Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    ODDBALL: How to live with powers without having to be super
    ODDBALL: How to live with powers without having to be super
    ODDBALL: How to live with powers without having to be super
    Ebook109 pages1 hour

    ODDBALL: How to live with powers without having to be super

    By The Albatross

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    After Daniel Hawkins wakes up one day with a slew of incredible powers, he soon finds that with great power comes a great many other problems. Soon after finding a way to "Herb-ally" subdue his new abilities, he finds that he must decide between living his life getting stoned, or being stoned, and all while his mother's sanity wavers as her frightening new abilities begin to twist and warp the reality she lives in. Daniel is a simple man, and in all respects a lazy bum, but what Daniel must learn the hard way is that destiny waits for no man. Oddball is an adrenaline fueled adventure that takes you from one burn out losers bedroom, to the depths of the ocean, and the surface of the moon. Join Daniel and his super friend Jessica Locket, a 90 year old former B-movie superstar whose new abilities resemble those of her B-movie super heroine character, Super Siren. Along with regaining her youthful figure, Jessica also sports a pretty mean punch, as well as a low tolerance for weak minded people. The two of them will attempt to relate to one another, even though they at first seem to have nothing in common other than their similar abilities. She accepts this strange new world for what it is and embraces it by becoming Super Siren for real, while simultaneously condemning Daniel for choosing to willingly suppress his magnificent abilities in order to continue being a lazy, video game playing, pot smoking, nearly middle aged man who lives in his momma's attic. She believes there's a hero in him, but all he really wants is to learn how to live with powers, without having to be super.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThe Albatross
    Release dateApr 16, 2012
    ISBN9781476460987
    ODDBALL: How to live with powers without having to be super
    Author

    The Albatross

    Like the albatross i'm either a gift or a curse. So I stumble when I walk and when I walk slow it's worse.

    Related to ODDBALL

    Related ebooks

    Fantasy For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      A Cautionary Tale

      Apr 1, 2019

      A Cautionary Tale
      2 min read

    • Article

      Game of CRONES

      Feb 7, 2021

      I recently got into a bit of a tricky conversation with a feminist friend. A woman. And I point that out because a man can be a feminist too, I’ve been told, though I wasn’t entirely convinced at first. Once, in a rare moment of conciliation, my frie

      2 min read

    • Article

      The Quiet Dark

      Mar 1, 2023

      The Quiet Dark
      7 min read

    • Article

      Love, Lust, and More

      Feb 12, 2020

      Fleetwood Mac was singing She is dancing away from you now, and I squirmed in my seat. Kabir was rubbing my thigh as he drove, a gesture I once thought was reserved for me. Bah! I also used to think he only took naked selfies in bed with me, but then

      11 min read

    • Article

      Red, Rich River Of Love

      Apr 23, 2020

      Red, Rich River Of Love
      4 min read

    • Article

      Carrie Fountain

      Mar 1, 2020

      Outside Dublin, Texas the radio stationsdisappear and I’m left alone with the faintvoice of a call-in psychologist talkingto a man in Cleveland about the voiceof the self, the narratives that voicetells, how they can be sharp and wrongand cut to the

      5 min read

    • Article

      A WING AND a prayer

      Sep 28, 2021

      A raven saved my life Cate McMurray, 47, from West Midlands I ’d always known I was different. As a small child, I used to see and hear people who weren’t there. One day, I was playing hide ‘n’ seek with my two sisters, and tucked myself away in a cu

      4 min read

    • Article

      The Physics Of Connection

      Sep 1, 2020

      IF I HELD A HAMMER CORRECTLY, the way my father taught me, and then swung it down on a rock, the rock would break. I would have caused that to happen. I would have transferred kinetic energy from my arm to the hammer’s handle and then to the hammer’s

      6 min read

    • Article

      War Of The Words

      Dec 5, 2021

      War Of The Words
      2 min read

    • Article

      A Year in Reading: Ella Baxter

      Dec 6, 2021

      The lowest standard I hold for a book is that I want it to be so psychedelic, so completely discombobulating, that I am torn asunder. I want to read words that turn my bones to dust. The post A Year in Reading: Ella Baxter appeared first on The Milli

