keep her safe from bad grades, to make certain she passed this class. When she told him he was smart, Reid replayed the words in his head for weeks. Tori, the cheerleader, his dream girl; the one he wanted to love for all eternity—and she was his for five days a week. Life simply could not get better.

Dude, you gotta get over her, Adam said as they pulled away from school in late February. She’s like, practically engaged.

Yeah, to a quarterback, Reid acknowledged. That’s cool for high school, but I’m going to be a doctor. In real life that’s a chick magnet.

His friend laughed and rolled his eyes. Yeah, in what? Fifty years? By that time she’ll be married with ten kids, and you’ll be old.

It was no secret, his feelings for her. Reid wished he had kept it to himself, but he had to share with someone. Adam was the closest friend he had in high school, along with three fellow dweebs. None of them were in danger of getting a date, except maybe Adam who didn’t seem the least bit bothered by his beak of a nose that sometimes got in the way of his drinking glass. He enjoyed life instead of pining away for a cheerleader who was light years from his social circle. If only Reid had that kind of confidence, that bravado that Adam displayed. He feared no one, was not bothered by teasing, was smart, and the football players seemed to respect that. And he helped them with their homework. That was a plus.

Not Reid. Years of teasing and torture made him leery of the beefy boys and for peace he learned to shrink into the shadows, to stay out of their way. Only Billy seemed intent on making him miserable, probably because he too, knew of Reid’s crush on Tori. Not that he was ever any threat.



Prom was quickly approaching, and Tori had been nominated for Queen. Reid himself wrote a hundred ballots with her name, and he spent hours making posters to hang in the hall. Vote for Tori. Tori for Queen. Don’t be sori, vote for Tori. They were cheesy, hand drawn, childlike compared to some of the posters produced by his school’s media class. He liked the homey, handwritten signs…a little. They did look bad next to the others. Reid didn’t have connections to make a better set of posters. He did have a button that he wore proudly on his shirt, a picture of Tori in her cheer outfit. He worked hard to get her chosen by the students as Queen, and was just as disappointed as her when another popular girl, Missy garnered most all the votes.

Losers, that’s what they are, Reid grumbled and wondered why God had not answered his prayer that Tori be elected. Did he not pray fervently, unwavering, with a true heart? And yet she got lesser votes than anyone. How could they not vote for her?

And then another miracle happened. The custom in his school was for the Queen to be escorted to the prom by the captain of the football team. There were co-captains, two of them, another election held, and Billy was chosen as escort. That meant Tori had no date. Reid praised God and prayed for courage. He was going to do the craziest thing ever in his life, to ask Tori to the dance. She needed an escort anyway, and being that he studied Tori daily, Reid knew that she and Billy were not getting along, and that she was furious that he was going to the dance with Missy. With only a week till the dance, Reid screwed up all his courage, nearly lost his voice from fright, thought he might pass out on the floor right in class, but he did it. He asked Tori if he could escort her to the dance.

Not like a date or anything, he added hastily. I know Billy can’t take you and I’m sure you still want to go.

She stared at him for a long time. He thought his whole body had turned to rubber and he was going to ooze off the desk chair. She seemed to be seeing him for the first time. Reid held his breath till he felt faint.

Yeah, sure, Tori said simply and opened her biology notebook.

The angels sang as time stopped. Reid blinked a few times to make sure he heard right, and pinched his leg to see if he was dreaming. She said yes! Yes! He was floating on air.

Pick me up at six, she said, not looking at him. Wear black.

He nodded silently, vowing to make the night unforgettable to her. A limo, for sure. Flowers. A fancy dinner. Dancing all night till their feet hurt. And maybe—he had to catch his breath—a kiss at the end of the evening. Dared he hope? It was too much for his brain, Reid needed to run outside, suck in fresh air, try to take it all in. She said yes. His life was going to be great from this moment on.



