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    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever
    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever
    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever
    Ebook320 pages4 hours

    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever

    By Molly Harper

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    UNEXPECTED UNDEAD
    BREAK-UP

    Nothing sucks the romance out of world travel like a boyfriend who may or may not have broken up with you in a hotel room in Brussels. Jane Jameson's sexy sire Gabriel has always been unpredictable, but the seductive, anonymous notes that await him at each stop of their international vacation, coupled with his evasive behavior over the past few months, finally push Jane onto the next flight home to Half Moon Hollow -- alone, upset, and unsure whether Gabriel just ended their relationship without actually telling her.

    Now the children's-librarian-turned-vampire is reviving with plenty of Faux Type O, some TLC from her colorful friends and family, and her plans for a Brave New Jane. Step One: Get her newly renovated occult bookstore off the ground. Step Two: Support her best friend, Zeb, and his werewolf bride as they prepare for the impending birth of their baby...or litter. Step Three: Figure out who's been sending her threatening letters, and how her hostile pen pal is tied to Gabriel. Because for this nice girl, surviving a broken heart is suddenly becoming a matter of life and undeath....
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPocket Books
    Release dateDec 29, 2009
    ISBN9781439166697
    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever
    Author

    Molly Harper

    Molly Harper is the author of two popular series of paranormal romance, the Half-Moon Hollow series and the Naked Werewolf series. She also writes the Bluegrass ebook series of contemporary romance. A former humor columnist and newspaper reporter, she lives in Michigan with her family, where she is currently working on the next Southern Eclectic novel. Visit her on the web at MollyHarper.com.

    Read more from Molly Harper

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    Reviews for Nice Girls Don't Live Forever

    4/5

    292 ratings25 reviews

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    • 4/5
      Reviewed by: Rabid ReadsI don’t usually pace myself whenever I read series, I’m more of a back-to-back kind of girl, but the Molly Harper / Amanda Ronconi duo deserves to be savoured because they make outstanding audiobooks together. NICE GIRLS DON’T LIVE FOREVER is a winning amalgamation of smart aleck humour, three dimensional characters, snappy writing, and excellent narration. The story is more action-packed than usual, and I loved the werewolf tidbits that are scattered throughout this book. It’s the little details that make a series stand out, and JANE JAMESON’s got them in abundance!These novels usually tend to be pretty straightforward in the plot department, so I was pleasantly surprised by the complexity of this installment’s story. The Courtneys were hilariously stereotypical blondes, and I loved the dynamics between Jane and her two BFF’s: Jolene and Andrea. The latter character is also involved in another thread that was unexpected, but due. And, of course, there’s no shortage of laugh-out-loud moments including Dick’s attempt at “cheering” Jameson up after her supposed break-up with Gabe which proves to be oddly effective. Who knew that getting drunk, swallowing your feelings, and starting a bar fight could be so therapeutic!I did have one major beef with this novel, and that was Jane and Gabrielle’s continued on-again-off-again relationship woes. I’m not big on the whole “create drama within the main couple with miscommunication” ploy unless the protagonists’ love is still fairly new. Jameson and Nightengale have been together pretty much since book 1, yet they haven’t learned to talk to each other which frustrated me to no end. However, the werewolf morsels did help to distract me from this minor annoyance with their unique details that were both enlightening, and a little scary. I am just thanking my lucky stars that human babies are not born with a full set of teeth like weres are. Ouchie!What can I possibly say about Amanda Ronconi’s narration that I haven’t said already? Harper’s writing is entertaining enough on its own, but when paired with this talented woman’s voice, it achieves a level of awesomeness that puts it in a league above the rest. Ronconi navigates Jane’s world like it’s her second skin while also doing an excellent job of the secondary characters, and delivering all of the punch lines with pizzazz. She’s one of my top 3 favourite narrators, and this series is the reason why.NICE GIRLS DON’T LIVE FOREVER is another fun filled installment in a series that consistently delivers barrels of laughs.
    • 5/5
      I love this series and it was just the light read read I was looking for. I love the snarky humor of Jane. This story had an interesting plot and lots of humor. It is an excellent choice for a beach read.
    • 5/5
      Check out my other listens at Eargasms Audiobook Reviews

      Another book to love in the series! Great writing and quirky engaging characters!

      Glad Jane and Gabriel finally sorted stuff out! I like them together and hate the whole soap opera of together and breakup that many series do.

      Someday I want to movie to Half Moon Hollow and work for Jane at the bookstore! LOL
    • 5/5
      I love this series. It's light, fluffy, and incredibly entertaining. The fight between Grandma Ruthie and Aunt Jettie made me laugh out loud.
    • 4/5
      Really enjoying this quirky, snarky, tongue in cheek series. Goodreads blurb is an accurate description. It occurred to me while finishing that I needed to remember to post an extra kudos to the author -- deftly handles plot recap with a few key sentences where needed in plot for readers who did not remember from or never read earlier books. (Recent bad experiences with a couple of books where I swear about a third of the things were recapping earlier series). Not particularly thrilled with the unoriginal plot devices of oh-if-only-they-had-talked thing with the romances, the family (particularly not really buying the sister thing) -- but, oh well, still a very good read and an enjoyable series. No spoilers so you can read the next sentence: The big secret Gabriel was keeping and felt could not tell her -- particularly ridiculous as not something you'd think would need to be hidden. Big mystery with Gabriel is just that he has a stalker who is a vampire with the ability to hone in on someone's location; big solution to sisterly problems that included lawsuits -- a cat fight in the mud where both admit to how jealous they are of the other.
    • 5/5
      loved it!
    • 3/5
      I enjoyed this one better than the last but it still didn't match the greatness of the first book. I liked the humour surrounding the twins, some things were wrapped up a little too quickly and easily but overall I'm just glad the series is over.
    • 4/5
      I read this book in one day. I love the characters and their story lines and this book didn't disappoint in the area of character development. A lot of changes occur with more than a couple of the relationships. The plot was very good and a couple of twists at the end took me completely by surprise, which doesn't happen often enough.

