Whisper a Prayer

Chapter 1

The young girl in the front row of the classroom raised her hand. Who are your ancestors?

Pam Humphrey tried to keep the sadness off her face as she watched Becca, who was a freshman in her history class. Pam had been asking herself the same question all her life. Well, I'm not sure. I was adopted.

All 30 students in the classroom stared at her—even the boys in the back who never listened. What was wrong with being adopted? It wasn't as if Pam could control it or had a choice.

You were adopted? Becca asked. You never found out who your real mom or dad are?

No. Pam shook her head. I can't. I've been told the records are sealed and never investigated it myself. In reality, her adoptive parents didn't want her researching it. I'd rather think my adoptive parents are my real parents, because they're my family. My adoptive father died five years ago, but my mom is still around. I'm part of her family.

Pam felt more like the mother in the relationship, and her mother was her child. Alzheimer's disease was horrible.

Becca wouldn't let it drop. What about medical records and who you're related to? She gasped, as if something suddenly hit her. What if you marry your brother?

Titters filled the classroom, but before the girl could ask more, school was over.

Saved by the bell.

Have a great summer vacation, Pam said. Think about your ancestors. But it was too late. The kids were out the door and couldn't care less, because school was now officially over for the year.

Ah, June in the empty high school. There was nothing like it. Now Pam had to figure out what she'd do for the summer break. She considered writing a book on ancestors, but if she couldn't even figure out her own ancestry, what good would that serve? Maybe she'd see what classes were available at the local community college. Regardless, she had about three months to do as she pleased, since she'd fulfilled all her teacher in-service days for the year.

Pam didn't currently have a boyfriend, so she had a secret desire to find a date for the summer. She didn't want to date just any man, but a man who was a man, not a child. He would have goals in life, have a good job, and go to church. She was so tired of dating men who had no faith and acted like children. It was as if they lacked direction and compassion in their lives—definitely not what she was looking for. If she could find a man ready to settle down and he was a good match, she'd have her dreams fulfilled. Even meeting someone like that was like finding a needle in a haystack. Dream men didn't just run into her and become her date. Pam would have a lot of work to do to find a man worthy of marriage.

She stepped behind the desk and took a seat. With only some paperwork to finish, she, too, could have a summer vacation.

Becca's question haunted her. She always wanted to know about her real family. Becca was right. She certainly didn't want to marry her brother, and given her medical history, she'd really like to know what conditions ran in her family.

She worked for a bit longer, the question about her ancestors and dating her brother still bugging her. Maybe she'd have a DNA test performed on her and her date to make sure they weren't related. It might work, but what man in his right mind would agree to such a thing? If they were in love, could she just turn that love off if they were related?

The whole idea seemed like a cruel joke, because she was afraid to even get to know a man in case they were related. She also didn't want any man like her adoptive father in her life. That meant she couldn't date either her real or her adoptive family's relatives, which seemed like a small percentage of people. Given all the families in the world, chances were she'd never marry someone related to her or her adoptive family.

Pam, a male voice said, taking her from her thoughts.

She lifted her gaze from her work and watched Matt, a coworker who lived in her apartment complex, walk through the door to her classroom.

Yeah? she said.

He leaned against her desk with a grin while his fingertips tapped out a silent song. Last day of school. Whatcha doin' tonight?

I have plans.

He chuckled. Let me guess. Ice cream and a movie? Alone in your apartment? Again?

Yep. She stared down at the computer monitor, ready to enter the final grades. And no, I'm not going out with you, no matter how much you beg. You're not my type, so the answer is no, no, and no way. Ever.

He walked around the desk and put his hand on her shoulder. I've been waiting a long time, and we get along. You're exactly what I'm looking for—blonde hair, blue eyes, and a figure that won't quit. He raked his eyes down over her, even bending slightly to look at her legs.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged his hand off her shoulder. He was so superficial. No, no, and definitely no way. You're not my type, remember? He was the child-type she'd been avoiding.

He knelt down beside her. His brown eyes appeared so innocent, but she knew better. He was all but innocent and could be downright nasty.

I remember, he said. I just don't believe you. You haven't seen me in dating mode, either, so you have nothing to base it on.

She kept working. No, I haven't. Instead, I'm basing it on what I see, not some front you're putting on to impress me. I want to know what I'd be living with if things got serious and I was married. That's more important to me than some front, because that's superficial and not realistic.

He seemed to ignore her comment and studied the monitor in front of her. What are you doing?

Final grades.

They're not due until tomorrow. You do know that, right?

She wasn't happy because he always waited until the last minute. He didn't seem to care about his job. I do remember, but I'm busy this summer and have tomorrow off. I have things to do and want to get started right away. I already made up my in-service so I could have an extra day off.