A tux, limo, expensive dinner. Check all the above, thought Reid in his logical fashion. He looked at his hair in the mirror, brown, wavy, never combed neatly. What was the point, it just sprung back into a mess soon as he moved. His face was clearing, thanks to chemical soaps, and he shaved almost weekly now. His eyes were brown, hidden behind glasses that were soon to be replaced by contact lenses. Elaine, his mother said he had nice eyes and should let the world see them, but her opinion was biased. His mother thought Reid walked on water. Flowers! He felt a moment’s panic. What did he know about ordering flowers?

Mom to the rescue. Elaine was so tickled that her son had a real date that she wanted to take a digital record of every moment, including ordering flowers.

A picture of you in front of the florist, she begged. Just one.

Mom! Reid steadfastly refused to be embarrassed. I don’t even know what color her dress is. Just order, like white.

Elaine chuckled and did just that. She told him the cost, and he let out a breath. All his savings were pegged for college; he was planning to be a trauma doctor and every spare penny went to his future education. Prom was a good chunk of change out of his fund. No matter, this was Tori Pennington and she was worth every penny. He imagined her, staring at him across a table at Fifi’s, the French restaurant at which he had made reservations for Saturday. Those green eyes, boring a hole into his. Her hair, piled high, her dress cut low…he amended his vision to something more appropriate. He was a Christian youth, after all. Tori would understand his need to be a gentleman. It was expected of him, and Reid always did what was expected of him. So, maybe a haircut was in order. Tori wouldn’t want to be seen with someone with shaggy, unkempt hair. Well, that’s how Billy’s hair was, but on him it was cool. If Reid had any hope of winning her heart, he had to look good and make her see that he was the better choice. Right. Better than the captain of the football team. Did anyone ever hear of a cheerleader leaving a football player for a member of the chess team? And not even the captain of the chess team. Reid had so little hope. But Tori was going with him to the dance, that was a start. She hadn’t spoken a word to him since he asked her; Billy probably didn’t want her to. That was fine with Reid; he didn’t want a fight with Billy. It was enough he hadn’t been able to use his locker for a week, the football player kept it blocked with his massive body, taunting him to try. Reid hated that he could not confront Billy. I’m such a weakling. Someday you’ll be sorry you messed with me. Reid sighed; he was dreaming again. Unless I treat him in the emergency room and save his life, Billy won’t remember my name, if he even knows it now.

Then another thought set his nerves on edge. Dancing—with a girl! He had never done more than mosh in all his seventeen years, and slow dancing scared him to death. It was too humiliating to ask his mom to show Reid what to do, and he couldn’t exactly tell Tori that he never danced. She would expect him to; he asked her to a dance. What now?

He solved that problem by asking a girl from youth group, Kennedy to show him a few moves. She was the daughter of the youth pastor, younger by two years but her mom owned a dance studio across town. She let him come to the studio after youth on Tuesday night and for an hour Kennedy showed him how to spin a woman around the dance floor. He learned where to put his hands, how to lead and a few basic steps that he could repeat over and over.

Just move around, Kennedy encouraged him. The more confident you are, the easier it will be. Have fun!

Fun. Reid thought he might faint from the stress of trying not to step on Tori’s feet, and keeping an arm’s length away from Billy. Still he was determined to give his date the night of her life. After returning home, he put on music and danced around his room with a broomstick. Practice makes perfect, he repeated in his head till at last he believed it.



On the big day Reid was clothed in a black tux with a single button collar, his hair shorter and held down fast with spray. He had his new contact lenses in, not yet adjusted to seeing out of them, however. His hired limo waited to carry him to Tori’s house. First, however, Mom and Dad wanted pictures.

Too bad we don’t have your date here, Elaine remarked as she pointed and shot. Can’t you bring her after dinner?

Mom, Reid pleaded for the fifth time. I told you, it’s not a real date. I’m escorting her. I don’t want Tori to think I’m a dork, parading her in front of my parents.

Elaine sighed and straightened his collar. I know, honey. This is a big day for you, one you’ll remember forever. I want you to have photo memories.

Oh, I’ll have memories, Reid promised her. We’ll get our picture taken at the dance. Oh—Dad! You did remember about the car?

He was to bring it to the dance and leave it for his son to drive later. There were after prom parties and a lock-in at the high school. Reid was ready for whatever Tori wanted to do.