      A really strong entry in a very enjoyable, humorous series. I'm looking forward to the fourth book.
    • 4/5
      I’m always pleased with the witty banter between Jane and her friends. I love how fiercely loyal they are to her, and that they will do anything for her. It’s nice to see that she has normal problems just like everyone else. Well, except that she has a stalker. But she has to deal with love matters like everyone.

      I love that she is so supportive of Zeb’s family. She may make jokes, but she loves them and can’t wait to be an “aunt.” I think her mom is a bit more bearable in this book too. She’s not as annoying, but still gets in her business a little too much.

      Love this series.
    • 4/5
      This series is kind of the poor cousin of the Sookie Stackhouse books. Nonetheless, they are very cute, and they take place in rural Kentucky, which makes them feel at home to me. :)
    • 4/5
      I listened to this as an Audiobook narrated by Amanda Ronconi. I enjoyed this book, but not as much as the others, but it was still a good story. I enjoyed all the family drama going on with Jolene and Zeb and their respective families. I didn't like the way the romantic trip between Gabriel and Jane worked out. I guess I just couldn't wrap my head around Gabriel's actions and how he would run off or hide from Jane. I did like the mystery of the who-done-it or who-was-doing-it concerning the bizarre stuff happening around Jane and her bookstore.
    • 4/5
      This series is kind of the poor cousin of the Sookie Stackhouse books. Nonetheless, they are very cute, and they take place in rural Kentucky, which makes them feel at home to me. :)
    • 4/5
      Another fun installment in the Jane Jameson series--loved it! Besides the offbeat humor of these books, I really like the fact that even though Jane's situation pretty much stays the same throughout the series (she is an immortal vampire, after all, how much CAN she change?), things don't just remain static as they do in other books (that shall remain nameless but drive me crazy because *nothing* ever changes in them--so why did I have to spend so much time reading the newest book, then???).

