Nshei Chabad Newsletter: Shvat 5774 / Jan 2014

N'shei Chabad Newsletter • Volume xli • Shvat 5774 • January 2014

Copyright 2014 Nshei ChabadNewsletter

Published by Akiva Marks at Smashwords

NsheiChabadNewsletter.com

Editorial

WOMAN VS. TIME:

WHO IS THE SLAVE, AND WHO THE MASTER?

Some people have to buy themselves a good watch in order to become a mentsch. Me? I had to stop wearing a watch. You see, I am a recovering clock worshipper.

Being on time was of absolute paramount importance to me. I would step on people’s feelings if necessary. I had to be on time. Furthermore, they had to be on time when dealing with me.

One time many years ago, one of my daughters (let’s call her Sarah) was supposed to bring us the car at 6 p.m. on a Motzoei Shabbos so we could join the Chanukah parade, where all the cars sporting car menoros line up and drive through Manhattan, making a kiddush Hashem and accomplishing pirsumei nisa on a grand scale.

But Sarah, who is unfailingly respectful and thoughtful, was running a little bit late. She was coming from a different neighborhood where she had spent Shabbos and she had to drop off her friend at her house before she could bring home the car.

When she finally got home with the car, it wasn’t 6 p.m.

It was 6:20.

Well, now we might not make it to join the parade! SARAH, NOW WE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO JOIN THE PARADE!

I am ashamed to say that I let her have it. I took this happy, innocent teenager who Hashem had entrusted to me to love and raise, and I crushed her. After all, she had committed the cardinal sin. She had made me late.

And then, I felt all better. I had spent my rage and now all was fine. So I said, calmly now, Sarah, how was your Shabbos? But she could not answer. She was crying too hard. Yes, I saw actual tears running down her cheeks. Tears caused by… me!

Why? Because she had made me… late!

The sight of Sarah’s tears shocked me, and brought me to my senses. I realized that I had been worshipping the clock, to the point of stamping on the feelings of people like Sarah, who are not so clock-obsessed. My resolution was simple, but difficult: People before clocks. I would use time, and my innate awareness of it, but not let it enslave me.

Months passed. I tried. And then one day, my watch broke. For a few days, I was watchless. And I realized that during those few days, I was a nicer person. For example, a Shabbos lunch guest walked in, apologizing, I’m so sorry, I know I’m late, I’m really sorry, we can skip the fish, what happened was--

I interrupted her apologies with, Really? You’re late? I don’t know. No watch. And I proudly displayed my bare wrist. She was relieved.

I decided not to replace the watch. I don’t need a watch. I need to not have a watch. To put the important ahead of the urgent. It was urgent that we get to the parade starting point at 6. But it was important to treat my daughter with kindness and respect even if it meant missing the parade.

This 22 Shvat is the 26th yahrtzeit of our beloved Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka ah. Shvat also holds the 100th yahrtzeit of the unforgettable Rebbetzin Rivkah ah. We hope you enjoy reading about her in this issue.

May these holy women, our Mothers, have nachas from the choices we are making in our daily lives.

Rishe Deitsch

About the Cover

This watercolor, created by Musya Herzog, a 24-year-old artist living in Crown Heights, brings to life three components of Purim: Megillas Esther, hamantashen, and wine.

Growing up, Musya was inspired by Jewish folk artists such as Marc Chagall, Hendel Lieberman, and Tully Filmus, and, like them, she strives to convey the warmth and joy of Chassidic life in her work.

N’shei Chabad Newsletter staff and advertisers wish all readers a very happy, healthy and joyous Purim!

Staff

Founder Brana Shaina Deitsch

Senior Editor Rishe Deitsch

Associate Editors Chaya Shuchat, Nechama Golding, Yedida Wolfe

Business Managers Rivka Malka Geisinsky, Esther Sosover

Editorial Consultants Raizel Mangel, Chana Shloush

Feature Writers Nechamie Margolis, Dvora Lakein

Layout & Design Leibel Krinsky

Advertising Faigie Wolff

Proofreader Devorah Chazanow

Mazel Tovs Bluma Schneider

Subscriptions Esther Rochel Spielman

Website Faygie Shagalow

e-Edition Preparation Akiva & Miriam Marks

Identification Statement

The N’Shei Chabad Newsletter (usps 008227) is published 5 times a year, September, December, February, April, and June for $25 per year by N’shei Chabad 325 Kingston Avenue, Brooklyn, New York, 11213. Periodicals postage paid at Brooklyn, NY.

postmaster: Send address changes to N’shei Chabad Newsletter – c/o Mrs.E.R. Spielman, 1276 President Street, Brooklyn, NY 11213.

