Kingston's Project

Kingston’s

Project

Carrie Beckort

Copyright © 2013 Carrie Beckort

Smashwords Edition

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

This is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover designed by Scarlett Rugers Design www.scarlettrugers.com

For Jason and Julia -

you are my life, my light

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

About CJD

Special Acknowledgements

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Chapter 1

Two years. It seemed like enough time to overcome a tragic incident that changed one’s life forever. If not overcome, then at least enough time to feel like you could start moving on again. Everyone was telling her she needed to move on.

Sarah, sweetheart, you can’t just sit in that house all day surrounded by memories and expect to be able to move on. You need a change of environment. Come home.

I’ll think about it.

You said that six months ago. The growing frustration was evident in her mom’s voice.

It’s a big move, and it’s not like I can up and leave my job. I have a lot of responsibility, and I owe it to Andy to complete my projects. It will take him time to find someone to replace me.

I thought Andy was your friend as well as your boss.

He is, but what does that have to do with my leaving?

If he’s your friend, then he’ll be understanding and help you make the transition.

Of course he’d help, but that doesn’t change the fact that he has commitments to our clients—projects have to be done. There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

You told me Andy has been working with you for awhile to pass your accounts to the other project managers at the firm.

Sarah had forgotten she told her mom about the transition of her work over the past three months. The gentle reminder meant her excuses weren’t working.

Well, it still takes time. Besides, there’s the house to consider—it’s not a good time to sell.

Just leave it, or rent it. You can always put it up for sale later when the market turns up. Despite the nagging, she smiled fondly at her mom’s insistence.

You’re right. I’ll give it some consideration.

Not that I don’t trust you, but I’ll come down there and get you myself in three months if you haven’t made any inclination toward making a change on your own. I mean it. Her mom was certainly stubborn enough to follow through on her threat.

Sarah redirected her to more preferable topics, and twenty minutes later they said good-bye with a promise to talk the following week. She had always felt close with her mom, but they were never the type to spend hours on the phone. In the past her mom had called once or twice a month, and they spent an hour catching up. During Sarah’s most difficult days the calls came daily, but then the routine settled into once or twice a week.

Sarah had become somewhat dependent on the frequent calls from home. She didn’t have many people to talk to any more. Most of her friends had been the female half of ‘coupled friends’ she and Nick had made over the years. Now that Nick was gone, it was too awkward for her to participate in the gatherings on her own. However, she did have Maggie who had been her best friend for ten years. Maggie had her own family to keep her busy, but their twice-a-month Saturday brunch was cherished time they both made a priority.

Sarah thought about her mom’s insistence at making a change. She knew her mom was right—it was painful to remain. And the reminders she encountered weren’t contained by the walls of the house. Everywhere she went people were still asking her how she was doing. She wasn’t so much bothered by the question itself—she knew it was asked with good intention. What irritated her most was the way people asked. It was always addressed to ‘honey’ and was accompanied by a shake of the head and a pat on the arm. And then there was the look from everyone not bold enough to ask. The look that said, ‘you poor thing, thank God it wasn’t my family.’ She hated those looks more than she hated the honey-shake-pat routine.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a sound in the direction of the family room, and she was overcome with an inability to move. She watched and waited for Nick to come in carrying Danny as they prepared for dinner. She knew they wouldn’t come. The sound had just been the house settling. But still she waited for them to emerge and tell her it had all been a very bad dream. The tears fell as she acknowledged her new reality was not a dream at all.

She wiped away the tears and looked at the clock. It was time for her evening run. Dinner time was still a part of the day she avoided. Family dinner was the one thing she and Nick had decided was going to be a firm tradition in their home. They both grew up with busy working parents and siblings always running to and from some sort of event. Despite all the activity, in both households family dinner was mandatory almost every night. At times, this resulted in very early or late meals, but it was worth it for the moments spent sharing with the family. The one exception Sarah and Nick granted was the weekly Wednesday Boys’ Night—not only was she excused from those dinners but she was encouraged not to attend.

Now, sitting down to dinner was too painful a reminder that she would never again share those moments with Nick and Danny. As a surrogate she started running, discovering that the pain in her lungs and legs was a successful block for the pain in her heart. It was a welcome block, even if it was only temporary.

She grabbed a quick snack and headed to her bedroom to change. Moments later she was out the door, lost in the rhythm of her music and running.