      In this one, Jane and Gabriel are in the middle of their world tour, and things aren't going well. At each hotel they stop at--and they're changing hotels frequently, even more than once a day at times--mysterious envelopes are waiting for Gabriel, envelopes that have him taking off for hours at a time leaving Jane with little or no explanation. When Zeb calls with the news that her store has been broken into, Jane heads back home, not even sure if she and Gabriel have a relationship anymore. And...it pretty much takes off from there. Whether she's dodging evil Chamber of Commerce members or sounding off against her equally evil maternal grandmother, Jane does it all with humor and aplomb. Not to be missed, for fans of the series--can't wait for the next one!
    • 2/5
      Really enjoyed the first one, enjoyed the second one, barely got through this one. It just seemed to be the same outline, different amusing situations put in. The interactions/conflicts all seemed to be basically the same in every installment, just maybe in a different location. I basically skimmed the last third of it, just to see how it ended. For some reason I thought there were only going to be three installments so I wanted to finish it, but I have learned there will be a fourth. I think I will pass. Not a very specific review, huh. But it is kind of how it felt. Nothing specific was wrong, but goodness, nothing specific was right.
    • 2/5
      Really enjoyed the first one, enjoyed the second one, barely got through this one. It just seemed to be the same outline, different amusing situations put in. The interactions/conflicts all seemed to be basically the same in every installment, just maybe in a different location. I basically skimmed the last third of it, just to see how it ended. For some reason I thought there were only going to be three installments so I wanted to finish it, but I have learned there will be a fourth. I think I will pass. Not a very specific review, huh. But it is kind of how it felt. Nothing specific was wrong, but goodness, nothing specific was right.
    • 5/5
      Jane’s let’s-go-see-the-world tour didn’t work out quite like expected. Gabriel is still keeping secrets, leaving Jane to believe he’s seeing someone else, so when she gets a call that her store has been broken into, she decides it’s a good time to head home. Gabriel is relieved to see her go, cementing her suspicions. Quite a bit takes place as Jane, turned into a vampire about a year ago, deals with the opening of her new store, joining an evil Chamber of Commerce—truly diabolical—Mr Wainwright’s nephew finally shows up and a woman starts sending Jane notes and pictures, showing Jane she’s being stalked and increasing Jane’s doubts about Gabriel’s feelings for her.The most obvious thing to comment on is the humor; constant throughout the story, both in the form of slapstick as well as things said. That’s one thing I love about these characters. Jane’s surrounded by a number of people who aren’t afraid to say what’s on their mind and every one of them has their own quirks. Friends and family are a huge part of the story and the relationships just keep getting stronger as the circle of people accepting Jane widens. And we are treated with a couple of family smack downs.Unlike the earlier books in this series, this one moved along at a fairly fast past with plenty of things of interest going on. To me, the prior books all had sections that dragged as different things were being set up. So I was really happy to see the difference with this story.Definitely an enjoyable book.
    • 4/5
      This was another funny, semi suspenseful Jane Jameson book. I think Jane's just hilarious, and I love that she knows she's strange. I love how supportive her friends are, and that she's slowly working things out with her family. I actually really liked her mom in this one, and still really hated Grandma Ruthie. Dick is so cute when he's whipped and crazy in love.
    • 4/5
      Review Courtesy of Dark Faerie TalesQuick & Dirty: Watch that ex baby, she’s crazy.Opening Sentence: My life didn’t begin until I died.The Review:In episode three of the life of Jane Jameson, her life continues on in Half Moon Hollow, mostly without Gabriel. During what was supposed to be the trip of her undead life, Jane is getting increasingly suspicious of Gabriel’s behavior. They start bopping from hotel to hotel, the secret calls, and mysterious love letters keep coming, and Jane has finally given up.When she gets up the nerve to confront Gabriel, he sends her home alone and still will not give her any kind of explanation. When she turns up home early, and without her paramour, her girlfriends are there with the traditional therapy…desserts and sappy movies, and her guyfriend Dick treats her to his kind of therapy…a drunken bar-fight. These actually do make it marginally better, and Jane decides to move on with her life and her new bookstore.When Jane returns to work, in her mail is a letter from the same person sending them to Gabriel, telling Jane all about their relationship, and making Gabriel look even worse. Jane tries to just ignore the letters, until they get spooky and stalker-ish, and Jane then comes under attack. This brings Gabriel back into the fold, and the truth is finally revealed. You see, Jane is not Gabriel’s first vampire childe. He once turned a young woman, and she is back to claim her lover and his blood. Gabriel has spent the last months trying to take care of the situation without bringing Jane in. Bad choice, because she’s back and she’s made some friends no one likes.Oh and before I go on, let me tell you…Jane has also decided to take a turn as a member of the Chamber of Commerce, an insane pack of bottle blonds named Courtney, the head of which insists on running Jane’s life. These chicks are almost as crazy as Gabriel’s ex.Congratulations go out to Zeb and Jolene who, after a five month pregnancy, are the proud parents of a set of twins. Join us as we follow the pregnancy and the poor Daddy’s imminent psychological collapse. Poor Zeb is more comfortable when the babies aren’t his own, I guess. But they make it through beautifully, and he becomes the hit of the high school reunion.Also congrats to Dick as he finally has a relationship with the beautiful Andrea. The pair now work at Jane’s bookstore, and things are going great. That is, until Andrea is taken prisoner by that crazy psycho who’s after Jane, and ends up turned into a vampire. Which, after all, isn’t a bad thing when the love of your life is already undead.I was perusing the reviews for this one on Amazon and a few of them made a point that I find rather valid. There isn’t much romance in this third book, in fact the series hero is conspicuously absent for most of it, and is made to look like a complete ass. From the weirdness at the end of their “romantic” trip through Europe, the letters, their possible breakup, and his inept excuses for his behavior, Gabriel is the villain throughout of this book as much as he is supposed to be the hero.This doesn’t translate to a bad story, just a bit of confusion when you see it branded as a paranormal romance, that’s all. But all is well that ends well, I guess.Notable Scene:I picked some snippets of fun conversation instead of a single scene again for this review.“I have to,” I mumbled. “I’m in charge of the prizes for the charity carnival.”Andrea hooted. “they’ve pulled you in!”“They did not!”“They made you their prize b**ch! And not in the dog show way. You might as well have given them all your milk money and then done their homework for them.”“I told you, they’re scary. And blond.”“Zeb said we should bring over the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but Andrea thought you’d get all depressed,” Jolene told me.“Yeah, because what’s the point of watching Buffy if you’re not watching the second-season episodes with Spike in them?” I asked, uncorking the bottle of wine. Andrea poured me a large glass. “Hmmm. I wonder if it would be unethical for me to turn James Marsters? And then force him to fake the Cockney accent? And then make him my love monkey?”“You read up on stalking?”“I had someone paint ‘Bloodsucking Whore’ on my car a year ago. It merited a Google.”“I don’t like it,” Dick said, grimacing.“I think the very word stalking implies that you’re not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called ‘fluffy harmless observation time,’ “ I said, chewing my lip.“How could you do that to your own grandmother?”“Let me get this straight. You’re yelling at me for my behavior during a conversation with Grandma Ruthie, in which Grandma Ruthie yelled at me for how I behaved during a conversation with you?” I sighed. “Do you two organize a ‘be a pain in Jane’s ass’ schedule?”“She could have had a heart attack!” Jenny insisted.“Oh, please, Ruthie’s an unstoppable force of nature, like the Black Plague or Richard Simmons.”The Jane Jameson Series:1. Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs2. Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men3. Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever4. Nice Girls Don’t Bite Their NeighborsFTC Advisory: Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books graciously provided me with a copy of Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.