Submissions & Ads

Email articles, letters to the editor and submissions to Open House and Of Kindness and Courage to submissions@nsheichabadnewsletter.com. Please include your name and telephone number with all correspondence.

Deadline for submissions to Letters, Open House or Of Kindness and Courage, to be included in the Nissan issue, is March 1, 2014. Deadline for ads for the Nissan issue is March 18, 2014.

To place your ad please email Faigie Wolff at ads@nsheichabadnewsletter.com or call her at (424) 234 1539, or call Rivki at (718) 774-0797.

Disclaimer

Articles and the opinions expressed therein do not necessarily represent the views of the editors. N’shei Chabad Newsletter does not assume resonsibility for the Kashrus of any service or product advertised in its pages. Articles published in the N’shei Chabad Newsletter become the property of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter and may be sold/given to Chabad.org, L’Chaim, Hamodia, collive.com., and other publications, with credit given to the authors.

Subscription Information

A one-year paper subscription is $25 in the U.S., $30 in Canada, and $45 in all other countries. To subscribe or renew your subscription, visit our website at nsheichabadnewsletter.com. Subscriptions may also be mailed with a check made out to N’shei Chabad Newsletter to Mrs. Spielman, 1276 President St., Brooklyn NY 11213. You may also phone in your subscription by calling Mrs. Sosover at 718.771.7648 or Mrs. Spielman at 718.756.8492.

Subscription address corrections or questions should be emailed to nsheisubscription@ gmail.com. N’shei Chabad Newsletter is not forwarded automatically. You must email or call if you are moving.

Letters to the Editor

Appreciations

I loved the stories in the Kislev editorial. Specifically, I appreciated the story about der Shtiller.

People hear that my daughter is quiet, and it’s the kiss of death for a shidduch, my friend lamented to me recently regarding her lovely, frum, accomplished daughter. Everyone wants the hu-ha head counselor boys and girls because they’re going to make great Shluchim, or they’re somebody. Too many people lack appreciation for the quiet ones… Thank you for this story.

Happily Married to a Quiet Man

When I read the N’shei Chabad Newsletter, my kids start clamoring for me to read it to them. Last Shabbos, I picked the homeschooling panel discussion in the Tishrei issue to read to my little daughter. She listened intently throughout and really loved it, to the point that later that day, a visitor asked her which school she goes to, and she replied, I’m homeschooled. Nice fantasy!

My four-year-old son always, always wants to hear Rabbi Yosef Kolodny’s halachah column first. He listens carefully to the column and then he tries to implement. For example, one night my son jumped out of bed and ran downstairs, and then right back up and into bed. It was dark and cold downstairs, so I was curious what his errand was. Yaakov, I walked into his room and asked him, why did you just run downstairs?

It said to put the boys to sleep with their yarmulke on, for chinuch, he replied. My yarmulke was downstairs.

I don’t even remember which column it was; might have been long ago. But Yaakov didn’t forget.

The N’shei Chabad Newsletter seems to have magical properties. It appeals to readers of all ages. Thank you.

Amused Mother

I just read the article The Problem Is His Mother, in the Tishrei issue, by Rabbi Eliyahu Alloy. What a fantastic article! We need more of these! Whenever my father appreciated the way something was done, he would say it was punkt vee in der heim (just like at home), or if he wanted to express his pride in my boys, he would say dee bochrim heint, azoi vee in der heim. This article felt like it was coming straight from der heim, it was so heartwarming and inspiring.

Since I read the article I’ve been passing it around. You have no idea how many people you inspire. Keep up your fantastic work with your solid, punkt vee in der heim way of looking at things. This is our lifeline!

Tzippy Simpson

Crown Heights

Letters

Claire Grunwald

The Claire Grunwald article, Poetry, Wigs, & Learning, as told to Nechamie Margolis [Kislev issue] was refreshingly honest. I never encountered Claire Grunwald in a personal capacity but who hasn’t heard of Claire Accuhair? It is good to see that even famous names may have theological questions that they need to deal with.

Chaya M.

Wow, we don’t know how well we are living! Claire’s sister asked for an egg as an afikomen present, and the rest of the children watched enviously – and that’s not even getting into the Holocaust part of the story. (I’ve had a few nightmares since reading the article.) Please tell Claire how inspiring her article is. Thanks for printing it. And oh my... what a sheitel!

