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    Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction
    Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction
    Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction
    Ebook83 pages1 hour

    Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction

    By Lennox Mumpsfield

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    About this ebook

    For the very first time, esteemed indie author Lennox Mumpsfield is gracing the world with a glimpse of his long form narrative skills by trying his hand at a full-length literary humor feature. Act now! Because soon those fantasy and science fiction skills are going BACK IN THE VAULT (I grew up watching Disney VHS tapes; if you don't get the reference I can't help you.)

    And the PLOT! Several, actually! And none of them produced at the expense of another's quality! Lennox's old manager at this taco joint he used to work at used to tell him that all the time. But fa real, this book has more plots than a Game of Thrones marathon showing at the local cemetery.

    But anyone can do plot really. I mean, it's like, pffffft. Who cares about plot? I mean Lennox does it fabulously coz he can't help it, you know, but if you're intentionally putting plot in your stories you mus' be some kine uh eejit.

    What you'll really love about this story is all of the “rising action.” That's right. RISING ACTION. And MULTIPLE CLIMAXES. One time I was on Oprah talking about Lennox's book for him (he was far to busy to make it to the engagement himself), and she was like “We all jus' wanna know one thing: where IN THE WORLD does Lennox get all of that RISING ACTION and MULTIPLE CLIMAXES from, son!?!?”

    And to top it all off, he gave this tale enough denouement to bust a gang! BOOYAH!

    I suppose you actually want to know what this literary novella is all about. To that I say... unicorn magic! And a secret government project with memory implants in a guy's brain, but the arrangement goes awry. And a pickup artist icon that goes after the world's best selling author of all time (hint: this is fiction, so it can't be Lennox himself!) The romance! And unicorn hair gloves more powerful than all the unicorn hair gloves that have come before. And a candid camera YouTube show. And an investigative journalist tailing a gruesome canine serial killer. And unicorn magic! This is humorous fiction for adults... that aren't afraid to laugh at and enjoy magical unicorn books.

    Lennox's momma always told him that themes from literary humor and fantasy humor books can sometimes go together. That advice served the best-selling author well in his quest to become the best of the best! Throw in a little bit of unicorn magic and PRESTO! You have a dang entertaining fantasy and science fiction read.

    You will like this book if you are: a younger person who has a basic understanding of web technologies like YouTube and blogging; a lexicomane and/or rare word aficionado; a person with a decent sense of humor; you make fun of hipsters like everyone else but secretly wonder what it would be like to be one.

    In this literary novella, ordinary members of society travel the world and take to the clouds with the magical counterpart culture living silently alongside our society in a caper that threatens the way of life of unicornkind and magicians and warlocks the world over! How will they fare? And what will happen to the children!?

    Would you be embarrassed if your friends found unicorn books on your bookshelf? I would be. I mean, don't be!!! It's all kosher as long as it's humorous fiction for adults. Look, if you've got an entertaining cast of unique and interesting characters whose paths cross in humorous and fantastic and intriguing and well-written ways then what's to be ashamed of? On top of it the book has a snarky enough title where you could pass it off as hipster literary humor. BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE. Lennox likes to play it off like his writing is a bastion of hipster culture as a marketing ploy, but really he doesn't know the first thing about it. Or does he?

    Bottom Line: Lennox sweats to make sure good people like you have a good book to read. I know you must hate me for sucking up to you, but don't! This book is Lennox's best one yet.

    If you haven't yet, read the free preview and give this fantasy humor boo

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLennox Mumpsfield
    Release dateMay 5, 2014
    ISBN9781311484987
    Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction
    Author

    Lennox Mumpsfield

    I like autodidacticism, spaced repetition, language, writing.

    Read more from Lennox Mumpsfield

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      Book preview

      Save The Farking Unicorns! A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction - Lennox Mumpsfield

      SAVE THE FARKING UNICORNS!

      A Humorous Tale Of Fantasy and Science Fiction

      Lennox Mumpsfield

      Published by Lennox Mumpsfield at Smashwords.

      Copyright 2014 Lennox Mumpsfield

      This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only, and may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share it with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Amazon, Smashwords, or another book vendor and purchase your own copy. You have the sincerest gratitude of this author for respecting his hard work.