    • 3/5
      In the third Jane Jameson book we get to see what Jane makes of her relatively new vampire life.The book has everything going for it; characters are really interesting and funny, Harper's writing is witty and she adds twists and turns, the plot thickens... But somehow Nice Girls Don't Live Forever/Jane Jameson series doesn't brake the surface, they just don't draw me in! That said, I still want to read the next book when it is released.
    • 5/5
      Molly Harper has become one of my must-read authors. I love that she continues with Jane's story. Still laugh out loud funny but this time with parts that were sad and thoughtful too. I'm not sure if Molly intends to leave behind Half Moon Hollow and stay in Grundy with the werewolves but I would love to see another book in the series to resolve some issues with the supporting "cast".
    • 3/5
      Plot Summary: Nothing sucks the romance out of world travel like a boyfriend who may or may not have broken up with you in a hotel room in Brussels. Jane Jameson's sexy sire Gabriel has always been unpredictable, but the seductive, anonymous notes that await him at each stop of their international vacation, coupled with his evasive behavior over the past few months, finally push Jane onto the next flight home to Half Moon Hollow -- alone, upset, and unsure whether Gabriel just ended their relationship without actually telling her. Now the children's-librarian-turned-vampire is reviving with plenty of Faux Type O, some TLC from her colorful friends and family, and her plans for a Brave New Jane. Step One: Get her newly renovated occult bookstore off the ground. Step Two: Support her best friend, Zeb, and his werewolf bride as they prepare for the impending birth of their baby...or litter. Step Three: Figure out who's been sending her threatening letters, and how her hostile pen pal is tied to Gabriel. Because for this nice girl, surviving a broken heart is suddenly becoming a matter of life and undeath.... Review: Wielding the double-edged sword of witticism and sarcasm and brandishing a shield of self deprecation to cover insecurity, Jane manages yet again to charm and amuse as she deals with the doubts and fears of a potential cheating sire/lover, the annoyance of family, the terrors of the pink Courtneys, and the danger of a potential stalker, all while she opens her bookstore and helps her best friend and his new wife get ready for cubs.I enjoyed the story development surrounding Jane's family. Jane's mother is finally embracing Jane's vampirism with embarrassing results. Jane's sister tries to exact her own revenge by outing her to the merchant guild only to alienate herself. Jane's grandmother orders Jane to apologize to her most recent fiancé--apologize for insulting him after he tried to kill Jane.Other than the above, there is a lot of snarkiness like usual and a lot of fun. I thought this book was much better paced than the second one, there weren't any boring spots or spots where I was really annoyed at the characters. Some of the time is also spent working on Dick and Andrea's relationship after Andrea is turned into a vampire by one of the less savory characters in the novel.
    • 5/5
      This is the final book in the Jane Jameson trilogy by Harper. It was a great conclusion to the trilogy and nicely wrapped up all of the outstanding plot points.As in book 2 Jane is dealing with a lot in this book. Her and Gabriel are on the outs after he fantastically screws up their whirlwind tour of Europe. When Jane returns after getting a call her bookshop has been broken in to, she finds Zeb and Jolene pregnant, her employer's mysterious nephew returned on a mission Jane can't figure out, and an invitation waiting for her 10 year high school reunion. Jane also joins the Chamber of Commerce to further her business and finds that it is run by evil blond women obsessed with pink. On top of all of this she is trying to solve the mystery of Gabriel's mystery linen notes; she assumes he is cheating on her, but then she starts receiving similar notes herself.This book was a bit like the second book in that there are a lot of little plotlines going on. Unlike the second book I thought this book did a lot better job of tying everything together and keeping the plot well organized even with everything that is going on.Jane finally solves the mystery of what is going on with Gabriel and it is relief to get some closure on that front. Another relief is that Jane's evil female relatives are less present and, at least some of them, grow a conscience and are more reasonable and realistic. It was nice to see that in the resolution of these relationships with her female relatives, Jane isn't blameless and realizes that she was provoking some of the evil behavior.Other than the above, there is a lot of snarkiness like usual and a lot of fun. I thought this book was much better paced than the second one, there weren't any boring spots or spots where I was really annoyed at the characters. Some of the time is also spent working on Dick and Andrea's relationship. Things even get more dire in the book when one of Jane's friends is kidnapped and endangered by one of the less savory characters in the novel.All the characters find some level of emotional maturity in this book and the books leaves everything in a nicely wrapped up and realistic place. In general the ending leaves you feeling good and smiling, which is always a good thing for a book!Overall I thought this was an excellent conclusion to this series. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I will keep an eye on Harper's future books. Her fun and snarky writing style is very amusing, although at some points the over-characterization of some of the characters can get a bit wearying. This wouldn't be something I would read all of the time, but when I am in the mood for a fun light read it fits the bill.
    • 4/5
      When Jane's bookstore is robbed, she returns from a less than stellar vacation with her now ex-boyfriend Gabriel, and tries to regroup her store and her life. She has a lot to keep her busy. Her best friend, Jeb and his were wife are expecting, uh, cubs. Her friend Andrea is getting really serious with vampire, Dick Cheney. And Jane has joined the strangest chamber of commerce ever. Throw in hate mail from a mysterious flame of Gabriel's, and life is just about as complicated as an undead girl can stand. I love this series. I find myself laughing out loud every time I read on of these books. I love Jane and her wack-a-doo family and friends. I am really looking forward to finding out what kind of trouble gets stirred up in the next book.
    • 4/5
      Another fun romp. I detect signs this may be the last Jane Jameson book, but I sincerely hope not.
    • 4/5
      After a shaky start with the first book (I found it too similar to other vampire romances, but extremely funny), the second book won me over. Not since the first two books of MJD "Queen Betsy" series had a laughed outloud so much. And if her humor wasn't enough to win me over, you have to love a heroine who loves books. In "Nice Girls Don't Live Forever", Jane believes Gabriel is cheating on her or at least holding out details of his past. The two spend a good chunk of the story seperated. Zeb and Jolene are expecting a baby or two and there is some Mama Ginger drama, which is funny stuff. There is more drama involving Jane's reopening of the bookstore and a committee she joins. While I was excited for the third (and of right now, final) book in the series, I was also sad knowing it could well be the last time to visit with Jane, Gabriel, Zeb, and the rest of the colorful, exciting cast. The third book in my opinion, wasn't as funny as the second one and I didn't like all the relationship drama between Gabriel and Jane. Way too much time was spent agonizing over their relationship. I did however, enjoy the resolution and the drama that ensued. I didn't forsee a couple of suprises in the end and that is always a positive thing. Snarky Jane was out in full force and I had a couple laugh aloud moments and a ton of smiles as I read the book. Way too quickly. Because now I am left without evidence that there will be more books coming, but I will keep my fingers crossed.

