Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Go Ask Alice
    Go Ask Alice
    Go Ask Alice
    Ebook324 pages2 hours

    Go Ask Alice

    By Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

    3.5/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    A teen plunges into a downward spiral of addiction in this classic cautionary tale.

    January 24th
    After you’ve had it, there isn't even life without drugs…

    It started when she was served a soft drink laced with LSD in a dangerous party game. Within months, she was hooked, trapped in a downward spiral that took her from her comfortable home and loving family to the mean streets of an unforgiving city. It was a journey that would rob her of her innocence, her youth—and ultimately her life.

    Read her diary.
    Enter her world.
    You will never forget her.

    For thirty-five years, the acclaimed, bestselling first-person account of a teenage girl’s harrowing decent into the nightmarish world of drugs has left an indelible mark on generations of teen readers. As powerful—and as timely—today as ever, Go Ask Alice remains the definitive book on the horrors of addiction.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
    Release dateJul 13, 1999
    ISBN9780689832499
    Go Ask Alice

    Related to Go Ask Alice

    Related ebooks

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Daisy’s Day In The Sun

      Jul 12, 2022

      Daisy’s Day In The Sun
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Feb 1, 2022

      Dear Editors, Thank you for the wonderful magazine. I love the stories that are in there. I always love to read, and the contests are fun to do. I love the art, and the poems are so funny! This is a haiku I wrote: Inspire and create Use your imagina

      6 min read

    • Article

      Alan Cumming

      Nov 1, 2021

      Alan Cumming
      5 min read

    • Article

      Marian On Her New Book

      Jun 19, 2020

      Reading Grown Ups, I had to wonder about the inspiration behind it? Was it a bad family holiday? Yeah, there’s this group of people I’ve been friends with for a long time and we go away together now and again. In recent years one of the friends has b

      3 min read

    • Article

      When Your Dad Gets Locked Up—And Then Deported

      May 11, 2018

      I crossed the border from Mexico with my parents when I was 6 years old. I remember walking for a day and a half and wading through a river. I remember sitting on my dad’s shoulders, feeling his skin peeling and blistering. In Mexico, we had worked

      5 min read

    • Article

      Advent

      Nov 22, 2018

      Advent
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Sep 1, 2019

      Dear Cricket, I have been getting your magazine for a little over a year. My mom asked me if I wanted to stop getting it, and of course I said no. How could I not? It’s one of the best magazines ever! I love literature, so when I first heard about Cr

      7 min read

    • Article

      How A Puppy Saved My Grieving Family

      Apr 16, 2021

      How A Puppy Saved My Grieving Family
      6 min read

    • Article

      Dirty Daddy

      Sep 7, 2023

      Dirty Daddy
      6 min read

    • Article

      Counter Waves

      Oct 23, 2020

      Counter Waves
      8 min read

    • Article

      Denise Mina

      Jul 11, 2022

      Denise Mina
      5 min read

    • Article

      Deborah Meaden

      Jul 10, 2023

      Deborah Meaden
      6 min read

    • Article

      Cool Dads: Tough Times Edition

      Jul 3, 2022

      Cool Dads: Tough Times Edition
      7 min read

    • Article

      Class ACT

      Mar 18, 2020

      Class ACT
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Class ACT

      Dec 29, 2020

      A Class ACT
      6 min read

    • Article

      Andi Osho

      Jan 18, 2021

      Andi Osho
      5 min read

    • Article

      Learning To Love Myself

      Feb 14, 2018

      Learning To Love Myself
      4 min read

    • Article

      Letter To My Younger Self

      Dec 13, 2021

      Letter To My Younger Self
      3 min read

    • Article

      ‘I CRIED WHEN the Lionesses lost the World Cup’

      Oct 10, 2023

      Clare Balding has presented coverage of Crufts for long enough to know a Shih Tzu from a Lhasa Apso, but she admits that her latest book – Isle of Dogs – taught her so much more. It explores how canine companions became an intrinsic part of our lives

      3 min read

    • Article

      Sophie L Morgan

      Feb 6, 2023

      Sophie L Morgan
      8 min read

    • Article

      Right date, RIGHT NOW

      Feb 15, 2023

      Right date, RIGHT NOW
      6 min read

    • Article

      An Epilogue to Homeschooling: A Mother Hangs Up Her Homeschooling Hat…Now What?

