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    Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery
    Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery
    Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery
    Ebook124 pages1 hour

    Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery

    By Nobody

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    “Nobody! is the Rube Goldberg of popular science!” Nobody at The New Yorker
    “A pie in the face of consciousness!” Nobody at Soupy Sales
    “Soupy Sales meets Mr. Wizard!” Nobody at Harry Potter’s Pea Soup (“Make sure you eat it before it eats you!”)
    “Funny serious, not seriously funny!” Nobody at Serious Fun Anonymous
    “Nobody! is completely organic. He makes lemons out of lemonade!” Nobody at the Organic Citrus Growers of America
    “Twinkies for madeleines! Nobody! is the Proust of popular science!” Nobody at 21st Century Twinkies
    “Pasties for peasants! Nobody! is the Shakespeare of popular science!” Nobody at Pasty Central
    “We’re absolutely certain that popular science doesn’t need a Salvador Dali!” Nobody at the Broadway opening of Hello, Dali!
    “Popular science as literature? We think Nobody! is a quack! Let’s send him a Duck Commander.” Nobody at Duck Commander
    “A hybrid mix of Jonathan Swift and evolutionary science? We always suspected that Nobody! was a science Yahoo!” Nobody at Yahoo! Science
    “We thought that Nobody! was going to explain consciousness--not whack it!” Nobody at Folsom Prison
    “Makes you embarrassed to even have a consciousness!” Nobody at Consciousness Anonymous
    “Perhaps, we should make consciousness illegal.” Nobody in Washington D.C.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNobody
    Release dateMar 11, 2014
    ISBN9781311858931
    Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery
    Author

    Nobody

    Nobody! is the pen name of the author and central character of the books: Nobody Knows (The Thing That Really Matters About) Anything!: A Users' Guide for the 21st Century Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery Written by: Nobody! "Who would've thought to reinvent non-fiction and make it funny in the process?" Nobody! "'Back to the Future' of Literary Non-Fiction." Nobody at DeLorean Motor Cars "It's as if the 'Extracts' ate 'Moby Dick!'" Nobody at Real Vanilla Extracts "Out Nabakovs Nabakov. 'Pale Fire' for 'Idiots!'" Nobody at the Red Onion State Prison "Super-Prison Literary Society" "'In Cold Blood'--without all the blood!" Nobody eating "Breakfast at Tiffany's" "Nobody! has arrived just in time to save the publishing industry singlehandedly!" Nobody at "Publisher's Weakly" Magazine "Nobody! writes for the cheap seats!" Nobody at Cheapseats.com "Nobody! takes 'abstract' writing to a whole new level. Plus, he had the good sense to number things!" Nobody selling Jackson Pollock's Numbered Paintings ("They make people look at a picture for what it is--pure painting!") "Nobody!'s genius was to realize that science was comedy!" Nobody at the University of Clown Science ("The Science of Clowns! The Clowns of Science!") "Nobody! makes Anonymous irrelevant!" Nobody at Warner Books "Irreverent--NO!--Irrelevant common sense. Nobody! Knows!" Nobody at "Rolling Stones" Magazine "We think Nobody! should make a movie!" Nobody at the American Institute of Corn Porn ("Pornography made entirely from corn--for when the ethanol subsidies end! Think creamed corn--and COBS!") To maintain his anonymity, Nobody! likes to pretend that he's Steve Martin ("to throw the paparazzi off the scent"). To be clear, Nobody! is NOT Steve Martin.

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      Book preview

      Nobody Knows Consciousness! - Nobody

      GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS

      NOBODY KNOWS

      CONSCIOUSNESS!

      DEMYSTIFYING

      LIFE’S GREATEST MYSTERY

      Written by:

      NOBODY!

      ____________________

      ADVANCE PRAISE FOR NOBODY KNOWS CONSCIOUSNESS!

      "Let’s have Nobodies review the book before we publish it. That’ll give us a jump on the critics!" Nobody!