* * *

Fresh from her run, a shower, and a quick frozen meal, Sarah sat down in her favorite chair and clicked on the TV. After a half-hearted search through the guide, she turned it off. She picked up her book to start reading, but the house was too quiet for her to concentrate on the words. There was a time when Sarah and Nick had cherished the quiet moments of the evening after Danny was in bed. Sometimes they talked all night, and other times they sat in the quiet of the family room enjoying a glass of wine and the companionable silence. It was like a warm blanket that cocooned them together each night and refreshed them for the next day.

Now the silence of the evening was a strong reminder of her painful loss. She closed her eyes and tried to hear the evening sounds she missed so much—Danny’s soft breathing through the baby monitor, the tapping of fingers on keys as Nick worked on his computer next to her, Nick’s laughter over something funny on TV.

She sat for a long time, trying to hear the sounds she missed so much. Finally, she opened her eyes and picked up the family photo from the table next to her. She traced her finger first around Danny and then Nick. At only two, it was already clear that Danny would have been a carbon copy of Nick. They both had smooth blond hair and light blue eyes.

She and Nick had been so excited when Danny joined their family. After years of putting off having children to focus on careers, they were nervous about what their life would be like with a child. Danny had expanded the joy and love in their life in a way they could never have imagined. He was an easy child with a loving personality.

She felt the familiar tightening in her chest and set the photo back down.

Maybe Mom is right. I need a change of environment.

Deciding to go to bed early, she turned out the lights and headed up the stairs.

The first door she approached was Danny’s. The door remained closed. She could only allow herself to go in on his birthday and certain holidays—Halloween and Christmas. On those days she would spend most of the day curled up on his toddler bed or on the floor hugging Max, his favorite stuffed dog. The first few weeks after Danny was gone she spent her days and nights in his room, unable to leave except to go to the bathroom. She barely ate and cried more than she thought humanly possible. Being in the room was not a comfort to her, quite the opposite in fact. But she couldn’t find the strength to leave.

After a month of living in a catatonic state in Danny’s room, Sarah’s mom took drastic action before she lost her daughter forever—she dragged Sarah out of the room. Literally. She deposited Sarah in the guest bedroom and planted herself in front of the door to keep her from leaving. It was the first time in her adult life Sarah had hit her mom. Sarah had tried desperately to remove her mom from the doorway, but the lack of proper nutrition for a month made her no match for her mom’s strength and determination. Sarah stopped fighting at the sound of a knock and her mom’s sudden movement.

Sarah tore out of the room, barely registering her dad, and went frantically down the hall toward Danny’s room only to discover it was locked. It was as if everything around her was suddenly sucked away—walls, sound, light, air. Nothing existed except her and Danny’s locked door.

What did you do? Her voice was so soft she barely heard herself.

Your father added a dead-bolt. You’re not going back in that room, Sarah. We love you too much. At the sound of her mom’s voice the space around her came back into focus.

She resigned to the fact that she wouldn’t be getting back into Danny’s room until her mom allowed her to do so. She sank to the floor and rested her tear-stained cheek against the door. She wrapped her arms tightly around her legs, staying there until her dad picked her up sometime later to deposit her on the guest bed. When she awoke twelve hours later, she discovered that without the suffocating sights and smells of Danny’s room surrounding her, she was able to exist for longer periods of time away from the door. Eventually, she came to peace with stopping at the closed door on her way to bed—except for the three times a year she allowed herself to go in the room.

Now, she stopped at the closed door and leaned her forehead against the cool wood. She closed her eyes and started with the same lullaby as she did every night. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. The last verse came out as a whisper and sounded more like a desperate plea. Then she talked to Danny. Some of it was the same as every other night, like how much she missed him and how proud she was to be his mommy. The rest was made up from whatever was in her heart at the moment. Finally, she told him good night and peeled herself away from the door.

The next door was the bedroom she’d shared with Nick. It too remained closed. Unlike Danny’s room, she was never able to go back into her old bedroom. Her mom had moved Sarah’s things into the upstairs guest bedroom and that’s where she’d remained. In those first few weeks it was as if she didn’t know how to grieve for both Danny and Nick at the same time. She poured all her soul into mourning Danny—Nick was added into that mix rather than given his separate moments. When she did allow herself to feel the loss of Nick, her grief took the form of her wishing he was there to help her through the loss of their only child. She wanted him there holding her, assuring her it would be all right. She needed him to put the pieces of her life back together.