      Oct 3, 2022

      Estimated reading time: 11 minutes — My chest feels achy. It’s felt like this for weeks now. I keep catching myself holding my breath, losing focus, reaching for something to soothe me, staring into space. This isn’t me — who is this person, I wonde

      7 min read

    • Article

      James Gray

      Nov 4, 2022

      James Gray
      3 min read

    • Article

      Vivian Pham On Reigniting Our Inner Child

      Aug 2, 2020

      IT IS A strange time to be alive, and an even stranger time to be a child. Toddlers today are only doing it for the first time and should not therefore be regarded as authorities in their field. Only handfuls of humans have managed to remain in the E

      4 min read

    • Article

      The Experts

      Jan 4, 2022

      The Experts
      4 min read

    • Article

      Sally Phillips

      Mar 27, 2023

      Sally Phillips
      5 min read

    Reviews for Go Ask Alice

    3.5/5

    2,737 ratings119 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 3/5
      A sad story about a young girl's struggle with drug addiction. Although slightly outdated, "Go Ask Alice" is still a powerful read for young people, alerting them to the dangers of drug experimentation and showing them how quickly a life can spiral out of control.
    • 4/5
      Wow. This book was amazing though a little slow at the beginning. But what gets me is that this was based on someone who really experienced all of these events not just some fictional character an author conjured up.
    • 3/5
      ** spoiler alert ** So this is the first time I have read this book and I have to say I enjoyed it (as much as you can enjoy a book on this subject).I can't recall if the narrator was ever named (I don't think she was) but you follow her through her adoption of a diary to her first accidental use of LSD to running away and coming home. She tries to get clean but is constantly brought back down by her old friends.I think this book is a great read for young adults as it is a first hand look into what drugs are like and how they can change your life for the worse. It is a heart breaking story but completely honest.
    • 3/5
      Not a true account, but still a stirring cautionary tale about drugs.
    • 3/5
      I've just finished reading. I'm quite shocked. It was OK, not a big deal but very reflexive.
    • 5/5
      I read this book when I was fifteen. I don’t care whether it’s fact or fiction; I was engrossed.

      A fifteen year old girl writes in her journal almost every day for a year about her spiral into a world of drugs.
    • 5/5
      I don't know what to say about this book. I don't know how I feel about this book. This book was haunting. It was horrifying. It was sad. It was heartbreaking. This is basically a handbook for what not to do when you're a teenager. This poor girl. I can't even pretend to imagine what it was like to walk in her shoes. To think that her addiction began with so-called friends drugging her. And once the cycle began she couldn't pull herself out for very long. And she tried. I believe she tried and desperately wanted to get clean and stay that way. And the way people treated her while she was trying to fly straight... It doesn't surprise me that people could do the things to her they did. People of all ages can be so horrible. And I'll forever wonder if she slipped, or if someone, once again, pushed her off the wagon without her consent. I will never truly understand addiction because I have never been--unless you count Pepsi Throwbacks because man was I ever hooked on them! The difference is, when I quit them, I didn't have people trying to force me back into my dependence on them. This was beautifully sad and I don't think I'll ever be able to read it again. It was that kind of novel.
    • 4/5
      I remember reading this when I was a teenager and it scared the crap out of me.
    • 3/5
      VOYA Quality: 3Q- "Readable, without serious defects." VOYA Popularity: 2P- "For the YA reader with a special interest in the subject." “When we left I didn’t know whether I felt better about what I’ve done because so many other people are caught up in the same thing or worse because everybody’s going crazy at once. But to tell you the truth, I really don’t think the kids can be blamed for screwing up, at least not entirely. The adults don’t seem to be doing much better” (p. 121).This fictional book is noted to be a “real diary” of the dark world of teen wrapped up into the world of drugs. Initially this introduction to drugs was not of her volition. It was a case of being mixed with the wrong people, but what ensued was a rollercoaster of an adolescence gone wrong and the choices we make once we have turned in this direction.The protagonist is an average young adult with a good family. Having these characters in this situation can have average teens feeling the protagonist could be them if they were in this situation. This story is a reminder of what teens can face during a challenging period of a young adult’s life. I also felt the mixed relationship a teen has during this time with their family and friends was emphasized; as well as the misunderstandings and lack of communication between parents and teens.
    • 2/5
      It is sad that the author of this book did pretend that this was a real story. They still do but now somewhere in the book it will say it is a piece of fiction.

