A Song for Daddy

A Song for Daddy

By G. L. Fontenot

Copyright 2012 G.L. Fontenot

Smashwords Edition

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Preface

Are you rational?

That’s an odd inquiry isn’t it…especially to begin a book with…but let’s explore it anyway.

Most people would find it offensive or insulting if you asked them that, wouldn’t they…but why? What does it even mean if you think about it? Isn’t it enormously subjective? You need some form of context to answer, right?

Try this angle out:

Is it rational to kill another person to protect yourself, your friend, or your family? There are countless, interminable debates about that very thing…but how about a dramatic spin on it? What if you turned that divisive issue completely around?

Interested? Read on.

This story primarily encompasses a single, pivotal event in the life of one family, even though it delves in detail of the span of weeks following that incident, and has a few follow-up highlights thrown in afterward.

However tragic the beginning might be though, if you sort through it and look beyond all the challenges of what the characters must face within these pages, there is a single underlining question…just like before. It’s one that most people would answer quickly, believing themselves totally sincere in doing so…but…I wonder. The query is both simple and innocent in intent, but enormously complex in reality.

That question is; how much would you do…or rather…how far would you be willing to go to save someone else’s life? And let’s not quibble with trying to figure out which friend is most important to you, or if your wife is really the one. Let’s go right to the toughest, most gut-wrenching choice…your child’s life.

I know it’s a question that’s been asked since the dawn of reason and understanding, but have you ever actually, truly, thought about it?

Most of us would probably instinctually say; I’d gladly lay down my life for my son, or daughter. But would that be true?

Honestly now…could you really, consciously forfeit your life, your future, to have the chance to save another’s? Would you willingly risk it, dangle all your personal hopes and dreams at eternity’s edge, for that option…for the chance…not a guarantee…but a chance to give your child a future? Is that sane?

What is your life worth to you? Exactly how hard would you fight for that life?

Furthermore…in a parallel, intertwining rationale…just how far does love go? Does the love of a woman for her husband…her soul mate…a man she’s been enamored with for twenty-five years (since she was sixteen years old in fact), compare to the love of a mother for her firstborn child?

Where are the limits…the boundaries? How skewed would those boundaries get if you had to make a decision like that?

Could you? Could you really do it?

Well, that is exactly what happened! Those decisions, that amount of pressure, anxiety, and mental torture had to be made…had to be endured…and the results had to be lived with. If you’ve ever…ever…really considered what you would do in such a life-altering, life-threatening, world-changing decision, then you only know one thousandth of what it feels like to actually watch someone you know go through it…and less than a millionth of what it would be like to live it!

I have. I still am.

But I know you must be a little confused…a little overwhelmed…maybe a little agitated or irritated at my proclamation. How could I possibly think I could even begin to know how you might react in such circumstances?

Just read this story, and then you’ll have a glimpse into my perspective.

I’ve put this together over time…a lot of it…since the incident. A river of tears has been shed to bring you this account. Many disconcerting, angry, powerful, loving, and fond memories were stirred and fanned until the flame of emotions surrounding each burned anew…but I must confess that most were of loss.

Those who filled in the blanks for me did so a tiny bit at a time, and more often than not without knowing it. The deep hurt of the trials they agonizingly survived was simply too much to focus on with any sharp concentration…to relive them, as it were.

Grief of varying intensity and duration always accompanies such harsh experiences…when bright futures come abruptly to an end, never to be realized.

If angst is difficult for you to read about, then stop now. Find something lighter to amuse yourself with. But if you want to explore the very limits of the human capacity for resilience, determination, and compassion, then take a chance. You may find yourself inspired beyond belief.

Does this story have a happy ending? I guess that depends on your point of view. Yes would be my answer, I guess…at least for some, but…well…you make the call.

Chapter One

In an instant

Mom! I don’t knooooow, Valerie said with a straining, almost growling sound in her voice.

Her brow furrowed harshly as she stared down at her appointment calendar on the computer screen in front of her. She didn’t make a move without that. Her life was as orderly as her college schedule…overly thought-out and meticulously managed.

Dr. Roberts would like to schedule you for a solo at the Wednesday night service, Sweetie. He’ll need to know for sure in the next week or so…okay?

Valerie gritted her teeth in real anger. I’m not some kind of sideshow, Mom…something to ‘wow’ an audience.

Baby, no one’s trying to sell tickets, or make money here. You know he’s always loved your voice and just wants to give you the opportunity to shine in his choir. You don’t have to be so…

Okay, okay…I get it! I just don’t want someone scheduling my life for me! she said, hiding her true meaning. She wanted to say; I’m too stressed out from school, Mom! My future is falling apart…crashing down around me…and I don’t think I can take it anymore!

