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    Break the News to Me Gently
    Break the News to Me Gently
    Break the News to Me Gently
    Ebook39 pages28 minutes

    Break the News to Me Gently

    By Tim Patrick

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    About this ebook

    2009 was a busy year for everyone but Congress, so it's no wonder that reputable news organizations overlooked headlines such as, "Tea Party protests in Washington get ugly as milk and lemon factions turn on each other." Stuffed with over 500 essential and frivolous headlines, Break the News to Me Gently will make everyone else in the unemployment line wonder what’s so funny.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTim Patrick
    Release dateFeb 3, 2010
    ISBN9781452393391
    Break the News to Me Gently
    Author

    Tim Patrick

    Tim Patrick (PhD, Macquarie University) is principal of the Bible College of South Australia, an affiliated college of the Australian College of Theology, where he lecturers in theology and practical ministry. Before moving into theological education and ministry formation, Tim served in local church ministry for ten years, where he worked with a number of congregations and led a number of revitalization projects.

    Read more from Tim Patrick

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      Book preview

      Break the News to Me Gently - Tim Patrick

      Break the News to Me Gently

      Humorous Headlines from Obama’s First Year in Office

      Tim Patrick

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright (c) 2010 by Tim Patrick.

      Cover image copyright (c) 2006 by Sam LeVan.

      Discover more of Tim Patrick’s writings at www.timaki.com.

      Read Tim Patrick’s latest humor articles at www.humorality.com.

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Week of January 1

      Democrats wake up screaming as they realize that Bush is still president in 2009.

      Bush raises terrorist threat level on news that Bin Laden entered 2009 nearly a whole day before the US.

      Drivers rush to send messages before new no-texting laws take effect.

      Mount Everest plane crash blamed on the mountain being really, really tall.

      USC defeats Penn State in Rose Bowl, gets to keep Pittsburg on mantle for one year.

      Hamas leader dies in mysterious garbanzo bean accident. Oh wait, that’s Hummus.

      One Michigan twin born in 2008, one in 2009, mother exhausted after over 8,000 hours in labor.

      Congress may block replacement for Barack Obama’s Senate seat, ponders end tables instead.

      114-year-old Los Angeles woman becomes world’s oldest after winning gang fight against 115-year-old rival.

      Obama family moves into Washington, DC hotel, orders extra Obama Slept Here signs.

      Week of January 5

      Minnesota’s Senate race still undecided, candidates agree to flip Michigan for it.

      Ninety percent of Americans look fondly on 2008, keep writing it on their checks.

      Obama promises to make tough spending choices. Just kidding.

      Some voting districts consider all-mail elections after difficulties with all-femail systems.

      Obama appears on Spider-man comic book cover, brings hope to those bitten by radioactive arachnids.

      Founder of Marie Callender’s restaurants dies at 81 in bizarre Razzleberry

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