The pain she felt for missed moments—past, current, and future—centered on Danny. Remembering his first steps, his first words, his laughter. Knowing she would never know what sport he would have played, never see his first day of school, never cry at his wedding. In those soul shattering images she could feel the emptiness where Nick should have been at her side, but the pain was all for Danny. She held such strong guilt for not grieving Nick properly, and as each day passed she didn’t know how to close the gap. Nick was always the one to help her let go of the guilt.

She paused and leaned her forehead against the door. Her words were the same as every other night. I miss you. I love you. I’m so sorry.

Chapter 2

I slow the car in keeping with the traffic around me. I’m frustrated because I want to join my boys at the restaurant, but I’m stuck in traffic. I hear sirens, and as an ambulance speeds past I’m gripped by fear. I’m moving again, and I see the accident. At first I don’t see anything but a truck I don’t recognize. Then I see him—Max. He’s on the ground near another badly mangled car. I recognize it as Nick’s car. I’m floating toward Max. I scream for Nick and Danny. I search for them, but all I see is broken glass and metal scattered on the ground. Someone grabs me and turns me away before I can see them. I scream again.

* * *

Sarah sat up with a start. She looked around at her surroundings and realized it was a nightmare. Then she remembered it wasn’t just a nightmare—it was her reality. She’d tried for two years to forget everything she saw that night. To erase the images of the accident that shattered all her happiness. She had finally succeeded in keeping them from popping up during the day, but at night she was unprotected.

She took a deep breath and went to the bathroom to start her morning routine. After a quick shower, she stood in front of the mirror and took extra care applying her make-up to cover the dark circles under her eyes. Twenty minutes later, she passed through the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar on her way out the door.

Her SUV stood tragically alone in the now too large three car garage. She had taken to parking in the middle of the two-car bay hoping it would lessen the impact, but the emptiness still hit her every morning. Shaking off the pain, she climbed in and drove to work.

She entered the lobby of her office and heard the firm’s receptionist, Annie, pick up the phone. Jacobs Management Firm, can you hold please? She was waving Sarah over throughout her auto-pilot greeting. Good morning, Sarah. Andy wants to see you in his office first thing.

Did he say what it was about? A call to Andy’s office before she even reached her desk was something she’d learned to approach with caution.

Nope, just that he wanted to see you first thing. Good luck. She playfully sang the last statement with a wink and a smile.

Sarah returned her smile and headed to her desk. She figured she could at least drop off her bags and grab coffee before seeing Andy. She turned to leave the kitchenette, but the entrance was engulfed by the large form of Janet, an analyst at the firm.

Oh, Sarah. How ya’ doin’, honey? You look tired. Sarah stared at the hand planted on her upper arm.

A squeeze instead of a pat this time. That’s different.

I’m fine, Janet. No more tired than usual. If you’ll excuse me, I need to meet with Andy.

Sure thing, sweetie. You really should get more rest— Sarah left the kitchenette before Janet could finish her sentence and slowly climbed the stairs to Andy’s office.

Andy Jacobs’ office. Andy’s assistant answered an incoming call as Sarah approached, but she waved her in.

Sarah. Have a seat. She sat in the open chair across from Andy, setting her coffee on his desk.

Good morning, Andy. Everything okay? She was always one to choose the path of directness rather than prolong any awkward and unnecessary conversation.

Luckily, Andy also preferred to get right to the point. Elijah Kingston was here earlier this week. He’s looking for someone to manage a special project starting immediately. The position would be based out of their home office in Denver, and he requested to talk to you.

She couldn’t hide the astonishment from her face. Did he specifically request to speak to me or did you suggest me to him?

Does it matter?

It does to me or I wouldn’t have asked.

He hesitated, no doubt deciding if he should tell her the truth. A bit of both actually. Mr. Kingston asked how you were getting along these days, and I told him I thought you needed a change. That’s when he told me he had this assignment and requested to meet with you.

What’s the project? How long will it last?

He didn’t say, only that it was personal and needed to start immediately.

When does he want to meet?

He has you booked on a flight Sunday night.

"This Sunday? He’s already booked me a flight? What if I’m not interested? What if I have plans? It’s a bit arrogant of him to assume I’ll drop everything and fly across the country just because he requested it." She could feel her face getting flushed from her sudden anger at having her life dictated by a man she didn’t know, especially one who in the past had given every indication he didn’t like her.