      When i read it year ago I was already surprised how quickly this girl got hooked, especially the kind of drugs she uses are not ones you get so easily addicted to. It did not ring true. Now re-reading it it is so obvious this book was written by an adult.
      Obviously it was published to be anti drug propaganda but I have read a lot of people who said this book made them curious to drugs instead of making them scared. Glad to see that goodreads has Beatrice Sparks as the author.
    • 4/5
      Go Ask Alice is one of those books that will stick with you forever. I read it several years ago and still remember how disturbing yet eye-opening it is. Even though it was published in the 70s, the subject matter is still very much relevant today.
    • 5/5
      One of the most real, chilling books I've ever read. A horrifying great book. 10/10
    • 3/5
      I've listed this as fiction, without checking any reference sources. However, when everyone was reading it during my college years, most people believed it was true. A cautionary tale, for sure.
    • 3/5
      "Go Ask Alice" is a startling frank and disturbing glimpse into the mind of a teenager as she spirals further down into drug addiction and prostitution. What is, perhaps, most disturbing is how easily she slipped through the cracks. While it stands that one may question the veracity of these "true" journals, it is heart-breaking and ultimately frightening to see the the teenager struggle, recover, and struggle yet again.
    • 3/5
      This story perfectly demonstrates the struggles of a teenager facing peer pressure. Alice a teenage girl is wrapped in a world of drugs and partying. The author describes this through diary entries that make you get attached to her life.
    • 2/5
      I remember being appropriately impressed and horrified by this book at the time as it made its way around my group of friends. Apparently it was all some Reagen-esque lie. Whatever.
    • 4/5
      I read this in the 8th grade and for the next several years I was convinced that someone could/would drop acid in my food. Never happened, but it did happen to two friends of mine--one of whom is now my wife. So my fears clearly had some basis. Is this book good? I still remember it vividly 30 years later if that counts.
    • 2/5
      This fake diary of a teenage girl explores her downfall by drug use. At the beginning we see a self-conscious girl who isn’t sure where to turn. By the end she’s tumbled beyond society’s ability to help her because of the bad influences by friends. This book rocked the literary world decades ago when teens everywhere thought they were reading an actual diary. The book has an oddly childish tone and never sounded like a real teen to me. There are too many times when the girl says how wonderful her mother is or how sorry she is for her actions. In my experience, most teenage girls are a bit more critical of their mothers. It felt like something a mother would write to make her daughter scared of drugs. It was hard for me to take seriously because it just felt so forced. I know that when it first came out people thought this was a real diary and if I’d read it at that time I’m sure I would have had a completely different reaction. But instead I went into it knowing that it was later revealed to be a work of fiction. BOTTOM LINE: Not my cup of tea. I know a lot of teens struggle with drugs, but there are other books I’ve read that deal with that issue is a more convincing way. “Sometimes I think we’re all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don’t like them.” 
    • 1/5
      I couldn't even finish this book. I found it a real boring drag, even though it's only a novella. I tried so hard to get through it, I kept thinking surely it must get better... but it didn't. I couldn't stand the narrator, I felt no connection with her and despised most of her views. My eyes skipped through paragraphs in a desperate bid to get past extremely boring parts... only to find they continued throughout the book.
      It wasn't a very good diary, you didn't seem to get a proper look inside the person's head and you couldn't sympathise with them. Every time something went wrong, I wanted to strangle the girl for being so damn pathetic... staying in bed for days because she lost her virginity - seriously, grow up.
      I didn't come away feeling that I gained anything or experienced a good story, the supposed message about drugs was mixed. I know the allure of this book comes from the fact that it's a true story and someone's actual diary, well maybe they should have discarded the original and made one up because, true or not, this girl and her endless self-pity just made me sick.
      I suppose there's always the possibility that the ending would have stolen my heart for being so incredible, but I honestly don't feel any regret at never finding out.
    • 2/5
      Read on July 24, 2011** spoiler alert ** My copy still says "by Anonymous", but I really doubt this book is by a teenager of any generation. I don't know many teenagers that write like that, but Sparks seems to really know how teenagers think. It's a quick read with an absolutely devastating ending. About the ending: the teenager, we'll call her "Alice" for convenience, decides to stop keeping a journal and then she dies. That I take as a total cop-out by Sparks. I think the ending would have been far more powerful if we had experienced the final lapse into whatever "Alice" was involved in. By just saying...she was found dead three weeks later after experiencing one of the best birthdays she's ever had...I don't buy it.
    • 5/5
      I would have to say this has been one of the most interesting books i have eer read. This story will make you think about how you look at the world and its mysteries. This book makes you relise that the world isn't an easy place and that you have to work hard to achieve what you want in life.