Less than one day before, her primary vocal performance instructor, Dr. Penelope Wynthrop, had made it unequivocally clear that Valerie was not reaching the plateau she needed in order to continue to the next level of requirements.

Your voice is as pure and sharp as I’ve ever heard, Valerie, Dr. Winthrop told her, "and I thought you had unbelievable potential at the beginning of last year, but your projection is only average and your duration is actually weak for someone your age. I was hoping this past summer would have allowed for some maturity in those areas, but I’m afraid I don’t see it.

I’m sorry, but if you can’t show radical improvement by the end of the semester, we’ll have to move Regina into your position…to give her the opportunity to fill the spring performance roster.

That was a horrible, crushing blow…not only to her ego, but to her entire outlook.

Valerie had spent the last seven years of her twenty years of life managing a seemingly never-ending schedule of time-consuming practices, formal recitals, and nerve-racking public performances, all while maintaining a perfect 4.0 GPA. And on top of that, she engaged in an exhausting string of extracurricular activities designed solely to pad her resume’ so she could have a shot at this fantastic university and their unprecedented music program.

She worked so unbelievably hard dreaming every day of standing on the grand stage just like her idol, Maria Callis (one of the greatest female operatic talents of all time) and entrancing the audience with her God-given ability. She fantasized about starring in the famous musicals like The Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, and The Sound of Music. Her lofty plans knew no bounds.

After yesterday’s devastating evaluation though, she just wanted to fly back home and spend a week in her old bed, sleeping, letting her mother wait on her, and watching her favorite shows…just catching her breath. However, her staunch determination, her hardheaded, prideful will to succeed would not budge. And her parents needn’t know about this demoralizing, frightening stumble either. She would get through this on her own!

Val, even if you don’t want to sing, would you please come home?

Dead silence.

I just want us all to be together for Thanksgiving, Baby, Christine Landry pleaded while trying not to pressure her daughter too much. Your father has that week off and your brother’s flying in from school too! It’d be so nice to have everyone here this year.

Valerie rolled her eyes heavily, and arched her neck in frustration, hearing the tiny pops of her vertebrae as they realigned. She did that little maneuver only when her patience was stretched to the breaking point…although lately, that point seemed balanced extraordinarily close to her everyday attitude. The strain of the past few weeks, and even months when she thought about it, were wearing on her. Her development had not gone according to her extremely disciplined (and aggressive) timeline, and falling short of her goal wasn’t something to tolerate.

Nowadays she often felt sullen and alone too; disconnected from her family’s mundane, untroubled existence and uncertain of herself for the first time in her twenty-year-old life. She was an over-achiever who’d pushed the bar just a bit beyond her own reach. She rarely spoke to her roommate either, having nearly opposite schedules of class and work times, but self-reliance was typically the norm for Valerie, and so asking for help wouldn’t have entered into her thought processes anyway.

She did however send e-mails out to her three real friends during this crisis (just to vent), but they were far away at different universities and sometimes couldn’t reply for days, they having hectic, draining lives as well.

The granite bench she currently sat on faced the open expanse of a huge park with a dark green, freshly mown lawn spread across it like a living carpet. Hundreds of trees lined its edges, as well as multiple pathways leading off in both directions. Their leaves were beginning to turn as the carefree months of the summer season had slipped recently into the past with the beginning of the new term. Their colors were just starting to hint at the dramatic hues which would soon emerge as they gave up their fight for life and withered away to decorate the ground with their vast numbers. But for this morning at least, they held on still, providing wonderful shade for those revelers beneath them.

There were dozens of couples lying about in the unusually warm October sun, either entranced with each other and their conversations, or quietly concentrating on their studies.

Off to the right was a group of young men engaged in a rough game of sandlot football. There were ten of them in all. Half were shirtless and gleaming sweat in the bright sunlight, and all were talking trash to one another and yelling profanities after each play.

At least two dozen joggers were spread out singly and in pairs on the wide paths, both coming toward and going from the field, and bikers drifted along past them as well. Everyone appeared to be having one of those magical days…the last of the warmth not quite rung from September’s passing.

To any casual observer Valerie would have given the impression of a living statue, poised motionless while her brain screamed along at a furious rate. Her thoughts traveled at least three different paths at once…and they cancelled each what if route at every fork which deviated from her iron-clad, razor-thin path of a future she deemed suitable. The only subtle, outward evidence of movement on her figure would have needed close inspection…the clenching and releasing of her jaws as her teeth ground together.