"Sarah, relax. First of all, you know as well as I do that you do not have plans this weekend. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not trying to upset you, but it doesn’t do either of us any good to pretend you have a life outside of work. Second, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But if you want my advice, as your friend, I think you should at least go and check it out. Worst case you get a free vacation."

I’m not sure I see the point in going. You told me yourself he had previously asked that I not be assigned to his account. And besides, I’m not sure I want to work with him. She crossed her arms over her chest and realized she looked and sounded like a spoiled child.

He let out a frustrated sigh as he sat back in his chair. After a short pause he continued in a softer tone. Sarah, you know I only want what’s best for you. You’ve been talking about making a change, and I think it’s a good idea. The fundraising event you had been managing was last weekend, and your other accounts have been reassigned. I don’t have anything new in the queue, so what are you going to do if you don’t go? You said you don’t want to go back to your parents’ house, so what are your other options? Please, think about it.

Alright, fine. I’ll think about it. She grabbed her coffee and stood to leave.

Here, take this. If you decide to go, you’ll need it. She took the travel packet from his hand and left his office without another word.

* * *

Later that evening, after a run and a quick bite to eat, Sarah sat down at her computer. She pulled up her search engine and typed in Kingston Enterprises. Even though they were a client, her knowledge was limited since she had never been assigned to the account. It was a successful private family business, established over sixty years ago, and was led by Elijah Kingston. His daughter, Leanne Troupe, became a full partner in the company five years ago. They worked with small franchise companies by developing and executing their expansion strategies. A few years ago, they started to use regional firms such as Jacobs for the management of project timelines and deliverables, thus allowing them to focus on the more specialized aspects of their clients’ start-up needs. The franchises they represented had a high rate of success in not only sustaining their business but also in growing their business over time.

Satisfied with her knowledge of the business side of Kingston Enterprises, she switched her search to Elijah. To her disappointment, she found little information. What she could find told her he was sixty-five years old and had two children, Marcus and Leanne. She was able to find articles on Leanne, but all were related to her role in the company. There was no information on Marcus other than the couple of articles that mentioned the whole Kingston family. She discovered Elijah’s wife, Marlena, died suddenly about twenty years ago. She also found a link to a dance foundation started by Marlena that was still heavily supported by the Kingston family. That was the extent of the information she could find.

She closed her computer in frustration and stared at her travel packet. She decided to make a list of reasons both for and against going to Denver. She started with all the reasons she should go.

1) She had always wanted to go to Denver

2) She had no current projects to manage

3) Kingston projects were always demanding—good distraction

4) It would make her mom happy

5) It would make Andy happy

6) No one there would give her ‘the look’

7) She needed a change

She was surprised she’d been able to come up with seven reasons. Sitting in Andy’s office earlier, she couldn’t even think of one.

She focused on the list of reasons she shouldn’t go.

1) Mr. Kingston would most certainly be difficult to work with

2) She was scared

It took her over fifteen minutes to come up with the second list. Logic told her she would be on a flight to Denver in less than forty-eight hours, but her heart told her she would need to talk to Maggie first—they were meeting for brunch the next day. Lost in frustration she went to bed, stopping at each closed door before reaching her room.

* * *

It was a beautiful fall day, so Sarah requested a table on the patio. She was five minutes early which meant she had about twenty minutes until Maggie showed up in a hurried rush of apologies and explanations. Maggie was intensely different from Sarah in many ways and she was often amazed at how they were able to maintain such a strong bond over the years. Sarah was extremely organized and focused in everything from the mundane tasks of her personal life to the complex timelines she managed at work. The level of organization she possessed would cause one to assume she would become frustrated with Maggie’s inescapable tardiness and haphazard approach to life.

Sarah’s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden embrace from behind. Sarah, honey. How ya’ doin’?

You know, the ‘honey’ usually comes at the end of the question. And thank God no one but you or my mom gives me a hug when asking. Sarah couldn’t keep the smile out of her reaction to her friend’s jest.

Maggie sat down with an exaggerated flourish. I’m so sorry I’m late. Every time I tell myself I’m going to be early or at least on time. Instead I think I just end up being later than usual. Even in her rushed state, Maggie looked as beautiful as ever. Her long, straight blonde hair was pulled back in a high ponytail setting off her strong cheek bones. Her eyes were an undiscerning color of brown, which played to her advantage. She could practically stare into your soul without you even knowing she was looking at you. She wasn’t very tall, only about five feet three inches, but she carried such confidence she was perceived to be much taller. Her weight was perfectly proportioned to her body—no doubt a credit to her endless chasing of two small children. The overall package resulted in a woman everyone was drawn to, like butterflies to a flower.