It’ll be there, son. Got your key set?

Reid searched his pockets. Yeah, Dad. Thanks. Don’t wait up.

Alan rolled his eyes and went to the front porch. You’re not that grown up. Call if you’re going to be real late.

Reid promised and kissed his mom good-bye. With a deep cleansing breath, he headed to the limo for his big night.



She was a vision. That was the only word that came to mind as Tori walked out of her house in a strapless gown that hugged her curves and plunged daringly low. How does it stay up? Reid wondered as she pulled at the bodice and shook her hair that covered one eye. It wasn’t piled up on her head as he imagined, but tumbled down her back loose and curled. She looked much older than seventeen. He had never seen so much bust bursting out of a dress except on television and it was hard not to stare below her face.

With effort, Reid tore his eyes away from her cleavage and smiled at Tori. She lifted her dress slightly to walk and passed him wordlessly to the limo. He thought it curious that her family did not come outside to see her off or to take pictures, but maybe they already had taken care of it earlier. It was April and the days were longer so there was plenty of sunlight left, though it was a bit cool.

Want my jacket? Reid offered as they sat in the limo.

No, I’m fine. She looked out the window.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed. Tori leaned forward and opened the small refrigerator.

Oh, good. She pulled a small bottle of liquor from the container and opened it. This is much better.

He watched, frowning. Tori downed the whole bottle with a gulp or two, and leaned back on the seat, closing her eyes. The bottle rolled from her hands onto the floor.

Uh, I got us reservations at Fifi’s. Surely that would impress her.

Good. I’m starving. She opened her eyes and sniffed. Want something to drink?

Not right now, Reid hedged. He didn’t want to appear totally uncool, though he hadn’t a drop of alcohol in his life that hadn’t come from a medicine bottle. If she wanted to drink, fine. Well, not fine he corrected. Not good at all, since we’re underage and it’s so against my faith. But I’m not about to tell her that.

She checked her face in the mirror. Ugh. I look like crap.

No, you look, uh…beautiful, Reid said. Like a princess or something.

Thanks.

That was the end of their conversation till they got to the restaurant. Tori ordered a salad and water. Reid ordered a steak that he barely ate, since his stomach seemed to permanently clench. Nothing sounded good, and he was worried that he’d look stupid eating. Tori picked at her salad and twice commented that she wished she could get hold of more alcohol.

Makes everything bearable, she commented dryly. Was she not enjoying the date? Reid was happy just to be with her, no matter that he was sweating, scared to death and his stomach tightened so much he thought it might spring open. Not exactly fun, maybe more a learning experience. He needed to make sense out of his feelings. Tori wasn’t the angel he envisioned her to be—she was not exactly pleasant to him. When he asked her a question, her answers were short, clipped as if she felt obliged more than willing to answer. When he asked if she wanted dessert, Tori sighed and pointed out how tight her dress was, and did he want her ripping the seams?

I’m sorry. I should have thought of that, Reid said, mortified.

She ignored his apology and asked if they could leave for the dance.

Sure, I mean yeah. Reid paid the check, leaving cash on the table and waited while Tori gathered her purse and dress.

Back in the limo she opened the refrigerator again and pulled out another bottle. Ah, she sighed after downing it. I’m feeling much better. She belched and giggled. Reid pursed his lips and said nothing, not knowing how to respond. At least she hadn’t asked him to drink.

They arrived at the dance and he helped her from the limo. Soon as they were in the building she let out a little squeal and ran for her girlfriends. They spent a good ten minutes comparing hair and gowns, during which time Reid was completely ignored. He stood silently off to the side, feeling stupid and afraid to ask Tori to go into the gym with him. Finally the girls realized she had a date and stepped aside, their eyes sizing him up and finding him lacking. With whispers and giggles they let them pass, and Reid saw Tori’s face flush. Was she embarrassed to be seen with him?

Inside the gym, Tori left him again and went to Billy’s side. His date, the prom queen was not with him either, she was with her boyfriend Trey on the other side of the room. Billy offered Tori something from a cup and she gulped it. More alcohol? Reid was afraid she was going to get sick.