      Nobody! is the Rube Goldberg of popular science! Nobody at The New Yorker

      "You mean Nobody! is a rube!" Nobody at Rube Goldberg Productions

      ‘Give ‘em the old hocus pocus; bead and feather ‘em. How can they see with sequins in their eyes?’ Nobody in Chicago, the Musical

      Sequins in the eye of consciousness! Nobody at Beads, Feathers and Boas

      A pie in the face of consciousness! Nobody at Soupy Sales

      Soupy Sales meets Mr. Wizard! Nobody at Harry Potter’s Pea Soup (Make sure you eat it before it eats you!)

      Funny serious, not seriously funny! Nobody at Serious Fun Anonymous

      Nobody! is completely organic. He makes lemons out of lemonade! Nobody at the Organic Citrus Growers of America

      Twinkies for madeleines! Nobody! is the Proust of popular science! Nobody at 21st Century Twinkies

      Pasties for peasants! Nobody! is the Shakespeare of popular science! Nobody at Pasty Central

      We’re absolutely certain that popular science doesn’t need a Salvador Dali! Nobody at the Broadway opening of Hello, Dali!

      Popular science as literature? We think Nobody! is a quack! Let’s send him a Duck Commander. Nobody at Duck Commander

      A hybrid mix of Jonathan Swift and evolutionary science? We always suspected that Nobody! was a science Yahoo! Nobody at Yahoo! Science

      "There’s ‘Trouble in River City!’ A Nobody! book is the Cliffs Notes’ version." Nobody at Cliffs Notes

      Reads too much, thinks too much, drinks too much, writes too much--Nobody! doesn’t know how to stop! Nobody at the National Motorists Association

      ‘Dust never sleeps!’ ‘Rust Never Sleeps!’ What’d we pay this guy? Nobody at Rust-Oleum Paint and Dusting Cloths

      "‘The scientist as psychopath?’ ‘Science is Macbeth?’ ‘Vlad the Executioner!’ We hear that the scientists have put a contract out on Nobody! Nobody at the Red Onion State Prison Super-Prison Literary Society"

      Loneliness is all there is. Loneliness before me. Loneliness is consciousness. Loneliness is boring. Nobody listening to Janis Joplin singing All is Loneliness

      "Nobody! doesn’t need a consciousness! Nobody! is ‘A Legend in his Own Mind.’" Nobody listening to Gil Scott-Heron

      We thought that Nobody! was going to explain consciousness--not whack it! Nobody at Folsom Prison

      Makes you embarrassed to even have a consciousness! Nobody at Consciousness Anonymous

      Perhaps, we should make consciousness illegal. Nobody in Washington D.C.

      ____________________

      GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS

      NOBODY KNOWS

      CONSCIOUSNESS!

      DEMYSTIFYING

      LIFE’S GREATEST MYSTERY

      Written by:

      NOBODY!

      www.goldmansbulldog.com

      Published by Smashwords, Inc.

      Copyright 2014 by Author

      ____________________

      SMASHWORDS EDITION, LICENSE NOTES

      Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form.

      ____________________

      For Me, Myself and I

      For You Too

      ____________________

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      PART ONE

      THE CONSCIOUSNESS STORY

      Chapter 1: Big Mind and Little Mind

      Chapter 2: Butch and Sundance

      Chapter 3: The Super Posse

      Chapter 4: Desperate Times Require Desperate Measures

      Chapter 5: The Slime-Mold Draft

      Chapter 6: The Three Faces of Eve

      Chapter 7: Storage Wars

      Chapter 8: The Sick Parrot

      PART TWO

      THE LANGUAGE STORY

      Chapter 9: I Serve Two Masters

      Chapter 10: How Laziness Got Legs

      Chapter 11: An Excuse is Born

      Chapter 12: The Halle Berry Neuron

      Chapter 13: Why We Tell Stories

      PART THREE

      ANIMAL STORIES

      Chapter 14: Mother Abraham, Mouse Isaac and Lady MacBeth

      Chapter 15: When Wolves Fight

      Chapter 16: The Robber Bear

      Chapter 17: The Lion King

      Chapter 18: Madagascar

      Chapter 19: The Legal Ape

      PART FOUR

      JUST SAY NO!