His smile grew. I have tomorrow off, too. What are you doing this summer, or tomorrow?

I have a few things lined up, even for tomorrow. It wasn't the entire truth, but she did have to wash her car. What are you doing?

His arm slid over her shoulders. I'm hunting for the woman of my dreams and she's sitting right beside me. Go out with me?

She threw his arm off her shoulders. No, no, and no way. I'm not the woman of your dreams. Why don't you go to church and find a nice girl, anyway? She knew he'd hate hearing that.

Church? I'm an atheist, remember?

She had to laugh on the inside, getting him to think about church every chance she got. Yeah, I remember, but you need to rethink that. Nice women go to church and that's where you'll find them. Remember that conversation?

Yes, I remember that. What church do you go to?

She swiveled her chair so she could see him. You'd go to church for me? Seriously? As she studied his expression, she realized he'd lied to her. You'd never go to church with me, so don't lie. It wouldn't be real if you did, and that's the front I'm talking about. It's all for show, but deep down, you're still yourself with no morals, or so it seems to me. You care about yourself, only, and would never do anything out of the ordinary for anyone else.

From his expression, he knew she was right. Well, I'd try.

Matt, be honest. You wouldn't change for any woman, and I know it. You'd make fun of everything in the church, because you told me you would. Besides, I don't want a man who would change, but one who's right from the get-go. Otherwise, they're not being true to themselves, and they'd revert right back to their true self.

He shrugged. Yeah, you're right. Go out with me anyway?

This man would never learn. No. She stood up and headed to the door, pointing at the hallway. Out. I have work to do.

If you go out with me tonight, we could even sleep in tomorrow.

She crossed her arms. No. I'm not that type of woman and would never sleep in with a man unless I'm married to him.

I guess you won't go out with me tonight, then?

She wanted to roll her eyes. You're some genius. I'm your friend and as your friend, let me give you some advice. Get a nice girl and settle down, putting things right in your own life. It's past time and you know it. Don't sleep with her before you're married but be nice and consider her feelings before you think of yourself.

He grinned, sauntering toward her. You're playing hard-to-get and I love it. You're so cute. He reached out to pinch her cheek, but she pushed him away. I get it, he said. Friends only, for now. You'll come to your senses.

I don't think that could ever happen. She sighed. Matt, I'm looking for a man. A real man and not someone who plays games. I want someone who can take charge but be nice about it. He should have morals and be a man of faith. You're nothing like what I'm looking for. For a reason, too. He reminded her of her adoptive father, and she'd never date a man like that.

You'll see. Matt leaned over to kiss her cheek, but she backed away. Uh-huh, he said. Hard to get. We'll definitely see how this turns out. He walked out to the hallway, whistling some wedding song while he left. He'd never learn, and she'd never consider him worthy of her. Morals meant a lot to her, after her childhood with her adoptive father.