Hey, Koz. Adam stepped from the shadows to his friend’s side. You did it, you dog. You brought Tori.

Yeah, she’s my date, Reid replied, shrugging. Though you’d never know it.

His pal laughed and slapped him on the back. You know she only went with you to be with Billy. She had to have a date to get here.

Reid felt his very slight ego deflate even farther. He went through a lot of anguish and expense to make this night special, and his date was standing with another man. He looked like a fool right now.

You knew, right? Adam asked, looking closely at his friend. "I mean, we all know you have like this killer crush on her, but she’s not going to leave Billy.

Oh, I knew that, Reid said quickly. It’s all good.

His friend said he needed punch and hurried to the table near the stage. Reid stood in the entrance waiting, wondering what a guy whose date has deserted him does for the night. With nothing else to do, he found a seat at a table near Tori’s and stared dejectedly at the laughing group a few feet away. Tori, definitely tipsy now, stumbled in her shoes, and then kicked them under the table. She never even glanced his way.

Here. Adam handed him a plastic cup filled with punch. Reid downed it, and tried to act like he was excited to be sitting in the gym alone at the geek table. Two of their friends from math class joined them, Doyle and Bart.

We’re together but not on a date, Doyle teased. We figured if we couldn’t get a date, we’d go stag. I see you guys did too.

Not Reid. He’s got a date, Adam confided, and they all laughed. Except Reid. He was feeling sick. How stupid was he? Of course Tori was using him. She wanted to be with Billy and she knew Reid would jump at the chance to take her. Here he sat like a poster boy for love-struck morons, pining for his dream girl while she kicked up her heels with someone else. How stupid. And the worst part was everyone knew.

As the night progressed, Reid wanted desperately to escape. He had taken Tori to the dance, but would she leave with him? If he did leave would she even know? What if she had no ride home without him? He couldn’t let her walk. Hard as it was to stay, Reid knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t abandon Tori no matter how she treated him. He brought her, and he had to take her home.

About ten-thirty Tori appeared at his table. Come on. We’re going to a party.

A party? Reid asked stupidly.

She rolled her eyes and nodded to her group. They called to him and he stood, feeling even more embarrassed when they called him by the wrong name.

Come on, Weed. Party time!

He followed them outside and found his car parked near the building. The group traveled from the high school to a motel on the outskirts of town. It had an indoor courtyard where they hung out, some swam and the rest went visiting between rooms. Why the management let rowdy teenagers run wild and drink on the premises, Reid didn’t know. He expected cops at any moment. Tori didn’t ignore him this time however, she introduced him to all her friends and told them that he was Billy’s rival.

Right, laughed Natalie, one of the other candidates for queen who wore a two piece ensemble that left little to the imagination. As if.

Still they were not mean to him, as he expected. One of the guys handed him a beer and Reid didn’t want to be seen as a geek, so he carried it around and sipped once in a while. That worked for a long time, till the guys got into a drinking game. Tori volunteered her date and ordered him to join. Somehow he lost each round and four beers later, he was feeling pretty good. These people who seemed so shallow and self-absorbed a few hours ago were now like friends to him, laughing, slapping him on the back, encouraging Reid to have one more drink. Someone turned on music and before he knew it, Reid was dancing with the rest of them. Dirty dancing. He never had so much fun.

Where’s Billy? he asked Tori as she slithered down his body.

Passed out somewhere, she replied, and stood, wrapping her arms around his neck. Who cares. Are you having fun?

Yeah, he said over the music. She passed him a bottle of vodka and he took a gulp, and nearly choked. Oh man, that’s nasty.

Tori laughed and kept dancing. You like me. Everyone knows you like me. Her words slurred.

He was already flushed from alcohol and braver than ever. "Yeah. Lots. But I hate Billy."

She pulled him close. Billy who?

Reid thought he had died and went to heaven. This was not the same Tori he had dinner with a few hours ago, or the girl who ditched him at the prom. She was rubbing up against him, her hands sliding over his chest. He could barely breathe.