      4 min read

    • Article

      Chelsea Wolfe

      Feb 4, 2020

      Chelsea Wolfe
      5 min read

    • Article

      AN OUTCAST – But Unashamedly And Unapologetically ME

      Sep 27, 2022

      I’ve never been afraid of my own potential. Ask anyone what I was like as a child and they will, without hesitation, say I was bubbly, confident, cheeky, funny and determined. Yet I was never encouraged to dream big. There I was, a youngster with so

      4 min read

    • Article

      Chain Of Events

      Oct 9, 2023

      Chain Of Events
      6 min read

    • Article

      Chosen

      Aug 2, 2018

      Chosen
      10 min read

    • Article

      Quantum Physics for Mothers

      Dec 15, 2020

      Quantum Physics for Mothers
      10 min read

    • Article

      Deep Impact

      May 31, 2020

      Deep Impact
      9 min read

    • Article

      The Next Morning

      Mar 14, 2018

      The Next Morning
      10 min read

    • Article

      Freefalling

      Aug 17, 2022

      Freefalling
      8 min read

    • Article

      Now That I’ve Arrived

      Dec 30, 2020

      Now That I’ve Arrived
      5 min read

    • Article

      I’ll Be There

      Oct 25, 2019

      I’ll Be There
      7 min read

    • Article

      Alan Cumming

      Nov 1, 2021

      Alan Cumming
      5 min read

    • Article

      Mr. Bojangles

      Feb 26, 2022

      Mr. Bojangles
      4 min read

    • Article

      My Funny, Angry Dad

      Mar 19, 2022

      My Funny, Angry Dad
      6 min read

    • Article

      Let’s Dream Talkz Z

      Aug 3, 2021

      Let’s Dream Talkz Z
      3 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for ODDBALL

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      ODDBALL - The Albatross

      Oddball

      HOW TO LIVE WITH POWERS WITHOUT HAVING TO BE SUPER

      BY

      the ALBATROSS

      Published by the Albatross at Smashwords

      Copyright 2012 Albatross

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Table of Contents

      Chapter 1-What a Dream!

      Chapter 2- He Did What?

      Chapter 3- How to Resist Temptation without having to be Super

      Chapter 4- A Trippy Trip

      Chapter 5- Sixteen Tons

      Chapter 6- A Date with Nate

      Chapter 7- Captain Ace and the Sky Pirates

      Chapter 8- Laid Back

      Chapter 9- Only Time Will Tell

      Chapter 10- Nerves of Steel

      Chapter 11- Decisions, Decisions

      Chapter 1-

      What a Dream!

      My name is DANIEL HAWKINS, and I'm a 37 year old unemployed pothead who lives in my mother's attic. My Mother, LISA HAWKINS, is a 67 year old widow who lives off of my dad's social security. Honestly things really couldn't get any better. I've even got my good buddy, KYLE, who never has a problem fronting me a bag or two of weed in case I'm low on funds. Kyle and I go way back. In fact he was the first person I ever smoked pot with.

      I'd started smoking pot shortly after my father died. I was a terrible mess at the time so Kyle decided that it might be a good idea to introduce me to what he described as a magically medicinal herbal medicine for the mind. I was pretty hesitant at first, because I remember imagining how upset my mom was going to be when she found out that I smoked weed, only later to find out that not only was she okay with me smoking weed, but she was actually saving money from pinching from my stash instead of her own.

      All in all my life might not be considered the greatest ever lived, but I do thoroughly enjoy the one I have. I've got my mom, my video games, and my weed, ...I'm good! Well, that's how I felt just before passing out on this particularly fateful evening anyway. I had smoked so much dope I couldn't possibly hope to stay awake any longer before finally falling asleep and entering into what at the time was the most vibrant and realistic dream I'd ever had. It began with a deep and poignant memory from my past. I was barely 9 years old and sitting next to my dad in the cockpit of his Cessna. It was my first time flying and I was extremely nervous about it. So my dad tried to ease my nerves by having me pretend to be my favorite superhero, that way in case of trouble I could just fly in and save the day.