      Notice: All of the following characters, events, places, locations, entities, and objects are purely fictional, and any resemblance to real or actual people, events, places, locations, entities, or objects is purely coincidental. This book is for your amusement only.

      Published by Ferly Media: A Fake Publishing Company That Doesn't Exist.

      Written by Lennox Mumpsfield: A Pseudonymous Author Who Still Doesn't Want To List His Real Name

      Table Of Contents

      Chapter 1: Fowling Wells Ruth

      Chapter 2: Litton Jer Soiree

      Chapter 3: Danged Stalkers

      Chapter 4: Hook Line And Sink Her

      Chapter 5: Some Kind Of A Yurt On A Savanna

      Chapter 6: Revelations

      Chapter 7: A Head In The Clouds

      Chapter 8: O! Nubilous Day, Callooh, Callay!

      Chapter 9: Game of Gloves

      Chapter 10: Operation Save The Unicorns

      Chapter 11: The Spite Of Valgus Quibberdick

      Chapter 12: On The Lam

      Chapter 1: Fowling Wells Ruth

      Jessica Fowling wrote her name atop her multiplication test as was her wont: J.R. Fowling. Little did she know how much money that signature would be worth one day, after she had been catapulted to fame and riches from — well, the town of her Midwestern provenance was so insignificant that I've actually forgotten the name, but that isn't really that important. The important thing was that she put her multiplication test in the tray on her teacher's desk and headed outside to play.

      As she puttered around in the field that brumal afternoon behind what would become her elementary alma mater, she encountered a strange girl. The girl was dressed plainly in plaid except for a pair of especially nice white gloves, which were radiant and effulgent even in that sea of albedineity blanketing the playground and soccer fields.

      Jessica approached the girl, but they never said a word to one another. They began building a snowman and a wall of ice some distance away. After the snowman was complete, the girl beckoned for Jessica to get behind the barrier. As the wind howled and whipped her hair, the girl rubbed the stick arms of the snowman with her white gloves, and it came to life. Immediately, the snowy girls threw snowballs at the snowman, and the snowman threw snowballs at the snowy girls. When they tired of the wind and the cold, the girls abandoned the snowman and went their separate ways.

      They had many such strange encounters like that over years in her neighborhood, and each brought them closer than Fowling ever was with any of her normal friends. Once, when Fowling fell off her bike and scraped her knee, the girl, oddly wearing her white gloves in July, showed up and healed her scrape right then and there as if with magic. Another time, as Fowling lusted after a few apples a stone's throw away on a tree on the property of a grumpy neighbor, the girl showed up and levitated a few apples with her white gloves from the tree all the way to where they were standing. 'Twas strange that she never saw her in school.

      One day, Jessica brought the girl home to have dinner with her family.

      How lovely! Jessica's mother exclaimed. You shouldn't be so shy at school. We've been beside ourselves waiting for you to finally bring a friend home to meet us.

      Jessica's mother extended a hand to the guest for shaking, but the girl quivered and quickly shoved her gloved hands in her pockets. Her eyes were glued to the floor.

      They had barely set the table before the girl's parents showed up at the front door, irate and wearing the same strange, white gloves their daughter wore everywhere. Haven't we said you are never to meddle with these sort!? They cannot be trusted!

      Jessica's mother, irenic as ever, reassured them that they meant no harm whatsoever, but the folks wouldn't have it, and they left with their girl immediately. Just before they left, the girl shouted her name to Jessica: My name is Arla Bainsby!

      Jessica was decidedly distraught. Well, how would you feel if your only real friend was torn away from you like so? Her parents tried to comfort her, but she took refuge in books.

      She became a bibliophage of the first rate as a teenager, even having her parents take her on special trips to museums and university libraries whenever possible to browse through rare book collections. She was researching historical mentions of white gloves and magic, as well as the Bainsby family. She would be rewarded.

      &&&

      Rictus was a manosphere mystery icon. He started out a humble blogger, and now major news networks investigated the real identity of the bastion of antifeminism and pickup artistry.

      It was early Tuesday morning when he did his best writing. Rictus hit the Publish button and his latest article was online, guaranteed to be read by at least a hundred thousand people in the next few days. It was yet another instructional memoir about his efforts seducing women. As usual,

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