Pam sat down and got to work, trying to forget Matt's attempt at flirtation. With men like that in her social circles, she really had to consider being an old maid. It was better to be single than to marry a child.

~~~~~

Chapter 2

As soon as she finished entering the last of the grades into her computer, her cell phone rang. She grabbed it from her pocket and put it to her ear. Hello?

Pam, it's Marnie.

Marnie was her adoptive mother and refused to be called Mom, even though Pam called her 'Mom' a lot.

Pam flipped off her computer and put it away while she talked. How are you doing? How did your doctor's appointment go?

Marnie cleared her throat, sounding like she'd been crying. I need to talk to you when you get home. Can you call me?

This wasn't like Marnie. She was usually upbeat and happy. Sure. Are you okay?

No. Sobs came from the other end of the phone. I have leukemia and it's bad. I just know it.

Pam cleaned off her desk, grabbing her purse while she talked. I'll be there in about an hour. The roads from Colorado Springs to Denver shouldn't be too congested right now.

Can we go out to eat? I want to eat one last time before I die.

Pam rolled her eyes. Marnie was always a little dramatic, but she had to play along. How long did the doctor give you?

Well, he didn't tell me, but I think I'm going to die soon, or within five to ten years. I'm old, so you know it's only a matter of time until you're picking out my coffin. Make it nice, Pam, will you? I want to be buried some place warm, not Colorado.

Oh, brother. Five to ten years? If the doctor didn't tell her exactly how long she had, Marnie must've misunderstood. Besides, Pam knew the doctor would call her if it were a negative prognosis.

She had to approach the woman with kid gloves. I think you'll eat before anything bad happens, but we can go out. I'm free tonight.

That's what I want to talk to you about. When I die… Marnie sniffed. When I die, you won't have any other family left. You should get married. Find someone in the south near my grave where it's warm.

That was all she needed to hear from her mom. The woman wanted grandchildren, like yesterday. However, Pam wasn't about to settle for just any man—or even Matt—just to keep Marnie happy. It was Pam's life and her future, and if she didn't like the guy, it wasn't worth it. She really wanted to stick to her goal of finding the right man, not just any man, like she'd told Matt.

The comment Becca had made about not marrying her brother stuck in her head. Maybe it was time to find out who she was related to, so she wouldn't have to worry as much about it.

She had to get back into the conversation. You don't know what you're talking about, Pam said. It takes two to get married and you know I just dumped Eddie because he was seeing other women.

Yes, I know, and I'm glad you dumped him. He wasn't a good man and didn't have a job.

Pam rolled her eyes. Marnie seemed to have a selective memory. He does have a job—a good job. He's a lawyer and he got me through my series of chemo. He's not a bad man, but just saw something else he wanted. Remember?

Oh, I remember. Being a lawyer means he has no job. Marnie cleared her throat. Come see me as soon as you can. I'm lonely and could die at any moment.

Marnie was more like a child at times, and Pam was the adult. You're not lonely and I'm sure you're not dying. You live in a nursing home with people surrounding you all the time. You always complain there are too many people near you, and you never get peace and quiet. Remember that? Marnie seemed more forgetful with each passing day. Alzheimer's was a horrible disease.

Oh yeah. Marnie chuckled. People are annoying. I guess you're right. Just get up here as soon as you can, please?

I'm leaving school in a few minutes. Watch TV until I get there and we'll go out to eat.

Thanks. You're the most wonderful daughter I never had. She sniffed and hung up the phone. Her mom would never let Pam forget she'd been adopted.

Pam stood up and left her classroom, heading for the principal's office. Her mind went back to her conversations with Matt and Marnie, thinking about any good available man she could date, just to keep Marnie happy and off her back. It wouldn't be a real date, just to fake it around Marnie.

That wouldn't be honest, and she wasn't about to lie to keep an old woman happy or get Marnie's hopes up. That wasn't like her. She wanted a man she could settle down with. If it took a long time, so be it.

Pam poked her head in the school's main office, seeing the secretary. I have to go visit my mom. She thinks she has leukemia and I have to see if it's true. All my work's done for the year.

No problem. The woman waved her off. I hope she's okay. Have a good summer and we'll see you at the next in-service.

Pam smiled. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Bye. She walked out, opened her cell phone, and punched a number on speed dial.

As she approached her car, someone answered the call. Hello. Steven's Nursing Home.

Alicia, it's Pam Humphrey. My mom just called me about her doctor's appointment.

Oh, we definitely need to talk. That woman! She's telling everyone she's dying and has given away almost everything in her room, even though she doesn't own it. She's charging for most of it, and we had to straighten it all out.

Pam shook her head as she got inside her car and shut the door. Is the doctor around? I have to find out what's going on. I'm on my way up there to take her out to eat. She thinks this is going to be her last meal. Pam put on her seatbelt, turned the key, and backed out of the lot, heading away from the school.

Alicia chuckled. We've heard. She just ran through here and told us.

Unbelievable. I just hung up the phone.

She moves fast.

Yeah, and I'm too young to have a mom who behaves like that. Her mother acted more and more like a child with each passing day.

She was so glad she'd chosen to put her in a nursing home instead of keeping her in her apartment, like she tried to do when Marnie was first diagnosed. The nursing home was expensive, but it certainly beat worrying that Marnie might start a fire at night or walk outside when Pam was asleep. She'd tried both of those things when at Pam's apartment and Pam knew it wouldn't work.

I'll ring the doctor for you, Alicia said.

Thanks.

Pam waited for a moment until she heard the doctor's voice. Pam. It's Dr. Wayne. What's the problem?

Pam sighed. Mom thinks she has leukemia and is dying in five to ten years or less. I'm driving up there to take her to her last dinner, or so she thinks. She's also selling off the things in her room, because she's sure she's dying.

The doctor laughed long and hard. She's not dying. I can share this with you, since you have legal authority. We took blood to check for diseases. She asked what diseases and the nurse mentioned AIDS, leukemia, pregnancy—all jokes. We know she doesn't have anything like that, because she's not presenting any symptoms. She's not dying and as soon as we get her blood results back, I'll let you know. However, I'm seeing that her dementia is accelerating. She couldn't find her room after being in here.

Pam couldn't believe it. You're about ten feet from her room.

Yes. I think it's time to consider medication to slow this disease.

Pam had to consider it, even though the side effects had made her hold off. I agree. How soon do I lose my mom's memory from this?

That depends, but it's happening faster than I thought. They can handle her in this facility, but she'll be moved to a different room where they monitor the patients better. If you want any information from her, I'd advise you to get it now.

She knew what he was saying. Dr. Wayne knew Pam had been adopted, because Marnie told everything. If Pam ever wanted to find out who her real parents were, Marnie would have to give her some sort of information to get started. Her mom had been dragging her feet for as long as Pam could remember, so this might be a tough one.

After talking for a bit more, they ended the call. She continued on, driving toward the outskirts of Denver to the nursing home, while she thought about her mom and her heritage. Should she search for someone to find out who she was? She didn't have much money, so finding a private investigator was out of the question. What was her ultimate goal, anyway? Did she want to find out about her relatives, or did she want to get married, just to keep Marnie happy?

She had to live for herself, for her own happiness, but the thought of marriage was daunting, to say the least. If she could just find someone to marry, then her heritage wouldn't matter as much because she'd have family. Marnie was right about that part. Besides, she certainly wouldn't be marrying her brother and would make sure of it.

If she could marry a man who could handle Marnie's emotional problems, it'd take the heat off Pam. If the man had brothers, sisters, and maybe even parents, she could even get more help. Marriage seemed to be an option, but finding someone like that was nearly impossible. A man didn't marry a woman just to help take care of her demented mother.

Pam mentally shook off the fantasy, realizing she'd never do that to a man—burden them with her mom. Marnie was her responsibility and she had to handle the woman on her own. It was so sad watching her mind go, but sometimes, she had to bite her lips to stop laughing about some of Marnie's comments.