He liked that feeling, liked Tori touching him. Alcohol couldn’t be too bad if it make him feel so happy, so free, ready for anything. Adults used it to scare people, that must be the reason they were so dead-sent against underage drinking, he thought. They hate that we can have fun. Adults hate fun. I need fun, he decided, reaching for a beer that seemed to appear from nowhere. He downed it completely and threw the bottle in the pool. Tori laughed heartily at that. Reid felt like a king.

After a while the party started winding down. Couples seemed to disappear into the rooms and soon Tori said she was tired. Reid offered to take her home, though at the moment his head was swimming way too much to drive.

Oh, please, said Tori and she led him to an empty room. Come on.

He thought a nap seemed perfect right now. Tori was becoming a blur. She closed their door and left the room dark. Reid slumped into a chair.

Tired? she asked.

Not if you are, he replied. No way was he going to let her know it was his first time drinking.

She moved to him and sat on his lap. I had fun. I didn’t know you could dance.

I never told you, he replied and burst out laughing. I never told anyone.

Tori laughed as if he had told the world’s funniest joke. She stroked his hair with her fingers. You’re hot, has anyone ever told you that?

Me? He croaked. Uh, sure. Her touch was unnerving him.

She pulled him to his feet. Billy abandoned me tonight and I’m feeling real lonely. Do you want me to be sad?

No, he managed. His throat had suddenly tightened. He was reeling from the drinks, swirling and his heart began pounding in his chest She was way too close.

Oh, she moaned. I’m so wasted. I have to get out of this gown, it’s killing me. She turned and asked him to help her with the zipper.

Reid swallowed slowly, his hands trembling with fear and something else that seemed to shout in his ears. Stop. Stop. He reached for the dress.

A moment later it was gone. Reid gasped at the sight of her in underclothes. This was nothing like his dreams of them together. They seemed so juvenile now.

So, she said, tilting her head slightly. It was an invitation. Oh, man. Reid licked his lips against the storm in his brain. She was beautiful. His dream. No, I can’t…Why not? I’m tired of being good. What does it get me, but humiliation? Take this Billy. I’m leaning against your locker now, how do you like it?



An hour later Reid lay in the dark, his thoughts swirling in his brain. Tori Pennington was my first. I’ll never forget this, long as I live. Me, Reid, the church’s most faithful youth member, the guy who never breaks a rule. This is a big rule breaker. I’m like, a sinner. Write that in my biography, I finally have something to repent about. Not that he was sorry. Oh, no. Reid was the bomb, the coolest guy to ever walk the earth. I stole a cheerleader from the captain of the football game. The whole world is mine. I should be sorry but right now I’m the happiest guy in the world. He could barely wait for Tori to wake.



He knew the exact time she woke, four-seventeen. Reid was across the room sitting in a chair reliving every moment of the night. Tori snorted, rolled over and looked at him. He couldn’t see her eyes in the dark room.

Oh, geeze. She fell back on the pillows. It was minutes till she moved again. Where’s my dress? I need to get home.

He dutifully helped her back into her clothes. She was a mess, her hair tangled, her makeup running down her face, and she smelled like cigarettes. Reid felt like throwing up. His head pounded like a hammer was hitting it. The glamour, the excitement of last night was now a festering sore, leaving him drained, smelly and sick. Tori was not any better, and her mood was dark as the room they shared. As he walked her to the car she spoke not a word to him, other than to tell him she wanted to forget last night. So much for stealing her from a football player. Tori hid her face when another classmate came stumbling from the building, and stayed low in the seat most of the way home. When he pulled into her driveway, she pushed open the door and was gone without saying good-bye or a look back. Reid slowly backed into the street, his mind numb, disappointment like a rock in his stomach. The woman he worshiped had treated him like an embarrassment, a drunken mistake and ran from his car like he was some kind of ogre. How’s that for crushing his ego? What did he expect? Looking back, Reid realized Adam was right; she was just using him to get to the dance. But what about last night? Why did she…? Was it drunkenness, or to spite Billy? And all this time, Reid had dreamed of love. Was he the biggest fool ever?