After a long pause in the conversation, Christine wondered if she’d been disconnected. Val?

As if a switch suddenly flipped on, Valerie reanimated to her former feisty self.

My schedule isn’t set just now, Mom, so I’ll let you know when ‘I’ know! she quickly stated, slapping her cell phone shut and cutting off any more rebuttals her mother may be able to come up with.

She hurriedly crammed the phone back into her purse and looked across the extensive verdure, peering out at the lake only two hundred or so yards away.

Lake Michigan was breathtaking on that lovely day, and the blues of the water were accentuated by the lighter shade of blue above, leaving a contrast that was both peaceful and awe-inspiring at the same time.

What’s the big deal? Valerie said to herself, still fighting the impatience she felt for her parents and their wishes. I’ve lived there for over twenty years and she always makes such a fuss over the holidays. Who cares? It’s just another day!

There were hundreds of sailing boats out on the lake and her eyes skipped from one to the next in rapid succession, categorizing each of the differing types and sizes in her mind. There were big, elegant, deep-water masthead sloops and fractionals, each pushing white-water at their bows as they raced across the glittering surface. There were yawls and ketches of many sizes, as well as about two dozen little catamarans buzzing around at high speeds like hornets to the bigger crafts. Their brightly colored sails were cheerful and exciting.

She liked the boats because they reminded her of what she’d always wanted…complete and total freedom. In an absolute conflict of her nature, she longed for a day when there were no more appointments to make, no schedules to keep, no parents begging for her time, and no siblings to be compared with. It was an about-face, 180 degree swap from everything she knew.

I just want to live my own life! she grumbled out loud, clinching her fist in frustration.

She then changed the computer’s screen from her painstakingly managed calendar to a resort on the beaches of Nassau, the Bahamas. Thanks to exemplary grades, and thus the waiver of any last minute pop-tests, her school schedule allowed her a week and a half off from all commitments during the Thanksgiving break. She was looking forward to spending some time in the sand, alone, just reading…or in a condo watching her favorite DVDs. It’d been over a year since she’d watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and to her, such neglect was an unforgivable crime.

That was another of her peculiarities which mystified her friends. She was so rigid and pragmatic about a great many aspects of her life, but when she decided to unwind or play she delved into the fantasy world of writers like J.K. Rowling, or Stephanie Meyer, or J.R.R. Tolkien. At many times she even seemed to prefer the SIMS’ lives to her own. She was a true enigma.

Suddenly a reminder chime went off in Valerie’s mind and she glanced at the corner of her LCD screen…at the clock. The morning was nearly over and she mentally chastised herself for dallying so long. Her next class was about to start and she barely had time to make the long walk, so she hastily closed up her notebook computer and grabbed her purse.

How’s it going, Val? a girl asked as she walked up from off to Valerie’s left.

Valerie jumped noticeably, her head whipping around in a wide swath of chestnut-colored hair. She immediately dropped her startled look though, once she saw who was there.

Oh, fine, Leah, she replied with a relieved sigh.

You look anything but fine, Leah Torbush told her with an expression of skeptical concern on her face. Leah was just about the only person Valerie let into her world, there at school. They were both music majors, but Leah was a pianist and Valerie was a vocalist. They grew close (at least close compared with anyone else) when Leah began playing for Valerie’s singing auditions and performances back two years ago now. They were very different people, from very different backgrounds, but each needed someone’s support from time to time and so they listened to, and leaned on, each other when they must.

My mom’s wanting me to make the trip home for Thanksgiving, Valerie said as they began to walk toward the campus. She’s putting on the pressure of the whole ‘family gathering’ business.

That’s great! I love going home at the holidays and having my folks treat me like a long lost princess. Mom cooks every one of my favorite dishes, and we eat like pigs…and all they want to talk about is me! It’s pure heaven!

Valerie smiled at her perspective. Yeah, there are some good things that go with the territory, I have to admit, but I wanna have a week to do what I want to do…not visit with my family and listen to my brother drone on and on about the Air Force Academy. When he and Dad start up with their airplane talk, I could just die. It’s soooooo boring!

Yeah, I see what you mean, but I don’t have any brothers or sisters, so it’s a lot easier on me, in that respect. But, I don’t know…I think it would be fun to have someone else more along my own age to talk with, and fight with. Sometimes it gets a little dry around the house. If I didn’t have so many friends still living in my hometown, I might feel different about the holidays too, but I just call up an old high school buddy and we go out. My folks are so glad I’m home, they don’t even hassle me about a curfew.

You don’t know my dad, Valerie said, her voice thick with sarcasm. "He still thinks