~~~~~

Chapter 3

Pam pulled into the nursing home lot, parked, and got out of the car. On the way inside, she thought about the conversation she'd had with the doctor. Maybe it really was time to find out more from Marnie about Pam's real family. However, if she did that, would Marnie get upset, thinking Pam was abandoning the family who'd raised her? Even though he scared her, she wished her adoptive father were alive so she could ask him. He'd know more than Marnie, but that was an opportunity lost.

Pam approached the dark-haired woman at the front desk. Hey, Alicia. Where is she and has she sold anything else?

Alicia laughed aloud. No. We took the money from her and returned everything back to where it belonged. She's been ready for an hour in her room. Alicia sat up closer. She's wearing a heavy winter coat. It's like 75 degrees outside. Can you talk to her?

Yes. It's covered. Pam inched past the desk. We'll be out in a minute.

Have fun, Alicia said with a laugh.

Pam headed to her mom's room and knocked on the partially opened door. Mom?

The name's Marnie. The door opened, and there stood her mother wearing a huge parka and a hat, mittens, and a scarf.

Pam's hands flew to her hips. What are you doing?

We're going out to eat, right?

Yes, we are. Pam unwrapped the scarf from around Marnie's neck and put it on the bed. It's hot outside. You're going to kill yourself with all these clothes. She pulled off the woman's bright pink mittens.

Marnie grabbed the mittens and yanked them back on. I'm going to heat the leukemia out of me. The sweat will make me all better and I'll see you get married with tons of kids.

Oh brother. This woman had really lost it.

Pam pasted a smile on her face. Guess what? I talked to your doctor. You don't have leukemia.

Marnie's eyebrows raised and her mouth formed a frown in confusion. I have AIDS?

No.

She swallowed hard. I'm pregnant? I could never get pregnant. The woman even danced. It's a miracle.

Pam rolled her eyes and grabbed Marnie's arm. You're not pregnant. There's nothing wrong with you. They take blood every year to make sure you're okay. Now take off the coat and let's go. I'm hungry.

Coats. Plural. Marnie shed one coat and threw it on the bed, showing another one beneath it. She shed the second, and the third, and finally a thin sweater, wiping her forehead with her hands that were still covered in the pink mittens. Whew. That was hot.

Pam pointed at the woman's hands. The mittens?

Oh, yeah. She took them off and threw them on the bed with the coats. With one quick action, she also grabbed her purse. Even though the woman didn't need it, Pam wasn't about to argue.

Pam took Marnie's arm and led her out of the room, past the front desk. They barely got any farther before Marnie shrugged from Pam's grip, approached Alicia, and gave her a hug. You're a special person. I hope you get all your dreams fulfilled with a nice rich husband and many wonderful children.

Well, thank you, I think? Alicia was more than confused. But I'm already married and have two children.

Marnie was getting worse. Pam really needed to get any information she could from Marnie before it was too late.

They left for a nice restaurant and Pam parked the car in the lot. She had to thwart