All Relationships and Therapy are Multi-Cultural- Family and Cross-Cultural Complications

All Relationships and Therapy are Multi-Cultural

Family and Cross-Cultural Complications

Published by Ronald Mah at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Ronald Mah

Ronald Mah's website- www.ronaldmah.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Abstract:

The therapist must conduct therapy as inherently cross-cultural and multi-cultural, not only between and among clients but also between the therapist and clients. Cross-cultural or multi-cultural perspectives are not an occasionally helpful or enriching tool in therapy, but a, if not the primary assessment and treatment strategy for effective interventions. Family-of-origin experiences are comparably compelling to functioning and relationships as culturally-based experiences that can cause matched and mismatched dynamics that can complicate and harm intimacy and harmony. There are important problematic approaches to cross-cultural conflicts that the therapist should avoid, including knowledge approaches that overwhelm the therapist. In addition, a practical approach will be presented that facilitates connection and intimacy, while addressing the client expressed therapeutic roadblocks of cultural determinism and cultural relativism: I have to, and You don't understand.

Therapy can be mismanaged with clients who appear to have identical demographics, who nevertheless present significantly different attitudes, values, and behaviors based on family experiences comparable to cultural modeling. The harm of dismissal and disconnection from some universalistic approach to diversity (I see you as an individual. I don't see color or differences) are examined as existential annihilation counter-indicative to good therapy. The therapist is guided how to adapt clinical strategies to fit the cultural styles of clients. In the challenging but not uncommon situation, when the therapist is not familiar with client's cultural background, the therapist will be directed to effective therapeutic strategies using expression areas of cultural differences.

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Linked Table of Contents

Abstract

Introduction: INHERENTLY CROSS-CULTURAL AND MULTICULTURAL

Chapter 1: MISMATCH CREATES CROSS-CULTURAL CHALLENGES

Chapter 2: THERAPISTS AND POTENTIAL DIVERSITY

Chapter 3: MULTIPLE COUPLES ASSESSMENTS

Chapter 4: TRAPS AND CHALLENGES IN THERAPY: DETERMINISM & RELATIVISM

Chapter 5: STEREOTYPES

Chapter 6: PROBLEMATIC APPROACHES

Chapter 7: EDUCATIONAL or ENRICHMENT APPROACH

Chapter 8: MORALISTIC APPROACH

Chapter 9: ATONEMENT/DEBT/GUILT APPROACH

Chapter 10: ENTITLEMENT/VICTIM APPROACH

Chapter 11: QUASI-CATHARTIC INVASIVE APPROACH

Chapter 12: PRACTICAL-FUNCTIONAL APPROACH

Chapter 13: BASIC DEFINITIONS

Chapter 14: CHANGING SURVIVAL DEMANDS

Chapter 15: THERAPY/THERAPIST MATCHING WITH CLIENTS

Chapter 16: CULTURAL CHANGE GOES SLOWLY

Chapter 17: CONVERGENCE

Chapter 18: EXPRESSION AREAS OF CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

AFFECTIONATE TOUCH

OPEN VERBAL COMMUNICATION (Direct vs. Indirect Communication)

PRAISE VS. PUNISHMENT

TIME

RECIPROCITY AND ACCESS

CONFRONTATION

POWER AND CONTROL

BOUNDARIES AND ABUSE

FAMILY-SOCIO-ECONOMIC UNIT FOR SURVIVAL

INDIVIDUAL VS. GROUP

Chapter 19: GENDER ROLES

GENDER ROLES- Gifts or Messages of Worth

GENDER ROLES- Intimacy & Problem-Solving

Conclusion: THERAPEUTIC INQUIRY IN EXPRESSION AREAS

Bibliography

Books by Ronald Mah

Biographic Information

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**Author's Note: Other than public figures or people identified in the media, all other persons in this book are either composites of individuals the author has worked with and/or have been given different names and had their personal identifying information altered to protect and respect their confidentiality.

