Out of Due Season

SEASON

Star and Jimme

CHAPTER 1

Thursday Night - Dec. 27, 2001

My story begins on a nippy winter evening. The sky is free from clouds. There are hundreds of stars bursting forth in shining glory. You can hear the rustling of the leaves in the tall pines as the trees sway in rhythm to the Northern wind. It's a perfect night for a fire in the fireplace. There will be frost on the ground in the morning.

The lights had been turned off hours ago. A once blazing fire has burned down to mere embers. Supper sits uneaten and hot spice tea now sits cold. Star sits just staring at the fire. Her face is expressionless, her mind miles and miles away. The clock strikes the midnight hour. Suddenly the phone begins to ring.

Star said out loud, Oh Lord, I don't want to answer that. I don't want to talk to anyone. The phone continued to ring as Star debated whether or not to answer. The thought of something being wrong with one of her sons or her family finally made her move toward the phone. Okay, okay, I'll answer you, she said.

Hello. Hello. This had better be a wrong number call or something really important going on in your life. It's midnight here in the south, people are sleeping!

A laughing voice came across the phone line, Hello. Hello. This is not a wrong number call. There is always something important going on in my life. I am a child of the King!! It's only ten o’clock here in beautiful California. People are sleeping in the north, south, east and west of this country but no one is sleeping at your house, Starletta Free, unless it's Mr. Oswald. Come on, fess up, grumpy!

Star started laughing. "Jimme Karr, only you would dare call me at the midnight hour. By the way...grumpy? Who me? I don't think that word describes me very well. Perhaps the word sleepy?"

Okay, I'll take it back. But you aren't sleepy, either. Sleepy would mean you would be in bed fast asleep. You are in the den sitting up in Dale's old chair in front of the fireplace right?

I am busted! You are right on the mark. You know me well don't you, Jimme? What are you doing calling me so late? Ten o'clock in California is well past your usual bedtime.

I ran all day with my kids. They wined me and dined me. My kids are so cute even all grown up. I have eaten too much and have had too much caffeine and I’m wired for go. For the last hour, I have been listening to Bill Winston on tape. The Lord brought your face up before me and I knew I needed to call you. Star, how are you? Really, how are you? I will know if you are telling the truth or not. Your nose may grow or something else on your anatomy might grow larger.

Oh Lord, I will tell you the truth. I don't want anything to get any bigger anywhere on this anatomy! Star laughed with Jimme for a moment, then becoming serious, she said, How am I? How am I really? I am a little better today than I was yesterday, better today than last week, last month, or last year. I’m a whole lot better than I was this time last year. Jimme, losing Dale in December of last year almost undid me. Twenty years of marriage and then it was suddenly over. I thought we would grow old together. I took it for granted we would hold grand-babies in our arms. We talked of golden years we would share and another honeymoon we would take. We were going to travel and see the world.

In a moment, all our plans and dreams were gone and my life had changed. Death is cruel, Jimme. I will never forget waking and my husband gone. I wanted to die with him. It was an effort every day to get up and go. I simply functioned on auto pilot. I went through the motion of living for my boys. The boys were devastated. One day dad was here and then he was gone. There was no sign or warning that he was going to die. He just left us in his sleep. Most of the time, I feel like I am living in a frozen state inside. I don't know what is worse, feeling too much or not feeling anything at all. I have lost the song that used to flow through my heart. I don't think I have ever been angry with God, but I know I have shut myself off from Him to a degree, perhaps hoping to make Him mad.... maybe even mad enough that He would take me out of this life.

Some people think I am lost because I haven't been attending church services regularly. I have been reading the Bible and trying to pray. I've tithed and given offerings, baked for benefits, donated for yard sales and auctions, cleaned the church house and I've even worked in the nursery on several occasions. It's much easier to tolerate the young than the adults with their well-meaning but ignorant sympathy! Some of the cruelest words a person can speak to you when you have lost a loved one are: ‘I know just how you feel, Starletta.’ ‘This will soon pass.’ ‘It'll be better tomorrow.’ ‘God has someone else to take Dale's place.’ ‘You aren't alone.’

