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    What's in It for Me?: The Question You'd Like to Ask When Life Is Getting You Down.
    What's in It for Me?: The Question You'd Like to Ask When Life Is Getting You Down.
    What's in It for Me?: The Question You'd Like to Ask When Life Is Getting You Down.
    Ebook154 pages2 hours

    What's in It for Me?: The Question You'd Like to Ask When Life Is Getting You Down.

    By Amanda Butterworth

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    About this ebook

    Millions of us are unhappy in our relationships and just can’t seem to understand why. Why is this person so unkind or disrespectful? Why do I never seem to get anything out of it? Why is it all about them, and so little about me? Why is it all so complicated when it could be so easy?

    Well, the first question to ask yourself is: how do you treat yourself? Do you give yourself what you need? Do you listen to your feelings and respond to them? How good are your boundaries and do you know how to say no? How LOUD is your inner critic? And what about your self-esteem?

    Relationships change when your relationship with your Self changes. It’s an unfair fact of life, but people have a tendency to follow your example!

    What's in it for Me? hands you change on a bite-size plate. Funny and profound, for people who want results super-fast.

    Your life is about to change for ever.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAmanda Butterworth
    Release dateMay 21, 2014
    ISBN9780992908621
    What's in It for Me?: The Question You'd Like to Ask When Life Is Getting You Down.
    Author

    Amanda Butterworth

    Amanda is an author and counsellor. Using her personal experience and her work as a psychotherapist, Amanda has sought to take her acquired knowledge to a broader public. With “What’s in it for Me?” (her first book) Amanda has wanted to give all the information necessary for establishing amazing inner psychological health and bringing change to your own life. It is what she did to change her life. Her second book “You got the power” will be available in November 2014. It continues the same theme which informs all of Amanda’s work; bringing information which will give the reader all he or she needs to find their own internal resources for self-empowerment. “You got the power” looks at society and how the effect of your environment and the messages you receive from it may have limited your successful self-development and fulfilment. It offers you other perspectives so that you can find out who you really are. Amanda currently works privately using the method of therapy which she has developed: Solutions Driven Therapy. This form of therapy helps the client to identify the core issues which impede personal development and achievement before making the specific choices which drive the desired life results.

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      Book preview

      What's in It for Me? - Amanda Butterworth

      Getting less than you want from life?

      WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

      The question you'd like to ask

      when life is getting you down.

      Amanda Butterworth

      © Copyright 2014 Amanda Butterworth

      Smashwords Edition

      First Published 2014 by Iconoclast 11 Publishing

      The right of Amanda Butterworth to be identified as the Author of this Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, (including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system), without the prior written permission of the author.

      Drawings by Michael Frank

      ISBN 978-0-9929086-1-4

      For more from Amanda Butterworth visit:

      www.amanda-butterworth.com

      Table of Contents

      Very short bio!

      Introduction

      Re-Defining Happy

      5 chapters, 5 huge steps for humankind!

      Chapter 1 - Boundaries; not barriers

      Boundaries and dysfunction

      Where do bad boundaries come from?

      What should you look for?

      How to start setting up your boundaries

      How to do it examples

      Chapter 2 - Needs and wants; but not the brattish kind

      Needs versus Wants

      What are legitimate needs?

      Finding your needs

      Meeting your needs

      How to do it examples

      Chapter 3 - Feelings; but without the pain

      What are feelings?

      Are you in touch with your feelings?

      How to be in touch with your feelings

      Feelings and how to influence them

      How to do it examples

      Chapter 4 - Inner critic: who is that person in my head?

      Identifying the Inner Critic

      The wrath of the critic

      Silencing Your Inner Critic

      How to do it examples

      Chapter 5 - Self-esteem: oh, I remember that!

      Where does low self-esteem come from?

      How low self-esteem affects your life

      Low self-esteem and relationships

      Building Up Your Self-Esteem

      How to do it examples

      Conclusion

      You got the power - Introduction (sample)

      Very short bio!

      There was a time in my life when I felt as you might well be feeling today. I had quite a tough childhood, with some not-so-healthy mental and emotional abuse. I went on to attract a partner who gave me more of the same, and I was bullied for 10 years by my boss at work. So as you can see, I was far from living the life of my dreams!

      The problem was that I felt completely powerless and didn’t realise that I could actually do anything about what was happening to me. I just thought this was the nature of life; you had to grin and bear it and take the good times when they came along as little oases of respite.

      What I hadn’t realised back then is that it’s the good times that you should be having most of the time, and not the other way around.

      It got to the stage where I had been depressed for many years, but then it got even deeper (the dark night of the soul) and I realised that if I didn’t do something about my life, then I was probably going to end it.

      I started reading – loads! I went to therapy for five years; then I went back to school and became a psychotherapist. YUP, I needed an overdose of it.