Actually, it is only twelve minutes after eleven. By your standards, you’re three minutes early.

Very funny. Maggie set her utterly oversized handbag on the chair next to her. When she finally looked at Sarah, her tone sobered. Joking aside, is everything okay? You look more distraught than usual.

My ‘usual’ is distraught? How flattering. Sarah’s cheeky grin faded when she realized there was no distracting Maggie from the subject. She was given a couple minutes to collect her thoughts as the waitress showed up to take their order.

My mom is pushing me to move back home. She thinks I need a change of environment.

You do need a change of environment. However, I’m not sure your parents’ house is the right answer. What else are you considering?

Sarah stared at the napkin she was torturing and took a deep breath. Andy called me into his office yesterday morning to tell me Mr. Kingston—you know, our top client who’s also extremely high maintenance—well, it appears Mr. Kingston has requested me for a personal project he’s starting out in Denver. He’s already booked me on a flight for tomorrow night.

He booked you on a flight before you confirmed your interest? I’m sure you took that well. The arch in Maggie’s brow as she replied suggested she was being both sarcastic and serious at the same time.

No, I didn’t take it well at all. In fact, I’m quite certain I looked like a spoiled teenager who had gotten her car keys taken away for no good reason.

It’s a good thing Andy is so patient with you.

It’s a wonder Andy never tells you any of this at home. Maggie and Andy had been happily married for fifteen years. Sarah was introduced to Maggie at her first office Christmas party and there was an instant connection. At first Andy was reluctant at the idea of them becoming such close friends, fearing there would be a conflict of interest. Andy put out some ground rules, and as a result there had never been any issues.

An agreement of any kind is sacred to Andy. Even though our marriage license implies he should confide in me on everything, the deal we all struck ten years ago is considered the most current addendum. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Maggie paused to take a drink. However, he did tell me that he had a proposal you would probably want to discuss. It’s one of the reasons I’m late. Jaime woke up with a fever this morning and wanted me to stay home with her. Andy was so insistent I not cancel with you I knew something was up, so he had to divulge some sort of information to get me here.

What did he have to promise Jaime to get her to let you go? Their adorable nine year old was much more like Andy than Maggie, so Sarah knew there had to be some sort of payment rendered.

He agreed to a movie marathon. And he actually has to watch and discuss—not just sit with her and work on the computer while she watches the movies.

Wow. He must really want me to go to Denver tomorrow. Sarah looked at her friend in mock horror.

Knowing my husband the way I do... yes, I would guess he probably does. The concerned look in Maggie’s eyes was almost more than she could handle. So, give me your list of reasons why you should or shouldn’t go. I know you made one already.

Sarah ticked off her fingers as she recited her list of reasons she should go.

That seems like a good list. What is on your list for why you shouldn’t go?

The most obvious reason is I’m not sure I want to work for Mr. Kingston. He’s so arrogant, and I have a feeling I would want to throttle him more than once during the course of the assignment.

True, but you’ve been able to manage difficult clients before. Why should he be any different? Maggie gave her an impatient look.

"Because it is different. It’s personal this time. Up until now the Mighty Mr. Kingston made a special point to not have me on his account. Now, all of a sudden, he does an about-face and specifically asks for me to lead not just any project but a personal one. I mean, what the hell is that about?" Sarah’s voice became involuntarily more animated as she spoke.

I don’t know, and you will never know if you don’t go and ask him. Did you list any other reasons why you shouldn’t go?

Just one. Sarah had to pause to check the tears that threatened to flow without control. When she finally felt like she could continue, it was barely more than a whisper. I’m scared.

Maggie gave her a compassionate look. It’s okay to be scared. At least scared is an emotion other than pain. Emotions are what remind us we’re still alive. That’s your goal in all of this, isn’t it? To feel alive? It’s okay to live your life again. You know it’s what Nick would have wanted.

I know. Sarah absently stared again at her hands working over her napkin.

Maggie sat forward in her chair with new found determination. Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to Denver tomorrow with the intention of accepting, regardless of the circumstances. You should still get your answers, but decide now you will accept.