    Book preview

    Nice Girls Don't Live Forever - Molly Harper

    MOVE OVER, SOOKIE STACKHOUSE—THERE’S A NEW KID IN TOWN.

    —Susan Andersen, New York Times bestselling author of Bending the Rules*

    Acclaim for the "wry, deliciously

    fun"* series featuring Jane Jameson,

    a librarian with a really long shelf

    life … check out Molly Harper’s

    Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men

    Harper’s latest is just as fast-paced, mysterious, passionate, and hilarious as the first…. This great sequel is sure to please fans and keep them laughing as they navigate their way through one awesome story.

    —Romantic Times (4½ stars)

    "With its quirky characters and the funny situations they get into, whether they be normal or paranormal, Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men is an amazing novel, deserving of Romance Reviews Today’s coveted Perfect 10."

    —Romance Reviews Today

    Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs

    A Romantic Times TOP PICK for

    April 2009!

    Jane is an everygirl with a wonderful sense of humor and quick sarcasm. Add in the mystery and romance and you have your next must-read novel!

    —Romantic Times (4½ stars)

    Hysterical laughs are the hallmark of this enchanting paranormal debut…. Harper’s take on vampire lore will intrigue and entertain…. Jane’s snarky first-person narrative is as charming as it is hilarious…. Harper keeps the quips coming without overdoing the sarcasm.

    —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

    Quirky characters, human and vampire alike.

    —Booklist

    Charming, sexy, and hilarious…. I laughed until I cried.

    —Michele Bardsley, bestselling author of Over My Dead Body

    Wicked fun that had me laughing out loud…. Molly Harper has a winner…. I read it all in one delicious sitting!

    —Candace Havens, bestselling author

    of Dragons Prefer Blondes

    A brilliantly written adventure chock full of clever prose, hilarity, and hunky vampires!

    —Stephanie Rowe, national bestselling author of Ice

    "Molly Harper’s debut novel is the first in a hopefully long line of books featuring Jane and her entertaining crew. Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs is a wonderful treat."

    —Romance Reviews Today

    "If you are a fan of humorous vampire stories, please pick up Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs. Jane is such a great character, and there are so many funny lines and scenes that I dog-eared my copy just to go back and re-read them. This was a fun book all around and right now it’s my choice for my favorite humorous romance for this year."

    —All About Romance

    This debut novel is very lovable. The author has not only managed to create a new vampire type and make it her own but she has also managed to make it fresh and original…. Fun, witty, and very tasty, this looks like a series to watch.

    —Amberkatze’s Book Blog

    The word that just keeps popping into my head is … incredible. That about sums it up.

    —Books, Books and More Books

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    Title Page

    Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever

    Chapter 1

    Chapter 2

    Chapter 3

    Chapter 4

    Chapter 5

    Chapter 6

    Chapter 7

    Chapter 8

    Chapter 9

    Chapter 10

    Chapter 11

    Chapter 12

    Chapter 13

    Chapter 14

    Chapter 15

    Chapter 16

    Chapter 17

    For Brandi Bradley,

    Long Live the Dead Virgins Club

    Acknowledgments

    Many thanks to my husband, David, for putting up with a sleep-deprived and occasionally cranky spouse who has conversations with people that don’t really exist. To my mom, the one-woman maternal marketing machine: I would not be here without you. To my dad: many fathers wouldn’t know what to with a daughter who writes this sort of thing, so thanks for showing me how proud you are every day. To Russ and Nancy, who probably didn’t expect nearly this many vampire-related family dinner conversations when I married your son: thank you for all of your support.

    And finally, the Jane Jameson books would not have seen the light of day without the enthusiasm, patience, and subtle prodding of my agent, Stephany Evans. My endless gratitude, darlin’.

    1

    The worst thing you can do in a relationship, vampire or otherwise, is actually telling your partner that you don’t trust him. Even if it’s true.

    —Love Bites: A Female Vampire’s Guide to Less

    Destructive Relationships

    My life didn’t begin until I died.

    Pre-vampire Jane worked Saturdays and holidays and any other days that no one else on the library staff wanted to work. I had never done anything for myself. I’d never traveled. And now, I was my own boss. I’d had the opportunity to kiss foreign soil. Actually, it was the tile in Heathrow Airport’s Sunproof Lounge on the very first stop of our trip—London. I think my worship of solid ground embarrassed my sire/boyfriend, Gabriel Nightengale. And the pickpockets were able to peg me as a tourist right away. But I was really, really happy to be off that plane.