Introduction: INHERENTLY CROSS-CULTURAL and MULTI-CULTURAL

One is… and the other is something else. Perhaps, one or the other is urban, rural, Jewish, Turkish, British, immigrant, migrant, gay, Mexican, black, Greek Orthodox, straight, Catholic, Moslem, Saudi, Ukrainian, devoutly religious, casually religious, professional, aristocratic, white, Japanese, American, Protestant, secular humanist, Christian, refugee, immigrant, Native-American, Californian, New Yorker, Jew, Israeli, male, female, Hispanic, Cambodian, San Franciscan, Turkish, or is two or more of these. Sometimes, there are obviously differences between two individuals. For example there is Adit and Helena, one individual is male, Saudi, a casual Moslem, and from aristocratic money, while other is female Ukrainian, Catholic, and from a professional family. There seems to be an obvious need to consider multi-cultural and cross-cultural perspectives in their therapy. How do they talk? What do they expect? How do they communicate? How do they play? Will a pair such as Adit and Helena end up with major cross-cultural problems as their rules and expectations in an intimate relationship are out of sync? Metaphorically, might one of them be playing by the values and rules of tetherball with the other playing with the expectations and behavior of Pictionary!? That seems to imply that the game or the relationship is inherently unplayable or doomed to failure. Yet, the game of relationship or of relating can have universalities among different cultures and between two demographically mismatched individuals. Successful, productive, and/or intimate dynamics have quite often resulted from ethically, racially, religiously, economically, and other mismatched couples or relationships. Much like gin and mahjong or water polo and soccer or the board games of Western chess and Japanese go or other culturally different games, there can be numerous similarities and commonalities between or among two or more individuals from various cultures. While two individuals may have different playing styles and levels of skill, the rules of chess remain the same. Invested individuals often can figure out how to make the relationship work, and develop a new mutually honored and shared set of values, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior. Might the rules of relationship also hold major similarities- virtually universal requirements that form the foundation for the new relating culture?

On the other hand, there are two individuals to the naked eye that appear to be essentially from the same background and practically speaking with negative dynamic resulting in major relationship problems. For example there is Hannah and Petey, who are both white middle-class Anglo-Saxon Protestant. While sharing major commonalities, there are also major distinctions in each of their make-ups beyond male-female values and behaviors not obviously apparent to someone else. Their relationship game may have major stylistic conflicts and the mutual goals of intimacy and harmony may not be achieved. Beyond their shared demographic experiences, where did they learn their respective relationship game rules? They ostensively appear to claim and share the same expectations but somehow their collaborative intimacy game goes awry. Rather than partnered teammates striving for mutual goals against common obstacles and enemies in some video game or a three-legged race challenge, they end up frustrating each other! There may be two others, who while sharing the same sex, they operate from mismatched gender models. That could be two men in a work or team sports situation, one of which abhors showing sensitivity or vulnerability working with another man much more willing to be emotionally open and available. Or, women in academic, vocational, or social communities manifesting leadership with contrasting styles: one more extroverted and assertive and the other more collaborative and supportive in the background. It could be two gay men or two lesbians with models of same-sex intimacy that are out of sync. Multi-cultural and cross-cultural assessment and strategies may prove highly advantageous to therapy despite apparent demographic matches. One is an individual and the other is the person he or she is in a relationship with as a colleague at work, school, or athletics, or in a couple, or family. Or, perhaps one of the people in the relationship is a client and the other is the therapist. What is the therapy game of the therapist? Multi-cultural and cross-cultural issues, match, and mismatch may be as important between the therapist and clients- perhaps, more vital as between or among individuals seeking help. Therefore, all relationship and therapy may be inherently multi-cultural and cross-cultural.