The confidence Maggie threw at her was infectious and for the first time she felt a twinge of excitement at the idea of going to Denver. Okay, I’ll go. I can’t believe it, but I’m actually going to go. Oh— Sarah realized there was a big obstacle to their plan. What will I do about my house? My understanding is I would need to stay and start right away. I don’t know how long it will last, and I don’t like the idea of the house sitting empty for an extended period of time.

Maggie looked at her with a twinkle in her eyes. I think Andy and I can help you with that one. Do you remember us ever mentioning Andy’s college roommate, Travis? Well, anyway, he’s moving to town in a couple weeks to work at the firm. He recently got a divorce and is also looking for a fresh start, so Andy’s helping him out. He would probably be willing to rent your place while you’re gone.

Sarah cringed. I don’t know, Maggie. I’m not sure I like the idea of someone I don’t know living in my house.

I get that, and I would agree if it was a complete stranger. But he’s a good friend of Andy’s, and he’s a really great guy. You can let him know the upstairs rooms are off limits if that makes you feel better.

It would. Well, I guess there’s nothing holding me back then. The waitress appeared at their table with their food.

She smiled at Maggie and then Sarah. Can I get you ladies anything else?

Um, can I get a new napkin?

What the hell did I do to this one?

Between the three of them, Maggie was the only one who understood the fate of Sarah’s napkin.

* * *

Sarah parked in the garage and met Maggie in the driveway. How’s Jaime feeling?

About the same. She still has a low fever and her throat is sore. But the movie marathon is a big hit. They’re almost through the second movie, and I’m pretty sure she still has about four more to go. I won’t be missed for hours.

Thanks for helping me do this. She linked her arm through Maggie’s and stared at the house. She and Nick had bought it five years ago after deciding they were ready to start thinking about a family. After searching for nearly a year, they finally came across the house of their dreams. It was a four bedroom new construction home that had two stories and a walk-out basement. The most perfect aspect was the back yard—a half acre that led down to a lake. At first she had reservations about having a house on a lake with small children, but Nick had assured her it would be fine. He had completely baby-proofed the house and yard, and they had enrolled Danny in swim lessons as soon as he was old enough to start.

Ready? Maggie gave her arm a gentle tug and they entered the house, setting their purses down in the kitchen. I’ll clear the fridge of any food that can go bad. You go do what you need to do, and I’ll check on you if I don’t see you for awhile. Sarah nodded and walked out of the kitchen only to stop in the living room to look around. She was suddenly overcome with anxiety.

This is crazy. I can’t up and leave tomorrow not knowing when I’ll be back. What about my mail? What if I forget something or leave something on? It’s not enough time. I’m not ready.

She was about to turn and say she’d changed her mind when she felt Maggie’s hands on her shoulders.

It’s going to be all right. Trust me. Sarah leaned back on Maggie allowing her words to calm her. "If you forget anything, I’ll be here to make it right. And if Travis rents this place I’m sure he’d be more than willing to send you anything you need or take care of anything that needs to be done. He’s a great guy, and it will all be okay. Besides, even though you may not know when you’ll be back, you will be back. It’s not forever, unless you want it to be."

Sarah nodded in agreement but was still unable to speak. She slowly climbed the stairs, and once she reached Danny’s door she stood there for an indeterminate amount of time with one hand on the handle.

I can do this.

She turned the handle and looked at the room she and Nick had created for Danny. They’d hired an artist to paint a larger than life setting that included trains on the upper half of the walls. The bottoms were covered in a variety of surfaces allowing Danny to become his own artist through chalk, paint, crayons, magnets or stickers. His toddler bed was made to resemble a train’s open box car. Stuffed animals and toys were neatly stored in pint-sized toy cabinets flanking the bay window at the back of the room. The window area itself became a secret hideaway by drawing the curtains closed.

She walked in and sat down on the floor, leaning against his bed, and automatically grabbed Max. As she looked around the room, she realized accepting the project meant she wouldn’t be there for Halloween and possibly not for Christmas either. The realization caused sobs to come in a choking force, and she curled up into a ball on the floor. When her sobs finally diminished to quiet tears she rolled onto her back, still clutching Max. She started to speak what was in her heart, her voice sounding strange and far away.

I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t know when I’ll be back and won’t be able to visit for awhile. I’m going to Denver, Colorado. Daddy and I wanted to take you there for a family vacation. They have lots of really big mountains with snow on top. I wish you and Daddy could go with me. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander through her memories.