    I have claustrophobia issues.

    I’d never had a healthy adult relationship as a live girl. Then again, I’d just abandoned my 150-year-old boy-friend in a hotel room in Brussels, so maybe this one didn’t count, either.

    I’m pretty sure it was Brussels. We’d made quite a few stops since London.

    My ’round-the-world romantic getaway with Gabriel turned sour early on, right after we checked into our first hotel in London. There was a note waiting for Gabriel at the front desk, fancy linen paper addressed in spidery black ink. Whatever it said, it put him in a very foul mood. The minute we’d settled into the exceedingly posh room, he put his flowy black coat back on, said he had to make some phone calls, and disappeared for most of the night. My newly purchased trunkload of lacy underthings took this very personally. When he returned, he gave me a cursory kiss good night and collapsed into sleep. I managed to say, What the hell? in about fourteen languages.

    You know how after you’ve hung around a person for a while, you can tell when they’re trying to have a good time? Well, this phenomenon was just frightening in Gabriel. He was like a Carlson Wagonlit agent on crack, manically planning all-night excursions to museums, the opera, beer gardens, fancy intimidating parties with his fancy intimidating friends—anything that would keep us out of the hotel room from dusk till dawn. Gabriel’s credit-card company put a fraud watch on his accounts as we switched hotels on a whim, two or three times per city. Each time we checked in, a creamy linen envelope was waiting for him at the front desk. And each time, his eyes got just a little more Manson-ish. Charles or Marilyn, take your pick.

    His cell phone rang incessantly, and every time it did, he either let it go to voicemail or whispered, Business, and took the call outside. I tried to ignore the warning signs. I tried to give Gabriel the benefit of the doubt, but a girl can only bury her head so deep in the sand. He had told me months before that he was having issues he couldn’t tell me about. There were frequent business trips during which I couldn’t reach him by phone. And I’d found out that on several occasions, he’d lied about where he’d been. He’d assured me that it wasn’t another woman, despite the fact that the name Jeanine had popped up on his cell phone several times. Never had I wished so much that my stupid, inconsistent mind-reading powers worked on my sire.

    Even though I still had (raging, screaming) doubts, I had chosen to believe him. And now, I was starting to feel like one of those women at whom people yell, How stupid can you be? when they inevitably appear on Dr. Phil.

    I suppose one should expect a certain amount of drama in a relationship that started with one party dying in a muddy ditch off a dark country road. I don’t like talking about the night I was turned. All young vampires eventually get drunk with their buddies and share war stories about how they became undead. I do not partake in such revelries. Why?

    The short version is this: I was (unfairly, unceremoniously) fired from the library and replaced by my supervisor’s barely literate firebug stepdaughter. But instead of getting a severance check, I got just enough of a gift certificate to get rip-snorting drunk at Shenanigans. I met Gabriel, flirtation ensued. I sobered enough to drive, but as a result of unfortunate circumstances, my ancient car, Big Bertha, died halfway home. I was spotted walking down the road by the town drunk, Bud McElray, who mistook me for a deer and shot me. I was left in the ditch to die, only to be found and turned by Gabriel.

    You don’t become a vampire just by being bitten. Vampirism isn’t a germ or a curse or karmic justice for overtanners. To make a childe, a vampire will feed on a human until he or she reaches the point of death, then feed the initiate as much undead blood as he or she can take. The process takes a lot out of the sire, which is why a vampire will only turn a handful of children in his or her lifetime.

    Gabriel being my sire and my boyfriend caused some complications in our relationship. It was his job to lead me through the transition to vampirism, but since I rarely listened to him, that didn’t work out so well. And confrontations between the two of us tended to get sort of violent … and naked. So, instead of indulging in accusations of infidelity and undead Johnny Depp hotel theatrics, I bit my tongue. Hell, I bit a hole through my tongue. Fortunately, I had vampire healing, so it grew right back. But then we checked into the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Munich, and a linen envelope was waiting.

    The look on Gabriel’s face made a bellboy cry.

    Our itinerary became even more packed. I was frequently left alone with Gabriel’s strange Euro-vampire friends as he held urgent business meetings. I occasionally woke up at dusk and couldn’t figure out where Gabriel was. Of course, we switched locations so often, a few times I woke up and couldn’t figure out where I was. But that didn’t make me feel any better when Gabriel crept into the room with lame excuses about running out for a newspaper or a fresh bottle of blood. Even my white lie acceptance level has limits.

    When Gabriel was in the shower one night, I happened to peek into the wastebasket, where he’d left the torn remnants of his latest note. I saw words like bloodmate and love you.

    I swear, it wasn’t my fault that the basket tipped over and those little bits of paper somehow managed to reassemble themselves perfectly into their original order. OK, fine, I abused my jigsaw-puzzle skills. But if Gabriel didn’t want me reading the note, he probably should have burned it. My vision tinged red as I made out phrases like Remember what we are to each other, Remember what we have, The woman you’re with can’t satisfy you like I do.

    Satisfy you like I do? In the present tense? Gabriel had recently been satisfied by this woman? I fell on my knees, stunned by an explosion of pain in my chest. If my heart beat, I would have sworn I’d blown an aorta. He’d promised. He’d sworn that he was faithful to me. And, like an idiot, I’d believed him.