    • 2/5
      A 15 year old girl, unpopular and self-conscious, gets swept into a nightmare of drug addiction after being slipped LSD at a party. Told in diary form and said to be based on a real teenager's diary, the story is absorbing and tragic. Try as she might to get clean, she cannot escape the lure of drugs and the pressures of society -- with fatal consequences. While many of the feelings depicted in this story ring true, the narrator's downward spiral is often hard to believe. Part of this has to do with how incredibly dated the diary is. 60s and 70s slang, descriptions of hippie clothes, and repeated mentions of fighting "the man" and "the establishment" might make this hard for young readers to relate to or take seriously. It's also hard to know what to take away from this story. On the one hand, a single experimentation with drugs is a one-way ticket to addiction and death. On the other, this book contains some of the most detailed and glorified descriptions of the effects of drugs that I have ever heard. Christina Moore's narration of this audiobook is listenable, but uninspiring. While I know that this diary is something of a classic, I am confident that there are better, more recent books that deal with drug experimentation and addiction.
    • 5/5
      Go Ask Alice by Anonymous is the forbidden diary of an American teenager in the drug hyped 1960s. The narrator takes us on an emotional rollercoaster as she feels the joys of drug use and the doom of it. Exclamations of, "I want to be pure! I want to be pure!" devastate the text while at the same time the narrator is too addicted to give up her bad habits. Lying, stealing, cheating, abandoning, and fulfilling the Biblical Lost Son Parable by returning home, by the diaries end we are given great hope that "Alice" has learned from her devious past and will be able to turn over a new leaf. These hopes are abruptly dashed when we find out just weeks after completing this diary, the narrator overdosed on narcotics.Drug addiction. Powerful writing. Drug dependency. Emotional and physical withdrawal. Life. Death. These are only a few of the many themes that Go Ask Alice by Anonymous explore.
    • 5/5
      "Go Ask Alice" is a ture story of a young mislead teenager who gets swept into a life of drugs. Her addiction to numerous drugs gets deeper and stronger, all because of a trick. She was never a "popular" girl, and one day she was invited to a popular girls's party. There, LSD was slipped into her drink and ever since then, she had a mindset for expirimentation with other drugs. You can hardly believe the things she encounters, the struggles she endures, and the events that take place throughout her life. Thankfully, for us, she write in her journal. It is one of the most treasured materials in her life, and she shares everything in it. Now, it is a bublished book.
    • 5/5
      An upsetting, yet awesome book about a teenage girl who is accidentally thrown into the horrible world of drug addiction. The book is the girl's diary (i believe it's during the 70's but i cannot be sure). Because i want to become a psychiatrist, this book really helped me to get into the head of a teenage girl as she started from a high position in her life, and traveled through a tragic plumet, until the drug lifestyle eventually overcame her. It is really a sad novel but i was interested the entire time. During my time reading this, though, i just wanted to shake the girl and tell her that everything would be alright if she just learned to shape up and get back onto the right track. Like watching a train wreck and knowing that there was nothing you could do about it. A very gripping novel. I was deeply fascinated by the events and suffering and obstacles that this girl had to face.
    • 3/5
      I read this quite some time ago but I couldn't put it down.
    • 3/5
      Some parts are very strong and really suck you in but the big anti-drug campaign this book is giving off takes you right back to the real world. That, for me, was the only negative thing about it. If you can look past that then you are ready a very sad, gripping story of a young girl slowly losing control.
    • 3/5
      Presented as a real diary written by an unnamed 15 year old drug user, Go Ask Alice follows the life of a middle class suburban teenager for a year and a half as she begins to experiment with and later becomes addicted to drugs. The narrator eventually runs away from home only to end up living a drug addicted life on the streets; stealing and prostituting herself, preyed upon by men and other young addicts, alternately sick from grief and withdrawal, she eventually returns home and is faced with all the difficulties of getting and staying clean, as well as re-entering the cruel and unforgiving social world of her old high school. It all takes place against the backdrop of all the usual teenage life situations: popularity, body image, romance, fitting in, parent problems, school issues, etc. The story is presented in the first person through the diary entries that, presumably, we were never meant to read. Okay, it’s dated. (“The fuzz has clamped down until the town is mother dry”p.96-97).) But the story is still frighteningly believable and the dramatic ending, a notice that after the last, hope filled, diary entry the girl was found dead from a drug overdose, leaves open the question of whether “Alice’s” OD was intentional or not. 09/06
    • 5/5
      Wow is pretty much all I can say. Whata terrible and crazy ride for someone to haveto endure!! This book is pretty old too, isnt it? Like, 30 years? But she was doing so well!!! I wish she had continued to write....
    • 5/5
      man, my copy of this has been read so many times that the entire cover is pretty much made out of duct tape. i love this book. the feelings are sewn in with each word. i cant get enough. great freshman year of high school book. i read it in like 6th grade?