Jimme, Dale is MIA in my life and they think God is just going to send me another husband. I don't think so. I don't know if I want to love another man. It hurts too much when they are taken. With a sigh, Star asks, Well, what's the verdict, sister? Am I lost? Am I beyond hope? Have I been invaded by an alien from some distant planet in a far away galaxy? Am I normal?

Let's define normal. Star, you have never been normal. Any child named Starletta Free by a mother named Zha-Zha is abnormal from the moment of conception! Blame your mother! Star Baby, you are not lost. Your heart has been broken. You've been grieving for months. You have been in shock. You have never been lost. Jesus has been within the whole time. Your life was set on one pattern for twenty years but the pattern has been changed. Your life is not over by a long shot. You are just learning to go in another direction. Your life has branched off onto another road. The joy is not gone either. Your well is not dry. Unstop the well. You remember how. Lift up your hands. Sing a song. Move your feet. Do a dance; sing a song praising the Lord in your sadness and the Lord will turn your sorrow into joy. It will come rushing up, out and over. It will become a river of joy. It will splash over onto others that you will meet. I promise, Star, it has worked for me. God is no respecter of persons. His promises are for each and every one of us.

Star replies, I know, I know. It's the doing part that's hard.

How are the boys, Star?

I think they are doing better than I. The three youngest came home Christmas Eve and left at six p.m. on Christmas day. We did not put on the ritz this holiday season. We didn't put up lights or the tree but I did cook a lovely dinner by way of Winn Dixie's deli. I just could not pull myself together to cook a huge meal. James did not make it home. He has been house-sitting for friends out of state. James won't admit it but he is in hiding. I think he misses his dad most. The oldest sometimes has a stronger bond.

How is his leg, Star?

It is much better. It will take a miracle from God to heal it completely. I am grateful he didn't lose it in the wreck. He walks with a limp and depends on a cane. Doctors say he will not need more surgery. James still has pain, more so when the weather changes. They have taught him in therapy how to stretch the muscles. He is learning how to deal with his pain. The boy refuses to take any pain medication now, and is still self-conscious about his limp and the scars. He keeps it covered, even from me. Can you believe that? I told him, ‘I am the woman that brought you into the world. I'm the woman that changed your diapers and powdered your bottom.’ He just smiles and keeps it covered.

What about the young man that caused the wreck, Star? How is he doing? I can't remember his name, but I remember meeting his parents, Shirley and Pete.

The boy's name is Peter Clifford. He is still in a coma. The doctors don't know if he will ever wake up. If he does wake up, they don't know what shape he will be in. Jimme, I don't think I’ve told you but Shirley lost her husband about six weeks ago. His heart finally gave out and he died while working behind his desk. Dale always joked with Pete and told him he was going to die behind that desk. He sat there most of his life. Work was his life.

Star, is Shirley taking care of Peter by herself now?

Yes, she still has him in her home. Pete didn't help her much. He just was not good with taking care of his own health problems let alone Peter's. People from the church offer to give her a hand but she won't let anyone help her by hiring a nurse to work full time. She just smiles and says she will take care of Peter herself. Shirley says she wants to be there the moment God raises him up in perfect health. Some think she has been touched in the head since Peter's accident, but Shirley has told me the Lord gave her a vision of Peter raised up and in perfect health. I know she is holding on to that vision and the hope of it coming to pass. I went over to visit with her today, and shared some of my Winn Dixie leftovers. We had a good visit. I was able to spend some time talking to Peter. It was a horrible, horrible accident. I don't blame him. I pray for a miracle for them. Jimme, I am amazed at how God designed each of us to walk in the path He has set before us. With all the sadness and sorrow I have felt, I would not want to walk in Shirley and Peter's shoes. Mine fit my feet so well. If my walk gets a little crazy and my shoes feel too tight, I can slip them babies off real quick! I think I have walked barefoot a time or two.

Star, seems to me I remember a time when you pulled your shoes off. Remember the snake that slithered across your bare feet? Better yet, remember running barefoot through ten inches of new snow at the midnight hour?

Jimme, I can't remember running through the snow!

"Oh, I do. You were making an outhouse run while you were staying out in the country. I think I should rename you, Star. How about Wacky-Woman-Running-Through-Snow-With-No-Shoes-On-Feet?"

Jimme, how can you remember those things? I had forgotten. Your caffeine must be kicking your brain into overdrive! I was a child when running through the snow, not a wacky woman!