Tiptoeing through his door at home, Reid hung the car keys on the rack by the door. His mother’s kitchen was silent except for the buzzing of the refrigerator motor. Everything was the same as it always had been, for all the years of his life. Every morning he woke to breakfast in this same kitchen where his father held the newspaper up over his face, his mother flitted around encouraging her men to eat. Only now everything had changed. He was no longer the innocent boy who was fixated on earning college money, or the dutiful son who never did anything against his parents’ wishes. He was a fool, used by a woman whom he once adored, but this morning he felt absolutely nothing for her anymore. She was downright ugly in his car when she hid so no one would see her with him. Now he faced the daily humiliation of seeing her, being in class with her and the amused scorn of her preppie friends. They would all find this very funny; and Reid would be the brunt of their cruel jokes. Poor Reid , he had such a crush on Tori. She really fooled him. Billy was the worst of the bunch. I might as well have my teeth pulled now; I’m not going to have them anyway when he gets wind of last night. I’m toast.

Noises made Reid stop and hold his breath. His father was up; he knew his footsteps, heavy on the stairs. I can’t let him smell me or see me like this. Reid slipped into the bathroom off the kitchen and hid till he knew his father was out getting the newspaper. Then he dashed for the stairs and got to his room unnoticed, then immediately stripped and went to his bathroom. He turned the shower hot as he could stand, and let the spray wash away all traces of his foolishness. Oh, God, he prayed. I messed up. It’s all over, but I’m scared at how easily I fell. One drink and it was easy to have more. Then Tori…How can I be so stupid?

He turned off the shower and toweled dry. In the house, his parents were starting their day, heading for church, unaware of their son’s misadventures the night before. He hoped they never found what happened, or knew that the child they raised in a Christian home had turned his back on all they taught him. Reid lay on his bed, his stomach reeling, his emotions spent. All he wanted to do was sleep forever. If there is a God in heaven, he prayed, let me sleep for the rest of the year. I don’t want to face my parents, my classmates and especially Tori. Oh, man.



So? Are you one of them now? Adam sidled up to his friend, grinning.

Reid opened his locker. Hardly. I’m just an unpaid escort.

Yeah, that’s what I figured, the first young man replied, tucking his books under his arm. But hey, it’s closer than the rest of us ever came to greatness. You rode in the same car with one of them.

Oh, the excitement. Reid tossed his jacket inside and slammed the door shut, just as Billy approached with Tori. There was a sneer on his face, as usual. Reid braced for what he knew was coming.

And then nothing happened. Billy walked right past him to Tori’s locker. With a sigh of relief, Reid moved hastily out of the hall to the guy’s restroom. Adam called out that he would see him after class, but he was more anxious to hide in one of the stalls while he caught his breath than to answer. Billy must be saving it up for later, he figured.

All day long, Reid avoided his nemesis, and endured the torture of wondering when he would pounce. Tori ignored him completely in class, which irritated him further. Why was he attracted to her anyway? How is it that Reid never noticed her cruel laughter directed at the pimply faced girl who sat in front of the room? The way she mocked other students, rolling her eyes when someone made an effort to be nice to her, as if she was merely tolerating their existence. She wasn’t a nice person.

At the end of the day, Billy had not bothered him, and Reid relaxed a bit, hoping Tori had not let it slip about the other night. He certainly wasn’t about to say anything. And in the next week, the incident started to fade from his memory, he thought about it less frequently; and in another week after that, Reid resumed his life, aware that he had made a big mistake, but asking God to forgive him and help him never to stumble again. He wanted to forget it all together, to rid his mind of Tori and his silly crush and to concentrate on college and raising money to go. He was turning eighteen in three more weeks and Reid was excited about graduation, the summer ahead and college in the fall. Despite his misadventure, life went on and it was going to be great.



CHAPTER 2

He was in his room, studying for finals when his mother called his name.

Reid! Telephone. Elaine stood at the bottom of the stairs holding the receiver. Bouncing down two steps at a time, Reid thanked his mom and put the phone to his ear.