    Book preview

    Go Ask Alice - Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

    Contents

    September

    September 16

    September 17

    September 19

    September 20

    September 25

    September 30

    October

    October 10

    October 16

    October 17

    October 22

    October 26

    November

    November 10

    November 30

    December

    December 4

    December 10

    December 14

    December 17

    December 22

    December 25

    January

    January 1

    January 4

    January 6

    Evening, January 6

    January 7

    January 14

    February

    February 8

    March

    March 18

    April

    April 10

    April 20

    May

    May 5

    May 13

    May 19

    May 22

    May 24

    June

    June 3

    June 10

    June 13

    June 15

    June 18

    June 23

    June 25

    July

    July 2

    July 7

    July 8

    July 10

    July 13

    July 14

    July 20

    July 23

    July 25

    July 28

    August

    August 2

    August 3

    August 6

    August 7

    August 9

    August 10

    August 13

    August 14

    August 16

    August 17

    August 18

    August 20

    August 22

    August 23

    August 26

    September

    September 6

    September 7

    September 9

    September 10

    September 12

    September 13

    September 21

    September 23

    September 26

    October

    October 5

    October 8

    October 17

    October 18

    October 19

    October 26

    October 27

    October 28

    October 29

    October 31

    November

    November 1

    November 3

    November 5

    November 8

    November 10

    November 11

    November 13

    November 16

    November 19

    November 20

    November 21

    November 22

    November 23

    December

    December 3

    Still December 3

    December 5

    December 6

    December 9

    December 10

    December 12

    December 13

    December 15

    December 17

    December 18

    December 22

    December 23

    December 24

    December 25

    December 26

    December 27

    December 28

    December 29

    December 30

    December 31

    January

    January 1

    January 4

    January 5

    January 6

    January 7

    January 8

    January 11

    January 13

    January 14

    January 15

    January 17

    January 20

    January 21

    January 24

    January 26

    January 30

    February

    February 6

    Februrary 13

    February 18

    February 23

    February 24

    February 27

    March

    March 1

    March 2

    March 5

    March . . .

    April

    April 6

    April 7

    April 8

    April 9

    April 10

    April 11

    April 12

    April 13

    April 14

    April 19

    April 21

    April 24

    April 27

    April 28

    May

    May 1

    May 4

    May 5

    May 8

    May 9

    May 12

    May 14

    May 15

    May 16

    May 19

    May 20

    May 21

    May 22

    May 23

    May 25

    May 26

    May 29

    June

    June 1

    June 2

    June 3

    June 7

    June 8

    June 9

    June 10

    June 11

    June 12

    June 16

    June 17

    June 19

    June 20

    June 22

    June 23

    June 24

    June 25

    June 27

    July

    July 1

    July 3

    July 7

    July 22

    July 23

    July 24

    July 25

    July 26

    July 27

    July 29

    July 30

    July 31

    August

    August 1

    August 2

    August 3

    August 4

    August 5

    August 8

    August 9

    August 10

    August 12

    August 14

    August 17

    August 20

    August 22

    August 24

    August 27

    August 29

    September

    September 2

    September 4

    September 6

    September 7

    September 10

    September 11

    September 16

    September 17

    September 18

    September 19

    September 20

    September 21

    Epilogue

    Go Ask Alice is based on the actual diary of a fifteen-year-old drug user.