    The phone rang. With numbed fingers, I knocked the phone off its cradle and heard the voice of my best friend, Zeb. I launched into a paranoid diatribe on cheating boyfriends. I ignored all attempts on his part to make me think like a normal person or believe that all of this could be a very complicated coincidence.

    Whose side are you on? I hissed, listening for the sound of Gabriel’s shower running. I swiped the little bits of paper back into the wastebasket.

    Um, logic and reason? Zeb suggested. And as much as I enjoy paying ten dollars a minute to listen to you rant hysterically, I called to let you know there was a burglary at the shop last night.

    After my masterful string of profanity, Zeb explained that two nights before, someone had thrown a brick through the front window and ransacked the stock. Oddly enough, some of the more valuable items—figurines and crystals and ceremonial objects—had been ignored in favor of tearing through boxes of books. Books were thrown aside, their spines cracked and damaged, Zeb’s descriptions of which were enough to make me produce distressed sounds in several different languages.

    Zeb said in a soothing voice, Fortunately, they didn’t know how valuable some of the books were, because they didn’t take anything.

    What kind of underachieving burglars don’t take anything? I asked, grasping at any excuse not to think about the nauseating ripple of pain shredding through my body. I could do this. I could get through this. I just had to focus on what Zeb was saying.

    I don’t know. Mr. Wainwright was out on the town with your aunt Jettie, so he was no help. It’s my theory that one of the adult-video store’s old clients just got confused and was searching for his recommended daily allowance of visual stimuli, Zeb said as I pulled my suitcase out of the closet. Dick thinks it was someone looking for something specific, who couldn’t understand your weird shelving system.

    Yeah, alphabetical order is revolutionary. I snorted. So, how much damage are we talking about here?

    Not much. Other than the window being broken and the books being tossed around, nothing. Which, to me, says the thieves were over thirty. No angry teenager could pass up the chance to mess up newly painted walls and a shiny new espresso machine.

    Look, I’m coming home on the next flight, I said, randomly tossing clothes into my bag.

    What? No, Jane, there’s no reason to do that. Dick and Andrea can take care of everything. Andrea’s almost as anal-retentive as you are. She’s doing a great job.

    I’m coming home, Zeb, I repeated.

    Jane, don’t turn this into a— You’re hanging up on me now, aren’t you? Dang it, Jane! he cried as I snapped the phone back into the cradle.

    Gabriel emerged from the bathroom, his hips swathed in a huge white towel. His deep gray eyes tracked warily from my packed bag to the phone. Who were you talking to?

    My head snapped up, and it took everything in me not to throw the nightstand across the room at him. I wanted to scream, to strike at him until he hurt as much as I did. But I couldn’t. I had become numb. Empty. I took a few deep breaths, unlocked my jaw, and concentrated on keeping my tone even, unaffected.

    There’s been a break-in at the shop. I need to go home and take care of it, I said, clicking the suitcase shut. If you could send the rest of my stuff home, I’d appreciate it.

    I looked up, hoping to see some response from Gabriel, something to show that he wanted me to stay. But he seemed relieved. He blew out a breath and slid into a pair of black jeans. Well, if you have to go, you have to go. It’s probably better this way.

    And then he helped me pack.

    It was like being slapped with indifference. He honestly did not care whether I was there or not. I could have just announced that I was going to take a flying leap off the roof, and he would have just nodded obligingly.

    Well, OK, then, I muttered, throwing my jacket on. I’ll see you when you get home. After you’ve finished your business.

    I’ll see you soon, he promised as he gave me a sterile peck on the forehead. It was a dismissive and fatherly sort of kiss. This is really for the best. I think we can both agree that this trip hasn’t quite worked out as we’d hoped. I’ll call you.

    As the door literally hit me in the butt on my way out, I was struck by the realization that Gabriel had just used classic brush-off platitudes on me. Did he just break up with me and not even have the decency to tell me? Now well and truly pissed, I carted my luggage to the front desk.

    You know those French movies, where a weary lover climbs into a taxi wearing an oversized shawl and Jackie O sunglasses as Paris slowly fades away? And as she’s driven to the airport, they might show a single glistening tear sliding down her cheek? Yes, the image is dramatic and glamorous, but living it just plain sucks.

    If one is undead and hell-bent on travel, I must suggest Virgin Airlines’ Vamp Air. Trust Richard Branson to find a niche market involving carefully shaded windows and a selection of blood constantly warmed to exactly 98.6 degrees. Plus, few parents are willing to bring crying babies onto a plane full of vampires, so it’s blissfully quiet. I dragged my sunscreened, jet-lagged carcass through the Nashville International baggage claim at four A.M. to find Zeb waiting for me, holding a sign that said, Undead Tourism Bureau.

    I propped my sunglasses on top of my head and smirked. What were you going to do if someone else fit the bill?

    What’d you bring me? What’d you bring me? he asked, hopping up and down.

    Tiny liquor bottles from the minibar, I said, holding up my suitcase proudly and thumping it into his chest.

    Sadly, that’s the same thing my uncle Ron gave me for Christmas. He snorted, taking my little carry-on bag onto his shoulder.

    I wrapped them in hotel towels from four different countries, I added.

    He grinned. Excellent.

    I actually had gotten him and Jolene fancy 500-thread-count sheets and some very expensive snacks from Harrods. The hotel towels were for me.

    We reached Zeb’s car, threw my luggage into the backseat, and took our places up front. Zeb started the car and paid the exorbitant parking fee. So, tell me everything. Where did you go? What did you see?