      But my favorite superhero doesn't fly! I excitedly explained. He just moves stuff with his brain!

      My dad simply patted me on the back and tells me that with enough imagination my hero can do or be whatever I wanted him to be. He said that when he was a boy he would dream of flying to the moon and fighting space aliens. I remember laughing so hard I just kind of completely forgot what it was that I was so nervous about, and eventually we came up with the idea for a hero that was not only massively strong and impervious to pain, but could fly and move objects with his mind as well.

      I can still remember the sound that his laughter made as well. He said it made him feel safer when I flew with him knowing that if something went wrong I would be there to save the day. However, four years later his plane went off radar somewhere over the South Pacific, and I was nowhere to be found. After a massive search effort went largely unsuccessful, I began to fall into a bit of a depression, and subsequently quit believing in hero's shortly after that.

      As the memory of my father slowly begins to dissipate, I soon began to realize that I was no longer a little boy sitting inside the plane, but instead I was my rightful age and floating outside of the plane as it disappears from my sight much sooner than I would have liked.

      What a dream! I thought to myself as I hover high above the city of Dayton, Ohio.

      I had better enjoy this awesome dream before I woke up! I say loudly just before flying as hard and fast through downtown Dayton a as I possibly could. Everything felt so real I couldn't help but to think to myself that the pure exhilaration of what I was actually feeling is nearly indescribable.

      Shortly after having that thought I began to lose control and started colliding with a bunch of trees, and ultimately into the side of, and plowing through a Dayton City bridge. After being humbled in my own dream, I can't help but to think to myself that thinking to myself while learning to fly might not be that good of an idea.

      Oh well. I say to myself just before not giving a shit about the bridge anymore and soaring back up into the evening clouds. It's just a dream! No harm, no foul! Then I suddenly and quite surprisingly hear a familiar female voice calling out to me. She was flying upwards towards me and she wasn't happy at all.

      You lazy son of a bitch! You could've killed someone! She screams from the top of her lungs at me. Though all I can honestly do is mindlessly take in every square in of the outfit that she's wearing. It was an exact replica of the one famous worn B-movie pinup queen JESSICA LOCKETT in the cult classic film, SUPER SIREN! Complete with black leather boots, a cape, and of course two large S's embroidered on the part of her chest that wasn't mostly boob sticking out.

      Super Siren was the film that; at least in my house, made Jessica Lockett's name synonymous with the likes of Marilyn, Mansfield, and the Betties, both...Paige and Davis. Not only did she have Jessica's jet exact jet black hair do, but she looked just like her as well. Even though I know the real Jessica is well into her nineties, I'm both excited, and extremely willing to accept such a lovely creature as the Super Siren. After all, my dream, my rules!

      Just because you have super powers now it doesn't give you the right to be a super dick! You're God-damn lucky I was around to close off that bridge you stupid jackass!

      Well I was excited anyway. Now I'm probably a bit more on the uneasy side as I earnestly apologize and promise her that it will never happen again. To which she replies. It had better not! I'm watching you!

      Shortly, after she'd both calmed down some, and made our peace, she also made me promise to be more heroic with my abilities, as we discussed everything from our families, to our abilities. Even in my dream she truly believed that she was the real Jessica Lockett, so I told her how my dad and I were huge fans hers. She thanks me before swiftly grabbing my hand and asking me to fly to the moon with her.

      What if we can't make it and die? I ask her.

      She just shakes her head and says, What good are having all these cool powers if we don't test the limits?

      What the hell! I say back to the smoldering super powered sex symbol just before we both fly straight off and forward into the evening sky, and toward the moon. The trip started off decently, but being in orbit began to take its toll on Jessica, as she began to have some serious issues with a lack of oxygen, and we were forced to turn back around as quickly as we could. Once back in our planet's atmosphere she immediately begins to feel better and asks me if I had any trouble breathing out there in space. I simply tell

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1