When individuals, couples, or families come to therapy, they may present a single presenting issue or a single situation, task, or problem to address. However, often what appears to be a single difficult decision issue is often entangled in much more. Entangled in the overtly expressed decision issue may be the fact that the individual, one or both partners, or family member is fighting to maintain self-esteem. Or it may be that the issue at the focus is linked to broad power battles in a relationship, the couple, or family. There are battles that are present on many different issues. It may be that the individual or the couple differs culturally, and the one issue of disagreement is linked to broad cultural differences, for example, what is appropriate for women and men in their two cultures, or differing cultural understandings of loyalty to family of origin (page 203, Rosenblatt and Rieks, 2009). One individual, partners, or family members may present a problem and seek the therapist to sit in judgment and pick out the wisdom (and stupidity!) between them. When the therapist works with couples or families, they take care to not choose one individual's perspective over the others. The therapist may be well advised in individual therapy to be appropriately skeptical of the individual's rendition of relationship woes as well. The other individual or persons not physically present in session being described may have diametrically opposed interpretations of relationship experiences and dynamics. The therapist nevertheless tries to find validity from the existential reality of each individual. It is assumed that each individual, both partners, and different family members' perspectives have validity. That while they have differences, they also often have similar underlying needs. Accepting the two or more ways of interpreting the same life, experiences, and communications eventually lead to third or alternative and potentially more functional ways interpretations.

Couples… sought to strike a balance between individual, couple, nuclear family, extended family, and faith community subsystem needs. In instances where a skewed emphasis was placed on one subsystem's needs, this tended to have a negative systemic impact… Learning how to balance subsystem needs was indispensable to individual, couple, and family well-being (Joanides, et al, page 80, 2002). If an individual (especially, if confirmed by a side-choosing therapist in therapy) asserts his or her needs over the others, then the skewed balance of the relationship harms overall well-being. Balancing to fulfill the needs of the individual in his or her important relationship or both partners and all family members creates a new culture- that of functional relationships. Within this process moreover is the therapist as a second perspective (conceptually, a different cultural orientation) to an individual client, or a third perspective to two partners much less a third, fourth, fifth, or additional perspective to several family members' views. In facilitating functional relationships for individual, couple, or family clients, the therapist must first establish a functional relationship with the client or clients. This relationship is inherently d cross-cultural since therapy is tasked to explore, discover, and develop processes alternate to what has already failed or found inadequate for the individual, couple, or family. It becomes incumbent on the therapist to not only assess the potential cross-cultural conflicts between the individual and others, between partners, and among family members, but his or her own cultural foundations for personal, couple, or family relationship health as they may. Cross-cultural differences or conflicts may be not only an important root of relationship dysfunction but also of therapeutic failure or success. If the therapist were to dismiss client's models and values however dysfunctional currently, it will create disconnection rather than build rapport. The individual, partners, or family members are likely to already to be intolerant and rejecting of others. Recognizing and honoring behavioral foundations embedded in cultural training of all types (including from the family-of-origin) is an important step to offering and facilitating change to more adaptive processes in new contexts such as the new relationship.

In extending the concept of two perspectives into larger societal contexts finds Biever, et al in Therapy with intercultural couples: A postmodern approach making virtually the same recommendations for intercultural couples therapy. They recommend therapists, …adopt a both/and stance. The both/and stance flows from the postmodern idea of multiple, socially constructed realities and the valuing of diversity. Both sides of a dichotomy are prized. For example, one distinction frequently made by therapists is that of intercultural differences and intracultural similarities. From a postmodern perspective, it may be more useful to assume that all cultures are both similar and different. This both/and perspective helps the therapist focus on two useful ideas. One is that there are both similarities and differences between cultural groups. Secondly, and invariably, there are both similarities and differences within a particular culture (Biever, et al, 1998). All therapy is inherently cross-cultural and multi-cultural therapy. Bhurga and De Silva in Couple therapy across cultures (2000) state that, It can be argued that psychotherapy, or indeed therapy of any kind, is culture-specific… within each model of psychotherapy, there exist key elements which can be classed as universal. These elements include identifying problems, naming problems, and prescribing/implementing a remedy. Therapy attempts a remedy that includes a period of orientation, establishing a therapeutic relationship, and finally the therapy process of change management. The causes of the problem are discovered though discussion and thoroughly examined. The cultural context of the interaction, that is, therapy is of major importance. This context also brings with it societal factors and complexities, including inherent power relationships. Recognition and understanding of these are important for the work of a therapist, in both assessment and intervention (page 183-84). Each member in a relationship and the