    "Went to some parties, met strange and snotty people. Saw some great museums and restaurants, but being in France and not being able to eat chocolate is downright masochistic. Oh, we saw Carmen performed in Vienna. Did you know the whole first song is about cigarette smoke?"

    I didn’t know that, Zeb admitted. "But I’m surprised you didn’t know that."

    Oh, ha-ha. So, where’s your lovely wife? I asked as we pulled onto the interstate. What’s she doing letting you take off for Nashville after midnight? Doesn’t she know you get lost?

    Zeb grimaced. Things between Jolene and Zeb had been tense lately. They were still trying to build a home on the land I’d given them as a wedding present. The house was slow to finish because Jolene’s family was pressuring them to move back onto the McClaine family compound. Werewolves are notoriously territorial, and Jolene was the first McClaine to live off-site since they’d settled in the Hollow two hundred years before. The family owns multiple businesses in the Hollow, including several construction firms. And what they don’t own they could influence with scary male werewolf dominance. So, to say that it was difficult for Zeb and Jolene to get contractors to show up—risking pissing off Jolene’s kin—much less finish their work, was an understatement.

    To top it off, the brand-newish trailer they’d been offered as an incentive to live on McClaine land had mysteriously evaporated when Zeb and Jolene announced they were building their own home, leaving the newly-weds with the camper recently vacated by Jolene’s stoner cousin, Larry. And one could live in the close quarters of a cannabis-saturated camper for only so long before one’s marriage began feeling like the last half of The Shining.

    I would say that Zeb was a saint to put up with such interference from his in-laws, but his family’s no prize herd, either. Let’s just say that one of the Lavelle family’s favorite Christmas activities is to gather around the TV and watch their highlight reel from the Rowdy Rural Towns episode of COPS.

    Zeb’s mother, Ginger Lavelle, had a number of reasons to shun me lately, the least of which was that I refused to let her ruin Zeb’s honeymoon. To bastardize Harry Potter, I was Zeb’s Secret Keeper for his honeymoon destination. Zeb told his family that he and Jolene were going to the mountain retreats of Gatlinburg, when he, in fact, took his blushing bride to Biloxi, for a week of Gulf shrimp, putt-putt, and blessed silence. Their hotel information was sealed in an envelope and given to me with the instructions that it was to be opened only if someone was dead or incapacitated … well, more incapacitated than usual.

    While contrite over her wacky antiwedding antics, Mama Ginger could remain chastised for only so long. Incensed that she could not locate her son after calling every hotel in Gatlinburg, Mama Ginger called me to demand that I give her the location and phone number right now, because she was having chest pains and was being taken to the hospital. Used to this ploy, I refused. She switched tactics and said that she needed the number because Zeb’s father, Floyd, had dropped an automatic cigarette lighter into his lap while driving and was being treated for several third-degree burns in sensitive areas.

    While that scenario was far more plausible, I still withheld the number, which prompted Mama Ginger to announce that she would never speak to me again. I was not properly devastated by this announcement, which just made Mama Ginger angrier. Mama Ginger had long held out hope that Zeb and I would one day wed, but now that she knew about my unfortunate condition, she was slightly ashamed to have wanted a vampire as an in-law. She was still less than civil to Jolene. But she now preferred her daughter-in-law to me, because at least Jolene wasn’t a vampire. Of course, Zeb hadn’t yet broken the news about his new bride being a werewolf, but that was neither here nor there.

    I’d promised myself that I was going to back off and stop interfering in Jolene and Zeb’s relationship, but it was so much healthier than talking about my own relationship. So, I think I earned a pass just this once. "Tell me you haven’t been watching The Howling again, I groaned. You know it’s just a movie."

    Zeb gave me a distinctly not-amused look, then sighed. Marriage is a little harder than I thought it would be. Just normal stuff, you know. Things that get on each other’s nerves. He began ticking off Jolene’s numerous faults on his fingers. "She chews her fingernails and her toenails. She cannot stop herself from answering the questions from Jeopardy out loud, even when she knows she’s wrong. She sheds. She puts ketchup on her egg rolls."

    Blasphemy. I shuddered. And as much as it would be in my own personal interest to interfere with your marriage and reclaim your full attention, you do realize that you are married to arguably one of the most beautiful women on the planet. And you are a male kindergarten teacher who collects dolls.

    Action figures, he corrected.

    And she stuck with you, despite the fact that your mother tried to make wedding-party casting changes during the rehearsal and had you hypnotized by a five-dollar psychic so you’d dump Jolene at the altar.

    Her family put out a bear trap for me! he huffed.

    Well, that just means that your families cancel each other out.

    He snickered, his expression softening. She’s pregnant.

    My jaw actually hit the middle of my chest. Well, that explains the egg rolls and ketchup.

    My throat tightened at the thought of Zeb having a baby. This was so huge, the last step toward Zeb really growing up. I’ll admit I was a little jealous. I was being left behind again. Zeb was doing something I would never do. But, as I’d discovered last year when Zeb’s mom dumped an infant on my doorstep in an attempt to jump-start my biological clock, I am not cut out to nurture. And because I no longer have a pulse, I can’t have children—which works out nicely.

    But this is a good thing, right? I shook his shoulder. I’m going to be an honorary aunt.

    "It’s a great thing, except the idea of being responsible for a whole family sort of scares

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