      What I learnt through my reading and my studies changed everything for me and now I’m offering all of that learning to you without any of the hassle. It’s actually really easy when you finally get going; and the relief of feeling you and your life change so quickly will give you the confirmation and confidence you were looking for to keep up the momentum.

      I call the information which you’ll find in this book the five techniques to get empowered, because these are what I put into place to turn my life around. I used to think that life was happening at me, that there was nothing I could do to change or influence it, but I couldn’t have been more wrong (thankfully). Adopting these five ways of being into my life totally transformed it - and I’m sure they can help change your life too.

      This has to be the best-kept secret on the planet today: when you take back real responsibility for yourself, when you start being aware of your personal power and giving yourself what you need in order to thrive, then you literally can build the life that you want.

      I have done it, my friends who wanted to have done it, and my clients are putting it into practice every day. I hope that with the ideas and examples you find in this book, you’ll soon change your life too if that’s what you want.

      So let’s get on with it already! You’ve been waiting long enough, and the brand new you is waiting in the wings.

      Here’s to having the life you desire. It is possible.

      Amanda

      Introduction

      Helping ourselves or maybe even having therapy is just like anything else: if you bite off more than you can chew at any one time, then you won’t be able to keep it all under control in your mouth, and you’ll start dribbling. And nobody wants a dribbler!

      Maybe your life is actually not too bad, thank you very much, but if you thought about it you could just tweak a couple of things to make it even better. However, because life is actually treating you fairly well, you may think that doing anything about the bits that could benefit from some improvement just seems like way too much effort. You probably think there’s no point in rocking a boat that’s floating anyway!

      Or maybe your life is more complicated and you could really do with some proper therapy; not just talking to friends or family and getting advice. But therapy can seem very

      as a concept to some people. Some of you may be put off by the time commitment, or there could be a stigma attached to going, or you might think it’s pointless as it won’t make a difference. As a result, many of us prefer to shrug our shoulders and carry on with our less-than-satisfying life rather than think we can do something about it. There seems to be a big emotional hole that opens up at the thought of going to see someone… it might make you feel tired before you even get started, or uncomfortable, or defensive - or maybe even angry.

      However, what you might not have realised is that just because your life isn’t giving you what you need right now, it doesn’t mean that it has to remain that way. You can make a few changes without sinking the boat and if you’ve got bigger problems, you certainly don’t have to go and spill the beans to another person in order to get things shifting. You might find sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions with someone else too difficult, or you might just plain not be able to afford it. This is a book which can offer you the comfort and safety of making the changes you want, in bite-sized pieces and with no pressure from anyone, especially not your bank manager! It is actually possible to change your life with ease and without disturbance: you can do it painlessly, and fast.

      The pages of this book contain the ultimate in user-friendly psychobabble. I will explain why incorporating the 5 techniques which I recommend into your way of being will definitely transform your life. These techniques are the foundations for living a life that offers you proper happiness, and a real sense of being in charge of what you get out of it. You will go from feeling that there is nothing you can really control, to seeing things change in you, and around you, as you start giving yourself the proper grounding in self-care and respect. For many of us this might seem daunting or unrealistic, but it really isn’t.

      To make the information clear and totally useable I’ve also included everyday examples based on other people’s experiences (it’s always good to know you’re not alone!) and of course, you’ll have step by step guidance to clarify what to put into place and how to do it.

      Re-Defining Happy

      Many of us won’t have had the childhood that we would have liked, but often we don’t allow ourselves to measure the impact that this might’ve had on us and how we see and place ourselves in relation to the rest of the world. Our thoughts are shaped according to the messages we receive from our earliest childhood days. If we grew up in a family which was loving and happy then we would be much more likely to have confidence in life and what it had to offer us. This early message might see us through the whole of our lives, or with the different experiences we might’ve had, we may have then begun to lose faith in what life had to offer us and come to accept and expect receiving less than what we really need in order to thrive.

      If we grew up in a family that was dysfunctional or where the dynamics between certain members were less than satisfactory, then we will have subconsciously constructed a set of beliefs about life that will affect us as adults. We are influenced by everything that surrounds us as children and we can’t help but assimilate all the information we receive as being acceptable and normal, even if it wasn’t. If, for instance we were in an environment where the adults were abusive to us or each other, or where the familial interaction between parents and children or between siblings was unhealthy, then we would be more inclined to expect poor treatment of ourselves as adults, or to act negligently towards our own Self. The negative programming doesn’t even necessarily have to have come from within your family. It might also have been brought to you through contact with other adults or children with whom you spent time as you were growing up.

      The effect of all of these invisible influences is rarely assessed by us, but as a result you will probably have grown to adulthood with a multitude of exterior influences which

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