    It is not a definitive statement on the middle-class, teenage drug world. It does not offer any solutions.

    It is, however, a highly personal and specific chronicle. As such, we hope it will provide insights into the increasingly complicated world in which we live.

    Names, dates, places and certain events have been changed in accordance with the wishes of those concerned.

    The Editors.

    September 16

    Yesterday I remember thinking I was the happiest person in the whole earth, in the whole galaxy, in all of God’s creation. Could that only have been yesterday or was it endless light-years ago? I was thinking that the grass had never smelled grassier, the sky had never seemed so high. Now it’s all smashed down upon my head and I wish I could just melt into the blaaaa-ness of the universe and cease to exist. Oh, why, why, why can’t I? How can I face Sharon and Debbie and the rest of the kids? How can I? By now the word has gotten around the whole school, I know it has! Yesterday I bought this diary because I thought at last I’d have something wonderful and great and worthwhile to say, something so personal that I wouldn’t be able to share it with another living person, only myself. Now like everything else in my life, it has become so much nothing.

    I really don’t understand how Roger could have done this to me when I have loved him for as long as I can remember and I have waited all my life for him to see me. Yesterday when he asked me out I thought I’d literally and completely die with happiness. I really did! And now the whole world is cold and gray and unfeeling and my mother is nagging me to clean up my room. How can she nag me to clean up my room when I feel like dying? Can’t I even have the privacy of my own soul?

    Diary, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow or I’ll have to go through the long lecture again about my attitude and my immaturity.

    See ya.

    September 17

    School was a nightmare. I was afraid I’d see Roger every time I turned a corner in the hall, yet I was desperate for fear I wouldn’t see him. I kept telling myself, Maybe something went wrong and he’ll explain. At lunch I had to tell the girls about his not showing. I pretended I didn’t care, but oh, Diary, I do! I care so much I feel that my whole insides have shattered. How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten and still function, still talk and smile and concentrate? How could Roger have done this to me? I wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn’t hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I’m stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.

    September 19

    Dad’s birthday. Not much. 2

    September 20

    It’s my birthday. I’m 15. Nothing.

    September 25

    Dear Diary,

    I haven’t written for about a week because nothing of interest has happened. The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it’s just dull. Everything’s dull. Maybe it’s just because I’m growing up and life is becoming more blasé. Julie Brown had a party but I didn’t go. I’ve put on seven ugly, fat, sloppy, slobby pounds and I don’t have anything I can wear. I’m beginning to look as slobby as I feel.

    September 30

    Wonderful news, Diary! We’re moving. Daddy has been invited to become the Dean of Political Science at ________. Isn’t that exciting! Maybe it will be like it was when I was younger. Maybe again he’ll teach in Europe every summer and we’ll go with him like we used to. Oh those were the fun, fun times! I’m going to start on a diet this very day. I will be a positively different person by the time we get to our new home, Not one more bite of chocolate or nary a french fried potato will pass my lips till I’ve lost ten globby pounds of lumpy lard. And I’m going to make a completely new wardrobe. Who cares about Ridiculous Roger? Confidentially, Diary, I still care. I guess I’ll always love him, but maybe just before we leave and I’m thin and my skin is absolutely flawless and petal smooth and clear, and I have clothes like a fashion model he’ll ask me for another date. Shall I turn him down or stand him up or will I — I’m afraid I will — weaken and go out with him?

    Oh please, Diary, help me to be strong and consistent. Help me to exercise every morning and night and clean my skin and eat right and be optimistic and agreeable and positive and cheerful. I want so much to be someone important, or even just asked out by a boy every once in a while. Maybe the new me will be different.