      Chapter 20: Trouble in River City

      Chapter 21: The Extraordinary Intelligence of the Madness of Crowds

      Chapter 22: The Thing That Changes into What You Think It Is

      Chapter 23: The Trainer that Thinks It’s the Fighter

      Chapter 24: Blink-of-an-Eye Free Will

      Chapter 25: Three Lights and You’re Out

      PART FIVE

      THE I-STORY

      Chapter 26: A One-Third Whole-Brain Phenomenon

      Chapter 27: The Scientist as Psychopath

      Chapter 28: Bring in the Clones

      Chapter 29: The Act of Creation

      Chapter 30: The Fear Factor

      Chapter 31: Smoking Hot

      Chapter 32: The Sexiest Woman in the World

      Chapter 33: The Eternal Youth of Consciousness

      Chapter 34: The Brotherhood of All Life

      APPENDIX

      Chapter 35: The Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness

      ____________________

      Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

      Will I survive death? I think I must.

      I know that I shall have, at least,

      The consciousness of dust,

      And dust, like rust, never sleeps.

      ____________________

      We never find ourselves

      because we can’t stop looking.

      ____________________

      PART ONE

      THE CONSCIOUSNESS STORY

      ____________________

      CHAPTER 1: BIG MIND AND LITTLE MIND

      You can’t get there from here; you have to go someplace else first. Dennis Charles Sherck

      Scientists want to find consciousness inside the human brain. While there’s little doubt that it’s in there, finding it in there is a bit like finding quarks inside of atoms. The fact that an atom is made up of quarks is interesting information, but this information tells us absolutely nothing about the physical properties of atoms. If you want to know about the properties of atoms, you have to study them; you need the Periodic Table of Elements not the Standard Model. In much the same way, it would seem that if you want to understand human consciousness that you ought to study it instead of trying to find it in the neurons in the human brain. In trying to find the quarks of consciousness, scientists have have been conspicuous in their failure.

      Actually, this is something of a surprise to everyone involved. The reason for this is simple; scientists have been able to find just about everything imaginable inside the human brain. Using various forms of stimulation to map the brain, they have found the centers of vision, language, math, long and short-term memory, intuition, sexuality, decision-making and aggression. They have even discovered the location of out-of-body experiences, a sense of the unity of all things, God, enlightenment and inner peace. There’s only one thing that scientists haven’t been able to find inside the human brain. No matter where they probe or prod, they have never discovered I. They have not stimulated a reaction along the lines of Oh, yes, that’s me; that’s where ‘I’ am. I knew I was in there somewhere.

      Because neuroscientists cannot find I inside the brain like everything else, they have decided that consciousness must be an emergent whole-brain phenomenon. Unfortunately, that does not mean that when you stimulate the whole brain that I emerges. What it means is that I never emerges, but that scientists are still certain that it’s in there. If consciousness is not somewhere, then it must be everywhere. This is a logical assumption for which no evidence is presented. In that sense, it’s not even a scientific hypothesis as there seems to be no way to test it or falsify it. In a sense, it’s a way for scientists to stop thinking about their failure to find consciousness by rotely intoning it’s an emergent whole-brain phenomenon as if they were saying something scientific that is supported by evidence.

      Some scientists consider consciousness and mind to be to be the same thing. The reason for this is quite simple; consciousness thinks that it’s mind even though it isn’t. Since consciousness is a part of mind, this description has an element of truth to it so we are inclined to believe it. We will soon learn that believing in things that contain an element of truth is a survival instinct. While many scientists believe that consciousness is the mysterious part of mind, in reality, mind is the mysterious part of consciousness.

      Almost as if she set out to

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