We have to talk.

Tori? He was puzzled. Why would she call him?

She repeated the words. Come get me now.

O—kay. Uh, at your house?

She said yes and hung up the phone. Reid told his mother that he had to go out for a minute. She let him use her keys and told him not to be late for dinner. Grabbing a jacket from the hook, Reid hurried out the kitchen door and jumped in the car. His anxiety rose with each mile, and when he pulled into Tori’s driveway his head was nearly exploding with dread. Why did she need to see him right away? What was so important?

Tori didn’t wait for him to come to the door. She fled to his car, closed the door and ordered him to drive to the elementary school around the corner. When he parked and turned off the engine Tori looked out the window and spoke words that burned a hole in his mind.

I’m pregnant.

He blinked, trying to understand. Pregnant? How can you be pregnant?

She glared at him.

Oh. Reid swallowed slowly, her meaning sinking into his consciousness. What are you going to do?

"The question is, what are you going to do?" she replied, crossing her arms.

Me?

Tori put both her hands to her head and started to cry. You got me into this mess. Billy’s going away to college. My parents will throw me out of the house!

I—I don’t know what to do. Are you sure? He was barely able to comprehend her words. Billy was leaving. Her parents would be mad. He got her pregnant! Oh, God….

I’m sure! You think I want this to happen? Billy said it’s my problem. He’s going to forget about me once he gets to college. I’m alone!

He felt like he was standing on the edge of a crumbling cliff. You’re not alone. It’s my problem too. He had no choice. So, do you want me to pay child support?

Oh, sure pay me a few bucks and you walk away free. What about me? I’m the one who has to carry this baby. I’m the one who has to give birth, and raise it all my life. Tori’s eyes flashed anger. Throwing money at me doesn’t make the problem go away.

There was another option. Could he suggest it? No, not ever. It was not the baby’s fault that it was there, and Reid could not punish it for his mistake. He had to think; he needed time to make a decision, to fix this. He couldn’t do that with Tori crying in his car.

I—I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. Just keep quiet for a couple days. No one has to know a thing right now.

She swallowed her sobs and crossed her arms. I can’t wait forever. My parents won’t be happy, I’m telling you.

His whole world was crashing down around his head. What about college? Could he afford to support a baby and still go to college? All his life he wanted to be a doctor, not a carpenter like his dad. It was all he thought about. Now he had a baby coming with a girl he barely knew. His parents would be so disappointed in him; how could he do this to them? If only…

Take me home. I think I’m going to be sick.

Reid threw the car into reverse and hurried out of the school parking lot. He wanted her gone too. Like now.

At her home, he waited while Tori climbed out and went to her door. She looked so defeated and small, not the beautiful, vibrant girl he was so in love with a couple weeks ago. I made her that way, sick, unhappy, pregnant. It’s my fault! What kind of person am I?

Tears blinded him as he wound around the streets of her subdivision. I’m such a fool. I should have realized that this could happen; why didn’t I say no? Why am I so afraid to take a stand for what’s right? I crumbled after the first beer; I wanted those people to like me. Look where it’s gotten me now. If I thought I was a laughingstock before, I’m certainly one now. The echoes of mocking laughter rang in his ears. Tori is pregnant by Reid, can you believe it? Yuck, he’s such a dweeb! How could she let him touch her? God, help me if you can, he prayed I think I’m dying of shame.



He didn’t go to school the next day, claiming illness. His mother fussed over him

until he begged her to leave, saying he just wanted to sleep. If only he could. Reid’s head was swimming with thoughts of running away, of escape, of something happening to make this all go away. But it didn’t. All day and all night his whole body hummed with dread, his sheets were soaked with sweat from his thrashing. What am I going to do?

Friday night the whole school was celebrating the end of the school year. It was an annual party for all grades, but Reid was in no mood to celebrate. Adam called him three times begging him to come along before giving up, saying Reid was not any fun lately. Small wonder, thought Reid as he hung up the phone. He went to his room and sat on the bed, the sunlight mocking his dark mood.