Ella Bella

Ella Bella

By

Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons

Smashwords Edition

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For Granddad

Floyd William Cobb

1915-1996

Author’s Note and Acknowledgments

In 2002, my mother’s job was outsourced to India. At the time it wasn’t being talked about in the news and wasn’t considered news. What happened wasn’t new (watch Roger and Me to see how several car manufacturing plants being outsourced nearly ruined a town) but for many people it was a new world not of their making. They had to figure out what to do next.

When I try to figure something out, I write about it. This book was supposed to be a teen version of Office Space. It became something else. It’s become something I’m very proud of.

I want to thank Jean Cobb who involuntarily researched being outsourced, and is definitely not the mother in this book. Incredible thanks go to Kathryn Reiss who helped me get started, plus letting me house-sit for her the summer I wrote the first draft. Cornelia Nixon was also wonderful with feedback. I’m also grateful for Lilly-Marie Lamar and Laura Zink for reading drafts as well. Ivory Madison gave me the final push to get it down and making sure this story had a beginning, a middle and end. I’m also grateful to Meranda Broder, Susan Browne, and Huntington Sharp for cheering me on.

The summer I came up with this story idea, Paula Danziger died. I loved all her books (if you haven’t read The Cat Ate My Gymsuit go get it now) I loved how she could make a person laugh at one page and cry the next. She was one of the authors that inspired me to write, and I miss her voice. My only hope is that I can tell good stories like she did.

You must let the grief break your heart in order for the light to get in.

Stephen Levine

Prologue

Everything changed that autumn.

That sounds like such a cliché, but it was true. I started high school, and I was trying to become someone else. This was incredibly stressful, reinventing yourself. I had no idea how Madonna did it every year. Gone was the girl who wore pink barrettes and chewed gum. I braided my hair in dozens of braids. Mom took one look at it and she declared, Your hair looks like a rat’s nest. I didn’t care. It was my hair. I even thought about going by real name Eleanor, but realized that for better or worse, my name was Ella. Or if you asked my brother Derek, Cinderella.

The weather was still warm when school started. The night before everything changed, I was reading The Outsiders on our front porch. I heard porch doors closing, kids coming in for the night. Stars were appearing in the sky.

Ella have you seen my psych book? Derek asked, banging the door behind him.

How am I supposed to know? I don’t keep track of your stuff, I replied, not looking up. I wondered if I could get away with the nickname Cherry like the popular girl in the book.

It was in my backpack and now it’s gone. You looked at it last.

I put my book down and looked at him. Well there’s a jump in logic. I looked at it last and I must’ve taken it? I hope you’re not going to major in pre-law at the college behind K-Mart. He just started college three weeks before at Des Colores College, which was right behind the local K-Mart. I loved making fun of this fact.

You better watch out, Cinderella. You’re going to end up there in three years.

Oh no I’m not, I said standing up, hands on my hips. I’m going to UC Berkeley or a fancy college back East. You’ll see.

Oh really?

What are you two bickering about? Daddy came out wearing a white T-shirt and pajama bottoms, brown hair in his eyes.

Ella took my psych book, Derek said, pointing at me.

Daddy I didn’t.

You mean this? Daddy handed Derek a blue book. It was under the couch.

Ha ha, I said. I didn’t take it.

How did it end up there? Derek asked, looking at the book as if it was going to tell him how it ended up under the couch.

How am I supposed to know? Daddy asked. You have that quiz tomorrow, right? Better catch up and study for it.

Derek walked back in the house muttering Just you wait Cinderella. You’ll see.

Yeah yeah. I said, sticking my tongue at him.

How old are you two again? Daddy asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.

Where’s Mom?

In bed. You better find your way there soon, Ella Bella.

I will I will. It’s so pretty out tonight.

It is, isn’t it? We looked up at the sky. I met your mom around this time of year.

When you moved from New Jersey. You didn’t want to move because it was your senior year.

Yeah. I took one look at her and knew we were meant to be.

I looked at him. How did you know Daddy? How do you just know this stuff?

He shrugged. Some things I know about, Ella. I knew that I was meant to be with your mother. Someday you’ll be faced with something and you’ll know what to do. He kissed my forehead. Go upstairs. If you get up early, I’ll take you to school. Save you bus money.

Okay. I kissed him back. Love you Daddy.

Love you too.

I went back in the house. From the window I watched Daddy stand outside, looking at the stars. Months later, I wanted time to stand still at that moment. Everything was just right then.

I woke up around six thirty the next morning. Outside it was beautiful already; the sky was so so blue. No fall leaves yet, but they‘d come in another month. I put on my purple bathrobe and hurried to the bathroom. I showered, singing old Cher songs. Braided my hair. Threw on a pink T-shirt and jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had a huge pimple on my chin, the size of Texas. I put some zinc oxide on it, wincing for it stung. I ran downstairs barefoot. I wanted to get downstairs before Mom and Dad. Mom’s birthday was a couple of days before, so we still had leftover birthday cake. I wanted to sneak a piece of cake for breakfast before Derek came home from school and ate all the cake.