Don't you still run through the snow now on occasion with no shoes on, Star?

"Oka y, okay! Wacky-Woman-Running-Through-Snow-With-No-Shoes-On-Feet sounds just fine with me. Jimme, you have made me laugh till my sides are aching. You have been a God sent, after Christmas gift to me. I think I may be able to sleep in my bed tonight instead of Dale's chair here in the den. It's been hard sleeping in our bed alone night after night. I can still smell his cologne when I sleep on his side of the bed."

Star, let's pray that the Lord gives us dreams from Him tonight. Let's pray we find direction and purpose for our lives. It would be wonderful to know we are walking his perfect will each and every day. How many days have we let slip by not knowing what to do or where to go? I want to know for certain and to see clearly.

Okay sis, I agree with you. I need to know what to do with that big empty house. I have no desire to move into it. I really never wanted Dale to build it because I love my home right where I am. It is like my shoes. This house fits me well. James and Marc have homes built on their own land so my older sons don't need the house. I also need to know what to do with that van. I have been thinking about selling it. We used it to collect children for Sunday School and to haul teens to outings. I don't feel I can do that on my own again. That was Dale's calling.

Star, I'll pray for you and you pray for me. Do me a favor?

I don't know about promising you a favor. It depends on what you have in that mind of yours.

When you curl up on your bed, sing the Lord a song. You have a God-given gift, a talent. Send your voice back in praise and love, Star.

I'll try, Jimme. I have not sung in a long, long time. I love you, Jimme Karr! Thank you for obeying God and calling me. I needed to hear from you and needed to hear what you had to say.

I love you, too, Star. Pleasant dreams and a peaceful sleep.

Star got up and threw several logs on the fire. After putting away her supper dishes, she made her way to the bedroom. She pulled the curtains open and stood marveling at the night’s serene beauty.

Then she began to pray, Lord, You have been so good to me. You have given me blessing after blessing. You have given and given and given to me. I know I give less to You than what I should. Forgive me for trying to run from You and Your love. Take my grief, take my pain, take my life and give me direction. Do no less than this for my sister, Jimme. Send us dreams. Send us Your dreams for our lives. Let us know and see clearly the things You would have us do. Bless my children. Bless Shirley and Peter. Send healing to their home, a complete healing. Bless Jimme's children. Bless all the children throughout the world. Bless us all for we were created to be Your children.

Star climbed into her side of the bed and asked the Lord to stay with her until she fell asleep. As she lay there, she remembered her promise to Jimme, pondering what to sing. All that came to mind was the first song she learned as a child, so she sang, Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.

What Star could not see as she lay singing, were angels gathering to listen to her song. The angels could not sing this song but they longed to. These were angels on a mission, bringing strength and new hope for the day to come. As she closed her eyes to sleep, a smile formed on her lips. The tears had stopped. Grief had been lifted and taken away. Star had no idea what dreams were at hand and no clue as to what new direction her life was now headed. Dreams were on their way. A new day was about to dawn.

House of Hope Dream

Chapter 2

Friday Morning - Dec. 28, 2001

The night has passed and a new day has begun. Mr. Oswald, the family cat, is entering the master bedroom where Star lies sleeping. He has become bored with his own company and has decided his mistress must wake up. She has slept quite long enough. Knowing full well that the bed is off limits, Oswald lightly jumps upon the foot of the bed. He climbs over Star's feet to the side table where he sits watching. He swishes his tail and climbs up onto the headboard above Star's head. Always one to make a grand entrance, Oswald leaps down onto Star's covered up head.

Waking from a sound sleep, Star hollers at Mr. Oswald. Oh, mercy, Mr. Oswald! I am awake now. I knew I should have left you out in the barn with the mice and chickens. Rooster Cogburn would be keeping you in line this morning!

Oswald gave Star a look as if he were silently saying I really think not! He snuggled down onto Star's pillow and continued to watch her, waiting for her reaction. Okay, Mr. Oswald, we'll skip the usual morning routine. You have worn me out. You can stay on my pillow. I won't send you to the barn. I feel merciful this morning. Oswald nuzzled Star's face with his nose until she began to pet him. He purred in pleasure while his mistress continued to stroke his sleek coat. As she lay there, she realized something. It was six o’clock in the morning and