Eva G.

I loved, loved, loved the Claire article. I didn’t breathe once while reading it. It never got boring. Even the poems were enjoyable and I never read poetry of any kind whatsoever. I love how honestly and lovingly and respectfully she speaks about her husband. If we only learn that from her, we’ve learned a lot. And there is so much more to learn.

The cover shot was unbelievable. This is a woman in her 80s? Okay, the sheitel is one thing, she’s a sheitel macher after all, but even the makeup was astounding. Now that we got marriage tips and business tips, maybe she wants to share some makeup tips with us too?

Rachel K.

Claire’s makeup was done for her by her friend Naomi Scheier, a highly talented and experienced makeup artist. Naomi can make you look beautiful, too! Call her at (718) 692-1588. Tell her you saw her work on the cover of the N’shei! – Ed.

How Lubavitch Appears

I read every issue of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter cover to cover because I grew up with Lubavitch, so I am interested in the way it is developing.

I am impressed with the solid hashkafah in the magazine.

My father learned in Lubavitch, but now is against it. But I show him your magazine and I say, look, they write with a very solid hashkafah! (In other words, it’s simply not true that Lubavitch has somehow rejected mainstream, old-fashioned Yiddishkeit.)

Watching from Williamsburg

The photo of the four Ceitlin women in the Kislev issue (page 30) was beautiful. Here’s a woman, Mrs. Gita Ceitlin a"h, who was actively and lovingly mechanech her daughters and the chinuch took – look how they are dressed. What nachas this must have been for her! It’s important for those of us still dedicated to keeping the halachos of tznius for real to see that we are not alone; there are others like us; we are a minority but still breathing and, with Hashem’s help, our numbers are growing.

I have several daughters myself, all teens now, and I just hope that I can one day take a picture like Mrs. Ceitlin did when I’m old. Will my daughters do as I do? Or will they decide that it’s outdated and extremist and fanatical? G-d please help us all to succeed in what often feels like a losing battle.

Mother of Teenage Girls

I read the story and the comments on COLlive about changing the N’shei Chabad Newsletter logo, not changing the logo, changing with the times, sticking with the old way, with great interest.

I must point out what I’m sure others are already telling you.

The painful reality is that you are going to need to make a choice. You can no longer make the entire Lubavitch happy with one magazine. You need to choose who your base is going to be, and work on making them happy.

Is it going to be the more hip/modern/cool segment of the community that introduces our daughters to new ideas every day?

Or is it going to be the ones (of all ages) who are trying their hardest (and then some) to do things the way we’ve always done them, in spite of the fierce winds that are blowing all around us and seem to be knocking everything down?

I grew up reading the N’shei Chabad Newsletter. I dearly hope to be able to continue. The Newsletter is like Torah shebichsav for my daughters, so keep up the great work!

Rivkie R.

Crown Heights

See Tzippy Simpson’s letter on first page of Letters. -Ed.

Life After Diagnosis

Regarding the letter in the Kislev Open House from Rabbi Nechemia Deitsch to the wife of the man with cancer, I can add that I learned recently, during the final illness of my mother ah, that there are people who fail hospice. In other words, the doctors have said there is nothing more they can do, and all heroic measures have been discontinued, and the patients have been put on hospice, and then they have continued to live. In fact, a family friend told me his relative, who had a supposedly incurable disease, had failed hospice" three times! If a person whom doctors have discontinued treating can survive, all the more so is it possible for people to survive who are still receiving medical treatment.

Chana Shloush

Thank you for printing Rabbi Deitsch’s letter to Matthew’s wife. I would like to inform your readers that Rabbi Deitsch runs a tefillin program in Matthew’s merit, every Tuesday and Wednesday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. All the fathers who drop their kids off at preschool are invited. On average, about 10 to 15 fathers take the time to do the wrap and get a coffee before they go out for the day.

A. Torontonian

Attending Old Friends’ Simchas

Ricky Epstein’s article in the Kislev issue, We Will Dance Together, reminded me of watching my mother going round at one of my siblings’ chassunas. She suddenly started crying, I presumed from the emotion of it all, but then I noticed that one of her dearest friends had arrived unexpectedly.

Chava Green

Family Size Encouragement

Dear Shlucha from CA (who wrote the essay about Family Size in the Tishrei I Was Touched):

I can relate to your feelings of appreciation for the organizations that sponsored and arranged the Celebration of Motherhood event, and your sometimes-mixed feelings on having a large family yourself. Thank you