    October 10

    Dear Diary,

    I’ve lost three pounds and we’re busy getting sort of semi-organized to move. Our house is up for sale, and Mom and Dad have gone to look for a place in ________. I’m staying here with Tim and Alexandria, and as much as you’ll be surprised, they don’t even bug me. We’re all excited about moving and they do whatever I tell them about helping with the house and meals and such — well, almost. I guess Dad will be taking over the new position at mid-term. He’s as excited as a little boy and it’s kind of like old times. We sit around the table and laugh and joke and make plans together. It’s great! Tim and Alex insist they have to take all their toys and junk. Personally I’d like to get a whole new everything, except my books of course, they are part of my life. When I was hit by a car in the fifth grade and was in a cast for such along time, I’d have died without them. Even now I’m not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I’ve gotten from books. But anyway it’s great! Life is positively great and wonderful and exciting, and I can’t wait to see what’s behind the next corner and all the corners after that.

    October 16

    Mom and Dad came back today. Hooray, we have a house! It’s a large old Spanish-type house which Mom loves. I can’t wait to move! I can’t wait! I can’t wait! They took pictures which will be back in three or four days. I can’t wait, I can’t wait, or have I said that a million times before?

    October 17

    Even school is exciting again. I got an A on my algebra paper and everything else is going A and B too. Algebra is the worst. If I can pass that I guess I can do anything! Usually I’m lucky to get a C, even when I kill myself. Isn’t it funny, but it seems that when something is going good, everything else goes good too. I’m even getting along better with Mom. She doesn’t seem to nag at me so much anymore. I can’t figure out which one of us has changed — I really can’t. Am I being more whatever it is she wants me to be so she doesn’t have to always be on my back or is it she is less demanding?

    I even saw Roger in the hall and couldn’t have cared less. He said hi to me and stopped to talk, but I just walked on by. He’s not going to drop me on my head again! Gee, only a little over three months!

    October 22

    Scott Lossee asked me to go to the movies Friday. I’ve lost ten pounds. I’m down to a hundred and fifteen which is all right, but I’d still like to lose another ten pounds. Mom says I don’t want to get that thin, but she doesn’t know! I do! I do! I do! I haven’t had one goodie for so long I’ve almost forgotten what they taste like. Maybe Friday night I’ll go on a binge and eat a few french fries . . . ummmmmmm . . . .

    October 26

    The movie was fun with Scott. We went out after and I ate six wonderful, delicious, mouth-watering, delectable, heavenly french fries. That was really living in itself! I don’t feel about Scott like I used to about Roger. I guess that was my one and only true love, but I’m glad it’s over. Imagine me in my first year of high school and barely fifteen and the one and only great love of my life is over. It seems kind of tragic in a way. Maybe someday when we’re both in college we’ll meet again. I hope so. I really do hope so. Last summer at Marion Hill’s slumber party someone brought in a Playboy magazine with a story in it about a girl sleeping with a boy for the first time and all I could think about was Roger. I don’t ever want to have sex with any other boy in the whole world ever . . . ever . . . . I swear I’ll die a virgin if Roger and I don’t get together. I couldn’t stand to ever have any other boy even touch me. I’m not even sure about Roger, Maybe later when I’m older I’ll feel differently. Mother says that as girls get older, hormones invade our bloodstream making our sexual desires greater. I guess I’m just developing slowly. I’ve heard some pretty wild stories about some of the kids at school, but I’m not them, I’m me, and besides, sex seems so strange and so inconvenient, and so awkward.

    I keep thinking about our teacher in gym teaching us modern dance and always saying that it will make our bodies strong and healthy for childbearing, then she harps and harps that everything must be graceful, graceful, graceful. I can hardly picture sex or having a baby as being graceful.

    Gotta go. See ya.

    November 10

    Oh dear Diary, I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you, but I’ve been so busy. Here we are preparing for Thanksgiving already and then Christmas. We sold our house last week to the Dulburrows and their seven kids. I do wish we could have sold it to someone with a smaller family. I hate to think of those six boys running up and down our beautiful front stairs with their dirty, sticky fingers on the walls and their dirty feet all over Mother’s white carpeting. You know, when I think about things

    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1