I saw Mom and Daddy sitting on the floor, staring at the TV. At first I was bummed; there went the cake. They were still in their nightclothes. Hey, what’s going on?

Mom turned around to look at me, her mouth was half open. She was so pale. Something happened, she whispered.

On TV I saw a plane hitting a tower. What the hell? What movie is this? I asked. For a moment I thought she would snap at me about my language. Instead she turned around to see the TV. Dad whispered: Jesus God. We heard a woman crying: Oh, my God. Oh My God. I realized it wasn’t a movie, it was real. I felt heavy, sleepy heavy, a heavy that hurt my chest and shoulders. It hurt to breathe.

Everything felt odd the next three months. Daddy yelled at the TV. Mom sighed a lot and shook her head. Derek was gone; he said he was off studying. I stopped watching the news and read in my room. Daddy played his old Beatles records. His favorites were the songs George Harrison sang or wrote. Which songs did he write again, Daddy? I asked as he played Abbey Road on the stereo.

He wrote ‘Something,’ Daddy answered, looking far away even though he was right there in the room with me. He also wrote ‘My Sweet Lord.’

I nodded. All I could remember about George Harrison was he was the quiet one. And his wife left him for Eric Clapton. I wonder what John would’ve made of all this mess, Dad said.

I guessed he was talking about John Lennon, who died before I was born. I leaned against Dad’s shoulder. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. Ella Bella, you don’t have to stick around here, Dad said. You have better things to do than listen to old records with your old dad.

I don’t mind, I said. I didn’t. We listened to George Harrison sing how it had been a long cold lonely winter. We just need to make it through the winter. Once we make it through the winter, we’ll be okay, I thought.

The day before Christmas break there was an 80’s dance at school. I looked at old Seventeen magazines at the library and figured out an outfit. I wore a black crinoline skirt, a blue ripped up sweatshirt and a beige hat that the guys from Duran Duran used to wear. When Carey saw me at school, she whistled. You look too cool for school, she said. She wore an old red and black dress of her aunt’s with black stockings to match her black hair big with mousse and hairspray.

Isn’t it totally awesome? I said, laughing, trying to sound eighties.

Totally man, Carey said in a Valley Girl voice. For sure, for sure.

At the gym there were posters of Ronald and Nancy Reagan, Madonna, and Michael Jackson. We danced to all these old acts from the 80’s: Duran, the Go-Go’s, Rick Springfield, and New Kids of the Block. The money for the dance went to the New York Fire department. It felt good to dance and sing the old songs. I slow danced with two boys, making sure I didn’t step on their feet.

Carey’s mom Suzanne picked us up and drove me home. We need to get together during break, Carey said. After I get back from Aunt Louisa’s.

Let’s see Footloose, I said. Suzanne, did you see Footloose in the theaters?

Yup, Suzanne said. And I also was around before computers and CD players. I’m that old.

Mom, come on, Carey said. You’re not that old. Honest.

Suzanne laughed as I got out of the car. I turned back to the house. I wanted to make hot chocolate, and then email Mom and Dad to ask if we could have pizza that night. However, both their cars were in the driveway. Why were they home so early?

I opened the kitchen door, taking off my shoes as I did. As I opened the door, I heard Daddy sayingI can’t fuck believe you did this.

Believe it, Derek snapped.

Ooh, a fight! I tiptoed down the hall to see Derek sitting on the couch. Mom was sitting in her chair while Daddy was standing, yelling Why? Tell me why! We get a phone call telling us to come home, and then you spring this on us! Just tell us why, son. I watched as Daddy loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt a couple of buttons. Little drops of sweat were on his forehead.

What news could it be? I thought. Maybe he got a girl pregnant. I knew that Derek had sex. He used had a girlfriend named Rowena. She used to come over all the time, twirling her hair, putting her head on his lap. I also spotted some purple and blue condoms in Derek’s backpack when he wasn’t looking. At first I thought they would make great balloons for a party. Then I scrunched up my face. Yuck! Derek having sex? No way.

I’ve got to do something. It’s so bad now, Derek said back.

Guess what? Daddy said, raising his arms up towards the ceiling. It’s always been bad. It always will be bad.

Not this bad, Derek sneered. It’s fucking bad. It can’t get any worse.

Okay, Derek got Rowena pregnant. They had broken up earlier in the summer, but they must have gotten back together. It would not be so bad, having a baby, being Aunt Ella. Why were Mom and Dad so upset? Yeah it was unexpected, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

When did you decide this? Daddy demanded.

I enlisted in September. I didn’t want to tell you guys right away, but I’ll be going soon.

Wait a sec, what’s going on here? Enlisted in what? Where was he going?