Everything all right in here? Maggie’s voice brought her back to the present.

What time is it?

Four o’clock. Do you need more time?

Sarah remained silent for a moment. Should I take Max?

She watched as Maggie hesitated before sitting down in the doorway. Over the years, she had not wanted anyone else in the room—not even Maggie or her mom.

Are you asking because you think you need to take a piece of Danny with you to be happy or because you think by taking Max you won’t feel guilty for leaving Danny behind?

Have I ever told you that you would make a good shrink?

Yes, but it’s much more fun to pretend I know what I am talking about. Speaking of shrinks, when was the last time you saw yours?

Sarah had been to every therapist in town, but she wasn’t able to click with any of them. About six months ago. She was as useless as the rest of them. I’d much rather not pay you and get better advice.

I’m flattered. Now, stop avoiding the question.

I can’t help but feel like I will be leaving him behind. I’m afraid I’ll start to forget without all the reminders around me.

Maggie studied Sarah. You will feel like you’re forgetting. I think the pain helps keep memories more acute. But just because memories fade and seem less vibrant doesn’t mean you’ll forget what’s important. When you hold Max, does it bring you happy memories of Danny or does it cause you pain at the reminder that he will never again walk into a room dragging it behind him? Answer that truthfully and you’ll know what to do.

With what felt like great difficulty, Sarah lifted herself off the floor. She looked down at Max and closed her eyes and truly reflected on what she was feeling. On her way out of the room, she hesitantly placed Max back on Danny’s bed. She paused for one more look about the room and then closed the door. She turned to Maggie and accepted the hug that was waiting for her.

Do you want to go into your old bedroom?

No, I’m still not ready. I guess once I do go in there you’ll know I have finally been able to let go. She felt a migraine forming so she told Maggie good night and climbed into bed.

* * *

Sarah settled into the comfort of first class and reflected back on the whirlwind day. When she’d first woke up that morning, she had felt a surge of panic when she thought about all she still had to do before leaving. She had quickly dressed and went downstairs where she was surprised to find Maggie had not only stayed, but she had worked late into the night to get Sarah ready for her trip. Based on Maggie’s usual chaotic approach to life, she was quite surprised at the level of organization used to manage the process. The only tasks she had left were confirming the logistics of her trip and packing her clothes.

She looked over the travel packet Andy handed her on Friday. She was more pleased than annoyed to find a personal driver and hotel had been booked along with her flight. Looking closer at the information, she found that none of the reservations had return dates. That little detail reminded her she had no idea when she would be returning home. She was still apprehensive, but Maggie had been right. Deciding to accept before she left had allowed her to relax and think of all the questions she needed to ask.

She placed the travel packet in her carry-on and pulled out the file she’d made from her research and project overviews from the Kingston account. Once she felt confident she was prepared for her meeting with Elijah, she closed her eyes until she heard the captain announce their descent into Denver. Her heart rate quickened, feeling her life was about to change forever. She hoped it was for the better. She hoped she was ready.

Chapter 3

It was late on Monday morning when Sarah pulled herself out of a deep sleep, feeling surprisingly refreshed. The rush of everything over the last couple of days, topped off by a long flight, was enough to deplete her of any energy she may have been holding on to. As a result, she had slept better than she had in a very long time. She still had plenty of time before her meeting, so she decided to go for a walk around the hotel. She changed, grabbed an apple from the hotel’s breakfast bar, and walked outside. As soon as she exited the hotel, she was struck by all that was around her.

When she first stepped outside she couldn’t do much of anything except sit on a bench and take in the magnitude of the landscape. She was overcome at the sight of the ground reaching for the sky in the rugged peaks of the mountains. It was so dark the night before she couldn’t see the mountains at all. She knew they were there of course, but had expected them to be more of a vision on the distant horizon. These mountains were up close, demanding her attention. The power of the terrain made her feel so small, yet somehow stronger—as if the mountains themselves were transmitting energy.

The backdrop of the crystal blue sky made the view of the mountains even more striking. The sky reminded her of an ocean she would expect to find near some tropical paradise, and its brightness made everything around her pop with life. The trees were greener, the flowers were brilliant shades of the rainbow, and the occasional cloud was like a giant-sized cotton ball. She almost felt like she was Dorothy in a real life version of Oz—going to sleep in black and white and waking up to amazing color