But Derek, you should have talked to your mother and me. Daddy knelt down to Derek’s level. What happened was terrible, but you don’t just join the Army because of it!

Wait a minute! Derek joined the army? Why would he do that? I bit my nails.

You don’t know, Derek, Mom said, her voice calm, the voice we heard when we protested going to bed or why couldn’t we see some movie. When Dad I was young, Vietnam was going on…

Oh, God! Yeah it was bad and everyone joined hands and sang some songs…

And boys came home in body bags daily. Do you understand? Daily! Daddy yelled, making me jump.

They’re still getting people and putting them in body bags, Dad. Only it took one morning instead of eight years.

Daddy threw up his hands again. I can’t talk to him, Joan! You try it!

Mom sat down on the couch and reached for Derek’s hand. Honey, we’re all upset. We have been on the edge the past couple of months. Everything is so unreal. I am so proud you want to do something. Wait until June. If you want to join the Army, okay. We won’t be thrilled about it, but finish another semester of school. Think about the Peace Corps. Derek, don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away. Mom’s voice was very calm, very controlled.

No. This can’t wait. Besides, what do you care? All you care about is work.

Whoa, Derek! Low blow! What a mean thing to say.

Mom looked away from Derek, biting her lip. Her blue eyes filled up with tears. That’s not true! You apologize to your mother, Daddy yelled. She works damn hard, and she does a lot for you and Ella.

She should be glad, that I’m leaving. She can work even harder and feel even less guilty.

That’s enough! I’d never seen Daddy so angry, not even when he yelled at the TV. He was almost purple. I’m telling you right now, I won’t be one of those fathers that stand there at a funeral while his wife gets an American flag. I will not hear of it, I won’t. You will tell them you made a mistake and say you aren’t going. I’ll tell them you are gay. They still have that stupid don’t ask don’t tell rule right? I'll tell them you’re crazy…"

Before Dad could finish, he started to breathe hard. His hand on his chest. Anthony? Are you all right? Mom asked.

I don’t know I just feel… He put a hand on a cushion, trying to breathe, closing his eyes. He crumpled on the carpet. Derek jumped from the couch as if it was on fire.

Daddy! I yelled.

Mom ran towards me. For a moment, I thought she’d be mad at me for eavesdropping. Instead she picked up her purse, digging out her cellphone. I think my husband is having a heart attack!

I ran to Daddy. Daddy, sit on the couch. Come on, Daddy sit on the couch. I thought about doing CPR. I learned how in Girl Scout Camp.

He was still breathing, so he didn’t need CPR. I ran back in the kitchen, opening the kitchen drawers, looking for aspirin. In commercials, they said to give someone aspirin when someone was having a heart attack. I found aspirin, and then shook them out. I filled a glass with water. I heard Mom giving our address to the 911 operator. I ran back in the living room and sat down next to Dad, who was panting. Daddy, take this, take this. I unbuttoned some buttons on his shirt. I remembered once on the soap opera Fashion Town when a character was having a heart attack, one of the characters unbuttoned his shirt so he could breathe better.

Derek stood there, not doing anything. If things were normal I would’ve yelled at him You know you could help!

Mom ran back in the room. Ella! What are you doing? she yelled.

Giving him aspirin! I yelled. I touched his hair. It felt sweaty and rough, like he hadn’t put conditioner on it that morning. He was still panting. He kept looking at me, making sure I was still there. I never saw him so scared. It’s going to be okay, Daddy, I said. It’s really going to be okay.

Mom looked at Derek. If anything happens to your father, I will never forgive you.

Before Derek could answer, we heard sirens. Please pull over, I thought to the other cars on the road. Please, please pull over and let the ambulance get here.

Mom ran outside to talk to the paramedics. Derek started to back away, looking at Daddy and me. Derek, don’t leave! I yelled at his back. Don’t leave us, please!

He ran away. I wanted to run after him. I wanted to say Please don’t go. I don’t know what to do.

I looked at Daddy. Drink the water, Daddy. Take the aspirin. It’s going to be okay, I said, touching his sweaty forehead.

He did what he was told. See, Daddy? It’s going to be okay. They’re here, Daddy. They’ll take care of you, I said, trying to be calm.

He smiled at me. My girl. Ella Bella. My girl, he whispered. He grabbed my hand. Ella, he whispered again, still having difficulty breathing, Ella, you must take of them. You must.

Take of them? What do you mean? I asked.

Take care of them, Ella. Please, he begged.

I squeezed his hand. I wanted time to stop. I will, Daddy. I will.

The paramedics came with a gurney. Mr. Drake, can you tell me your name? one of them asked.

Anthony… he paused for a minute, God…

God is not part of his name, I explained.

We figured that, sweetie, the other paramedic said. Where does it hurt, Mr. Drake?

Dad pointed to his chest. I can’t, I can’t…

Okay sir, don’t worry, we’re going to take care of you now. They helped him onto the gurney and